Bent not Broken

by Lisa De Jong

  High Expectations

  That first date starts a series of weekly dates. Davis and I see each other throughout the day, eat together, and sneak time together between demanding guests, with Gracie always basking in our attention. But every Monday night, after the crazy weekends and after I’ve put Gracie to bed, we go out, just the two of us. We’ve gone on long drives, been bowling, horseback riding twice, watched the sunset through our tree, and to the movies three times. Tonight we’re going to eat dessert at this new little restaurant in town.

  I never thought I’d find my place. Ever. I expected to always feel misplaced. On the outside. Wishing for more. Never having normalcy.

  Each day is a new revelation. This is what it’s like to be open. This is what it’s like to be young. This is how life is supposed to be.

  And with Davis, it’s just easy. He doesn’t have a moody bone in his body. He’s laid back, fun and seems like he’s just looking for ways to show me how good everything can really be.

  I’m beginning to believe him.

  My only complaint about him is that he hasn’t kissed me yet. It’s been two months and while it feels like more than just hanging out with my best friend—and that’s what he’s become—I’m starting to wonder if we’re really attracted to each other in that way. I know that it feels like I am, and it seems he is with me, but I can’t figure out why it hasn’t happened by now. Sometimes the tension in the air is so thick it could pop. Davis studies my lips for the longest time—I just know it’s going to happen—and then he’ll smile and take a step back and start talking about wood or rocks or food or Gracie.

  I made a new dress for tonight. I rarely get out of the house without him or Gracie, so shopping just doesn’t happen. Every now and then I miss sewing with Nellie and pull out Eileen’s old machine that Papa lets me and Ruby use. I finished this dress last night and love it. It’s shorter than anything I’ve ever worn, but not as short as some of the others I see on TV or even on the women in town. It’s red and black with a white pointy collar. The top half looks prim and proper like all the dresses I used to wear, but the bottom flares out several inches above my knees, making me feel like I’m living on the wild side. I did make sure it wasn’t short enough to see all the way to the Promised Land, since I have Nellie perched up on my shoulder most of the time.

  Davis comes to my door to pick me up, like always. I wave to Ruby, who sits with Gracie and reads when we go out. Davis’s eyes bug out of his head when he sees me. I shut the door softly behind me and lean against the door. He puts an arm on either side of me, hemming me in, and leans close, so his face is not even a foot from mine.

  “I’ve never seen your legs,” he whispers.

  “Of course you have,” I say.

  “Your ankle maybe…one time I think I saw a glimpse of knee, but…no. Not like this,” he says emphatically.

  I look at him out of the sides of my eyes and smirk. “Well, now you have.”

  “I’m gonna want to see them all the time now.”

  “Is that right? Had I known seein’ a little leg was all you needed…I would have shown them a long time ago,” I tease.

  His brows crinkle together. “What do you mean, all I needed?”

  I shrug and don’t say anything.

  His eyes stare me down and I think he must surely hear my heart pounding.

  He puts a hand on my neck, high enough where it’s appropriate and low enough that I know he can feel my heart pounding.

  “That…feel that?” He waits for a moment and I know he’s talking about my heart. “That’s what I need. Do I have that?” He studies me, looking for the answer in my eyes.

  “I think so,” I whisper.

  “What would help you know?” he whispers back.

  I don’t answer for a moment and when I do it’s so quiet, I’m not sure he hears me at first.

  “If you’d kiss me.”

  He tilts my chin up with one hand and with the other, winds his hand through my hair and brings my mouth to his. He doesn’t go soft and gentle like I thought he would, he goes all in and claims me. Like he’s been denied his whole life and is now making up for lost time. When he finally pulls back, I feel weak and deprived. I could kiss him forever.

  “Well?” he asks.

  “You have me,” I whisper.

  “Come on.” He pulls my hand and we fly down the two flights of stairs and out the back door to his truck. “Do you mind if we skip the restaurant?”

  I shake my head and climb in his truck.

  We speed down the backroads and he pulls up to a large pasture not far from the house. He shuts the truck off and pulls me over to him and kisses me again.

  It’s a long time before we stop. My lips feel raw and puffy, but I can’t get enough.

  “I’ve been dying to do that for so long,” Davis says.

  “I was starting to think you never would.”

  We get lost kissing again.

  When we finally come up for air, Davis reaches for my hand and puts it up to his lips. “Kissing you is even better than I thought it would be. And I had really high expectations.” He grins.

  “I thought you might just be feeling like I was your best friend and didn’t want to go past that,” I admitted.

  “I thought that’s how you were feeling.” He presses his forehead to mine. “Now, what do you think?”

  “I think I wish we’d been doing this all that time.” I laugh and pull him in for more.

  The next break, he says, “Caroline? What happened to you…I haven’t known what you’d be comfortable with and I know we talk about everything, but we don’t really talk about that…or Isaiah.”

  I shift uncomfortably in the seat. It feels wrong to talk about that…and them, him…in this moment.

  “I haven’t wanted to rush anything and I know that I kinda came on strong right off the bat, but…I’ve tried to hold back too. I couldn’t help but tell you how I feel…I just haven’t wanted you to feel pressured by my feelings. I’ve wanted you to come around to the idea of us in your own time.” He puts his hands on my cheeks. “Tonight I realized that you might still not be sure of my feelings, and I couldn’t have that. But, listen to me, Caroline, I will take it all as slow as you want to go.”

  “I’m ready to let go of all of it,” I tell him. “You’re my future, Davis. You are. I know it without a doubt now, and I don’t want to look back anymore.”

  “I love you,” he says and before I can respond, he kisses me. This time his hands roam up and down my legs, going higher each time. “Your legs are too much,” he groans.

  He holds both hands in the air and starts the truck. “I’m gettin’ you home, lady.”

  I laugh and scoot as close as I can get beside him. Leaning my head on his shoulder, I look up at him and take in his features in the moonlight. He’s beautiful and his heart is mine. I love him too.

  When we get to the house, he walks me up to my room and gives me a chaste peck on the lips. I didn’t know he had those in him anymore after all those steamy kisses.

  “This has been the best night of my life,” he whispers.

  I hug him tight and when we let go and he walks to the edge of the staircase, he pauses and turns around. He looks so happy. He gives a little wave and starts down the stairs.

  “Davis?”

  He turns around to look at me.

  “I love you too.”

  The beam on his face would light up a moonless sky. He nods his head, puts a fist over his heart and walks down the stairs into the night.

  Chapter 29

  Steal Away

  Our days become opportunities for a quick kiss here, a long session there. Papa has caught us kissing several times, tucked away in an alcove of the house, outside by the barn, in the kitchen pantry…he just laughs.

  “When are you gonna make an honest girl out of her, Davis?” he teases.

  Papa and Eileen got married when they were sixteen, so he thinks nothing of getting married young. �
��Why waste time when you know?” he says.

  After my eighteenth birthday, I start thinking about marrying Davis. Brenda comes over with wedding magazines and we talk about Charlie and Davis and what it would be like to get married. I don’t really have to marry Davis to be happy—I’m pretty happy right now. But I know he does want to ‘make an honest woman out of me’ and it’s getting harder and harder to keep our hands off of each other, so as soon as he asks me, I will say yes.

  We’ve nearly had sex many times, and every time, Davis has been the one to stop. Clothes have been on the verge of being shed and he’ll say something like, “I want it to be right and…better than this for you. We’re gonna wait, baby. I want it to be perfect.” We’re usually in his truck or in his room when this happens. Lately, we’re spending a lot of time with everyone, instead of being alone together. I hate how much self-control he has.

  ****

  It’s a warm August day when Papa asks us to sit down with him in the living room. We only have three guests, so I’m done with my work earlier than usual. We both sit on the couch, while Papa sits in his chair across from the couch. Gracie gives Dolly ‘tea’ at the coffee table.

  “I’ve been thinking,” Papa starts out. “When and if y’all decide to settle down…you could start out in the carriage house—we managed fine with just the rooms and we will again. You could stay in there while you’re building your own little place.”

  Davis and I look at each other and back at Papa.

  “There are several prime spots.” Papa winks at Davis. “I think you know a few…”

  Davis’s cheeks tinge a few shades darker, and he looks at me again. “That sounds like an amazing plan, but I don’t even know if she’s ready to marry me,” he says like I’m not sitting right beside him.

  I feel both sets of eyes on me then. “Well, you’re not gonna find out until you ask me,” I huff.

  “You can’t even give me a hint of what you’d say?” he asks.

  “Nope,” I answer.

  He looks at Papa. “See what I have to deal with?”

  Papa laughs.

  “We’ve only known each other ten months,” Davis says to me.

  “I know. I’ve kept track too,” I say.

  “Well, what do you think about that?” he asks.

  “I think life’s too short to waste time.”

  Davis’s eyes widen.

  Papa lets out another huge guffaw. It rattles the china in the hutch. “Sounds like you got your work cut out for you, boy.”

  Ruby wanders into the room then. “What’s all that racket?” she asks.

  “Davis has something to ask Caroline,” Papa answers.

  “Well, looks like I made it just in time,” she says. She reaches in her apron pocket and tosses something to Davis. He catches it and smiles a huge grin at her.

  He looks at me and holds up a ring. “Can’t do it properly without this,” he says. He gets down on his knees in front of me.

  “Wait a minute. What have y’all done here?” I ask.

  They just laugh at me and Gracie comes over to see why Davis is on his knees.

  “I might have needed them for extra courage,” Davis says. “Not because I’m not ready, I am so ready. But so I would be brave enough to ask. You don’t have to say yes,” he says.

  “To what?” I egg him on.

  “To marrying me.”

  “Was that a question?”

  He shakes his head, confused. “What?”

  “Were you asking me a question?” I tease him.

  “Oh. Yes. I was. Am. Will. Am about to ask you one…” He fumbles all over the place.

  Gracie giggles.

  “Davis?” I take his hand.

  He just looks at me.

  “Will you marry me?” I ask.

  “Yes!” he answers.

  “Is that what you were gonna ask?”

  “Oh, were you not asking…”

  “DAVIS! Ask me already!”

  He nods, and the humor disappears as he looks me straight in the eye. “Caroline, will you marry me? I love you and want you to be my wife more than anything.”

  “Yes, I will,” I say and grab his face to kiss him before he can say anything else.

  Gracie jumps up and down. “Kiss!”

  Papa hops up and pats us both on the back while we’re still kissing. Ruby comes over and we all pile together in a hug, the way we did that day in the kitchen.

  ****

  And just like that, we’re engaged. I start planning a wedding, putting all the ideas Brenda and I have talked about in a big white binder. We’ve decided to get married on October 19th, a year after we first met. It will be simple, small, and I can’t wait.

  There’s something about knowing that he wants to be with me forever—it makes me love him even more. No one in my life has stayed. No one in his life has either.

  My mind has an inner war with itself as I try to push Isaiah out.

  He might have left, but he came back.

  But he left in the first place.

  I left him last.

  Maybe he would have stayed.

  I squelch it down and remind myself that this is all for the best for everyone involved.

  The carriage house is ready for us to move in, and Davis and I have walked miles over the property to find the perfect spot to build our future little house. We find it, just past the gardens and grapes, where we can still appreciate the beauty and see the main house, too, but far enough to have some privacy. Davis gets a few guys from town to help lay the foundation, and they’ve already started putting up a rough frame of the house.

  There’s a stone archway leading into one of the gardens in the back, more intricate than the other two, and that’s where I want to get married. Right in the middle of my favorite flowers.

  Davis and I are so busy, we fall asleep a lot after we put Gracie to bed…kissing and talking and then fading out. The Inn has been busy this summer. I’ve been working on the gardens and also making my dress. It’s going to be beautiful, simple just like everything else, but beautiful. Papa let me go through all of Eileen’s material and I found a cream lace that I love.

  I’m pinning it all when Davis sneaks into my room. Gracie is swinging with Dolly in her corner and I hear her giggle before I feel his arms around me. I jump up and try to hide the dress.

  “You can’t see this. It’s bad luck!” I spread my arms wide to cover it.

  He leans down and nuzzles my neck. “Only if I see it on you, this doesn’t count.” His hair tickles my neck and I shiver. Gracie runs over to us and he swoops her up.

  “I can’t wait to see your mama in this dress,” he tells her.

  “Pwetty Mama,” she says.

  “You’ve got that right,” Davis says.

  I nuzzle Gracie’s head and then point to the door.

  “Hey, you two, let’s just scoot right on out this door and don’t be sneaking any more peeks, Davis, do you hear me?”

  I push them out and Gracie is laughing, repeating, “You heah me?” all the way down the stairs.

  I roll my eyes, but I can’t wipe the grin off my face.

  ****

  The next day, just four Saturdays from the wedding, I wake up to loud thunder. I get up and look outside, hoping the weather doesn’t get bad and ruin anything on the new house. We survived a series of awful tornadoes in the spring with minimal damage, but we were the few lucky ones. I jump when I hear a quiet rap on my door.

  “You scared me,” I whisper to Davis when I open the door.

  “Sorry,” he says softly. “I just wanted to see you before I head out. I’ve gotta get the coverings secure on the house and I need to go into town for some supplies…looks like the weather’s gonna get bad today. Might take me a while to get everything done.”

  “Okay, be careful out there.”

  “I will.” He leans over and kisses me and wraps me up in a bear hug. “Just four more weeks,” he whispers in my ear.

&nbs
p; “I know,” I smile at him and lean back in for another hug, “I can’t wait.”

  ****

  Gracie and I eat with Papa and then I take care of the breakfast rush. We’ve had really sweet guests this week. A young couple and three sisters…they’ve been nice and easy to please. They check out around 11, and the Inn is quiet. Ruby starts canning fruit. Papa is snoozing in the darker than normal living room. Gracie and I play for a while and then I put her down for her nap. I feel restless and can’t quite settle into anything. I work on my dress, it’s nearly done. I read for a little while. I keep looking out the window. Davis worked out there for a long time and then I saw him drive off in his truck, so I watch for him to come back.

  When Gracie wakes up a couple hours later, we go downstairs. Papa is with Ruby in the kitchen.

  “Our guests for this weekend have all cancelled because of the weather,” Ruby tells me.

  “Really? It’s that bad out?” I walk over to the back windows. It does look rough. The rain is coming down in thick sheets now.

  “It’s supposed to get worse.”

  “I wish Davis would get on home.”

  “I thought I saw him pull back in,” Papa says.

  My heart calms. “Oh good, do you know where he is?”

  I just need to see him. I know he’s busy, but I’ve been uneasy all day and he’s the only one who can usually take that away.

  “I’m not sure. I haven’t heard him come in,” Ruby says.

  I go check to see if he’s in his room. It’s empty.

  “Can Gracie stay with you while I drive out to the house? I just want to check on him.”

  “You know she can,” Ruby says. “Tell Davis he needs to get inside, quit worryin’ ‘bout that house for today.”

  “Yes, ma’am…”

  I put on a raincoat and lift the hood over my hair and run out to Papa’s truck. I look at the state of my flowers and groan. They didn’t need so much water. I pull around the back of the house and drive the short distance to our little place. His truck is parked out there, and I breathe a sigh of relief. Looks like he got the tarp completely up too, everything is covered. He’s so efficient. I love how hard he’s working on this place for us. Just another way that he shows me he loves me.