by Lisa De Jong
“Please don’t go, Mama. I’m sorry I ignored you. I was just mad at you about Mr. Anderson. Please stay home. It’s so hard to be a-”
“Shhh, shhh, that’s enough of that whinin’. I promise you I will be back before you know I’m gone. I just need to…take care of myself for once and get my strength back.”
That’s when I notice her suitcase by the door. She’s leaving me today. I’m so stunned, I hold onto her arm, and beg. “Please, Mama, please don’t go. I can’t stand it in this house by myself. Please—please don’t leave me here.”
“Hush, child. What is all this carryin’ on? When you’re at school, we hardly see each other anyway. I work all day. It’s just a few hours in the evening that we’d even be together. I should have just stayed gone.”
“No! No, I’m so glad you came back. And I will work harder. I know it was hard when Daddy was drinking, but now he’s gone and it can just be the two of us.” I hate the desperate tone in my voice, but I can’t stop.
“Listen, Caroline Josephine. That is enough. I need you to quit this hissy fit and listen to me. I have to go. You are going to stay here, watch the house, take care of that dumb dog and not say a word to anyone about it. I’m not ready for the whole town to know about me and Grant. And he’s not quite ready for you yet. It’s enough that Miss Greener knows, but she won’t tell anyone. She knows better. If your dad finds out about Grant, now, that’s another story—we wouldn’t get a dime. Do you understand? So look at me…” She lifts my chin and looks into my eyes. “You’re going to suck it up, be the strong girl I raised you to be, and when I get back we’re going to be just fine. Do you hear me?”
I can’t move. She’s still gripping my chin. “I said, ‘Do you hear me?’”
I blink and that’s enough for her. I can’t believe this is happening. She seems completely sober, so I can’t blame alcohol this time.
She stands, picks up her suitcase, and walks out the door.
I run to the door, embarrassed at myself, but desperate to keep her. “Mama!” I yell, sobbing. “Everyone knows. Everyone already knows about Mr. Anderson. Please, Mama!”
She doesn’t even turn around, but gets in her car and leaves me standing there. Alone. Again.
I sit on the front step and pound on the concrete. The love I felt for her last night is gone. I pummel the ground until my fists are sore. Finally, I stand up and walk in the house, get in the shower and let the water wash over me and my bloody hands.
I wish I could have been good enough for my mother to love me.
If I had known what would end up bringing her back though, I would have wished her to be gone for keeps.
Chapter 8
All in a Day’s Work
After all the drama of the morning, I’m still at work with ten minutes to spare. The shower took care of some of my splotches, but I still look puffy in the eyes. I walk to Harriet’s and pray that I can stay dry-eyed as I work.
I s’pose I wouldn’t have to work since Mama left the money on the table. I counted it before I left and there’s a hundred dollars still sitting on the dining room table.
I really want to go to Harriet’s, though. I’m craving company—to hear people talking to each other, to be useful to someone else, for really anything other than sitting in my house, wishing the day away. I think, deep down, I also want to prove to my mother that I really am just fine without her. She wanted me to take care of myself. I will show her that I can do just that.
I’m standing outside the diner, when I see Isaiah and three of his uncles drive by in a big blue truck. Isaiah is in the back of the truck and he yells, “Caroline!” He grins and waves until the truck turns and he’s out of sight. It does my heart good to see him.
I go in the diner and am surprised by how many people are already there. It seems practically the whole town comes here for breakfast. I rush to the back and get started washing dishes. I let myself get lost in the work and try not to replay the conversation with my mother over and over again.
Miss Sue calls me out to the eating area a few hours later and asks me to clean out there for a while. Everyone is friendly and asks about my parents. It’s the southern way, but I’ve never been more uncomfortable with it.
“Caroline, how are you doing? I haven’t seen you in a while. How’s your mama? Your daddy?”
They barely wait for an answer, just asking the routine questions you ask someone when you see them.
I try to duck the answers, while still smiling and being cordial back. My mother has taught me well, after all.
When things slow down a little, I mop the floor of the dining room until it’s clean as a whistle, as Nellie says. Les and Leroy come in then and walk right up to me.
“Hey, chickadee. What have we here? You workin’ at Harriet’s now? How ‘bout that?” Leroy grins.
He takes my mop and does a little dance with it. I try in vain to grab it back.
“What? Whatcha wanna do that for?” He holds it out for me and when I reach for it, he pulls it back. Les thinks this is hysterical and that makes Leroy want to keep pestering me.
Miss Sue is busying herself behind the counter. I can tell she’s nervous about them being in the diner, but she tries to act like she’s not watching.
“Caroline, I need your help in the kitchen,” she calls.
“Oh, that’s convenient,” Leroy says. “What time you get done here? Maybe we can walk you home.” He snickers. “Or is Isaiah already takin’ care of that?” He shakes his head as he says this and leans into my ear. “Maybe I can beat Isaiah here and have you to myself? Would you like that?” He sticks his tongue in my ear. I leap back, wiping my ear and unable to keep the disgusted look off my face.
Miss Sue didn’t see the last part because she went in the back to get Ruby. When Ruby comes out of the kitchen, the boys say, “Hey, Ruby.”
“Hey, yourself. Leave Miss Caroline alone, Leroy, you hear? Now sit down, you here to eat or not?”
“Yeah, make us some of them pancakes of yours,” Les says.
Leroy smiles cockily at Ruby and says to me, “I’ll deal with you later.”
Ruby backs into the kitchen, saying, “Come on, Miss Caroline. Help me back here.” I can see in her eyes that they make her nervous, too.
“Oh, come on, let Caroline serve us…” Leroy pipes up.
I go back in the kitchen with Ruby and pick up the dishcloth. She starts the pancakes.
“Them boys...they need to be smacked upside the head. They’s been on they own for as long as I can remember, though. Never did find their way.” She shakes her head. “I don’t agree with how they acting ‘round here, but I sho do think the blame goes to they folks. I guess I can’t talk, I don’t have no children myself.” She smiles at me then.
I smile back. Her eyes are kind.
****
Les and Leroy are long gone when I go out of the kitchen. The lunch crowd comes and I go back and forth from the kitchen to the diner. It’s 2 o’clock before I know it, but I don’t want to leave. I haven’t had lunch yet, so I ask Miss Sue if I can have Ruby make me something for lunch.
“Why, of course, honey. I can’t believe you didn’t eat! Tomorrow, you make sure you eat, now. Ruby will make up whatever you want. You don’t have to check with me a’tall.”
Ruby is happy to make me some pancakes. I can’t stop moaning as I eat them. So divine. I go on about them and Ruby is so pleased, she makes me more.
“Child, how long it been since you ate?” she asks after I’ve been eating a while.
“I guess I have a hearty appetite, Miss Ruby.” I lie. I didn’t realize how hungry I really was until I began eating.
“Oh, I’s just plain ol’ Ruby,” she says with a grin.
“I’m just plain Caroline too,” I tell her.
“Girl, there ain’t nothin’ plain ‘bout you.” I grin at her and start to say something back, but she keeps going. “You know, I seen you before. Before yesterday, I mean. I seen you walkin’ with
that Washington boy.”
I blush at the mention of Isaiah. “Yes, sometimes he walks with our group.”
“He’s a good boy, that Isaiah...come from a good family. I don’t know his mama, but I hear he take good care of her…” Ruby shakes her head. “I’d give anything for a boy like that...or a girl.” She looks at me and winks. “You’s a good girl too. I bet yo parents is right proud.”
I don’t say anything; I just keep eating. These really are the best pancakes I’ve ever had.
Ruby goes on. “I think this girl is all dried up, though. Don’t think I’m gon’ be havin’ any babies ‘round here at this late date!” She cackles, showing her white teeth. They are perfectly even and look as bright as Ivory soap.
“You have really nice teeth,” I blurt out.
It thrills her. “You think so? Mama always did say it was my best feature.” She grins extra big.
“Well, your eyes are real nice, too,” I say with all my heart, grinning back. I think I’ve found a friend. My heart wells up a little bit at the warmth I feel from her.
“Why, thank you, child! From a looker like you, I take that as a supreme compliment. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how pretty you is. You’s gon’ have the boys dropping like flies, if they ain’t already!”
I laugh and shake my head. “Thank you for the pancakes, Ruby.” I rub my belly. “I think I may be done.”
“Well, you sho did do some damage, sho nuff. I hadn’t never seen no child eat like you just did. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you hadn’t eaten in a month!”
I give her a wobbly grin. If she only knew.
I stall and manage to stay at the diner past 4. Before I go, I call Nellie and Miss Greener to tell them about my new job at Harriet’s. I know they’ll wonder about me if they don’t see me as often. They’re both pleased that I have something to keep me busy for the summer.
Nellie and Grandpaw don’t usually eat out during the week, but Nellie says they’ll stop in now that they have kin running the place. Miss Greener goes to Harriet’s several times a week, so she says she’ll see me in a day or two.
As I head out, I hope that Josh hasn’t lost his bladder, but he’s pretty good about holding it. I decide to take a few more minutes and walk past Isaiah’s house. It’s only a few minutes out of the way. Before I get there, I pull out my tablet and write him a note in our not-so-secret code—pig latin.
Isaiah,
It is afesay otay allcay ymay ousehay. Ymay arentspay are onegay.
I issmay ouyay.
Ovelay,
Emay
Translated, that is:
Isaiah,
It is safe to call my house. My parents are gone.
I miss you.
Love,
Me
I feel better already as I tuck the note in the spoke of his bicycle. Isaiah is very particular about his bicycle. I’ve never known anyone to take better care of his things. He’ll notice it right away.
When I get home, Josh licks my face all over and then is ready to go out. I don’t know what I’d do without this sweet dog. I’m pretty sure he keeps me from losing it.
I stay full from all the pancakes for quite a while, but eventually start to get hungry. I’m scrounging through the cupboards trying to find something to eat when the phone rings.
I run to the phone and it’s my mother.
“Hi, Caroline,” she says.
I don’t say anything to her.
“Caroline, are you there?”
I still don’t answer.
“I can hear you breathing, Caroline, I know you’re there. Well, anyway, just listen, I guess. This is a number where you can reach me.” She rattles off a number. I don’t bother to write it down. She repeats the number. “I’ll be back soon. Make sure you don’t let it slip to anyone that I’m not staying there or we’ll be out on the street. Do you hear me?” She sighs. “Okay, Caroline, I’ll let you go. I love you. All right?”
I hear the dial tone. I’m numb. And dry-eyed.
I go to the phone book and look up Grant Anderson’s number. It’s the number my mother just gave me.
I go back to looking in the cupboards and realize there’s nothing. Well, at least I’ll get a good breakfast in the morning.
****
I’m falling asleep when I hear the phone again. Thinking it might be my mother again, I’m tempted to ignore it. She has never taken well to being ignored.
I run to catch it in time and I’m so glad I did. It’s Isaiah.
“Caroline?”
“Isaiah!”
“Are you okay?”
I’m quiet for a long minute.
“Caroline?”
“I am. I will be.”
“What’s going on over there?”
“Will you promise not to tell a single soul, Isaiah? You can’t tell your mother! Do you?”
“Of course, you’re making me nervous, though. What is it?”
“My dad isn’t coming back. My mom left. I’m not sure when she’s coming back. She made me vow not to tell anyone because she’s afraid my dad will find out she’s having an affair with Mr. Anderson. I’m sure he already knows.”
“What do you mean, she left? Where did she go? So you’re there alone?”
“I have been for weeks.”
“What? Caroline, why didn’t you tell me?” Isaiah sounds shocked and a little angry.
“I haven’t talked to you in a while!” I say defensively.
“I know and I’m sorry. I’ve been working hard, trying to help my mom. I’ve really missed you. I don’t think we’ve ever gone this long without talking, do you?”
“No, we haven’t.” I can’t help but sound a little sullen. “I thought maybe now that school is over you were forgetting about me.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“No.”
“I think about you all the time. My uncle has started teasing me about my daydreaming. He asked me the other day if I had a girl.”
“What did you say?”
“I said yes.”
“Really?”
“Is it okay for me to say that?”
“Well, yes...but did you tell him who?”
“No, but I wish I could.”
“Well, I’m just glad that you weren’t calling me because you don’t like me anymore or something…”
“I don’t regret a single moment with you, Caroline.”
We’re both smiling. And silent. My face is hot and I’m glad he isn’t here to see my red mess.
“I can’t believe they’ve left you there alone. They could get in serious trouble for that.”
“Really? Well, I don’t want them to get in trouble, I just want them to come home, so we can get back to normal.”
“It sounds like things might not get back to normal, Caroline.” His voice is soft and now I wish he could be here with me. I would feel better if he were here.
Neither of us knows what to say. For a few minutes, we’re both quiet.
Finally Isaiah says, “Tomorrow I’ll ask my uncles if I can get done early. I can come hang out with you for a while. We can go by Talbot’s Pond or down by the river. Maybe take lunch.”
“That sounds great, but I got a job too! I have lots to tell you!”
I tell him about working at Harriet’s, about Miss Greener helping me with work, about Ruby, and about Les and Leroy coming into the diner. We talk for a couple of hours. His mother has been in bed, so we’re both free to talk. He’s whispering and I find myself whispering too.
Before we hang up, we plan to meet by the river at 2:30. He’ll call the diner if he can’t make it by then. I’m going to bring lunch with me and we’ll go swimming. He thinks it’ll be fine since he will still be working most of the day.
“Caroline?” Isaiah whispers.
“What?” I’m so sleepy.
“I promise I’ll take care of you one day. And I’ll do my best to take care of you now, too.”
I
can’t think of anything to say. I’m afraid to wish for that. Finally, I tell him, “I can take care of myself, Isaiah, you don’t need to worry about me.”
“I know. But you shouldn’t have to take care of yourself,” he says. “And I want more than anything to do it for you.”
“It means a lot that you want to,” I whisper. “Really, it does.”
“That’s what love is about, Caroline. And I love you more than anything.”
****
The next day, I fly through my work. Eating regular meals again gives me renewed energy. Ruby has eggs, bacon, and toast waiting for me when I get to work. Mid-morning, she motions me over to her and gives me the first piece of her apple pie. I eat a hamburger for lunch and am working up my nerve to ask her if I could take some food home with me.
She looks at me with narrowed eyes, still grinning, but says, “Where do you put all this food, girl?”
“I’m a growing girl, you know.” I laugh.
“You’ve got that right.” She laughs and then leans over to whisper, “Miss Sue can’t pay you what you worth, so I will just feed you ‘til you can’t eat no mo’.”
She gives me the rest of the chicken pot pie and half of a rhubarb pie to take home. At the last minute, she puts in a pan of warm biscuits and a jar of honey. “Just bring that pan back in the mornin’, darlin’, I won’t need it tonight.”
I sneak two forks in the bag and take off to meet Isaiah. I run down Main Street, past Third, and this time I don’t even look to see if my mother is there.
****
At the end of Main Street, the bridge leads out of town. On either side of the bridge, the water laps against the mud and rocks. I go through the trees, down the steep ravine and when the space between the trees opens up, the view is spectacular. It’s the only reason I can think of to live in Tulma. We don’t have a huge expanse of the Tennessee River; it looks more like a lake here, but it’s a really beautiful lake. In some places, it trickles down to just a small stream that you can skip across.
Isaiah is already waiting. We know the path to take where no one will see us. We wind back through the trees and follow the river a while. I follow him and watch his white shirt-tails blowing in the breeze. He has his jeans rolled up around his calves. We’ve only been here once before, last summer, when we planned another day together. These sacred days are few and far between, and there’s excitement in the air to know we have a few hours to spend with one another.