by C. J. Harper
‘Of course you have,’ he says in a supremely patronising tone. ‘What’s this all about? Are you trying to set yourself up as Ven’s replacement?’
I frown. ‘What’s this got to do with replacing Ven?’
‘Whoever gets rid of The Leader will have secured themselves the captaincy, won’t they?’
He’s such an idiot. ‘I’m not trying to be captain; I just want to kill The Leader.’
Nard gives me an infuriatingly knowing look. ‘Of course you do.’
‘So will you get me a rifle?’
‘No.’ He laughs and walks away.
I have to put my problems to one side for the rest of the day because Kay and I have decided that we must see Ilex again. I work quickly through my list of tasks. Halfway through the morning I’ve completed all my jobs and I slip away to meet Kay by the exit before Ven can give me any more.
The Resistance have salvaged a number of bicycles, which they use as much as possible to save on petrol. We take a couple of these from the ambulance shed because I don’t want to risk helping ourselves to one of the cars. Even though I’m constantly scanning for Wilderness people or wild animals, I still find the ride strangely enjoyable – and when we arrive in the town where the caverns are after an hour’s cycling I’m not even tired. I’m fitter than Ven imagines I am.
‘Do you think they’ll let us in?’ I ask Kay. I’m not sure that these people’s relationship with the Resistance was left in the best shape the last time we were here.
But there’s no need to worry about getting access to the caverns, or steeling myself to go underground, because as we approach the visitors’ centre I spot a group of people spilling out of the door. One of them is Ilex.
He stops dead when he sees us.
‘Ilex,’ I say, asking for forgiveness with that one word because I’m afraid it’s the only one I’m going to get.
But instead of running away from us, Ilex says something to an older woman and then makes his way towards us.
He takes a deep breath. ‘It’s good you’re here,’ he says. ‘I wanted to say to you my thinks about Ali.’
I nod.
Ilex leads us back into the visitors’ centre. The three of us sit down on creaking chairs in a tiny office.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say. ‘I’m really sorry about everything that happened. I shouldn’t have let Ali try to save us.’
‘I’m sorry, too,’ Kay says. ‘I wanted to keep Ali safe.’
Ilex is biting his lip. ‘I was big angry with you. I had the think that if Ali wasn’t all brave and fighting the guards that she could be here. I wanted that she didn’t do all those big good things. Then she would be here with me.’ He grips his knees. ‘But that’s not right. When I want like that it’s taking away Ali. Because Ali was them things. She was brave and good and fighting. When she died she was being big-all Ali. And that’s a good thing.’
He’s crying again but this time the tears just flow down his face. He isn’t racked with sobs. It’s a relief.
‘We loved Ali,’ Kay says, squeezing his arm. ‘I wish she was here.’
Ilex wipes his eyes on his sleeve.
‘Ilex, can I tell you something about Ali? Something amazing?’ I ask.
He nods.
‘She did a really good thing. I don’t think that everyone believed me when I tried to tell them about how terrible things in the Academy were, so . . . Ali told them.’
‘What do you mean told them? Not talking telling?’
‘Yes,’ Kay says. ‘She talked. She was doing lots of talking. It just came out.’
Ilex blinks. ‘Talking? I didn’t hear Ali talking for a big time. She didn’t do talking all the times we were at the Academy.’ His face crumples. ‘I wish I heared it! I want to hear Ali talking!’
Kay puts an arm around him. We exchange a look because someone has got to tell him what Ali said about him. I wait for his sobbing to subside again.
‘She told me to tell you that you’re the best brother,’ I say.
‘Oh!’
And we watch Ilex losing Ali all over again.
After a while he gives a watery smile. ‘She was joking. She was always joking me. But she was a big good sister.’
‘And you are the kindest, gentlest, most loving brother I’ve ever seen.’
Ilex pushes back his shaggy hair and sits up straight in his chair. ‘I want to be in your Resistance,’ he announces.
My eyes find Kay.
‘Really?’ she asks.
‘Ali would be in your Resistance. I want to do it.’
I hesitate. ‘Well . . . that’s great, isn’t it, Kay?’
Kay doesn’t look so sure.
‘Big lots of people here said no they are not helping the Resistance, but some ones said yes. I’m going to come with them,’ Ilex says.
Kay tries to tell him that he doesn’t have to join us. She’s interrupted by a group of teenage boys coming back through the door carrying baskets of skinny carrots with the dirt still on them.
The tallest takes one look at us and scowls.
‘Resistance,’ he mutters to his friends. They head straight for the caverns’ entrance but as they move away, out of the corner of my eye, I see one of them gesture to another. My head whips round. ‘Do that again,’ I say.
‘What?’ the boy demands. The rest of them stop. Squaring up for a fight.
‘I don’t want trouble,’ I say. ‘I just want to see what you did with your hands.’
The boy smacks a balled fist into his other hand and then points downwards with two fingers.
Kay looks at me.
The boy does it again. ‘It’s to say—’
‘Loser,’ I interrupt. ‘I know what it means.’ I know because I remember little Ali making the same gesture when she was fighting that horrible rat-faced girl. But how did Ali know?
I turn to look at Ilex.
There’s a strained silence.
‘You all right, Ilex?’ one of the boys asks.
Ilex nods. ‘You go,’ he says to the boys and they do.
‘Ilex?’ I say. The colour has drained out of his face; I think he knows what I’m going to ask. ‘Are you and Ali Wilderness?’
Ilex looks at the desk in front of him and gives the smallest of nods.
Whoa. I never would have imagined it. But it explains why Ilex and Ali came to the Academy late and why he was so cagey that time I asked him about how he knew that Ali was his sister.
‘It’s not like they said at the Academy,’ Ilex bursts out. ‘Wilderness aren’t all mad and killing. The people here are good. My family is good,’ he looks down again. ‘My family was good.’
‘You don’t have to explain,’ I say. ‘All that stuff that people said about the Wilderness, I’ve realised that it was rubbish, I mean, there are all kinds of people here, aren’t there?’
‘I thinked Ali might be here,’ he says, twisting his hands together. ‘When it went all bad at the Academy I couldn’t find her. I couldn’t find you. Some Specials made a hole under the thing – you know the thing to stop you getting to the Wilderness?’
‘The fence,’ Kay supplies.
Ilex nods. ‘I thinked that maybe Ali is going back home to here. So I came to look. But she wasn’t here. And my mother . . . they telled to me that she died.’
I think of my own mother and I reach out a hand to squeeze Ilex’s shoulder.
‘I don’t get it. Why did you and Ali go to the Academy?’ Kay asks gently.
Ilex breathes out slowly. ‘It was hard in the Wilderness. All the times my mother was . . . she was . . . feeling a bad thing because it’s hard to get food. And she doesn’t want Ali and me to get taked away by the Leadership like my father.’
‘They took your father away?’
‘When I was big small. They comed sometimes to take away people when we lived in the school. They don’t come now we’re here.’ Ilex leans towards us and says in a low voice, ‘They’re thinking it’s because this is a big
good safe place, but I think the Leadership doesn’t care any more because it’s not so big lots of people down there. And a lot of them are sick.’ He smiles sadly. ‘My mother didn’t want that Sickness to get us either, so she thinks it’s gooder if we can get to the not-Wilderness place, and she gets a man to take us.’
‘What happened when you got to the other side?’ I ask.
Ilex screws up his face trying to remember. ‘It was cold. I wanted to be good for Ali, but there was no things and we were not in any place. Then some men like enforcers came and took us to the Academy. I told Ali it was good because our mother wanted us to be in that place.’
I bite my lip. The thought of any mother wishing her child into an Academy because the alternative was even worse sickens me. They would have ended up in the factory anyway, which is where I suspect Ilex’s father was taken. It’s just too sad.
‘But you talk like a Special,’ Kay says.
Ilex nods. ‘I was small when we comed. I forgotted lots of words.’ He gives a half-smile. ‘But not Ali, all the times in her head she knowed all the big words, didn’t she?’
It’s true that even when she was only using sign language Ali’s vocabulary was always better than Ilex’s.
‘She was really smart,’ Kay agrees.
We talk about Ali for a while. Then Ilex tells us how the cavern people are obsessed with guarding the two entrances to the caverns. He says the best thing about them is how kind they are. Apparently they even try to help the crazy Wilderness people sometimes.
‘What’s it like down there?’ Kay asks.
‘It’s cold, but we have blankets and those things that you put in the sun and then you get light.’
‘Solar lanterns?’
‘Yes, and we have people going all the times to these broken houses and getting all the things they can.’
I have the same thought that I did about the Resistance scavenging: these pickings won’t last forever.
‘So I take it your lot aren’t too fond of the Resistance,’ I say.
Ilex shrugs. ‘Most times they say the Resistance are okay. But they get scared. They don’t want to fight. They lost a lot of people. I hear the Resistance is good to us. They got us some things. Medicine and a making-water-clean-thing and all stuff like that. Your leader is a good one.’
I snort with laughter. I’ve never thought of describing Ven as a good one.
‘Are you going to stay here?’ Kay asks.
‘Now, yes. But when the people that said yes to helping the Resistance come, I’m going.’
When we leave, Kay embraces him and I see her whisper in his ear.
We don’t talk much on the way back.
That night I can’t find Kay at dinner and when she finally comes into the recreation room her face is creased into a frown.
‘What is it?’ I ask.
She shakes her head and smoothes her hair back towards her ponytail, but her lips are still puckered.
‘What’s wrong? I can see you’re cross.’
‘It’s okay,’ she says. ‘It’s not a big bad thing. I was just . . . How do you say it? Shocked. Nard—’
‘Nard? What has that creep done?’
‘Nothing, I mean . . . He wanted to kiss me.’
I knew it.
‘Where is he?’ I’ll kill him. I make for the door.
‘No, Blake.’ She pulls me back. ‘Don’t go to him. It’s okay. I telled him no.’
‘Did he try to force you?’
Kay puts on a more Kay-ish expression.
‘Do you really think Nard could be forcing me to do a thing?’
I step back from the door. I need to remember that Kay can look after herself. ‘But still, how dare he?’
‘He was angry. That was the bad bit. He was big angry when I said no.’
‘It’s not your fault,’ I say.
Kay gives me an incredulous look. ‘Why would it be my fault? He’s the stupid one. I’m not feeling bad for me. I’m feeling bad for him. If he keeps being like that he’s going to get his head kicked in.’
And I’d be quite happy to do the kicking.
‘I told you he was an idiot; I don’t know why you thought he was so great.’
‘Stop it, Blake! I don’t know why you were thinking that I was thinking he was great, I never said that.’
‘You were pretty friendly.’
‘I wasn’t big friendly. You wanted me to be rude, like you. When I meet people I don’t say “You’re all bad” before I’ve even talked to them.’
‘And that’s what I do, is it?’
‘Yes.’
Which I think is harsh. Just because I recognise an idiot when I see one. But I don’t want to fight with Kay. Maybe I am too quick to judge people. ‘Let’s get out of here,’ I say.
Kay shakes her head. She’s still cross.
‘Just for a while. This place is claustrophobic. Let’s get some air.’
‘We can’t go out now. It’s dark out there.’
I look at the feeble glow of the solar lantern nearest us. ‘It’s dark in here!’
‘There will be the bad Wilderness ones. And animals.’
She’s got a point, but now that I’ve thought about getting out I don’t think I can sit in this gloomy closed-in space any more.
‘I’ve got an idea,’ I say. ‘Come on.’
Kay shakes her head again, but she comes with me anyway. We go all the way to the top floor of the hospital. Even super-fit Kay is panting by the time we make it.
‘There must be access somewhere,’ I say.
Kay tuts. ‘What are we doing?’
‘Aha.’ I’ve found a door. It’s not even locked. Behind it is a short flight of steps and then another door, which is locked, but only from the inside. I unbolt it and we’re out on the roof.
‘Oh,’ Kay says.
I almost trip over a row of solar lanterns, obviously put up here ready to catch the early-morning sun. I steer around them and take a deep breath. It’s good to feel a breeze running through my hair after the dank air of the hospital. I look at Kay. She’s got a strange expression on her face.
‘Are you worrying about what Ven would say?’ I ask.
‘Efwurd Ven,’ she says.
I almost laugh, but I can see that Kay still isn’t in a laughing mood. She walks away from me, towards the edge.
Over a low wall we can see the whole shadowy city.
I look over to the right in the direction of the caverns.
‘Ilex will be here tomorrow,’ I say.
‘I told him not to come,’ Kay says slowly.
‘What do you mean?’
The stiff mask drops from her face and she catches hold of my hands. ‘I told him to stay where it’s safe. And we could go there too, Blake, and stay with Ilex’s friends.’
My jaw drops. Where did that come from? I know that Kay isn’t as committed to the Resistance as I am; I know that I’ve annoyed her over Nard, but I’m still stunned. ‘What about the revolt?’ I finally ask. ‘What about getting rid of The Leader?’
She turns her head and I realise that she doesn’t believe that I’ll ever kill The Leader, or that the Resistance will ever change the way this country is run. It’s like she’s kicked me in the face. ‘Don’t you care at all?’ I say.
‘I do care, Blake, of course I care. I know how big you want to make it right and show your father—’
‘How much I want it? Don’t you want it?’
‘I did think so but . . . I’ve been thinking about all things.’ She lays a hand on my shoulder. ‘When you want things and you don’t get them . . . it’s hard. It’s very hard. I wanted to be Dom.’
‘You can be something better than the head girl of a pack of Specials.’
She sighs. ‘You’re such a believer, Blake.’
‘What’s wrong with that?’
‘Nothing. It’s a good thing. I just . . . I’m tired. All my life it’s been the fighting and the being tough and then you came and the
re was more fighting and running and thinking and I’m tired.’
I remember the look she shared with the man at the caverns. ‘That man who said the Resistance were silly dreamers – you agree with him, don’t you?’
Kay stares out over the city. ‘I look at those Wilderness people and they get to be living with their families, like you said people should be, and I think how it would be to be safe and happy and quiet.’
‘Kay, Ilex’s mother sent her children away because she wanted them to have a better life. She sent them to an Academy. Their life wasn’t safe or happy or quiet.’
‘Ilex said they do sharing and they’re kind and the Resistance helps them. We could do it, Blake, we’re smart.’
I catch my breath. She’s talking about us being together. I should be so happy to hear her suggesting that we could become a family, but a terrible heaviness has come over me. She wants to be with me, but it’s all wrong.
‘I have to be here,’ I say. ‘I have to fight. People need me.’
‘And what do you need? I thought you needed me.’
‘I do need you. You mean so much to me . . . but I have to help the Resistance.’
Her anger from a few minutes ago comes rushing back. ‘It’s not about the helping!’
‘What’s that supposed to mean? I’m trying to make this country a better place.’
‘That’s a lie. The only person that you care about is yourself. All you want is to kill your father because he hurt you. I don’t think you care at all about anyone else or the things that happens to them. Until you had to live in a horrible Academy you didn’t think about the way people were treated.’
I can’t believe she said that. ‘I didn’t know then. But now I’m trying to do something!’ I say. ‘Can’t you see that I’m trying to change things?’
‘You’re trying to kill your father. You’re trying to get what you want.’ She turns away from me and runs back to the door and down the stairs.
I stay exactly where I am.
When I finally stomp down the stairs, someone flashes their torch in my face. I swat it away. It’s Ven. He raises an eyebrow.
‘I’m not in the mood for a lecture,’ I say. ‘I wasn’t doing any harm up there.’
‘Well, it’s certainly true that you have a limited ability to impact on anything. I just came to tell you there’s a planning meeting for captains, their vices and the assassination team tomorrow morning at eight. Don’t be late.’