Bent not Broken

by Lisa De Jong

  He doesn’t really make any major move to let me know what he’s thinking exactly…until Valentine’s Day. I’ve been intent on making every holiday special for Gracie, but would just as soon ignore Valentine’s Day altogether.

  When I start getting sentimental in the days leading up to the holiday and pull out everything Isaiah ever gave me—dried flowers, his notes, the jewelry box—I know I need to just forget the whole day altogether.

  I have made Davis cookies once a week, just as I planned, but I haven’t made them this week yet, because I’m so keen on not drawing attention to anything romantic.

  But on the fourteenth, I open my bedroom door and find two boxes of chocolate—a big heart for me and a little heart for Gracie. A long red rose is laying on top of my box.

  I lean my head over on the doorframe and let out a big sigh.

  “Not what you were hoping for?”

  I nearly jump right out of my clothes. “I-I didn’t see you there,” I stammer.

  Davis is almost to the top of the steps, just outside my room. He smiles. “Or were you wishing they were from someone else?”

  He’s never asked me any questions, and unless Papa or Ruby has mentioned something to him, he knows nothing about Gracie’s daddy.

  I swallow hard before answering. “I’m not sweet on this day anymore, to tell you the truth.”

  He nods. And waits for me to say more.

  When I don’t, he says, “How ‘bout we change that?”

  My eyes grow wide and then I have to blink about six times because they get so dry. I lean down to pick up the chocolates, just as Gracie swoops out of the room. She sees the cute little box in my hands and knows it’s for her. I hold it up for her to see and tell her it’s from Davis.

  He stretches his long arm out and takes the box, waving his hand for her to come sit by him. She ends up on his lap and as their heads bend over the box while he’s opening it, another little trickle drips off my ice.

  Gracie picks out a chocolate and while she’s making fast work of it, Davis’s eyes meet mine over Gracie’s head.

  “Ruby said she’d cover for you later today. If you’d like, we could go out while Gracie’s napping. Ruby will take care of the guests. Papa will listen for Gracie and watch her while Ruby’s cooking. And she said she’s good for as late as we wanna be out. As long as we’re bright and cheery in the mornin’,” he says, laughing.

  “Sounds like y’all have it all worked out. This is a busy day for the Inn, are they sure about this?” My voice sounds a little shaky.

  He nods. “Yep. All set. Ruby has actually been workin’ ahead all week, so we could do this. If you said yes, of course…” he adds.

  “Where are you wanting to go?”

  His right shoulder tilts up and his eyes shine, as he says, “I had a little somethin’ in mind.”

  “Oh, is that right?” Without meaning to, my tone went full-on flirtatious. I shake my head to try to stop myself. But it’s not working. My heart thumpety-thumps.

  Gracie is done with our conversation and she jumps up and takes the chocolates with her. Davis stands up and leans an arm above me on the doorjamb. He’s standing far closer than he ever has.

  “What do you say—will you go out with me?” he whispers, looking in my eyes and then down at my lips.

  All I can do is blink and then I finally find my tongue. “I don’t know, Davis. I don’t really…go out…ever…at all.”

  “I’ve noticed,” he says.

  I study his face. Up this close, his eyes are so dark, I see the light bouncing off his eyes. No wonder they seem so bright.

  “Do you—do you think you might could like me, Caroline? Eventually? You know, as more than just a friend?”

  It’s the first time his confidence has wavered and now he sounds tentative. He steps back and holds both hands up. “Wait, don’t. Don’t answer that. Be ready in an hour? Wear something warm. It’s a nice day out there, but chilly…if you’re up for it?”

  I nod slowly. “You know, I think I might be.”

  He leans over and kisses my cheek.

  My heart speeds up even more.

  “Yes, yes, I’m pretty sure I am,” I add.

  He laughs at me and I can’t help but laugh back.

  “I’ll come pick you up in an hour.” He gives me one more grin before turning around and running down the stairs.

  I can do a lot with an hour, so with fifteen minutes to spare, Gracie and I are both bathed and hairdos done. I study my closet as if something new will magically turn up, but nothing does, so I just put on my favorite patchwork maxi skirt with a red turtleneck. Nellie would be dismayed by my wardrobe. It now consists of jeans, a couple long skirts, t-shirts and two sweaters. I haven’t gotten brave enough for a mini skirt and it wouldn’t fly at the Magnolia anyway.

  I take one more look in the mirror, trying to imagine what Davis sees. Not so lanky anymore, my body has filled out. Mama would be telling me I’d better watch it or I’m gonna resemble a fat piggy pretty soon. I smooth down my skirt and sort of like the curves. Once I’ve done all the primping I can stand, Gracie and I sit on our swings. She keeps licking off the lip gloss I put on her and wanting more.

  “Yips? Mo-ah?” she asks.

  “One more time,” I tell her and we both hop off the swings and meet in the middle.

  She puckers those pretty lips out and I have to kiss them first.

  “Come on, let’s go find Papa and Ruby.” I grab her hand and we open our door.

  Ruby is just reaching the top step. “Why, don’t you look pretty!” she says before giving us both a hug.

  “I’m having all kinds of company up here today,” I say in her hair.

  She laughs. “Sound like you got a fun day ahead of you, sugar.” She pulls my head back and looks in my eyes. “This boy is a good one, Caroline. I believe you can trust him.”

  I bite my lip and nod. “I don’t really know how to get over Isaiah, Ruby. I mean, I hate him, so that helps, but…I don’t know…” I trail off.

  She shakes her head. “You not gon’ be able to compare Davis to Isaiah, darlin’. Or the other way around. It ain’t fair to either boy. And Isaiah ain’t here, so put him right outta that mind of yours and just be with Davis today. You don’t have to make any promises or do anything other than have fun.” She gives my cheeks two little pinches to accentuate those last two words.

  I kiss her on each cheek and she takes Gracie from my arms. I lean over to kiss Gracie.

  “Bye, Mama.” She gives a little wave and doesn’t seem fazed one bit that I’m leaving.

  As their heads disappear down the stairs, I hear Davis saying hi to them on his way up. I guess he was serious about picking me up.

  He stops in his tracks when he sees me standing there. His mouth goes into a tiny O. He better not whistle or this will all be over before it’s ever started. You’d think he’s never seen me, the way he’s gawking.

  “You look so pretty,” he says shyly.

  “Thank you. You look nice too.” He actually looks exceptionally nice, but I can’t quite tell him that. He’s wearing a long sleeve button down shirt with his jeans instead of one of the scroungy t-shirts he’s usually wearing.

  He holds out his hand and I pause only briefly before taking it. Oh sweet Mary, he smells divine. I let go of his hand.

  “I’m not sure if this is a good idea, Davis.”

  “Okay. Going out today? Or holding my hand?” He puts his hands in his pockets and waits for my answer.

  “Either one.”

  “Why not?”

  “Well, we live here together…and what if…someone gets hurt and then we have to be around each other all the time?”

  “I’m not gonna hurt you. Are you gonna hurt me?”

  I stare into his warm eyes for a full minute. The way his broad shoulders look like they could carry me for miles. The way he has been a steady, quiet presence in my life every single day for the last four months. The way he hasn’t eve
r asked anything of me, but has already given me so much of himself in the little things he does. The way he adores my little girl…

  I reach out my hand and he takes it. “No, I won’t hurt you,” I promise. And I mean it.

  ****

  Our first stop is to the carriage house next to the barn. It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve been out here. Since the barn is used more and we’re full all the time now, Davis thought it would be a good idea to turn the carriage house into a place that people can come for longer or more private stays. I’ve gotten to pick out all the materials and colors. Papa says I have the eye for it and Davis agrees, so I’m happy to play. It’s fun for me. Every time I’ve visited him out here, I’ve been amazed at how pretty it all is, but the last time I saw it, there was still a lot of work to have it ready for guests. When we step inside, I nudge his arm.

  “You’re just full of surprises!” I laugh. “It’s so beautiful, Davis. I can’t believe how talented you are. And the lights! I love the little white lights everywhere!”

  “I would have never thought to put all these things together,” he says, holding a pillow next to a picture I found. “I just build it. You’re the one who makes it look like those magazines you like. We do work well together,” he finishes quietly.

  “I didn’t pick out this table.”

  Davis has led me to an intimate round table that has china already placed on it.

  “I made that,” he shrugs like it’s nothing, “and Ruby let me bring the dishes out here last night. I figure we can’t get any better cookin’ than hers anywhere within 200 miles, so we may as well eat here before we go.”

  “How do you have time to do all this work? Everything is always running so smoothly since you came, which is a job in itself, but no, you’re out here building tables with intricate legwork and sturdy chairs. I don’t understand how you do it all…”

  “I don’t sleep much. I’ve been staying out here, actually, and I get a lot done when it’s quiet. I…it’s good for me to be busy.”

  “Me too. I don’t like to have too much time to think, which is what happens when I stop,” I tell him.

  “What keeps you awake at night, Caroline?” He gets right to the point.

  “My past,” I answer.

  I fidget with the cloth napkin on my lap. Davis takes the lid off the white tureen in front of us and scoops Ruby’s vegetable soup into our bowls.

  We start slowly eating and Davis picks up the conversation again.

  “What happened to make you leave home?”

  “Are you sure you want to get into this? It’s way more fun talking about decorating,” I say.

  “I think it’s time, don’t you?”

  He says it so sincerely, I feel safe to answer whatever he asks.

  I take a deep breath. “Okay. I was raped by two boys and they came back for more. I had to get out of there.”

  I don’t think I’ve ever said those words out loud.

  He sets down his spoon and his eyes go black.

  “My dad is an alcoholic and disappeared before all this happened. My mom left me in Memphis…we weren’t getting along. And my boyfriend found me and told me those boys were dead, but I still couldn’t go back.”

  “That’s…” He blows air out of his lips. “Whew. A lot. How could they leave-?” He shakes his head. “Okay. Boyfriend, you said?”

  “Gracie’s dad.”

  “Oh. So…where is he now?”

  “Tulma, as far as I know. I went back to tell him about Gracie but saw him with another girl. And then I didn’t have the nerve to tell him until Gracie’s first birthday, but I sent him a letter and he never responded. I sent him two, actually, but nothing…” I’ve said it all in one breath, saying it as fast as I can get it out.

  I feel surprisingly numb.

  “What’s his name?”

  “Isaiah.”

  “Wow,” he says. “I-I don’t know what to say. Wow.”

  “Yeah, it’s not exactly a great conversation starter…but hey,” I shrug, “it’s what I’ve got.”

  I try to smile, but it’s more like a wobble. He reaches out and holds my hand. I like his strong grip. Makes me feel ladylike. With my spare hand, I take another bite of my soup.

  “This is my favorite Ruby soup.”

  “Now that I did know.” He smiles.

  “What about you? What horrid secrets do you have to tell me?”

  “Nothing so horrid as your story. I’m sorry you’ve been through so much, Caroline. And I’ve been sorry for ever making you feel like you look anything other than beautiful…because that’s what I really see. I should have never said that about you lookin’ weary. I can’t believe how you just go on like nothing bad has ever happened to you a day in your life. I’ve never heard you say one foul word to anyone and I’ve been around you approximately a hundred and thirty-five days now.” He pauses when I laugh at that. “The fact that I didn’t know this story until today…well, it’s just not the norm. Most people have to share all their sad stories before they ever even get to know the person they’re sharing with. You’re constantly smiling, even when I know you’ve gotta be so tired.”

  “Well, I came here pretty beat up. But, I’ve never been happier than here with Gracie, Papa and Ruby—Brenda, too—she’s been such a good friend. And now…you. Hopefully, I won’t look old forever,” I tease him.

  “I think you’re looking more like seventeen these days,” he says. “Soon to be eighteen…”

  “Pfft. You think I’m gonna believe you now?”

  His face gets sober. “I mean it. I nearly lose my air every time I see you, Caroline. Even when you’re not dressed all…cute.” He waves his hand up and down around my outfit. “And I like that the world can’t keep you down. You’re formidable.”

  “Formidable,” I repeat. “I like that.”

  “I like you,” he says.

  “What’s made you start…thinking like this?” I ask. “And I haven’t heard you talk so much at one time. Ever. Or using words like formidable.”

  He laughs. “My mom died when I was fifteen and she always used big words. I am being chatty, huh.” He changes the subject quickly. “I guess I think I better get it all out while we have a chance. And Gracie is hard to deny. When she says, ‘Come ‘heah’, I cannot refuse her.”

  We both laugh at that. She is always grabbing his hand and taking him off to show him something.

  “I’m really sorry about your mom. Is your dad alive?”

  He shakes his head no. “But I didn’t miss him when he went. My mom…she was…I just…I miss her a lot.”

  He swallows hard and his Adam’s apple bobs up and down quickly.

  “I kinda always have ‘thought like this’ about you…since pretty much the first time I saw how you take care of everyone around you. That was right around day one,” he continues.

  I gulp the lump that has formed in my throat.

  “You seemed so capable of taking care of yourself. I didn’t think you’d ever look at me. And then when I found out how young you really are, I thought just maybe I could have a chance to show you how you can be taken care of too.”

  “But you’ve never even really acted like you like me…like that. I mean, we talk and we’ve been friends and it’s been fun, but I didn’t even feel an inkling that you liked me. Until…”

  “Yeah?”

  “Until that day in my room.”

  Davis nods and doesn’t say anything. We both sit there with the lights flickering across our faces, holding hands, and I think this is one of the most romantic moments I’ve ever experienced.

  “I could stare at you all day, but I don’t want to freak you out,” he finally says.

  I laugh nervously. I’ve been enjoying staring back.

  “I want to show you something. You warm enough if we go for a walk?”

  “I think so,” I answer.

  “Here, let’s put this around you.” Davis grabs a scarf from the couch and loo
sely winds it around my neck. He pauses for a moment and my breath stops.

  I think he might kiss me.

  His fingers linger on my scarf and then he lifts them up to my cheek. He traces my jawline and then his hand suddenly drops. He takes a step back and puts his fist up to his mouth. He stares at me like he wants to say something but just clears his throat instead. His eyes are shining as he smiles at me.

  “Caroline?”

  “Yes?”

  He leans in closer and whispers, “I want to take away every sad thought that’s behind those eyes…” He lifts a hand to touch my hair and then drops it again. “I-you’re-well…I don’t think you’re quite ready for me yet, but I’m just gonna be right here, every day, showing you…”

  “Showing me what?” I ask when he just leaves it hanging.

  “Showing you I’m not going anywhere.”

  And with that bold statement he turns around and holds out his hand. “Come on, let’s go before it gets dark.”

  We walk, quiet, commenting on a flower here and there or the way a squirrel seems to be keeping up with us. I’m not sure how long we walk, but I know that I needed this. The exercise feels good. And this feeling…it’s like fresh air pouring into my lungs.

  “We’re almost there.” We take a turn further into the woods and he points straight ahead.

  There’s a huge tree, the only one not affected by winter. Its leaves are green and the branches are heavy with the weight. It’s beautiful. The sunlight is highlighting it, giving it a dreamy effect. I half-expect a fairy to fly overhead anytime.

  “It’s spectacular,” I tell him with a smile.

  “I think so too.” He bends down and looks up at me. He points to the ground.

  My eyes get wide when I see it. Eleven rocks all shaped like hearts are lined up in a row. Some are perfect, some are uneven, some are fat, some are little-bitty…I bend down and pick each one up, examining them all.

  “How did you find all these?”

  He taps his temple. “Once you find a heart, it’s like it’s all you can see.” He smiles his sweet smile again then leans over and kisses my cheek.

  My heart just fluttered back to life again.

  Chapter 28