by Sharon Green
Tandro didn't look as pleased as Jake had expected him to, but instead of commenting the native led the way back to his own bedroom. Inside they found the girl still lying on the pallet with her eyes open, and the way Tain moved close to crouch down next to Ennie showed Jake how reluctant Tain was. But the way Tain smoothed the younger woman's hair showed she also felt compassion, so Jake made no effort to walk closer himself. The two were speaking softly enough so that they had a small measure of privacy, and intruding on that privacy would probably be a bad idea.
A number of minutes went by, mostly filled with Tain saying something and Ennie listening, but to Jake's eye Ennie wasn't also believing. The girl hadn't even sat up again, so when she closed her eyes and didn't respond again Jake wasn't surprised. Tain kept at it another minute or so, but finally she straightened and came back to where Jake and Tandro stood waiting.
"It's no use," Tain said in a soft voice, defeat clear in her tone and expression. "Ennie's spent all her life trying to find someone who would really care about her, and now she doesn't want to try any longer. She's given up on everything, including worrying about what will happen to her. She's completely empty inside."
"And if she continues like that she'll die," Tandro said angrily as Jake gave in to the urge to put a hand to Tain's arm in shared compassion. "Well, I won't let her die, not now and not ever. If she's all that empty inside then what she needs is something to fill her up."
Jake didn't know what Tandro was talking about, but it wasn't long before he and Tain both found out. Tandro went to his saddlebags and got something that Jake couldn't make out, then the native went over to Ennie's pallet. It took only a moment for the man to pull Ennie to her feet by one arm, and then they went to the room's plain chair. Tandro sat in the chair and pulled Ennie across his knees almost in a single motion, then he used both hands to part the girl's nether cheeks. It wasn't hard to see that Tandro was putting an insertion in Ennie, but even that didn't elicit any reaction from the girl.
"Lack of enthusiasm isn't acceptable in a slave," Tandro said, and then his hand came down hard on Ennie's behind. "You're going to show me some life, girl, or else you're going to be very unhappy. Tell me you're sorry for the way you've been acting, and that you want to apologize to me in the most pleasant way."
Tandro had been spanking the girl while he spoke, and her backside had started to go pink before he was through talking. The way Ennie moved looked completely involuntary, and when she spoke Jake wanted to close his eyes in pain.
"Sure, anything you like," she said in the same dead voice even while she partially squirmed. "I'm sorry for the way I've been acting, and I want to apologize in the most pleasant way."
Tandro had paused to hear what she would say, but instead of looking as appalled as Jake felt, the native looked angry.
"That's not good enough, and isn't at all what I want!" Tandro snapped, starting to spank the girl again. "You will do things my way, otherwise you won't sit down for a very long time! Tell me what I want to hear, and do it in the right way!"
When Ennie began to drone out the same words all over again, not even really reacting to the spanking, Jake realized he'd had all he could stand. He touched Tain's arm and gestured for her to follow him, then he led the way out into the common area.
"Tandro is trying to get through to her in the only way he knows how, and all I can do is hope he succeeds," Jake said to Tain once he'd closed the door behind them. "What did she say when you spoke to her?"
"Nothing, really," Tain said with a shake of her head, not quite looking at him. "She thought you'd ordered me to talk to her, refusing to believe I was there on my own even when I corrected her. She said she knew how I really felt about her and didn't blame me for feeling like that, so I didn't have to bother pretending. Then she closed down again into that - that - "
"State of existing," Jake finished when Tain didn't, glancing to the door he'd closed. "How do you get through to someone who doesn't care if she lives or dies? All I can do is hope that Tandro's method works. If it doesn't…"
Jake let his words trail off, expecting Tain to finish his sentence this time, but she didn't. She just stood staring at something he couldn't see, which meant it was time for their conversation. He touched her arm again to get her attention, and when he had it he led her back into their bedroom. Once the door was closed they had complete privacy, but Tain didn't seem in the least interested.
"I … can't help seeing a parallel between you and the girl right now," Jake said after a moment of nothing but silence coming from Tain. "I hadn't realized that what I did would hurt you so deeply, and I want to apologize. Never at any time did I mean to actually hurt you."
"If you're afraid that I'll go into moving catatonia like Ennie, don't waste the time," Tain said, but she still made no effort to look directly at him. "What you really did was make me understand thoroughly how I ought to be acting, and that's the way I will be acting from now on."
And with that she went to the pallet and sat down cross-legged, then stared at the floor in front of her folded legs. But she sat with rounded shoulders and head bent, the picture of complete and total lack of challenge. Just the way a good slave was expected to sit…
"Tain, please," Jake said, almost in desperation as he followed her to the pallet and crouched down. "We're completely alone now, so you don't have to act like that. And I want to talk about what you told me. If you felt that great an attraction for me that you couldn't bring yourself to talk about it, one stupid move on my part couldn't have killed the attraction entirely. Please tell me there's still something left and that we can start over again but this time in the right way."
"I have no interest in starting anything at all with you," she said, and there wasn't even a hesitation that Jake could think of as encouraging. "I didn't want to talk about the attraction because it embarrassed me, not because it was the beginning of eternal love. You can't feel more than physical attraction when you don't know someone, not unless you're a fool who likes to lie to herself. You have to get to know what that person is really like before you can feel more - or maybe not even feel what you did at first."
Jake straightened out of his crouch and walked to the windows, looking at the still-pouring rain but not really seeing it. When he first saw Tain Halliday he'd been nothing but surface-attracted, all right, but that shallow kind of attraction hadn't lasted very long. The more he learned about the woman, the more he saw her, the more he felt that he'd found the mate he'd been searching for so long.
And then I got the chance to actually be with her, so what did I do? I let myself be lured into treating her like the slave she was supposed to be. It was intoxicating having that much power over a woman, more fun than just working with her. Fun. I hope you enjoyed yourself, Jerk, because that's the only enjoyment you'll ever have with her.
If Jake's thoughts hadn't been so bleak he would have considered them bitter, but bitter was too mild a word to describe his feelings. He'd fallen all the way to self-hatred, and there was nothing he could do to salvage the situation. Tain wasn't challenging him in any way any longer, which had to mean her original interest really was dead. Whatever he did to her didn't matter because he didn't matter.
There was no way for Jake to know how long he stood in front of the window, but it was certainly long enough for depression to get a good hold on him. His mood was as dark and dreary as the day beyond the windows, but he was partially distracted when a knock came at the door.
"Come in," he invited, hoping it was Tandro with some good news, but instead it was that same slave bringing in his lunch. Her grin was still as saucy as it had been the other times, but the girl lost some of her amusement when she glanced at Tain. Seeing Tain being paddled or used had actually increased the slave's amusement, but a single glance seemed to show the girl what Tain was now feeling.
"Your lunch, master," the girl said as she hurried to the table. "Would you like to have me serve you?"
"I have my own s
lave to do any serving I might want," Jake said, fighting not to let the depression color his words. "You can go back where you belong now."
"Yes, master, thank you," the girl said, and then she was hurrying out of the room and closing the door behind herself. She seemed to know almost at once that Jake was no longer in a lighthearted mood, and obviously didn't want to be around if he turned mean. But Jake had gotten an idea, and as soon as the slave was gone he put the idea to use.
"Come and serve me, Kitten," he said as he moved to the table and then sat. He was pretending not to look at anything but the food on the tray, in reality watching Tain closely while he hoped for some sign of anger in her. Anger would have meant there was something left of her feelings for him after all, but all she did was get to her feet at once showing no expression at all. The next moment she was beside him and obeying the order she'd been given, again making Jake want to close his eyes in pain.
"No, wait a minute," Jake said instead of closing his eyes, talking about the way Tain had taken the bowl of cereal and a wooden spoon after putting his own food in front of him. "Since I made my point about the way you're supposed to act, there's no need to carry the act too far. I'm not all that hungry, so take as much of the food as you like."
"Thank you, but I have the only food I want," Tain answered as she knelt beside his chair with the cereal and spoon. Jake expected some kind of dig to show she was playing the martyr by not accepting real food, but all Tain did was start to eat the cereal. Jake knew then that he was in real trouble, the kind of trouble he had no idea how to get out of. He sat and watched Tain eating her cereal for a moment, then got up and went back to the window. If he'd had only a faint appetite before, now he had none at all.
Another stretch of silence went by, during which time Tain finished her cereal, put the bowl and spoon back, then returned to the pallet. Jake could hear her moving around, then the silence returned. He wondered how much of the cereal she'd actually eaten, but didn't leave the window to go and look. Depression had him by the throat again, and only another knock at the door was able to free him part way. He expected it to be the slave coming back for the tray, but this time it was Tandro knocking.
"Captain Sovri has some news for us, my friend," Tandro said at once. "He says the idea you gave him worked, but he didn't go into details about the idea."
Jake raised his brows as he moved quickly toward Tandro, and sure enough the captain was in the common area looking really pleased.
"I suggested to the captain that he use the slave drug on those assassins and then order them to talk," Jake told Tandro as the two of them walked toward Sovri. "If it worked, he should have found out who sent all those assassins after us."
"That's exactly what I did find out," Sovri confirmed with a grin, then the man's amusement dimmed. "The one who hired the assassins is a well-known slaver named Himlin, but when I took some of my men and went to arrest the man we found him gone from his house. Do you have any idea why Himlin would want you dead?"
"Since we've never heard of him, I suppose you'll just have to ask him when you find him," Jake said after exchanging a carefully puzzled glance with Tandro. "Were you given any clue as to where the man went?"
"We were told that Himlin is away on business the way he often is, but I'm not too sure that's the truth," Sovri answered, apparently satisfied with Jake's reply. "The slaver could be hiding from us to avoid arrest, but he'll have to come back at some time."
"Maybe he's waiting until my friend and I are gone from the area," Jake suggested, not in the least happy with the fact that their enemy was still at large. "If we're not here to accuse him, he ought to be able to get away with what he did."
"No, you'd have to withdraw your complaint entirely for that to happen," Sovri denied with a brief shake of his head. "Withdrawing your complaint would even negate what we learned from the assassins, so don't let anyone try to tell you that the complaint isn't necessary. When your business here is finished and you leave, we'll still be able to take care of your enemy."
"That's good to know," Jake said as Tandro agreed. "Thank you for telling us who our enemy is, Captain. We appreciate it more than we can say."
The captain shrugged off their thanks as Jake and Tandro took turns shaking hands with him, and then the captain left their suite. Jake waited a moment to be sure Sovri was gone, and then he turned to Tandro.
"So our enemy is a big-time slaver," Jake said sourly. "What a shocking surprise."
"Yeah, for me as well," Tandro agreed. "So what do we do now?"
"We have our meeting with Gordi and then go home," Jake said, adding a shrug. "In the meantime we keep our eyes open and try to stay alive… How did things work out with your slave?"
"I wish you hadn't asked that," Tandro said with a sigh, his expression turning instantly bleak. "I was sure I could get through to the girl in the same way that worked with her before, but she didn't even come alive after she began to cry. When lunch was brought I tried to get her to eat some of it without making it an order, but that didn't work either. I ended up having to order her to eat after all, but I don't know how much good the food will do her. It wasn't long before I had to tell her to stop eating to keep her from throwing up again."
"Well, tomorrow we go to see Gordi even if it hasn't stopped raining," Jake stated, making the decision without hesitation. "We need to get those girls back home as soon as possible, and leaving right after our meeting is over will give us enough daylight to travel in for a good distance before we have to camp."
"There's a problem with your slave too, isn't there?" Tandro said, obviously not really guessing. "She looked almost as bad as mine when I went to your door, but with Sovri here I didn't want to say anything. What are we going to do?"
"We're going to have that meeting with Gordi and then we're going to get the girls home," Jake said, feeling even more tired than he had. "Once we're home we'll have a lot more options than we have here."
"I hope you're right," Tandro said, then he turned away and went back to his bedroom. Jake stood where he was until Tandro's door was closed, then he chose a chair and sat down. He had no desire to go back into his own bedroom and face that silence again, not when he could face the easier silence of the common area. Later he'd go back into the bedroom, definitely later…
The slave came for the lunch trays a short while after Jake made that decision, and his wasn't the only food that had gone almost untouched. The slave made no comment about that, of course, but she did hurry out of the suite when Tandro came out of his bedroom right behind her. The native sat down not far from Jake, but didn't seem to have anything else to say. The two of them shared the silence, but that didn't make the time any easier for Jake.
Supper was a replay of lunch, a replay Jake didn't enjoy any more than the first time. Tain politely refused to touch anything but that cereal, an action that turned the tasty food tasteless for Jake. But he ate it anyway, knowing that he had to keep his strength up. Tomorrow they would be leaving that town, and not long after that they would be back where they belonged. Maybe then…
After the meal Jake put the tray of empty dishes out in the hall, then went back to his bedroom for some sleep. But first he called Tain to him and ran his hands over her beautifully naked body, looking for the least sign of a positive reaction from her. It had come to him that she might be lying about having no more interest in him, and if so then her body would tell him the truth.
And her body did tell him the truth but one he hadn't wanted to know. His caresses brought not the least amount of arousal to her, not even what would probably have come from a brush with a stranger in a crowd. Seeing that killed his own interest, and after sending Tain to her pallet he turned the lamps down and tried to sleep. It took quite some time but eventually he managed the feat.
* * *
Tain opened her eyes to the beginnings of a new day, one that no longer had pouring rain. The pallet hadn't been the easiest thing to fall asleep on, but she'd learned to sle
ep when necessary even if it was bare ground she had to sleep on. And she'd also learned how to control her own body when she had to, a trick that had quite a bit to do with self-hypnosis…
Odd how Killen doesn't seem to know about that trick, she thought, studying the man where he still lay asleep in the bed. I thought all agents were taught the same, but maybe not. It's possible my not using the trick sooner confused him, and that's perfectly all right. The longer he stays confused, the less trouble he's likely to give me.
Closing her eyes again let Tain see a replay of what had gone on between her and Killen the day before, memories that weren't on her list of favorites. When the man had come back after she'd gotten over the shock he'd handed her in relation to that slave persona, she'd told him what had then been the absolute truth. At that moment, the idea of never seeing the man again had been her brightest hope.
But then she'd seen his distress and disappointment, two reactions that were ludicrous considering what he'd done to her. He'd been a fool and a louse, but he didn't have to be told that by anyone else. He knew it for a fact all by himself, and although he obviously regretted what he'd done he only made one attempt to apologize. After that he simply accepted the guilt and tried to live with the consequences of his actions.
Which had forced her to change her mind about him again almost immediately. Anyone can do something stupid, a truism that didn't exclude her, but regretting that stupidity and clearly deciding not to repeat it was more than a step in the right direction. In Tain's opinion it made the person doing the deciding extremely attractive, a living lure to make her want to find out what else the man was all about.
But that was something Tain still couldn't allow herself to indulge in. She didn't want a relationship with Killen no matter how attractive she found him, so she knew at once that something had to be done. Putting herself into unresponsive slave mode turned out to be the answer, and no matter how much she hated acting like that she wasn't about to let herself stray from the role again. She'd had one taste of what stupidity on her part could bring her, and she wasn't about to court insanity by risking being put into that other persona again.