“I didn’t have the money to pursue them,” she said, sniffling as she held back the tears that threatened to fall. “And it was entirely possible that they’d stay in Montana permanently. I came up with every scenario possible, to get to my daughter. But I still couldn’t get a job in any decent household—word had gotten around that I was ‘fallen’ and no respectable household chef would have me. I eventually would secure a temporary factory job that was experiencing an upswing in business, but in the meantime, I was at a loss for options…”
“And that’s when you answered my advertisement,” he finished, slowly. “You needed a train ticket to Montana, and I was the first opportunity you came across.”
She stopped, turning to him, wide-eyed. “No, Noah. No! It wasn’t like that—”
“Wasn’t it, though?” He stood, bracing himself with his fingertips against the table, vibrating with humiliation, his anger barley contained. “Wasn’t that exactly how it was? You were a fallen woman, as you said—not the morally upstanding woman you led me to believe—”
“I never said I was—”
“Oh, you may not have claimed it directly, but you knew I was looking for a decent woman to be the wife of a prominent shopkeeper. You knew my reputation was important. And yet you showed up in Helena…and what? Planned to find your baby and leave on the next train out of town?”
“No! Of course not! Noah, please—”
“And how did you plan to buy the ticket? Steal from my home? Sell something at the pawnbroker? Leave me not only heartbroken and humiliated, but penniless, to boot?”
“Noah, I swear, I never planned to do anything of the sort! My intention was to be the best wife I possibly could. I wanted to make you happy!”
“Was that somehow supposed to make up for the fact that you deceived me? That you hid a secret child from me? An illegitimate child? Tell me, Mollie—what did you plan to do once you found the baby? Kidnap her? Bring her home and force me to take in another man’s child, without even so much as consulting me first?”
“No! I—”
“And when the police showed up looking for the child, was I to lie to them, and claim she was ours? Risk my reputation, my business, my freedom, to fulfill your fantasy of a happy little family?”
“No, not that! I…I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. I had hoped I could talk to the Demings, get them to see—”
“Get them to see what? That the daughter they’d loved and taken care of for months should be handed over to you at a whim? Well now, I can’t imagine how that could possibly have gone wrong, and ended up with the powerful Mr. Deming having you thrown into jail!” He pounded the table, and turned to pace across the kitchen, rubbing his temples as they throbbed. “What were you thinking, Mollie?”
“I guess I wasn’t…not clearly. I promise, I wasn’t trying to kidnap her. I was trying to do things the right way. But they wouldn’t even let me see her—”
“Of course they wouldn’t! How were they to know you weren’t some kind of madwoman?”
“I’m sorry for all this trouble, Noah. It was never my intention for any of this to happen. I just didn’t know what else to do.”
“How about trust your husband? How about having a little faith in me, and being honest? How about giving me the chance to choose to do the honorable thing, instead of having it thrust upon me?”
“You’re right. I know you’re right. I was foolish. I was desperate. She’s my daughter, Noah. I’d do anything for her. Anything.”
“Including destroying my life?”
“I told you, I never wanted that.”
“But that’s what you’ve done. You’ve been publicly arrested, Mollie! There’s no chance that word won’t get around about that. I’ll be the laughingstock of Helena! And on top of that, you’ve angered a very powerful man. Who knows what kind of repercussions that could have on my business? The family business that my father built! You know how much that means to me.”
She nodded, tears trickling down one cheek. “I do. But he promised me that if I went with the authorities quietly, he wouldn’t seek retribution against you.”
“He considers you a threat to his child. If you’ll do anything for your daughter—a poor, powerless woman from Boston—what do you think a man like him will do, to protect her?”
“You’re right,” she whispered, her eyes downcast. “I know you’re right. He could. But I truly believe that he won’t do anything, as long as I stay away.”
“Oh, you’d better stay away, Mollie. You’d better, or so help me—” he grunted in frustration, slamming his fist down on the table again as the fury swelled within him. Then he strode to the window overlooking the backyard, his chest heaving as he struggled for composure.
It wasn’t only the potential loss of his business and reputation that he was angry about. It was the loss of the happy future that he felt had been ripped out from under him. Dreams of children and grandchildren and a long, happy life together—it all had vanished like a puff of smoke. This woman he had grown to love so much in so little time wasn’t the woman he had thought her to be. His trust was broken, his heart was broken, and more than that, he felt like an absolute fool.
But he would never utter a word of that to her. Not one word.
He turned and pointed a finger at her as he tried to steady his voice. “So help me…if you go near that man or his family again, I will turn you in to the authorities myself!”
“I won’t, Noah. I can see now that there isn’t any hope of recovering Nell. I…” her voice broke.
Even now, Noah thought, she can make me go all soft inside. It’s no wonder she played me for a fool so easily! He clenched his jaw and looked away, steeling his resolve.
She sniffled again as she continued. “…I won’t try anymore. I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t want to hurt Nell. Mr. Deming is determined to keep me from her, and I know that any more attempts on my part can only end in chaos and embarrassment to us all. I don’t want that for her. She…she deserves better.”
“Good,” he snapped. He would not allow himself to be moved by her tears. “Good, because you’ve made yourself quite a bed, and now we all must lie in it.” He fisted his hands on his hips, and bit his lip in an effort to hold back the hot tears that wanted to come. “You’ve forced a lot on me, Mollie, with no thought whatsoever to my feelings. I’m not a hard-hearted man. Even if you’d have told me as soon as you arrived, I’d probably have done the compassionate thing. I’d have been upset that you hid it from me, but you’ve been a good wife, in all other respects—you’ve kept up the house and meals better than half the wives I know, even though you were sneaking off on your little mission. We could have made things work. And I would never resent a child—I’m not your mother. I would have wanted what was best for you both.”
“I know that, now. I just wasn’t sure, at first…”
He shook his head at her selfishness. “We could have found a way to fix things. If we managed to get Nell back, we could have told people you were widow. I think even a priest might say a white lie like that, to protect a woman and child, would be alright—I don’t know. But instead, you manipulated me and you used me.”
“I know it seems that way…and maybe it was at first. But I promised myself I would do whatever it took to make you happy.” She slowly crossed the room to him. “And in the end, I fell in love with you. I can’t imagine my life without you…any more than I can imagine it without Nell. Please, I know you’re angry, but if you believe nothing else, believe that.” She laid a hand tenderly on his arm. “I love you.”
He shook his head, pulling away from her grasp. “I don’t know if I can believe anything you say. I can’t even look at you.”
“Noah…”
“No!” he snapped. “I’ve had about as much as a man can take for one day. I need to go help Mother close up the shop. I need to be away from you!” He snatched his hat and coat and walked out the back door, slamming it shut behind him.
> ***
I’ve ruined everything.
She had worked for so many weeks, juggling her household duties and her trips to the Deming home, trying to find a way to make everything work, and have both Noah and Nell in her life.
Now, I may have lost them both.
She stood alone in the kitchen, unsure what to do. Should she finish making supper? Would Noah even come home, or would he spend the night at his mother’s house? Would he tell her to pack her bags and leave? Would she be homeless, on the streets, in a matter of hours?
She’d lost everything. There seemed to be nothing left to lose. Is that it, then? If I’ve lost it all, then what’s to stop me from simply snatching Nell and fleeing with her?
The idea worked at her, seeping into her brain like a poison.
Snatch your daughter.
Run.
Run!
Mollie dashed from the kitchen, crossing the parlor and entering the bedroom, to pull her valise from the closet. She threw it on the bed and began pulling clothing from the drawers, stuffing things haphazardly into the bag. I’ll wait until nightfall—they probably think I’m still under arrest. They won’t be expecting me. I’ll just wait until they’re all asleep—
Then she pulled the soft pink sweater from its hiding place among her crinolines.
And she froze.
“Oh, Nell,” she sighed, her voice cracking. She held the sweater close to her heart. I can’t do it. I can’t take Nell on the run. What kind of life is that for a child? And what about poor Noah?
Alexander Deming would bring him to certain ruin, in vengeance for Mollie’s actions. Just because she’d ruined her one chance with him didn’t mean she should just abandon him to face the consequences of her actions!
This is exactly what Noah was talking about. I’m being selfish, thinking only of myself. I’m not thinking about what’s best for Nell, or for Noah, or for Lettie. They’ll all pay the price if I don’t start putting their needs before mine. And so will the Demings. I may not like them, but they probably already love Nell by now…at least, in their own way. How can I make them suffer the same way my mother made me suffer?
At last, she faced the truth. She wasn’t any better than her mother! More than once, she’d entertained the notion of ripping Nell away from the only family she probably remembered, and depriving the Demings of the child they believed to be theirs. Being hurt by her mother didn’t give her the right to make Nell or the Demings suffer, did it? No! No more than Ida McCammar had the right to hurt Mollie all her life, just because Mollie’s father had hurt her.
Mollie’s heart ached, knowing how close she had come to bringing more pain her beloved Nell, when all she’d wanted to do was to protect her! I have to let her go. Mollie slid down to her knees beside the bed, weeping and holding the sweater close.
Please God, help me to let her go.
Chapter 24
Noah walked in the opposite direction from the store, first going up one block, then down another, his breath coming in icy puffs as he strode as fast as the slippery sidewalk would allow. After fifteen minutes, he finally made himself turn and head in the direction of the shop. It wasn’t fair of him to make his mother handle the store alone any longer than necessary.
By the time he reached the shop, he’d worked off the worst of the anger. Replacing it was a physical and emotional weariness that draped itself over him like a cold, wet blanket.
“There you are!” his mother exclaimed when he walked in the shop. “I was beginning to wonder if you’d make it back at all.”
“I’m beginning to wish I’d never left.” He thrust his had onto a coat hook, followed by his overcoat onto another. Straightening his suit coat and tie, as was his habit upon entering the store, he headed behind the counter, avoiding his mother’s worried stare.
“Well?” she asked.
“Well what?”
She rolled her eyes. “You can’t pop in here and tell me you just broke your wife out of jail, and leave, without expecting me to want the whole story later. Now get on with it.”
He sighed. He supposed she’d find out sooner or later, but he just wasn’t in the mood to dwell on his situation with Mollie. “It’s a long story, Mother. I…I just don’t know where to begin. I really just want to forget the whole thing, for now.”
His mother stood, hands on her hips, for a long moment. Then she went to the door and locked it, flipping the sign to CLOSED.
“What are you doing?” They made it a point of pride in his family that they didn’t lock up the store early unless it was a family emergency.
“I can tell when my son needs to talk…even if he doesn’t want to. Come with me.”
It wasn’t a request. He followed her into the back room, shoulders slumped. The last thing he needed was a lecture from his mother about how it served him right for picking some stranger from the east coast over her own selections from among the local girls.
After pulling the chain for the single bulb hanging in the middle of the back room, she pulled out a stool, setting it down with a hard thwack. Then she pulled out another for herself and sat down…and cocked one eyebrow in his direction, until he relented, and sat.
Scrutinizing him with a stern expression, she crossed her arms over her chest. “Well then. Out with it!”
He gawked in stunned silence. What? No lecture? He stammered a few times before recovering from the shock. “She never wanted me,” he said simply. “All she wanted was a ticket.”
From there, the whole sordid tale tumbled out of his mouth, faster and faster, until at last he’d unburdened himself completely. He’d never admit it, but she had been right—he needed to talk about it. And he couldn’t talk to his wife. Not yet.
Besides, it’s nice to know that at least one person is always on my side, he thought. Though it was childish, some small part of him anxiously awaited the torrent of sympathy his mother would express, along with bitter words for his manipulative wife.
But his mother merely looked away, shaking her head. “That poor girl! I can’t imagine going through such torment!” She clucked her tongue in sympathy.
For Mollie.
Noah—feeling more than a little betrayed—was flabbergasted. “Poor girl? Mother, she lied to me! She hid things from me! And she was sneaking around, just like you said she was, up to no good.”
She frowned at that. “Noah Jamison! First, it doesn’t sound like she told an actual lie. She just hid things from you. Which is wrong, but my goodness, child! Mollie had her baby stolen from her—stolen, right out of the bassinet, by her own mother! And what a beast that woman must be. To steal her own daughter’s child and give her away? What a heartless creature!” She shook her head at the idea. “Your wife went through all that, and you walk out because you're angry? How did I raise such a selfish, spoiled boy?”
“Me? Selfish? Are you mad? I’m the one who was manipulated and used! She made a fool of me, and she’s humiliated me in front of the town. I grant you, she’s suffered at the hands of her mother, but—”
“There is no ‘but’! How can you think of yourself when this poor girl might never see her baby again? Why, I’d do anything it took to get you back, if someone had stolen you from your crib! I’d have lied, cheated, or stolen—whatever it took. You’re my baby! Can you blame the girl?”
“Hm!” he grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. “Seems like you have no problem blaming me.”
“Hold on there,” she wagged a finger at him, “I’m not saying that makes it right, not at all. And when this is all over, I’ll have a few choice words for that girl, for hurting you. But you can’t expect a mother to make sensible decisions when the well-being of her child is on the line.”
“But…I don’t understand. I thought you didn’t like Mollie. Why are you siding with her?”
“I’m not siding with anyone! But I know what it’s like to be a mother and turn around for a moment, and suddenly your child is gone. It happened with you at the park
one day. You were two years old, and faster than a whitetail. I had taken my eyes off you for only a moment, and got no further than unpacking the cold chicken, when I realized you were gone. It was Independence Day, and there was a band playing, and the park was crowded, with scarcely room to weave between all the picnic blankets. Your father was buying us some lemonade at a nearby stand, and I scanned the crowd, looking everywhere for you. But you were dressed in summer white, like most of the crowd. I couldn’t find you anywhere.”
He could see that even decades later, the pang of fear and pain made her eyes shine with tears. “I was taken?”
“Oh, gosh, no. You disappeared into the crowd, you little devil! Five minutes of frantic searching, nearly tearing my hair out, and crying so hard that I doubt I could have seen you if you had been standing in front of me. I screamed your name, and screamed for your father, who came running. It was the most terrifying five minutes of my life. I was sure you were dead—fallen in the river nearby, or crushed by the throngs still entering the park. It was as if a hole had been torn in my chest, and I didn’t know how I would go on if I didn’t find you.” She waved a hand in front of her face, biting her lip to hold back the tears.
“What happened?”
“After what seemed like an eternity, some wonderful lady walked up to me holding your hand and asked if this was the child I was looking for. I would have kissed the darling woman, had I not been so busy crushing you to me and kissing your face all over.”
“Wait! I think I remember that part.” He had a vague recollection of being somewhere in public, confused and frightened—and thoroughly embarrassed—by his mother’s frantic kisses.
“I yelled at your father—as if it was his fault—because I was so overwrought. And I swore right then I’d never take my eyes off you again. And anytime we went to a public event, even if it was summer, I made you wear red.”
“Oh no! That’s why you made me wear that red sweater all winter, and that red tie with my white summer suit? Ugh, I hated both of those!”
Mail Order Devastation (Montana Mail Order Brides, Book 4) Page 16