by Dean, Ali
Dad made eye contact with me then and he smiled. “He never said it outright, he couldn’t, but back then he hated being a Malone, hated what his family did.”
“So, you think he changed?”
Dad let out a long sigh that seemed to go on for days. “I don’t know what to think. That’s why I want to visit him.”
“Dad, I don’t even think you’d be allowed to visit with everything going on.” I didn’t want to get into it with him; the nuances of the investigation would be too much and leave him frustrated. That was the reason we hadn’t told him in the first place. After the fire, I thought we’d lost an even bigger piece of him. Strangely, he seemed to have found some new pieces, memories he’d buried and brought back to life.
“I don’t think he wanted Laura killed. And I don’t think he wanted to set our house on fire either.”
My heart pounded so loud I could hear it thumping in my head. “Okay,” I managed to get out, so damn uncertain how to respond to this.
“I don’t think he wanted any of it. But he didn’t get Laura. He didn’t get her, and he didn’t have a reason to fight. So he gave in, and now he’s in jail.”
My hand reached for my dad’s. “He wanted Mom?”
“Lots of men wanted your mom, Cruz,” Dad said with a little twinkle in his eye, one I hadn’t seen in so long. I wanted to keep it there, but didn’t know how. “And I wonder if she would have been the one to make all of it end with the Malones. If she could have given Seamus the will to change it all. To work with her and Braven Pharma to get straight, you know?”
I almost laughed at his use of “get straight” but I held it in. “I don’t know, Dad, it was never simple with the Malones. It’s a gigantic web of deceit and lies.” I wasn’t entirely sure what we were talking about here, or where this was going, but I couldn’t let Dad think his wife should have gone off with a Malone for the greater good or some shit.
“Maybe. But I’d do anything if it meant saving her life. If I’d known, if I’d known…” He shook his head and for the second time in as many days, I watched his eyes fill with tears.
“You wouldn’t have done anything differently, Dad. I wouldn’t be here if you had. She tried to do what was right, and now we’re finally seeing it through. You were right to tell me everything, okay? Stop doubting your choices and hers.”
My voice rose in strength and conviction as I spoke. Maybe it only just started, but I hated thinking about him sitting here day in and day out pondering the what-ifs.
“Cruz, there’s another reason I want to talk to Seamus.”
“What’s that?”
“Flynn’s murder. I think he let you go on that for Laura.”
“Dad, he didn’t let us go. They shot at Moody’s house, tore apart Jeremy’s house, and messed with Hazel.” Shit. He probably didn’t know any of this, and now I’d let it all out. What was I thinking? My head was starting to pound.
“I already knew, Cruz. I saw the news yesterday, and then talked to your grandpa. He told me everything. Can’t promise I’ll remember it all tomorrow though.” He offered a smile, and I refused to show him sadness at this. So I smiled back. Dad hadn’t addressed what he was going through, not since the day he told me his diagnosis. This was the first time I’d heard him acknowledge it head-on. I didn’t know if I liked it or not.
“Okay, so then you know the Malones would never have let us get away with what happened to Flynn. That’s why we waited until we had all this ammunition against them. They probably had a lot more in store than just the fire, Dad.”
“I know. But Seamus was in charge. And I bet he didn’t want any of it. I bet he wanted what happened to his father. He just wasn’t strong enough to get the rest of his family members on board. You did the right thing.”
I swallowed back a rush of emotion. “What is all this about then, Dad?”
Dad let out a shaky breath. His gaze became slightly unfocused. “He was too weak to do the right thing. Not that it was easy to do. But I don’t know if any of us can be that strong alone. It’s not that I wish Laura had chosen him, Cruz, it’s not that. It’s only, I know he would have found that strength from her, because even with her gone, I find strength from her. In you.”
“Shit, Dad,” I choked out, unable to hold back the emotion now.
Dad patted my hand. “Come on, Cruz, you know what I’m talking about. You have all the guys, and you have Hazel. I know you’re a leader, but you didn’t own that role until you had them. They make you strong.”
Fuck, and now I was crying. I hadn’t cried since Mom died.
It must be the head injury, I decided.
“Why are you doing this to me?” I accused, half joking.
Dad smiled again. “Because I still can. And you need it. When I’m gone, you’ll still be strong. And a leader.”
I threw a hand over my face as he continued to pull every damn feeling out of me. “I didn’t know you had it in you, Dad,” I said through a laugh, tears still coming down my cheeks.
“Oh, I can be sentimental and wise when I want to be.”
Dad rested back on his chair, his hand still on mine. He gave it another pat. “Besides, I probably won’t remember this later, so your secret’s safe with me.”
* * *
We’d planned to meet up at the Spot with everyone and by the time I pulled up a few minutes late, I was seriously drained. We had so much shit to discuss, I knew this, but all I wanted was to wrap Hazel in my arms and crawl under the covers with her pressed up against me. Maybe naked. Yeah, definitely naked. That was what I was thinking about when I stepped inside and found six guys turning to look at me, two her cousins, and one her dad. Yeah, I was damn tired.
“Where’s Hazel?” Bodhi asked.
“What do you mean?” Instantly, I wasn’t so tired.
“We thought you were bringing her,” Jeremy said.
“Why would I be bringing her?” My question came out way too harsh, especially since it was directed at Hazel’s dad, but who could blame me?
The guys all looked at each other. “Man, we need to get you a new cell ASAP. I’m on it.” That was Moody, and I watched him head over to his computer. The dude was always looking for a reason to avoid real life in favor of a task on his computer.
“She was at practice. I’m sure she got a ride with someone,” Spike said. I noticed everyone checking their phones.
“She didn’t text or call any of you?” I was practically shouting. I sucked at feeling helpless. If something happened to her… man, I never wanted to be a weak shit like Seamus Malone and without her, I would be. I knew it.
The throbbing in my head had been growing stronger all day, and now it was beating too hard for me to think straight.
“I’m calling her right now,” Em said. He had his phone to his ear, but we all heard her voice when she answered because she was right there, walking through the door.
“I’m here. What’s up?” I started to turn to face her but her hands were already snaking around my waist, her head nuzzling my back. Wow. I went from losing my shit to cool as a cucumber in two seconds flat. Maybe I had a problem. Or maybe I just loved Hazel hard, and wanted her safe.
When no one responded right away she let go and moved around me. “Whoa. I’m two minutes late. I wanted to shower first. I’d say sorry, but can we maybe try not to overreact? We’re all on edge enough as it is.”
“You could have called. We thought Cruz was picking you up,” Emmett accused.
“And I thought you guys knew he hadn’t stuck around practice and had visited his dad. I thought you’d wait for me.”
“So who’d you get a ride with? Better not have been Louise Janik,” Bodhi said.
“That was low, Bodhi,” Hazel said.
“Wait, no one drove you here, right? Just to your place and you got your truck?” Moody asked from his desk.
“I might not be a hacker, Moody, but I’m not stupid.” Guess I wasn’t the only one in a snappy mood.
Gramps stood up from his seat. “Once again, we’re all apparently too hungry to speak to each other nicely. Let’s eat. I got barbeque.”
I closed my eyes for a second as the pounding in my head became too loud. When I felt Hazel’s hands on my chest I opened them. She was facing me now and frowning. “You okay?”
I wanted to reassure her, so I kissed her on the forehead. “I can’t wait till bedtime.”
She tilted her head to the side. “For sleep, you mean.”
“Yeah, actually,” I said. “But with you, naked.” The others were over by the kitchen, piling their plates high.
“Maybe we can keep the meeting short tonight. You look beat, Cruz.”
I raised an eyebrow.
Hazel rolled her eyes. “Okay, poor word choice. Let’s eat already before I gnaw off your arm.”
I pulled her to me one more time before letting her go. “You can gnaw my arm anytime, Haze.”
I didn’t even know what I was saying. I was too tired to think. But if it meant Hazel was here by my side safe, I’d do anything.
Chapter Thirteen
Hazel
The week had taken its toll on all of us. Even with full bellies, none of us were at our best. It was Cruz who had us cut the meeting short. Well, he didn’t ask us to, but he started nodding off about ten minutes into Dad’s update on the investigation. Dad might have been keeping it dry without any of the juicy stuff, sticking to only the things we really needed to know at this point, but it was far from sleep-inducing. No, Cruz was just spent. He might have needed only a few hours a night before, but now he was recovering from a TBI, and his body demanded more.
So we wrapped things up before getting to what the confessions from the hitmen meant for the case, or the latest media spin on Cruz’s hospitalization, the Malones’ and Easton’s side of the story, or how to handle the hockey team. We definitely didn’t get to talk about Kylie or Louise.
“I hate there’s still so much hanging over our heads,” I confessed to Emmett when he pulled me in for a hug before heading out.
“This is just the way it’s gonna be now, Haze,” he told me. “It’s shitty, but I don’t know that we’ll ever get total resolution, closure, whatever.”
“I guess you guys have had that sense things are left unresolved for a while now, huh? Does it get easier? Do you get used to it?”
He didn’t answer right away. “Yeah, I think so. We gotta accept it’s out of our control and take each day as it comes, ya know? Otherwise we’d miss out on any of the good stuff.”
“Yeah.” I knew I sounded all bummed out, but I couldn’t fake it with my cousin, with any of these guys. I’d only been in it a few weeks, and this world was sucking me dry.
The others were already heading out the door, and Cruz had escaped upstairs to shower and go to bed.
“Get some sleep, Haze, you’ll feel better in the morning. First game, you know? Nothing’s going to happen before we meet up to handle all this Sunday.”
I hoped he was right. With the way things went down at school today, I was beginning to think a different kind of challenge would be facing us tomorrow. Maybe it wasn’t as dangerous as the Malones, but being in the spotlight right now was a unique kind of torture.
Turning off the lights after the rest of the guys left, I walked upstairs to find Cruz. Em was right, we all just needed a good night’s sleep. It wasn’t even 9 PM yet, but I was happy to strip off my clothes and climb into bed. The shower shut off a second later, and I watched Cruz walk out of the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist. I’d turned off all the lights except the bedside lamp, and he came right over, dropped the towel, and climbed in beside me. I knew Cruz was drained though because he only reached for me to bring me to his chest, and kiss me on my head.
A moment later, he turned off the beside lamp, mumbled “I love you” and fell asleep.
* * *
I was standing at the middle of the field when the ref blew his whistle. The opposing team passed the ball back to center midfield, and our strikers pressed forward. From the corner of my eye, I sensed movement on the hill overlooking the game. A tug in my chest had me looking over where I found the audience on the hill weren’t looking at the game, but watching three guys taking a seat. Cruz, Mitch, and Dad.
Cruz was still asleep when I drove myself to the game this morning. I wasn’t surprised Dad had made it out for this, but I’d assumed Cruz wouldn’t bother going to my away game over his own team playing a home game.
The ball soared in my direction and I snapped out of it, connecting my cleat with its momentum to send it to the far right corner. Shantal was on outside midfield and while it wasn’t an ideal pass, I knew she’d run it down. Players shifted position with the change of direction and I moved with them, orienting myself to the field. The opposing team had put two players on me, which wasn’t a surprise. Teams had started doing this by my sophomore year, when I began averaging three goals a game.
Shantal faked a defender, providing an opening to send a ball to center for a shot at the goal.
One of our strikers, Aida, attempted to kick in the corner of the net, but it bounced off the goal post. I burst through the two bodies blocking me, my reaction quicker than theirs, and my upper chest connected with the ball, sending it to the ground. My eyes darted to the goal, finding a tiny opening, and my foot sent it powering past the goalkeeper. Just like that, we were one goal up, and we’d established our dominance in this game. This was how I liked to roll. Aggressive from the start. I couldn’t even remember the last time someone scored on one of my teams before we got one in the net first. I didn’t like being the underdog. I preferred gaining the upper hand from the get-go.
Hanna and Aida jogged by me for some low-fives on the way back to our side of the field. I liked that the girls seemed to treat me same as always on the field at least. They knew I wasn’t one for fanfare, and my first goal of the season definitely didn’t call for it. We were in game mode, we could celebrate later.
I was able to ignore the presence of my special audience for the next ninety minutes or so. This was exactly what I needed, the movement on the field, the control of the game, the power in my legs. The funk I was in last night was a distant memory as I slid off my cleats and sweaty shin guards in favor of flip flops after the game.
I pulled off my jersey and found a clean shirt in my duffel bag to slide over my head.
Dad and Mitch came over to congratulate me, and I felt eyes on us as we chatted about the game. This was my new norm, it seemed, the constant gawking.
“Where’d Cruz go?” I asked, squinting to see if he’d gotten held up by people wanting to talk to him.
“He went to catch the end of the guys’ game,” Mitch told me.
We chatted about the game and I sensed the shift in energy before the guys came into sight. The stares shifted from us to the five guys coming over the hill from the other soccer field.
Conversation came to a halt and everyone seemed to be holding their breath.
Mitch murmured beside me, “Quite the story this morning about the hitmen. Someone even got a picture of Spike holding a gun on the one in boxers.”
Ah, so that explained the heightened level of hero-worship. It had been on me as well, I guess, but I’d been too wrapped up in the game to notice. Besides, there was something about all of them together that made their effect more powerful.
Dad put an arm around me. “I’m going to head out to handle some things, sweetie. You’ll be with the guys the rest of the day?”
“Yeah, Dad.” I looked over at him. He was more relaxed than I’d seen him in weeks, months, hell, maybe even years. “You think that hit was the last of it?” I wondered. I’d had an instant where I thought this might mean it was over, but it was fleeting. How would we ever know when it was done? It’s not like the Malones would wave a white flag of surrender. Or would they?
“I don’t think there’s anything they could try without it getting back to one
of us first. Loyalties have shifted, Hazel, and people want us to win. We’re not the underdogs anymore.”
Right, so that didn’t mean it was over. But maybe we were closer. I could almost taste freedom on my tongue, and that had to count for something, right?
Dad and Mitch congratulated the guys on their win before heading off. It seemed some of the players and spectators from the boys’ game had migrated our way.
“So we’re gonna have to party tonight, you know that, right?” Bodhi asked, resting an elbow on my shoulder.
“We don’t have to, Bodhi.” I felt the need to point this out.
He grinned at me. “We were MIA last weekend. Can’t risk a revolution. The people are getting restless.”
“It’s not your job to provide the entertainment.”
Spike jumped in. “Well, it’s not entertainment they’re after. Have you taken a good look at us, Hazel?” He gestured to himself and swept an arm around our circle. “They want us for our bodies.” He kept a straight face but his eyes lit up.
“And our moves. The ones off the field, that is,” Bodhi clarified.
“I don’t know anything about your moves off the field,” Emmett got in. Bodhi opened his mouth with a retort but Emmett added, “And I don’t want to know. But we set a precedent. People got expectations. And not just the girls,” he said with a pointed look at Spike and Bodhi.
Cruz surprised me when he said he was up for a party at the Lake tonight. “Maybe if they see we’re the same guys we were last week this hype situation will die off faster.”
Moody shook his head. “Man, if you don’t want to party, don’t do it. We had a hell of a night, a hell of a week.”
“Nah,” Cruz said, brushing off the out Moody was offering him. “This time we need the parties not as a front, though there’s always that I guess. No, I actually need to just hang, be surrounded by regular high school shenanigans and shit. It’s good for my soul,” he added with an ironic smirk. But I had a feeling he was right.