“It’s okay, and there’s no room for you in here anyway,” I stated as I closed the door behind me.
“I’ve never thought about where the crew stays before,” he admitted as I got everything ready. “I didn’t realize it was like this. Hell, you’d almost be better off staying on the bus.”
“No, this is great, because I at least have my own bathroom I’m not sharing with 11 men.”
“Fuck!” I heard him mutter through the door. “Why are you still on the crew bus? I would have thought your brother would have had you moved to the band bus. There’s room there.”
“I already had a place on the bus. It’s not a big deal, really.”
“Chelle, you’re the only woman on a bus full of men. That’s a big deal.”
“If I were on the band bus I’d still be the only woman on a bus full of men, Evan,” I pointed out as I started to pee.
“Yeah, but less men and one of them is your brother who could be looking out for you.”
“Well,” I started to say, but then realized I needed to switch tests before I ran out of pee. I set one down on the floor by feet and picked up the other. I peed on that one too and then set it down and finished up my business. I flushed and waited a moment not wanting to glance down at the tests.
“Everything okay?” I heard his voice and knew that he was standing on just the other side of the door as anxious as I was to find out the results, no doubt. I went to the door and opened it. He stepped closer, but wasn’t able to come in because there was nowhere for me to go without stepping on one of the tests that were lying on the floor.
“Why are they down there?”
I flicked my wrist to indicate the sparse room. “Where else would they be? They need to lie flat, and there’s nowhere else.”
“This is crazy,” he stated to no one.
“This is life,” I answered back even though he hadn’t really been looking for an answer or confirmation that I was used to this even if he wasn’t. He glanced up at me then and those fierce green eyes of his pierced me down to my very soul.
“No, this is not your life anymore, Chelle.” His statement caught me so off guard I didn’t know what to say. What the hell was that supposed to mean? It didn’t matter because he slid me out of the way and scooted past me in to the cramped space of the little bathroom. I watched as he bent down and looked at the two little sticks lying there on the floor and then I saw the slow smile spread across his face. Shit. What did that mean? Were they negative? Was I really just sick with something else? Maybe I needed to take the other two tests as well to be sure. A million more thoughts ran through my brain all at once so I didn’t realize he was standing again until he lifted me in his arms high enough that my belly was even with his mouth. Then he kissed me there.
Well, shit. I guess that meant I didn’t need to take another test.
“Evan?” I finally questioned as he allowed my body to slowly slide back down his own until he had me back on my feet.
The grin that still spread across his face was as luminous as it was infectious. I found myself smiling in return as I basked in the light he seemed to be putting off in the cramped space. “Chelle, we really need to have that talk now,” he stated.
“What talk?” I asked, puzzled because it sounded like something I should already know about, but didn’t.
“Shit, sorry. I keep forgetting your phone hasn’t been working.” We moved back out to my room and sat on the bed once more. “I sent you a text asking to talk things out. Apparently you didn’t get the text, but all this time, especially with the way you were going out of your way to make sure I didn’t run into you, I thought that meant you didn’t want to hear what I had to say.”
“If I’m being honest, I probably wouldn’t have wanted to hear what you had to say after the way you behaved.”
“I know,” he muttered after heaving a frustrated lung full of air out of his body. “Listen, I’m going to start at the beginning so you understand some things, okay?” I nodded my head in agreement and waited for him to begin.
“My mom cheated on my dad. She pretended to be separated from him so her lover wouldn’t mind. She explained to the lover that she wanted to keep things secret because of the kids, and how high profile my life was. When she was home, she was refusing to go out in public anywhere when my dad was around to go. She’d find excuses, and it began to wear on my dad. I guess he decided to hire a private investigator to trail her the next time he was away on business. The PI didn’t just take pictures. He had audio about how she was divorcing him, how she’d introduce her new lover to the kids soon. She even told him we couldn’t wait to meet him.” He shook his head, a disgusted look on his face as he said that. “We didn’t know. None of us knew what she’d been up to. My dad, he was devastated. He thought the whole family was in on it. He hasn’t spoken to us since they split for real.”
It was dawning on me why my asking to keep things secret had been bothering him so much now. “Why didn’t you just tell me this to begin with?”
“You don’t just drop your family drama in someone’s lap when you’re first starting out,” he explained.
“Why not? You knew my family drama,” I retorted.
“No, I knew you and your brother were having a hard time. I didn’t know and still don’t about what happened to your parents or why you were on your own. All of those things are part of getting to know each other, part of learning to trust, but since my baggage was getting in the way and causing a bit of resentment when you wanted to keep things quiet, I stopped trusting.”
I could understand that. I hadn’t exactly trusted him with my whole story either. He wasn’t done with his story though. “So, there was that, but then every time I thought we were at a point where we wouldn’t have to keep things secret any longer something happened and just kept perpetuating the issue. First there was the night you got sick and Everly blew up in the news. Then there was going home and…” he glanced up at me seeming to lose his train of thought.
“Where did you stay when we went home?” The question seemed out of the blue and shocked me into momentary silence until I finally realized he wasn’t going to move forward with any of this until I answered.
“I stayed at a hotel.”
“A hotel?” He glanced away from me then, looking down at his booted feet. “A hotel,” he repeated.
“Yeah, I stayed at the Sundown,” it was a shitty hotel that he’d probably never heard of since it was in an even shittier part of LA.
“The Sundown?” He questioned before tacking on another. “In LA?”
“Yes, of course, that’s where I’m from.” His face turned from puzzled to grim in the blink of an eye. “The place out by The Dive Bar?” He asked and I gulped as I took in his judgmental tone. I nodded. “Jesus,” he spat out. “Why didn’t you tell me? Where the hell was your brother that he let you stay in a place like that?”
I was taken aback at the vehemence in his questioning. “I didn’t tell you because you never asked where I was going.” He flinched at my response, and good, because I thought it was pretty rude of him to know I was homeless and not once be curious as to where I was headed for the tour’s two week hiatus. “My brother and I have stayed in far worse places over the years. The Sundown Inn wasn’t that bad. It even offers somewhat decent room service if you can afford it.” My face heated with a blush as I said that, because I’d only been able to afford to wallow away in the room service one day out of the two weeks I was there, and that had only been because my brother had stopped by and dropped off a little bit of cash for me. He had not yet received any band money and was still living on the checks he’d made as a roadie.
“My brother crashed with friends most nights, but he came by to check on me and make sure I was doing okay.” I glared at Evan pointedly, because if he was going to try to make my brother feel bad for the situation, then he needed it pointed out that he hadn’t once come by to see me since he hadn’t cared to even ask where I was st
aying.
“The more shit that gets pointed out to me the more I feel like a complete and utter failure as a human being,” he grumbled.
“What?”
“I was angry with you,” he stated in such a calm and quiet tone it almost felt as if he were an angry parent ready to break. It was the calm before the storm, so to speak. “When you told me you didn’t want to go to the gala, I thought it was simply because you didn’t want to be seen with me, and it made me really mad. Crazy mad. So damn mad I almost did something insanely stupid like go home with my date.” I sucked in a sharp intake of breath. “I didn’t,” he was quick to add. I thought about it though, but then I figured I’d be no better than my mom since we hadn’t officially broken up.”
“But you wanted to then?” I asked the question while biting into my lip to keep my tears at bay. It wasn’t working.
He nodded his head. “I didn’t want to live a secretive life. I thought that’s why you turned me down, but then it was brought to my attention - much later and by Micah of all people - that you probably turned me down because you didn’t have anything to wear.”
That did it, as truth bombs usually do and the first tear slipped free as I bobbed my head up and down in agreement. “I could barely afford the two weeks at the hotel. If it hadn’t been for Davey chipping in,” my voice faltered and I just waved off the rest of my statement.
“Love, I wish you would have just told me.” His arm wrapped around my shoulders and Evan pulled me in close to him.
“You don’t understand. We’ve worked really hard to get past the point of having to ask people for handouts. I wasn’t about to ask anyone for anything, least of all the guy I was just starting to get into a relationship with. Nothing says loser like reiterating the fact that you’re broke and basically homeless.”
He lifted my chin with his finger so that I was looking directly into his vibrant eyes. “None of that matters. What mattered to me when I first met you was seeing how much heart you put into everything you do. Seeing your determination, knowing that you didn’t feel like you had to be someone else to impress anyone was so refreshing. It’s what drew me to you. You were more beautiful in your baggy clothes and messy hair than any woman I’ve ever met. You don’t have to ask me for a damn thing, Chelle. Just tell me you need me and I have you. I’m fuckin clueless a lot of the times here. I don’t know what it’s like to ever have gone without. I’ve led a charmed life, even before the band. With the exception of a girl I dated for like six months in high school, I’ve never even been in a relationship so I don’t know how all of this is supposed to work. I’m willing to figure it out though, if you are.” He stopped me from answering by putting a finger over my lips. “Don’t. Not yet. I need to explain some more things first.” I nodded my head, feeling the warmth of his finger moving along with my lips as I did so.
“First, I was mad at you for the secrecy, because I was a moron and didn’t realize it was about money and not having things when I asked you to go to the gala. I was ready to throw in the towel then. Not because I didn’t want you, but because I couldn’t stand having a fake relationship like my mom had with her affair.” It hurt my heart to know that he’d been thinking of us - of me - that way all this time. It did help me understand the way he had behaved though. “On the plane to London I talked it out with Micah. That’s when he told me I was moron and you probably couldn’t afford a dress and all the other shit you needed for the gala.” He gave me a sheepish half grin. “It really pains me to admit that he was right, and I was an idiot.”
“I bet it does,” I managed to get out on a chuckle.
“Anyway, I just ended up avoiding you, because what could I do? You didn’t want to be seen in public with me, and I didn’t want to be in a closeted relationship.” He sighed then, but still looked me in the eye. “I wanted to be with you. I just couldn’t do it that way.”
“I understand that,” I said and then I laughed. “It seems like we have the worst timing and failure to communicate in the world.”
“Why is that?”
“My brother talked to me about the dangers of a ‘tour relationship’ on the plane. He had heard rumors that we might be hooking up, and he wanted to be sure I knew what I was getting into. I told him I did, and that I wanted to make it official and open with you when we got to London. When you dodged me and didn’t bother talking to me, I thought maybe my brother had gotten to you and warned you away from me. Either that or you were tired of my shit before I could tell you why I had declined your invitation.”
“Jesus,” he muttered. “I guess you’re right about our damned timing, huh?” He shook his head as if to clear the thoughts running there. I could relate. I wished I could clear the state and have us start fresh right where we left off in Florida. Unfortunately, life didn’t work that way though.
“The night you saw me with Drew and Chris, it wasn’t what it looked like either.” I sighed inwardly not knowing if I really wanted to hear about this. “They were trying to convince me to sign their chests,” he informed me. “I explained that I don’t sign body parts anymore and they both took their shirts off. They tried to tell me that I just needed to see what a beautiful canvas I’d have to work with, and then I’d agree. I didn’t agree, and I’m guessing you walked down the hall right around the time they got on either side of me and started trying to climb my body like it was a tree and they were little monkeys.”
“Your arms were wrapped around them,” I stated, probably letting on that I’d seen far more than I would have liked.
“Yeah, that’s because I was attempting to peel them both off me at once. I should have just tossed one at a time off, but I was trying to be gentle.” He brushed his leg against mine causing me to look back up at him. “I know you’ve been avoiding them, but you can ask Chris and Drew. They’ll tell you what happened. Could I have done more to put a stop to that scene sooner? Yeah, probably. If I’m being honest, I was eating up the attention before they lost their damn minds and stripped down.”
He traced a pattern on my thigh with his fingertips then. We both sat watching the trail as I felt the heat of it lighting up my nerve endings. “I texted you after that, telling you we needed to talk. I was still going to end things, but the guys were right. They yelled at me same as Micah had done on the plane and told me to man up and either claim you or let you go, but that I was no better than Clay with Everly if I was going to let you catch me backstage with half-naked women climbing on me when I hadn’t officially broken things off yet. They weren’t wrong. I wasn’t cheating, but I’m sure that’s not what it looked like to you. Especially after me pretty much ghosting you for so long.”
More hot tears slid down my cheeks, because that was exactly how it felt. “I called you a lot of horrible names,” I admitted. He pulled me even closer and hugged me tightly to his chest.
“I deserved them, and probably some more. Maybe not for the exact reasons you thought. Still, I deserved it.”
“Evan?” I questioned, wanting to see his face, but not wanting to move from the cozy place curled against his chest. I reluctantly pushed off of him as he responded with, “hmm?”
“The test?” I questioned, because I still hadn’t actually seen or confirmed the results beyond him kissing my tummy.
“I thought you knew when I picked you up,” he stated.
I shrugged my shoulders. “Honestly? That could have been you being relieved and kissing my barren womb just as much as it could have been because we have a baby in there.”
He laughed. “We definitely have a baby in there, honey. Both of those tests were lit up bright and left no doubt. One had a plus sign the other one said pregnant.”
My eyes widened as I took in his words. I knew. I already, most definitely, knew, but it was different hearing it confirmed. “What are we going to do?” I immediately thought about the fact that I was homeless and working on tour with a rock band as my sole source of income. “Crap, what am I going to do when we get off tou
r? I can’t imagine anyone will hire me for a job when I’m showing.” Panic started to set in then as I continued to voice my concerns out loud. “Oh god, I don’t even have a place to live. How am I going to have a baby?”
“Chelle,” Evan called out to me calmly.
“You don’t understand. I need to talk to my brother. Oh my God, he’s probably going to disown me. He’s already taken care of me all these years. No way he’s going to want another mouth to help feed.”
“Chelle,” Evan called out a little more forcefully. I turned my attention back to him for a moment. “Love, you’re forgetting something in this equation.”
“What?” I asked, not seeing anything else but the hopeless situation I’d gotten myself into.
“Me,” he stated solidly, and that stopped my runaway thoughts in their tracks.
“What?”
“You’re forgetting that you have me now. You both have me. We’ll work all of our shit out and learn to communicate better, but first I want you to stop worrying. You have a place to go when you get back, and you don’t have to worry about a job if you don’t want to. Just worry about growing our baby and let me handle the rest, okay?”
“Evan, I can’t…” I started to protest.
“You can, and you will, because it’s not just about you now. Put your pride aside for a minute and think about it. Besides the fact that I want you with me, why would you want to make things harder on yourself while you’re pregnant?”
Damn him, now I felt guilty. He just laughed at me. “That’s what I thought. We’ll work it out, and we have time. You don’t need to panic, okay?”
“Okay.” I leaned my head back on his chest and just listened to his heart beating for a minute. It comforted and soothed all at once. It wasn’t until he spoke again that I remembered there was another pressing matter we needed to discuss.
“I imagine that picture has become viral by now,” he suggested. “Looks like we need to get ready for you to be infamous after all.” I groaned. He laughed and snuggled me closer.
The Infinite Beat (T.I.E. Book 2) Page 13