by Lisa De Jong
****
When I reach Harriet’s, I’m weary before I’ve even begun to work. I know my eyes have dark circles under them and try as I may, I can’t keep my shoulders from slumping as I walk into the kitchen.
“Mercy, girl, what is wrong with you?” Ruby, I have learned, is not one to mince words.
“Oh, just a few things,” I say.
“Lay it on me,” she says. “Or do you just need some of Ruby’s good ole breakfast?”
“Let’s start with the breakfast.” I sigh. I have fifteen minutes until the rush. Ruby has a plate of scrambled eggs, toast and bacon made up for me in no time. I eat and gradually feel a tiny bit better.
“Do you ever wish you could just go back to being a child? I mean a really little child—where everything is just easy?” I chew my eggs and look at Ruby, who has stopped cooking to look at me with a strange expression.
“Honey, you is a child. What you got to be all worried about? Now, when I was yo age, I worked hard, but that was just what we do. Now, times is a’changin’. You come in here and you work, and I can tell this is not a new thing for you neither. You work just as hard as I ever did. What I don’t know, is why is you carryin’ so much weight on those shoulders? Yo mama and daddy work hard. Why you here at Harriet’s, honey? And lookin’ so tired all the time.”
“It’s a long story, Ruby.”
“Well, if you ever is up to telling me, I will be right happy to listen.”
Just then, Miss Sue comes in with several orders and we get to work.
****
In the afternoon, Harriet’s is full. A bus of elderly folks comes through town and we serve right through the afternoon. Miss Sue asks me to help Betty Jo carry all the food out in between washing dishes and cleaning tables. I’m cleaning a table when I see Thomas walk in and sit at the counter. I blush when I see him, and it seems to amuse him.
“Hi, Caroline.” He grins.
“Hi, Thomas.”
I busy myself wiping the table across from him until it sparkles.
“You look pretty today.”
“Thank you.”
I go clean the table furthest from him and when I come back by the counter, he’s still watching me.
“I came by to invite you to our house tomorrow night. It’s my birthday and I’d like it if you came.” Thomas looks a little unsure as he says this.
“Okay,” I say softly. Then I lean over and whisper in his ear, “But no more kissing, Thomas. Okay?”
And before he can answer, I go in the back to tackle the dishes.
When I’m done washing, I go back out and Thomas is gone. A few customers ask for coffee, and I don’t have time to think about him as it gets busier.
I enjoy talking to all the different people that come through. In my short time at Harriet’s, I’ve already met a lot of folks that I’ve only seen around town but never talked to until now. Already they’re calling me by name and asking how my day is going as I walk by their table.
I work late, until six. This time, Miss Sue doesn’t apologize. She seems to realize I enjoy the work and that she won’t hear complaints from my parents. She’s appreciative of how hard I work, and I’m glad I have something to keep me busy. When I open the door to leave, the hot air rushes to my face and I realize I’ve missed a whole day of being outside. But I don’t mind…it feels nice to be appreciated.
I take a chance and walk past Isaiah’s house. He’s outside, playing basketball with a couple other boys. I stand watching them play until Isaiah notices me. He hands the ball off to someone else and runs up to me.
“Hey! How’s it goin’?” His grin stretches across his entire face.
“It’s good. I’m just on my way home from Harriet’s. I worked late today. It was busy all day long.”
“Wait one sec. Let me tell my mom where I’m going and I’ll walk you home.”
“Okay! How ‘bout I wait over there?” I point across the street. “I can sit on the other side of that fence until you come.”
He nods. “I’ll be right over.” He runs in the house while I walk across the street and around the corner. I sit down and lean my back against the fence. It has been a while since I sat down. My feet ache.
A few minutes pass and I hear Isaiah tell the guys he has to go. Their protests carry down the road. For a moment, I debate telling him what has been happening with Thomas, but the next thing I know he’s in front of me and I just want to enjoy his company.
“Ready?” He pulls my hands until I’m standing. I look up into his face that I know so well and know for me there will never be another. I forget everyone and everything when I’m with Isaiah.
Once we’re in the clearing past his house, he takes my hand again and we walk the last stretch hand in hand. My heart pounds as he laces his fingers through mine. Everything else fades as we walk. I want to stretch out our time for as long as possible. Talking about our day, I tell him how much fun I’m having at Harriet’s and how much I like Ruby. He tells me what he’s liking and disliking about going out with his uncles every day.
We don’t hear Leroy until he’s in front of us. We stop because he has pulled his bike around so we can’t go any further. I let go of Isaiah’s hand and wait for everything to fall apart.
“So, it’s just like I thought,” Leroy says. “You’s playin’ it both ways, ain’t ya.”
I know then that I should have told Isaiah about Thomas before Leroy ruins everything.
Leroy looks angry and I’m terrified. I have no idea what he’ll do next. He gets off his bike and circles us. He’s the same height as Isaiah and gets in his face. “You think you’re something—carryin’ on with this high and mighty trash. Let me tell you somethin’, it ain’t gon’ work.”
He leans over into my face then. “Why you wanna waste time on these boys? I show you the real thing.” He grabs my chin hard when he says this.
“Leave her alone, man,” Isaiah puts his hand on Leroy’s arm. “Leave her alone.”
“Shut up, I ain’t talkin’ to you.” He yanks my hair back until I’m looking at him. He’s pulling my hair so hard, I’m disgusted with myself that the tears are rolling down my cheeks, giving away my fear.
Isaiah hits Leroy in the gut, hard enough to make Leroy drop his grip on my hair. I quickly move back. Isaiah then barrels into Leroy, knocking him on the ground while they pummel each other. Isaiah gets a few hits in, but Leroy is an experienced fighter and he gains ground fast. Blood is flying, splattering on the dirt and grass and my shoe. I feel helpless, watching Isaiah getting hurt. When Leroy gets the upper hand, I see a stick on the side of the road and grab it. I hit Leroy over the back with a hard thwack. He yelps and rolls off of Isaiah. Isaiah jumps up, grabbing my hand, and we run to my house.
“This ain’t over. I’m not finished with you!” Leroy yells.
We get in the door and look out the window. Leroy slowly gets on his bike and rides away.
“He’s not going to let this go, you know,” I tell Isaiah.
“I know.”
He winces and then I take in how hurt he really is. His face looks awful. He has a black eye and there’s blood around his mouth and nose.
“Let’s get you cleaned up.”
We go into the kitchen and he washes his hands. I get the first aid kit and gingerly wipe his face.
“You need to go stay with your grandparents, Caroline.”
I stop wiping his cheek and think about this. If I go stay with them, I won’t be able to see Isaiah. Our long phone conversations will be over. The thought of that sounds worse than anything imaginable.
“I’ll try to come home from Harriet’s earlier. We just don’t need to be seen together for a while.”
“I don’t like you out here all alone, Caroline. It’s not a good idea. We’ve made him mad and now that he knows we’re together, he’s just gonna get worse. The best thing would be for you to go to Nellie’s and stay there until your parents come home. He knows where you live, Caroline.
” He grips the counter as I wipe around the cuts on his eyebrow.
“My mom made me swear that I wouldn’t let anyone know she’s gone. I can’t leave, Isaiah. She would kill me, especially if I went to my grandparents!”
“She’s not here! And you’re not safe! He’s not gonna leave you alone. I know you want to think the best about everybody, but he’s trouble.” His voice gets more panicked with every word.
“I know he’s trouble; it’s obvious that he’s trouble! But I can’t go to my grandparents. My mom could come back anytime and when she does, I need to have everything how she left it.”
“Caroline—” He shakes his head. “I admire you for so many things. But, you keep making excuses for your parents. It’s painful to see them hurt you over and over. Please, for me, do this. Let someone help you. Go to your Nellie’s house. We can think of something to tell your mother when that time comes.”
His pitying tone is the last straw. This is the first time I’ve ever been angry with him, and I don’t like it. “I’ll worry about that when the time comes. I can take care of myself, I’ve been doing just fine my whole life.”
His eyes flash and he looks hurt. “I know you have.” He stands up and looks me square in the face. “If you won’t let me help you, maybe you’ll let Thomas.”
“What are you talking about, how did-?” I stop before I say too much. I don’t want to tell him about Thomas when we’re upset with each other.
“It’s a small town, Caroline. Word gets around fast when the most popular kid in Tulma likes the prettiest girl in town. I think you’re probably the last to know how Thomas Owens feels about you.”
“He’s just a friend, Isaiah. I don’t like him like that. I told him that. I like you.” All my anger is gone in a rush. Now I’m just mortified that he knows about Thomas.
“I bet you didn’t tell him that.” His face is red and now he looks mad. Then he shakes his head. “I’m sorry, Caroline. I know you like me. I like you too. I love you. And that’s why…” He pauses and looks away. “I think we have to stop this now. It’s only going to get us in trouble. You’re meant to be with someone like Thomas anyway.”
“What are you saying? I told you—I don’t want to be with Thomas!”
“That may be true now, but you’re wasting your time with me. It’s never going to work for us, Caroline. We both know that deep down. We’re just kids, anyway…if we can’t even hang out in public now, what makes us think it will work later?”
He takes my hand and kisses it. “Think about what I said about going to your grandparents. You need to do that. Please be safe.” He walks to the door and turns around. “I won’t be calling you anymore.”
I follow him and reach out for his arm. “Isaiah, please don’t go! We need to talk about this. Now you’re leaving too.” I begin to cry, and he reaches over and holds me.
“Don’t cry. I never want to make you cry. I am…I’m trying to stop a bad situation from getting worse. Leroy—this town—it’s never going to happen. You know it too. It’s best that we try to stop feeling this way now instead of dragging out the inevitable.”
“I’m never going to stop feeling this way. I thought you were never going to stop either.”
“I haven’t. We’re just too…different.”
“We are very much the same,” I say firmly.
“I have to go.”
“You said you wanted to marry me someday, Isaiah,” the words rush out. “What about all the things you said to me? Just a few days ago, all the promises you made…”
“I meant it…all of it. And I wish I could be the one to take care of you. More than anything. But you deserve way more than I’ll ever be able to give you. Someone, maybe not Thomas, but someone like him, is going to give you the life you deserve.”
“Quit bringing Thomas into this. I don’t like Thomas. This has nothing to do with him.”
“You know what I’m trying to say. You know I don’t want this any more than you do. But what happened today just proves that we can’t do this. We’re asking for trouble if we try to be together. I can’t risk putting you in danger, not to mention all the humiliation that comes from being with a nigger.”
My face crumples when he says that. “Isaiah, don’t say-”
He holds his hand up to stop me. “It’s the truth, Caroline. It’s time we both face it.” He puts his hands around his head and closes his eyes for a second. “Do everything you can to avoid Leroy.”
With this, he turns around and walks out the door and out of my world.
Chapter 11
Isaiah
The resolve I have with Caroline crumbles the moment I close her door. I want to hit everything in sight. The road blurs in front of me. I’m so sick of doing the right thing. I’ll never understand the way this world works. Why can’t I love whoever I want to love and it not affect anyone but us? It doesn’t matter. I’ll never know the answers.
She’s better off without me. She doesn’t deserve any of this. I’ve just been a distraction from the one she’ll end up with—Thomas Owens. He’s the kind of guy everyone expects Caroline to be with, and she’ll thank me one day…when they’re happily married. Maybe now that I’m out of the way, she’ll be able to see Thomas in a different light.
I can’t imagine not talking to her anymore.
The hurt on her face is going to haunt me forever. I never imagined I’d be the one to hurt her like that. I was so stupid to believe all the promises I made to her at the river the other day. It was one of the happiest days I can remember. I wanted to hope that things could be different for us.
Every step toward home is painful. Leroy managed to hurt me in places I didn’t know could hurt. I’d give anything if I could have hurt him worse, made it so he could never get to Caroline. He’ll be watching me, just waiting for a chance to make me pay for today. The thought is already squeezing my chest, but I’m more afraid for Caroline than myself. I have to find a way to keep her safe.
My nose and eyes are running. I wipe my nose on my sleeve and blood covers the shirt. Mama will be furious with me for fighting Leroy. Everyone knows Leroy doesn’t fight fair. This won’t end well.
I push the front door open as quietly as possible and look in the living room mirror. It’s bad. I back up to sneak into the bathroom and Mama calls out, “Isaiah, I’m in the kitchen. Supper’s ready, you’re just in time. Come on, wash your hands.”
I decide to get it over with and walk on back to the kitchen. When Mama sees me, she cries out and rushes to me.
“Baby, what happened to you? Who did this?”
“Leroy.”
“Why would you be fighting with Leroy? You know to stay out of that boy’s way! What happened?”
“I have a few things to tell you.”
“Well, let’s get you cleaned up and you can tell me everything over supper. Do you feel up to eating?”
“I can always eat.” I attempt a smile, but my face crumples up instead. My whole body aches.
“Oh, baby. Come on, let’s get you fixed up.”
Mama lovingly tends to my wounds and when she feels they’re properly taken care of, we go to the kitchen and she fills a plate for me. I sit down carefully, trying not to groan out loud. I’ve finally manned up and stopped crying, but there’s still a huge lump in my throat.
“Okay, start at the beginning, son. Are you ready to talk?”
I feel a little sick to my stomach when I think about all I have to tell her.
“You know Caroline is my friend.”
“Yes.”
“Well, she’s my best friend. She’s my girlfriend…was my girlfriend…”
Her face falls. “Oh, Isaiah…”
“I know it wasn’t a good idea. But for years, Mama…for years, we’ve liked each other. We’ve talked on the phone every day. I walk with her every day. I love her, Mama.”
Mama just looks at me with tears in her eyes. She hasn’t said a word, but waits for me to finish.
&nb
sp; I go on, “From the time I first saw her, I loved her. I know I’m young-” My voice gets wobbly and I swallow before continuing. “I know I’m young, but I know how I feel about her. I won’t ever feel that way about anyone else. Ever.”
“I know it feels that way now, Isaiah-” she starts.
“No, Mama. It’s not going to change. Believe me.”
“How did you manage all this without me knowing about it? I’ve seen the two of you walking, but I didn’t see the harm in that. I haven’t even seen you on the phone that much.” She shakes her head. “A few years is a long time. Do her parents know about this?”
“No. They aren’t around very much. I talk to her on the phone when I’m supposed to be doing my homework. Her parents aren’t home then. Or I talk to her after you go to bed.” I look at her guiltily, and she pats my hand.
“I wish I’d known how you felt sooner, Isaiah. But you know I would’ve tried to put a stop to it.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“It’s just not acceptable here. But really, it’s not just here. Anyone who chooses that life has a long, hard road ahead of them. You know that. I realize it’s not fair. It should be a fine thing for you to be with a nice girl like Caroline. Except for the fact that she’s white and you’re not…you know we don’t mix like that around here, son. Do you remember what happened with Uncle Billy?”
“Well, I know he had to leave, but I don’t remember why.”
She takes a while to answer. Her voice stays calm, but she clutches a dishrag until her knuckles turn white.
“He got caught up with Mr. Davidson’s daughter. Remember? He nearly got shot when they chased him out of town. They put a burning cross on our lawn twice, knocked out the windows with rocks…it isn’t over around here, Isaiah. You know full well that those kinds of things still happen. But this is our home, like it or not, and we have to keep the peace. Our family is here. This is the only home we know.”
“I know it. And that’s why I ended it with Caroline today.”
She can’t hide her relief when I say this. “Oh, thank the good Lord. Son, can you just imagine what the white folks in town would do if they found out you like Caroline Carson, the very cream of the crop? They would not take that lying down, you can be sure of that.” She pats my hand and gives me a concerned look. “So where does Leroy fit in?”