When it was free of mud, he handed it to Joel, who tossed it easily onto the neat stack against the outside wall of the shed.
“You work like this all the time?” Tom asked.
“Yeah. But once you get it done, it feels good. Dad always insists on taking time to clean and store things. That makes the job easier next time.”
Joel was shirtless, but Tom still wore his. His neck was runneled with sweat and his pants were muddy up to the knees. Joel smiled to himself, thinking how even now, trying to be neat, he kept his shirttails tucked in. “Aren’t you getting hot? Whyn’t you take your shirt off?”
Tom handed him the last of the tarps. “Good idea. I’m tired, and I’m going to be starved by lunch. But I like it. I don’t see how you and your father handle the whole farm!” He took off his shirt and hung it over a hook on the outside wall of the shed.
“Everything is done in large chunks, I guess. We’ll be finished with the irrigation by Friday, and by the time we get to the northeast field with the water, I’ll be able to get the tractor in the south field and cultivate the weeds. But we’ll hire crews for the real work, like harvesting.”
“I’d like to see that!” Tom said. He followed Joel as they walked toward the pickup. “But I guess I’ll be in college before that.”
The thought of that brought Joel up short. He stopped and looked at Tom. “I keep trying to forget, you know?”
Tom looked grim. But he brightened. “Well, maybe Father will let me stay out here the rest of the summer. When I asked him the other day, he said he’d think about it. This week is supposed to be a test.” He laughed. “You know, more games. I think he’ll be pleased to see how my muscles are developing.”
Joel looked appreciatively at Tom. “You look great like you are.”
Tom felt of his arms, then Joel’s. “Mine are like toothpicks beside yours!”
“They’re just longer than mine.” Joel stood beside him and touched their shoulders together. His fingertips came to the back of Tom’s hand. “See? Your muscles are more stretched out.” Tom pulled his arm away and slipped it around Joel’s waist. If felt awkward to, but Joel moved closer to Tom and let himself be held. It was a switch, and a surprise. Neither of them spoke for a moment, then Tom pulled away.
“Sorry,” Tom said.
“Just one of your moods,” Joel said. “It’s okay with me, you know?”
Tom sighed. “I know.”
* * *
By the afternoon, everything was done, and they walked back to the house from the livestock pens. “Don’t you milk the cows?” Tom asked. Joel told him they were letting them dry up, getting them ready for calves. Tom looked tired. He had been quiet all afternoon, except for asking short questions about the work they were doing, but even though they didn’t talk much, Joel had been constantly aware of him. Painfully aware too that come September, he would be gone. He had counted out the weeks left until then like a death row inmate.
“You like what we’re doing?” he asked.
“Yeah. It would get old after awhile maybe, but I love this place, Joel! If I had to pick a place to live, it would be in the country. I get so tired of moving. You know I’ve never lived any place for more than two years?”
“I thought you’d prefer living in a city.”
Tom laughed softly and shook his head. “If I could, Joel, I wouldn’t go to college for awhile. If Father wasn’t pushing me, you know? All I want to do is take a little time to think about what I really want to do. I don’t even like living in town, small as it is…I don’t know…maybe it’s because I feel so happy out here. If Father just wasn’t pushing. Except without a degree, I’d probably never get a very good job.”
The same idea tugged at Joel’s mind again. Live with me then, Tom. I need a mate. It made his heart pound, and he was bursting to share it with Tom, but he was afraid of being laughed at. “I don’t know if I could stand the same job year ‘round,” he said.
“You oughta try being a preacher,” Tom said. “I think that’d really get boring.”
“But you said you don’t want to be one.”
“I don’t. I won’t! And besides, being…you know…like I am, I don’t think I’d make a very good one.”
“Come on, Tom. Knock it off! You can be whatever you want with your brains. Yeah, you probably would make a lousy preacher. But your personal life is your business.”
“Well, of course,” Tom said, “you’re right.”
But Joel got the feeling that Tom didn’t really believe that. And he remembered how easily his father had kept him at home, how Tom had worried about his will power. Joel bounced onto the porch and looked back over his shoulder at Tom, who was a little more weary. “But don’t go thinking it’s a sin. It isn’t wrong.”
Tom followed Joel into the house and into the kitchen. They washed up at the sink and Joel got busy preparing for their supper. “I guess it’ll take a couple of hours for the roast. What time do we have to be at church?”
“Six-thirty.”
“Yeah, that’s right.” He peeled all the potatoes. If his mother wanted them eaten, they would eat them. He cut some of the potatoes into quarters and washed them at the sink. He nudged Tom out of the way with his hip and dropped them around the edges of the roast pan. He cut the rest of the potatoes into long strips. Later, they could eat fries for a snack. Joel imagined them sitting together with his arm over Tom’s shoulder, feeding him potatoes, and he got chills. He laughed at himself, looking somewhere between the potato peels scattered over the table and the bright afternoon sunshine outside in the yard and across the road. The sun was still high in the sky but was already casting a yellow glow over everything as late afternoon approached.
The road was busy at this time of day, especially during the week. It was still the season for buying supplies as the farmers set up for the maturing crops. The farmer’s market in town, the equipment supply stores, and the feed stores were doing brisk business and stayed open until long after sunset. Joel recognized the Hotchkiss’ old dilapidated pickup rattle by on its way home from town, heading south. He saw it and the Strouds’ ‘48 Ford pickup almost collide right outside the gate and sat up to watch. The Hotchkiss truck lurched into the ditch, feeble horn coughing, then back onto the road. The Stroud truck slowed down and drove by the gate. As if he knew he was being watched, Kenneth flashed his hand over the top of his truck, middle finger waving; a moment later, the bright glint of metal caught the afternoon sun. Joel continued to stare, feeling uneasy; last night, he thought he’d heard laughter, then the unmistakable sound of a shotgun. As the truck passed out of sight, Joel realized he’d been holding his breath. His scalp tingled, the hairs on his neck bristled. What was Kenneth doing on this road anyway?
Kenneth Stroud and his father were a bad pair, Joel thought. But Mrs. Stroud and her younger kids seemed all right. It was said that Kenneth had raped one of the Hotchkiss girls. He had been kicked out of school his eighth year, as well, for taking his dick out in class and playing with it in front of everybody. Sue Mulligan was the only girl who didn’t burst into tears and scream; she was said to have watched Kenneth calmly for about a minute while he played with himself, then she got up quietly and walked out of the classroom to the principal’s office to report it. The teacher had left them alone that afternoon, as usual, to attend to another class. Joel was in the seventh grade when it happened. All the boys in the three upper grades were herded into the auditorium and lectured by the principal, asked questions about any other incidents like the one that had occurred. None of the boys mentioned the sex games everyone played under the trees near the football field. After this incident, there was a heightened interest in sex at the school. As usual, the teachers and the principal all thought they’d nipped the problem in the bud.
The events of that day stayed with Joel. He recalled precise details every time he saw Kenneth Stroud. If Joel feared anybody, it was someone like Kenneth. He was the kind of guy who didn’t fight fair. He didn’
t understand anything but brute strength. He enjoyed making girls scream and cry. Back then, he was the biggest bully in the whole school. And now he was playing with real guns, getting more dangerous by the day, and Joel thought one of these days he’d end up killing somebody.
CHAPTER 10
Crickets plopped on the sidewalk under the street lamps in front of the church. People were standing around again, but not nearly as many as on Sunday. Joel supposed these were the devout ones. Then he laughed, thinking of what his father had once said about James and Mildred, that Baptists like them had a lurking suspicion that someone, somewhere, was having fun. He laughed self-consciously, wondering if he was supposed to seem so happy, afraid he might lose control. He wanted to throw his arm over Tom’s shoulder or something, as they walked up to the rest of people.
Tom returned his grin. “What’s so funny, Joel?”
Joel whispered, “I’ll tell you later,” and he tried to put on a serious expression. The adults looked so constipated when they smiled at Tom, Joel thought. A few of them gripped Tom’s hands. “We were so happy having you back in the fold,” they said, implications left unstated.
But Tom didn’t seem to mind. “Thank you, Brother Leon. Thank you, Sister Thomason.” Thank you so-and-so.
“It’s truly comforting to know your father was there for you in your time of need, Brother Thomas,” a round, plump woman said breathlessly.
“Why, thank you, Mrs..?”
“Smith, dear! It’s such an easy name to remember.” She glittered and fluffed off.
Inside, the church was blinding in fluorescent light and the stained glass windows were opaque against the growing darkness outside. Joel followed Tom to one of the classrooms where teenagers were forming a circle of folding chairs. “We don’t have a sermon on Wednesday,” Tom explained.
Joel felt uncomfortable in the brightly painted classroom. Paul Romaine came in and took an empty chair next to Joel, then immediately leaned over him to talk to Tom. “Where have you been?” he whined. “I wanted to study tonight’s lesson with you!” Joel thought he sounded like the fat lady outside. He stretched his legs, then threw a foot over his thigh. Paul had to sit back.
Immediately, he felt Paul’s hand on the back of his chair while he talked to Tom over his shoulder. In his left ear Paul yammered like a whiny cat. Joel leaned back, deliberately squeezing Paul’s fingers against the chair; then, seeing Paul’s shocked expression, he said, “If you want to talk to Tom why not sit next to him?”
Paul’s eyes rolled heavenward, as if Joel’s comment was stupid. He leaned forward again. “Well?”
Tom grinned slightly. “Didn’t my father tell you?”
“I couldn’t ask him,” Paul whined. “No one was home when I came over last night.”
Tom told him about spending the week at Joel’s while his parents were on vacation.
Paul sneered. “Oh? You two are alone out there?”
“We’re big boys,” Joel said.
“Yeah. Kenneth Stroud and I saw you were at Joel’s, yesterday,” Paul said to Tom. “In the front yard—”
“Then you knew where I was,” Tom said. “Why did you act like you didn’t?”
Paul’s face went through a series of rapid changes that finally resolved itself into a sneer. “Your repentance surprised me.” He grinned slyly. “Kenneth said he saw you and Joel at that cowbarn dance. You were drunk, weren’t you?”
Tom released his breath through clenched teeth. “If Kenneth said so, then I musta been, huh?”
Paul’s face sharpened. “No wonder you repented!”
Joel noticed the little redhead from Sunday watching them from across the room. Unaware that he was being watched, his face was pinched with hatred. And no doubt he could understand Paul easily, since Paul meant for the whole room to hear. Then Pete saw Joel looking at him and moved across the room. He stood in front of them shyly. “Hi, Joel. Glad to see you made it.”
Joel nodded; then remembering the kid’s attempt to help him Sunday, said, “Could you show me where the restroom is?”
They walked out into the hallway and Joel whispered, “What’s this Paul up to?”
Pete shrugged. “I was trying to figure that out myself, man. He’s spreading rumors about you two.”
“You mean the dance?”
“Yeah.”
“What’s he saying?”
“That you and Tom were dancing together out at the old air base a couple a weeks ago, that you two got kicked out…when you started kissing.”
Joel couldn’t believe his ears. “When did all this start?”
“Oh, just tonight, man.”
“Thanks, Pete. We better go back.”
A young man, who Joel guessed was in his twenties, had taken control of the class. He was apparently chewing Paul out. “We can talk about this some other time. We’re supposed to be discussing our lesson. Brother Allen’s spiritual motivation for going forward Sunday is his business, Brother Romaine, not yours.” The teacher gazed around the class. “The act of repentance is not to display yourself, but to draw on the indwelling of the Holy Ghost that Christ tells us is present when we are gathered in His name, so.class, may we get started on our lesson?”
Joel felt out of place here, as he had in church a few days before. He shared a borrowed Bible with Tom. Their hands met beneath it. His discomfort continued, and his armpits were soaked by the time the class ended.
In the chapel, they sang hymns and closed with a prayer.
Afterwards, like a fly continually buzzing around spoiled meat, Paul followed them out and tried to pull Tom aside. But Tom kept moving toward Joel’s pickup and got in, finally having to push Paul away with the door. Paul leaned into the open window. “Well, what about the Young Men’s Fellowship tomorrow?”
“Forget me this time. I told you, Paul. I’m working at the Reeces’. I’d be too tired to come back in tomorrow.”
“But we were going to group pray! I’m going to lead the prayers!”
As he pulled into the street, Joel glanced over at Tom, who was smiling and looking relaxed. Joel knew that he had to let him know what was going on. He felt apprehensive, afraid that the last two days were the last of the old friendship. He had warned Tom, and here it was happening a lot sooner than he thought. “That little kid, Pete, says Paul is saying we got kicked out of that dance, says we were dancing together and kissing on the dance floor. I told you, man…” He trailed off, unsure, seeing Tom’s quick frown.
“He was?”
“Yeah. Kenneth Stroud was at the dance, too, so I bet that’s where Paul is getting that.”
“I guess I didn’t see Kenneth the other night,” Tom said. He slipped his arm around the back of the seat. His palm was warm and comfortable against Joel’s shirt. “You were right, Joel.” Tom squeezed Joel’s shoulder but seemed to be unaware that he was doing it. “Paul. That figures. Pete warned me about him the other day.” He shrugged, then laughed nervously. “Screw it! I’m sick of being such a…a wimp. As long as Father doesn’t find out, man, I don’t care. Let’s drag Main.”
Joel laughed, wanted to feel good about Tom’s new sense of determination, but it was too soon after seeing how hysterical he had been for Joel to feel as relaxed as he acted.
* * *
Tom was sitting on the far side of the pickup, with his arm out the window. His hair blew in the warm, night air. On the east end of town, Joel pulled off the road in the darkness and cut the engine.
Tom looked around. “Why’re you stopping here?”
“The graveyard? You know, see who’s in town, tonight.” They watched the steady stream of cars pass them on the highway and make u-turns in the road by the Luna Drive-in Theater.
“There go the Crawfords,” Joel said. He remembered Bill’s cold behavior and Nicky’s warning to get a girlfriend. Tom pointed out Mike St. Germaine’s new Corvair as it followed close behind, followed by several Oldsmobiles, Pontiacs, and the Bensons’ Cadillac. For just a second,
Joel’s heart pounded a little faster when the Cadillac u-turned and headed back their way. Melissa Benson’s silver-blonde hair billowed out of the driver’s-side window; one dainty wrist was draped over the top of the steering wheel, guiding the car over the smooth roadway. She was staring straight ahead and, as though she had seen Joel’s pickup parked under the evergreen trees in the dark, she gunned the engine and the Cadillac almost skidded, leaving only the glow of its taillights. He sighed with relief. “There went my old girlfriend.”
“Melissa Benson—I know,” Tom said flatly. “When I first moved here, I went out with her sister. She pointed you out to me one time.
That’s how I knew your name. Did you know she had a crush on you—Debbie, that is?”
“Melissa’s older sister had a crush on me?” Joel asked, laughing. It felt funny even talking about it.
“Yeah. She didn’t know I was just as anxious around you as she was!” Tom ducked his head, embarrassed that he’d been so blunt.
“C’mon, Tom. Don’t. We’re doing okay. Let’s just enjoy ourselves. We won’t talk about anything that gets you down.”
But Tom laughed. “No. I’m fine. I just surprise myself sometimes. I told you I know what I want. And I did have a crush on you!”
From the west another flock of cars was coming up the street, their headlights playing through the cab of the pickup. In the flickering light, Tom’s face was streaked in shadows that moved from his chest and up his neck across his dark eyes. They blinked in the sudden flashes. Joel saw that he was still bothered despite what he had said. “I want you too, Tom,” he said, softly.
“Joel!”
Tom jerked up in the seat and looked past him. “Who said that?”
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