by Chris Norton
But the results were disappointing.
Every conversation sputtered and died after exchanging a few messages. My “matches” and I never even shared phone numbers, much less actually met. I decided the whole thing was a waste of time. I still checked the dating app from time to time when I was bored, and I messaged matches here and there, but overall, I was discouraged.
A few months later, I happened to see the profile of a girl named Emily Summers. She was absolutely beautiful. But I didn’t let myself get too excited since every other so-called match had ended poorly. Even though I knew nothing was going to happen, I decided to go ahead and send her a halfhearted, “Hey, what’s up?” message. Who knows? Maybe she’ll respond, I thought, then went back to hanging out with my friends.
I was halfway through my morning the next day when I finally got around to checking the app to see if she had replied. She had, but with a noncommittal, “What are you doing?” Oh, that was quick, I thought. I replied with something about getting ready for the day, then hit send. Like I said, I had no faith in this app and zero expectations that these casual texts might develop into an actual conversation.
We exchanged a few more small-talk messages, nothing memorable, until I mentioned my foundation. I was getting ready for an event, which is why I brought it up. I didn’t think much of it until Emily asked why I started the foundation. I told her I had a neck injury. I kept my answers short. I figured if she really wanted to know more, she could Google me.
And that’s exactly what she did.
My first sign of hope came when Emily told me she was passionate about helping people too. I could tell she wasn’t just saying this, because her passion radiated from her enthusiastic messages. Now my interest was piqued. She didn’t sound like any other girl I’d talked to.
She sent me a message asking about my foundation and my story. She said lots of nice things about me, but that’s what everyone does. Since my accident, multiple girls had seemed interested in me, but I came to find out most found me inspiring but had no interest in me romantically. I figured this was just more of the same.
Then she asked me something that caught me off guard: “How’s your recovery going, if you don’t mind me asking?”
Believe it or not, no one outside of my closest friends and family ever asked me anything like that. Most people are too scared to broach the subject. They don’t know what language to use or how to be sensitive, so more often than not, I found they simply steered clear altogether. I don’t know if people think I’ll be embarrassed or hurt if they draw attention to my injury, but it’s usually a taboo subject.
Not for Emily.
She straight-up asked the question, and I was glad. I appreciated that she wanted to know. I told her I’d been doing some walking with help from equipment. I even shared my goal of walking across the stage for graduation, something that drove me more than I let on to most people.
She asked about my accident and how I got through it. Her question took our conversation to a whole new level. I tried not to let the conversation be all about me. I asked her questions too and genuinely cared about what she said. But she kept coming back to my situation. Then she asked me something no girl had ever asked me before. “I’m just wondering,” Emily wrote, “do you think everything happens for a reason?”
Whoa, I thought. In the months I’d used this app, I’d only had surface-level conversations. I figured that’s what the app was for until Emily and I started talking. I would have been scared to ask a stranger such a personal question. Emily just went right for it after only talking for a few hours. To me, her questions revealed Emily as a selfless girl who was actually interested in me and who I was. I felt more drawn to her with every message she sent and every question she asked. There is something comforting about addressing an insecurity.
Emily and I continued messaging back and forth through the dating app, but I wanted more. After a few days of talking, I took a deep breath and put myself out there. “Well hey, this app really drains my phone’s battery. If you want to talk more, text me!”
And I gave her my number.
I worried that it was too soon or that I would never hear from her again. Relief flooded over me when my phone vibrated with a text from a number I didn’t recognize. “This is Emily!” it said.
A week later I knew I had to meet this girl. At first I’d messaged her because I thought she was beautiful. Now I knew she was even more beautiful on the inside. Her heart and her passion made her irresistible. She seemed like the real deal, like the kind of girl I’d always hoped to find. I hoped this could lead to something serious.
I didn’t want to seem overeager, so I decided to delay my messages instead of responding instantly. In my mind, girls want you more when you play it cool. I also wanted her to know I had a life and had things going on other than staring at my phone all day. Maybe that explains why I was still single. I didn’t know much about girls or how to be romantic.
“What are you up to this weekend?” I asked her, trying not to sound as desperate to know as I actually was.
“I’m moving back into school!” she said. “I can’t wait to get back, but it’s going to be so hot. I’m not looking forward to carrying all my stuff up and down all those stairs!”
She’s moving in at Iowa State, my mind raced. I have friends who go there. Surely I can come up with a reason to be there too, so we can finally meet. Suddenly, I came up with a brilliant idea. I shot a text to my friend at Iowa State, and within a few minutes, I had made plans to visit him and convinced a friend to drive me the three hours to get there.
I texted Emily. “No way, I’m visiting my high school friend at Iowa State this weekend too!” Yep, total coincidence. “I’d love to meet up with you.”
I felt nauseated as I waited for her to respond. Why did I do that? I thought. This was a huge mistake. She’s going to be totally freaked out by my pushing to meet so soon and never talk to me again. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
When I saw her response, it was all I could do not to shout, “Yes!” She said she’d love to see me! Not only had I not scared her off, we were going to meet face-to-face.
We didn’t make solid plans, but I thought I would see her that Friday night or Saturday. However, she was still moving into her apartment that Friday night and couldn’t come. The following day when I asked her to come to my friend’s house, she said she wasn’t comfortable going to someone’s house she didn’t know when she didn’t have a friend who could come with her. Looking back, I completely understand. But that day I was consumed with worry. Here I thought we’d made plans when really she was just being nice. Now that it was time to actually meet, she was going to find every excuse in the book to back out. Don’t get your hopes up. It’s not going to work out, I told myself.
But then again . . . maybe she wasn’t making excuses. I just needed to come up with a better plan on where to meet.
Then I read her next text. “Where does your friend live?” she said. “I could pick you up and we could grab something to eat.”
At first I laughed. Not only would my chair not fit in her car, but she also had no idea of all it took to get me in and out of vehicles. Then a knot formed in my stomach. She really didn’t know what she was getting herself into by meeting me. I’d never tried to hide my condition, but I hadn’t made it super obvious in my app profile either. Maybe she thinks I’m pretty much recovered, I thought. She doesn’t understand that I can hardly move my arms, let alone my legs. She has no concept of how much help I need to get around. When she sees me, she’s going to be out the door. Since having her pick me up was not an option, I scrambled to come up with something better.
“Tell her to meet you in at Campustown Square,” my friend said. “There are always a ton of people there. Tell her you’ll bring your friends too so she’s not alone with you. We can go to Superdog. I’m up for a hot dog anyway.”
Yes. Perfect. I threw out the suggestion to her and was relieved when she agreed.
/>
I realized it was too late to back out now. If my condition scared her off, then this relationship was never meant to be. We agreed to meet at Superdog, and I was a nervous wreck. I wanted everything to be perfect. Then an hour before I was supposed to meet her, we were at the Campustown student apartments when a friend’s hand slipped as he held up my cup for me to take a drink. Pop spilled all over my shirt, leaving not just a huge wet mark but also a distinct smell.
“I am so sorry, man,” my friend said.
“No, it’s my fault.” I was so mad at myself. “This is going to be so embarrassing. I don’t think she’s going to be interested anyway. And now I’m a mess.”
“Come on, it’ll dry,” he said. “Let’s go outside and wait. It’s going to be fine.”
I hoped he was right. When he and another friend went with me to Superdog, I told them to sit on a bench close by so if I got shot down, I could get out of there quickly.
Then I waited.
And waited.
I checked my phone constantly, wondering if she was really going to show up. I squinted into the distance, trying to make her appear.
Then I saw her walking across the street, coming straight toward me. Immediately, my heart pounded. My jaw dropped. She was even more beautiful in person than I had anticipated. I’d seen her profile picture and photos on Facebook, but her smile, her eyes, everything was even more striking in person. Seeing a woman this gorgeous walking toward me gave me butterflies.
“Hey!” Emily greeted me. I wasn’t sure what I should do, but a handshake didn’t seem quite right. I took a risk and lifted my arms for a hug. Luckily, she reciprocated. Her long brown hair tickled my neck as she leaned in.
“It’s so nice to meet you,” I said, meaning it way more than she knew.
“Wow, I can’t believe it’s really you!” she said. Her smile was downright electric. I had to take a deep breath to collect myself enough to form whole sentences.
“So, are you all moved in?” I asked, which started the small talk of catching up. The whole time, her eyes never darted to my hands or legs. If she looked at the chair, I didn’t notice. She was looking me right in the eyes, like there was nothing wrong with me. I was blown away.
After hanging out at Superdog for a while, I finally felt confident enough to ask her to come to my friend’s house to hang out.
“Yeah, that sounds great,” she said.
While I was relieved, I wondered if she could possibly keep seeing me and not my wheelchair. As the night went on, I braced myself for her to make up a reason to leave early. But she came to my friend’s house. She met my friends. She was a natural conversationalist with everyone she met and had an incredible energy.
When my friend suggested a card game, Emily jumped in and challenged me. “You might not know this, but I am a good card player,” she bragged.
“Oh, really?” I laughed. “You’re setting the bar pretty high there.”
“I’m pretty confident you won’t be disappointed.” She winked. “I am a very competitive person. I hate losing.”
I couldn’t believe how well this was going. I kept waiting for her to be scared off or for something embarrassing to happen. I had told my friends to stay nearby to stave off disaster. One fun fact about being paralyzed from the shoulders down is that I have to use a urinary leg bag, which basically means I am attached to a portable toilet at all times. To make life even more interesting, I was not strong enough to empty it myself. Someone else had to do it for me. I needed a friend with me in case I needed my leg bag emptied that night. Not only that, my upper body was still super weak. I had wanted my friend there to push me so I didn’t look helpless or make her feel like she had to help me. I even had him suggest a simple game in which you guess if someone’s card is higher or lower, so I never had to worry about holding a single card.
But aside from me knocking over a drink, the night went smoothly. I couldn’t believe the two of us were actually hanging out. I was floating on cloud nine. Emily was way out of my league. She was so beautiful, with such a huge heart. She was way too good for me. Yet she wasn’t running. She wasn’t staring at my chair. And she seemed genuinely interested in me.
When we hugged goodbye, I knew it wouldn’t be the last time. I had a feeling that this night was a great start to something special.
Looking back, I now know I had a lot to learn. It didn’t even occur to me to suggest that I accompany her to her car or at least text her and ask if she made it home safely. I hadn’t yet learned how to think of another person’s needs before my own. Thankfully, Emily looked past my thoughtlessness. I didn’t know how to be in a relationship, but I would soon find out.
7
Falling for Each Other
EMILY
After meeting face-to-face for the first time, I could feel myself falling for Chris. But I also had some reservations that had nothing to do with him. When I first told my parents about Chris, before the meeting at Campustown, my dad had warned me that there are a lot of crazy people out there and that I should be extra cautious of someone I met online. He also told me to make it clear to Chris that I just wanted to be friends. I told my dad I would, but after meeting Chris, I knew I wanted more. That made me feel guilty because I had specifically told my ex when I broke up with him that I was not interested in dating anyone else. How would it look to everyone if I jumped right into a relationship with another guy?
A few days after our first meeting, Chris invited me to visit him, this time to go to a high school football game where they were honoring his foundation in Des Moines. Des Moines is only about thirty minutes from Ames, which made this a very low commitment-level meeting. The football game itself turned out to be huge. Over ten thousand people were there. At halftime Chris wheeled out to the middle of the field to share his story and to raise money for his foundation. He wanted me to hang out on the sidelines with him during the game. While I really wanted to see him again, I hesitated when he told me that his parents would be there. Meeting the parents is a big step. I sidestepped it by asking if my sister, Marisa, and her boyfriend, Brooks, could come along. I don’t know why, but I thought if I brought other people with me, then I’d appear to be nothing more than a friend rather than a potential girlfriend. My sister and her boyfriend were coming up from Muscatine to visit me anyway. It didn’t take much to convince them to come with me.
CHRIS
It was still light out that warm Friday night when Emily and her guests walked over to me in the stadium end zone. I introduced my parents to “my friend Emily.” I braced myself and waited for my parents to say something embarrassing, but to my surprise, they kept their cool. Not once did they mention how much I’d talked about this amazing girl. Emily was true to form and was as engaging, articulate, and polite as always. She was all the things you want a girl to be when introducing her to your parents.
For my parents, meeting Emily was a huge deal. I’d never introduced them to a girl since my injury. They’d never said anything to me, but I knew they were worried I’d never find someone. That’s why I was eager to tell them I was talking to this wonderful girl, albeit via text. They reacted like I knew they would. The two of them tried to contain their excitement, but they weren’t too good at it. I didn’t mind. Now that they’d finally gotten to meet this mystery woman, their excitement hit a new level.
Mine did too, although I tried to keep it under control. I kept looking for red flags that might mean Emily didn’t want to be anything more than friends. Instead, I saw good signs—a flirty laugh here, a hand on my shoulder there. I didn’t want to read too much into anything, but I could tell she was into me. At least I hoped she was.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t trying to impress Emily that night. There we were at a major high school football game, holding a fundraiser for a nonprofit I started, and I was being recognized on the field in front of thousands of people. That’s got to look pretty good, right?
After the game, Emily and I went back to my
parents’ house in Altoona, about half an hour away, along with the rest of my family and our friends. We played board games and chatted until everyone decided they wanted ice cream. I didn’t really want to go because it’s clumsy and difficult for me to get loaded in and out of a vehicle.
“I’m going to stay here,” I said. “Could you pick up some ice cream for me?” This didn’t surprise my family, so they all stood up to leave.
Emily looked around and moved toward me. “I’ll stay here too. I don’t mind.”
This was definitely a good sign.
EMILY
After Chris’s family left to get ice cream, we were alone for the first time. I sat down on the love seat in their living room, across from Chris in his chair. “Are you sure you don’t want to go?” he asked me. “You said you loved ice cream.”
I laughed nervously. “I’d rather be here,” I said. Then I did something I had never done with a guy. Instead of waiting for Chris to hold my hand for the first time, I reached over and took hold of his. I didn’t know what was going to happen next, but I knew what I hoped he’d do.
Chris and I sat there like that for a moment, looking at each other, not really saying anything. Then he asked what I’d hoped he’d ask. “Can I have a kiss?” he said. I didn’t answer. Instead, I leaned over to him, and we shared our first kiss.
His family soon returned. A little while later, his dad transferred Chris from his chair to the couch, next to me, where the two of us could watch a movie together. Once Chris was situated, his dad left the room. I was glad. I wanted to be alone with him. At first I sat a little ways apart from Chris, but I soon scooted close to him. Normally, he should have made the move over to me, but Chris couldn’t move his body that way. I knew he wouldn’t mind if I made the move instead.
We’d been watching the movie for a while when my phone buzzed. I answered the text and didn’t think anything of it. But I noticed a change in the way Chris was acting, as though he was suddenly all nervous or something. I could not imagine why. Finally, he asked, “Oh, who is that on your phone?”