by Ann Atkins
“You can’t hurt me without hurting her,” he said. “I allowed you to help her this time, next time I will not be so kind. Sheridan will use her magic to render you incapable of coming to her aid, and you can watch as the unborn brat dies.”
“Why do we have to agree?” Mason screamed. “You obviously have the upper hand, so why not just kill us and drag her out of here?”
“Because I want you to live. I want you both to live with the fact that you traded her life for the life of the child. I want you to live with that failure, and the knowledge, that in the end, no one ever beats me,” he said with a cruel smile. “And if one day you do find her, she’ll never love you; she’ll be too busy hating you for sacrificing her mother.”
Mason, Sarah, and my mother looked at him with pure hatred, but the fight had gone out of them. Sarah and my mom clung to each other and cried quietly, and then Mason wrapped his arms around her and held on tight. They had given up.
“I’m not saying goodbye to you,” Mason said fiercely. “I will find you, and I’ll make sure you’re both safe, right after I rip his throat out,” he finished, turning his cold, dead eyes toward David.
“I’m so sorry,” Sarah sobbed.
“Don’t be. You’re protecting my daughter; never be sorry for that,” she said, kissing her on the cheek.
“This is all very touching, but we really must be on our way,” David quipped. “And if I see any sign that we’re being followed, I will shoot her in the head and kill them both.”
“Pray,” Mason told him. “Pray very hard that I never find you, because if I do, you’ll wish you had died today!”
David only laughed as he beckoned Alex forward, and reluctantly, she began walking toward him. Just before she walked out the door, she turned and gave them a teary smile. “I love you both. Don’t ever forget that,” she whispered. And then she was gone.
Chapter Thirty
Goodbye
“No!” The scream was ripped from my lungs with such force that it left my throat burning and raw, but I’m pretty sure I’d been yelling in my sleep as well. I looked around wildly for my mother—desperate to save her—but of course, the visions of the past had faded away, taking her with them. The only remnants of the past that remained were standing in the room staring at me with sorrow-filled eyes, and as I looked at them a thousand volatile emotions swirled within me.
Anger burned through me like acid. And pain slammed into my heart and ripped my soul to shreds. Tears pricked my eyes and my stomach roiled with waves of nausea. I felt like I was being swallowed whole by these turbulent emotions, and soon I would be completely consumed by my grief. My mind replayed my mother walking out that door on an endless loop. I had just watched her trade her life for mine, and Mason and Sarah had stood by and let her do it. How was I supposed to deal with that? I hadn’t even realized that they’d known him back then, and I could see why they hadn’t told me.
“How could you?” I asked them. “How could you let him walk away with her, knowing that he would kill her?”
“There’s nothing else we could’ve done,” Mason said helplessly. “He would’ve killed you.”
“You shouldn’t have given up! If one of you could’ve taken Sheridan out, the other could’ve captured him, and my parents would still be alive! You could’ve figured out a way to unlink us, and then you could’ve killed him!”
“We couldn’t risk your life, Allison. If we had attacked again, and failed, you wouldn’t be sitting her right now,” Sarah said gently.
“Wasn’t she worth the risk? Did she ever really mean anything to either of you, or was she just an incubator for me?”
Traces of anger, hurt, and disbelief flashed in his green eyes, but he quickly got his emotions back under control, and when he spoke to me his voice was calm. “She meant everything to me, Allie. She gave me a reason to live, and I don’t just mean you; she gave me herself. Her love of life, her humor, her mischievousness and fearlessness, everything about her made me want to live again. And I live, everyday, with the fact that she saved my life, while I sacrificed hers, and I hate myself for it more than you could possibly ever imagine.”
I didn’t have a reply for that, because I knew he was telling me the truth. I knew deep down that they’d loved her, but I couldn’t reconcile their love with their sacrifice. I would not be able to stand idly by and watch someone I loved be led to slaughter; there would be no logic, only emotion, and I would risk anything to keep that person safe. But they had been trying to save two lives, not just one, and I honestly don’t know what I would do in that situation.
“I believe you,” I said tiredly, “but I still don’t understand why my life was more valuable than hers.”
“Oh, honey, no, that wasn’t how we felt. You were both equally important to us, but the only way we knew to keep you both alive—in that moment—was to let her go,” Sarah said. “And I felt as if I owed her a debt. She’d reunited me with my son after years of separation. She’d saved him when I couldn’t. She gave me my child back, and I couldn’t be the reason that she lost hers. We loved her enough to respect her decision, but that didn’t make it any easier or cause it to hurt any less. It still hurts, and it probably always will, but seeing you alive and well takes some of the sting away. You’re living proof that our sacrifice was not in vain,” she said tearfully.
“I don’t want to be the reason their dead! She shouldn’t have done what she did, and you shouldn’t have let her! I was a death sentence for both of them!” I shouted, trying to bury the pain under my anger. “Why did she sacrifice herself for a baby that wasn’t really even hers? I was just a reincarnation of some dead witch, just a parasite who hitched a ride back to the world in her womb.”
“That’s an awful lot of blame to put on an unborn baby. The person responsible for their deaths was David Chamberlain, not you,” Sarah soothed.
“But I didn’t deserve a second chance at life at the expense of theirs,” I insisted.
“They were your parents, honey. What else could they do but protect you? And you are not a parasite! When I look at you, I see her eyes and his nose and countless other similarities that prove you were their little girl,” Sarah said with a smile.
That’s all I’d ever wanted to be—someone’s little girl—but I knew it wasn’t possible, because they were both dead. And I wished I could dream about my father as well as my mother, because a dream connection was better than nothing at all. But since I couldn’t control my dreams, I had to rely on Sarah and Mason for this information. “How did my dad find her?” I asked, wiping my eyes.
“He didn’t,” Mason answered. “David sent a message to him telling him where he was keeping your mother and told him to come alone.”
“But it was obviously a trap!”
“Yes, and he knew that, but he insisted on going by himself; we couldn’t dissuade him,” Sarah said.
“Why didn’t you follow him?” I asked.
“He used coercion on us, Allie. We couldn’t leave the house, and he made us forget where he was going,” Mason said sadly.
“That was the last time we ever saw him, but we never stopped searching—for any of you,” Sarah added.
“You should have told me all of this from the beginning. Why did you allow me to go on living with that monster? I’m certain he posed a greater danger to me than any magical consequences.”
“You would have thought we were crazy, and run straight to him for answers. We could not risk him finding out the spell broke early,” Sarah said.
“That happened anyway,” I said incredulously.
“Yes, it did, and I’m truly sorry about that, but we were trying to buy you time. Your powers will be at their zenith when you reach your eighteenth year. He’s always known that, but it didn’t concern him, because he expected you to be untrained. When he discovered that you not only had your powers but were learning to use them, he struck, just like we knew he would. If we could’ve held out until your birthday, our ch
ances of defeating him would have risen exponentially,” Sarah explained.
“That plan only works if I’m still alive to fight, and I almost wasn’t.”
“But you are alive, baby, and we’re gonna make sure you stay that way,” Mason said intently.
“No, you’re not. I am,” I said, “and I’m going to start by killing him. He’s going to suffer just like she did!” And suddenly, I realized anger was the only emotion that didn’t make me feel like my guts were inside out, and I clung to it like a life raft.
They looked startled by my sudden, fervent need for the spilling of blood, but seeing him hurt my mother had awoken something dangerous inside me, and all I wanted was to make him pay.
“You can’t do it by yourself,” Sarah cautioned.
“You have no idea what I’m capable of, neither does he, but he’s going to find out, and I won’t need anyone holding my hand. I’ve grown up fast these past couple of months.”
“You need to calm down and clear you’re head. You’re not thinking rationally right now. You need rest to heal mentally and physically,” Mason said softly.
“I couldn’t agree with you more,” I told him. Then, I reached my hand toward the bedroom door causing it to fly open and hit the wall, and I stared at the light bulb until it blew. I had only been trying to turn it off, but I guess the anger had supercharged my powers. “I need to lie back down. Please close the door on your way out.” Then, I rolled onto my side, with my back facing them, and pulled the sheets over me. They stood there uncertainly for a moment, but finally, I heard the shuffling of feet and the closing of a door.
As soon as they’d left the room Bella had curled herself up beside me, and she wiggled and squirmed until she was as close to me as she could possibly get. Then, she began to make a soft, gentle sound that sounded oddly like purring, but not quite. And if I hadn’t believed she was magic before, I did now, as my lips curved upwards into a small smile.
“I love you, Bella,” I whispered in her ear, and she just about melted my heart when she rubbed her little head against my cheek. Anger might be my life raft, but Bella was my anchor—my safe harbor. She was the only thing keeping me from breaking into a million jagged pieces right now.
Everything that they’d said had made sense, but that didn’t change the fact that they’d lied to me from the moment we met, and it hurt. I knew my mother had been abducted; I just hadn’t known that they’d gift-wrapped her for him. I knew they’d tried at first, but in my mind surrender wasn’t an option; you keep fighting—until you win or you die. Maybe I was being irrational, but right now I just couldn’t see the path to forgiveness, but then again, I wasn’t looking. I needed time to adjust to everything, but I knew I wasn’t going to get that here.
I was certain that Mason and Sarah would throw a fit and try to stop me. Sarah might even try to restrain me using magic, but I wouldn’t let her. Leaving the protection of the wards was probably foolish, but I was tired of hiding and waiting for him to strike. It hadn’t helped my mother and father, and I was pretty sure it wasn’t helping me. I’d eventually have to stand on my own and face him, and I had decided that there was no better time than now. It was mid-September, and soon I would be eighteen—just like Anna—but I would not give up like she had. I might not walk out of it alive, but I was going to make sure that he didn’t either. Don’t get me wrong, I want to live; I just don’t want it bad enough to let him get away with the things he’s done. Some sacrifices are worth making, my mom knew that, and now, I knew it too.
I would miss Mason and Sarah so much. I still loved them both, but that didn’t help anything; it only made it worse. Love doesn’t die the instant someone hurts you; it lingers in your heart ripping and tearing and bleeding until you break. Those feelings made me weak and vulnerable, and right now I needed to be strong, so I would have to distance myself from the source of those emotions.
I wanted and needed someone who always told me the truth, and didn’t sugarcoat and cover things up: someone who wouldn’t walk on eggshells around me and ask me how I’m feeling every five minutes, someone who wouldn’t try to convince me that things weren’t that bad and would agree that everything sucked, someone who’s known me my entire life and loves me, but delights in tormenting me. He’d probably be compassionate for about five minutes before reverting to form, not because he doesn’t care, but because he knows I can’t bear to be drowned in a sea of sympathy. I just wanted to be normal again, and maybe being treated that way would help me feel that way.
With my mind made up, I pulled out my cell, tapped on his number, and hit the call button. It rung several times before he answered, and just the sound of his voice made me feel a little better. “What’s up, Al?” he asked me.
“I need you, Mattie. Can you come and get me?”
Matt had instantly agreed to come get me, but I hadn’t realized it was two in the morning when I called. He’d told his mother that I’d had a bad fight with my dad and he’d hurt me, and I was pretty sure my bruised and scratched neck would squash any doubts she might have about the validity of that story, but I’m sure my word would’ve been enough anyway. Matt’s mother has always hated my so-called father, so there’s no way she would ever call and tell him where I am, but Matt had had a very hard time convincing her not to call the police.
I had packed a few things as quickly and quietly as I could, and Bella was already in the pet carrier. No way was I leaving her! She kept pawing at the carrier—trying to get out—and making the same sad little noises she’d made the night I got shot. She knew something was wrong, no matter how much I baby-talked her and told her everything was okay.
I knew staying with Matt wasn’t a permanent solution, but I had decided to think about that later. I was pretty sure that if I added one more worry to my list right now my head would explode.
I was just stuffing the last of my clothes into a bag when I heard Matt’s car pull up and his headlights illuminated my window. I grabbed Bella and my bags and opened the bedroom door. There was no one in the hall, so I walked quietly toward the stairs.
I paused when I heard voices and saw lights on in the kitchen. Any hopes I’d had of sneaking out undetected were dashed. My stomach tied itself into a jumble of knots, my palms were sweating, and if I hadn’t known better, I’d have sworn that my heart was in my ears, not my chest.
I was being stupid. I wasn’t a prisoner here. I could leave if I wanted to, and they couldn’t stop me, but I knew that they would try, and a small part of me hoped they would succeed. My head wanted to go, but my heart wanted to stay. Until I’d seen those headlights, I’d been certain of my choice, but every step I took away from them made me want to take two steps back. People’s hearts mislead them all the time, though, that’s how they get broken, so I strengthened my resolve and marched down the stairs.
They were waiting for me when I reached the bottom, and my heart jumped in my chest. I’d never seen anyone look as sad as they did in my entire life, and I hated that I was the cause of it. I felt tears pool in my eyes, and every fiber of my being screamed for me to run into Mason’s arms and never let him go, but I didn’t.
He smiled sadly at me. “Allison, I’m sorry about what happened to your mother, and I wanted to tell you, but every time I tried I would picture this moment. I knew it was the one thing you would never be able to forgive me for, and I couldn’t face losing you all over again,” he said as a single tear rolled down his cheek.
That was almost my undoing, but not quite, because some part of me still didn’t trust them. They had broken that trust so many times, and loving them didn’t just make all of my doubts magically disappear.
“Allie, if you leave here, he can and will find you. You’ll be in terrible danger, and your powers—though immensely beneficial—are no guarantee that you’ll be able to stand against him,” Sarah said, and there was stark fear in her voice.
“You’re right,” I said to her, “but I have to try. I’m not gonna just sit and wai
t for him to come after me, and I’m not going to hide anymore. He isn’t going to win this time.”
“Let us help you, Allie,” Mason pleaded. “You’re not the only one who lost them. We loved them too, and we love you. I know you’re angry about all the secrets and lies, but getting yourself killed isn’t the way to deal with it. You can hate us for the rest of your life after he’s gone, and that can be accomplished much more easily together, than apart,” he finished, taking a step toward me.
I instinctively took a step back, and it probably broke my heart just as much—if not more—than it broke his, but I was afraid if he touched me I would never be able to walk out the door.
They thought I hated them, and I was going to let them continue to believe that. I was willing to risk my own life to take him down, but I would never risk theirs. I was still hurt by their lies, but I knew, no matter how misguided they were, they’d kept me in the dark out of love. And while I wasn’t quite ready to forgive them, I could never hate them, so I protected them the best way I knew how, by hurting them.
“I don’t want your help,” I said hatefully. Mason looked devastated, but Sarah watched me like a hawk. I knew she would be able to tell if I was lying, but luckily for me, I wasn’t. I really didn’t want them anywhere near him.
I was shocked when Mason turned to his mother and said, “Mom, please don’t let her leave; she’ll get herself killed.”
He sounded on the verge of hysteria, but I was still surprised that he would condone me being held against my will.
“I can’t,” she said sadly. “She has grown so much more powerful than me. There is nothing we can do but let her go.”
“You can’t do this, Allison, it’s suicide! You’ll be playing right into his hands!”
“I’m stronger than you think,” I said coolly.
“Not strong enough—not on your own. You need us, whether you admit it or not.”