by Sharon Green
"I think you know that we're supposed to bring you back home, Coleson," Killen was saying to the man who had started to blubber like a child. "That's what I intended to do when I caught up with you, but what you said a few minutes ago made me change my mind. Now I think I'll turn you over to the authorities here on Oliven after feeding you some of that drug you like so well. They'll put you to hard labor for a few years, and when they finally turn you loose then I'll take you back home for trial. Yes, I think I like the way that sounds."
Coleson screamed and began to beg Killen not to leave him among savages, but Killen just stood and grinned down at the man. Tain didn't know if Killen was serious about what he'd said, but it didn't make much difference to her. It would be nice to think of Coleson slaving away on Oliven while under the influence of the drug he'd meant to spread around on unsuspecting worlds, but Coleson's final disposition meant very little to Tain next to her own problems. She found which of the stunners was hers, then went looking for her clothes.
Tain was already wearing her shorts, midriff tank top, and shoes by the time Killen found her. She'd also located where Coleson had put the bikes, so she was nearly ready to leave. All she needed was a few words with Killen, and his appearance gave her the opportunity to say the words.
"Tain, it's time we had a talk," Killen said when he stopped a few feet away from her, no more bothered by his nudity than she'd been bothered by her own. "I've been doing some thinking during this trip, and we both need to know where we stand."
"That's one question I've already answered," Tain replied, forcing herself to look directly at him. "I'll be standing alone, or at least without you. And I think we'll start off by telling you that you'll continue to refuse to wear clothes for the rest of the day. You'll also do … foolish things to make Matt and Riss laugh at you, and you'll do those things for two or three days. Only after that will you be free to even consider leaving this world, and once you do you'll never come near me again. Oh, yes, and you'll refuse to take the antidote when it's offered to you. You can go back to the others now."
Killen had gotten that glazed look people under the influence of the drug sometimes got when they were being given orders, and then he obediently turned and left again. Tain hurriedly got her gear together, moved her bike out of the barnlike building Coleson had put it in, then she checked her position before heading back to the department's base. They were on an abandoned farm not far from the place where they'd been taken prisoner, so getting back to the base was not likely to take very long.
But depression has a way of making any undertaking long and oppressive. As Tain rode she spent most of the time hating herself even more than Killen would end up hating her. For some unknown reason she longed to be in Killen's arms, longed to spend the rest of her life with him, but the fear she'd felt before had now turned into near panic at those thoughts. She couldn't face the idea of being with the man, so she'd arranged things to make certain it would never happen.
When she got back to base she had herself taken to a liner stop, and after that it wasn't long before she was home. She spent most of the trip sunk into a dark hole of forced non-thought, and walking into her apartment came as something of a relief. The first thing she meant to do was get blind, stinking drunk, a state it would not be hard to maintain for quite some time. But she'd need privacy for that undertaking, a privacy that no one would want to intrude on. For that reason she went toward her phone to call and quit her job, but found the message light blinking. Reflex made her press the button to get the message, and then she felt so stunned she could do nothing but stand and stare.
"Greetings, Tain, this is Rachel Masterson," the message began. "It's my delightful duty to tell you that the Board has named you Coleson's replacement, and they'd like you to get started as soon as possible. Call me when you get back and we'll get things rolling. Bye."
Tain stared at the phone, finding it impossible to believe what she'd heard, and then the confusion grew even worse.
"Congratulations, love, I'm really happy for you," a voice said from behind her, a voice she couldn't possibly be hearing for real. "Now we'll have two things to celebrate."
Tain wanted to whirl around, but only found it possible to turn very slowly. The voice she had to be mistaken about belonged to a man who couldn't possibly be standing here in her apartment, but that didn't stop Tain from seeing him. It was Killen, of course, even if it couldn't be…
"It was nice of you to take a liner instead of our ship, especially since having the ship let me get home ahead of you," Killen said as she stared at him without being able to say a word. "And you must be wondering how I avoided taking your orders, but that part is just as easily explained. I didn't have to wait for someone to give me the antidote to the drug because I already had it inside me, lying dormant and ready to go to work. All I had to do was clear my throat, and that keyed it into my bloodstream."
Tain could feel that her mouth had dropped open, but she still couldn't find any words.
"Now you must be wondering why you and Riss weren't given the same protection that Matt and I had," Killen continued, acting as if she'd laughed in delight or made some kind of amused comment. "The answer to that one is that I didn't know you and Riss were already protected in some way and I needed to talk to you without you being able to walk away or simply ignore me. And I also didn't want Riss able to interfere again the way she did during the trip out. Yes, I noticed what she was doing, and came to the conclusion that you'd told her some kind of story about me. Trying to counter the story would have been a waste of time."
"As much of a waste of time as your being here?" Tain found herself saying while most of her mind still clanged with shock. "I thought I made it clear that I never wanted to see you again."
"No, you made it clear that you thought you had to say you never wanted to see me again," Killen corrected, his voice still as mild as it had been all along. "Since we blend and mesh as if we were born to be soulmates, it took me a long time to figure out why you would act that way. I finally realized that your fear was the key, and then I understood your fear."
Tain turned away without speaking again, the sight of Killen more painful than any wound she'd ever gotten. He claimed to understand what was going on, but that couldn't possibly be true when she still didn't have a clue about the reason…
"You realized that the more involved we became, the more I'd hate the thought of you being in danger or getting hurt," Killen said, his tone now remorseless. "But you love your job and can't imagine living your life without doing it, even though the day would probably have come that I asked you to give up that job. You knew you would love me as much as I love you, and you wouldn't have been able to refuse me. But once you quit we'd start to argue about every little thing because you were so unhappy, and the love we had would sour and disappear."
And then I'd have nothing left at all, Tain thought, amazed that Killen was absolutely right. I've been trying to keep at least one of the things I love, trying to save something to make me want to continue living. But a life without Killen was already starting to turn gray…
"Obviously I'm the one who's been wasting time," Tain said, still staring at the wall she'd turned toward. "'Can't live with him, can't live without him,' as the old saying goes, and they'll never know how right they were. I don't have a prayer of making this work out in any decent way at all, so I think I'll just give up. Thanks for helping me see the truth, and now you can leave."
"Tain, listen to me," Killen said, and suddenly his hand pulled her around to look at him. "I couldn't see any way out of the trap either - until I got back here. Don't you see? All our problems have now been solved. The head of a department is always too busy to send herself out on assignment, and that's what you'll be. I know you heard Rachel's message, and it wasn't a joke. That's why Rachel was so amused when I asked if she would have the job. She knew who would really be appointed, and was probably wondering if I could work for the woman I'd been chasing so long and hard
."
"That's a very good question to wonder about," Tain said, still so scattered and in shock that she barely knew what she was saying. "I know how much you love to be in charge, so won't you find it … awkward to have to take orders from me? I mean - "
"I know what you mean, and the question has an easy answer," Killen said with a smile, and somehow his arms had found their way around her. "I'm not alone in wanting to be in charge, and that would have been another problem between us. But now we have the perfect way to work things out, as follows: you'll be in charge at work, and I'll be in charge at home. The arrangement should keep both of us from going too far."
"Because if one of us does something unacceptable, the other can retaliate," Tain said, seeing the point immediately. "I don't know if that really will work, but I do have to give it a try, don't I? In all fairness I can't just form an opinion - "
Tain's words broke off when her throat closed up, the wild elation inside her making her want to laugh and cry at the same time. Things might not work out as well as Killen was describing them, but now they had a chance to be happy that they didn't have before. She put her hands to Killen's face, ecstatic that now she could touch him in any way she pleased, and his smile widened as his hands went to her waist.
"Jake," Tain said, relishing being able to say the name she hadn't been able to manage sooner. "I think I really like that name, so you can expect to hear it more and more often."
"I've always liked the name Tain, but I've also always wondered about it," Jake answered, his smile softened. "Is it a nickname, or short for something?"
"My father insisted on naming me Captain, to make sure I grew up in charge of things," Tain admitted with a small laugh. "I've never liked the whole name, but Tain seems to suit me."
"Not as well as it suits me," Jake countered, moving her closer and into his arms. "Now I think it's time we used a different room of this apartment. Do you disagree?"
"Yeah, right," Tain said with a laugh, raising her face to show how ready she was for his kiss. "I hate the idea, but for the sake of peace I'm willing to go along. And if I'm going to be your boss, here's my first order. Kiss me, Jake."
"Oh, yes, ma'am," Jake answered with his own laugh. "Never let it be said that I'd refuse an order from my boss – even though we're not on the job here. I'll have to force myself to obey, but – "
By then Tain was doing the kissing, and that shut the man up for the moment. It was a way to keep him quiet she could use again and again and again…