by Raeann Blake
“You ain’t foolin’ me, old man. You’re goin’ over there to get Jean Ann to show you some of those moves she was talkin’ about,” Clay said then laughed with Hailey when Shack’s smile got even wider.
“Could be. We’ll see. Get out of here. Thanks for washing those dishes, too. Both of you.”
“You’re welcome. We’ll be back,” Hailey said then turned and walked beside Clay until they reached the same place they had been earlier. She waited as Clay lit two cigarettes then handed one to her before she sat down on the log and took a long drag then blew it back out.
“It’s been a good day,” Clay said quietly. He had started to sit down beside her then thought better of it and took a couple of steps away instead.
“It’s been a wonderful day. One of the best I’ve had in a very long time.”
Clay glanced back at her and asked, “Even ridin’ drag?”
Hailey laughed and nodded. “Even ridin’ drag. Just being here, out like this. Nothing but nature all around you. I feel so sorry for people that work in a closed up office all day and never get to experience something like this.”
“I’d have to agree with that. I don’t even like bein’ cooped up in the house. I can’t imagine being in one of those high-rise buildings where the windows don’t even open.”
“Have you ever been in one?” Hailey asked then took a sip of coffee.
Clay shook his head and said, “Nope. Well, that’s not entirely true. I did go in one once. But I didn’t get off the ground floor and wasn’t in there but a few minutes. You?”
Hailey shook her head. “No. My opinion is that if my feet are going to get that far off the ground, I’d better be on a horse, a ladder, in a hay loft, in a tree, or on a ferris wheel. Other than that, I don’t have any business up there.”
Clay laughed and then finally walked back to the log and sat down beside her without thinking about it. “Then I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t put you in one of the upstairs bedrooms.”
The surprised laughter came out quickly and she opened her mouth to say something but laughed again. “I think you would have been safe. Somehow the second story of your house doesn’t seem like the same as the second story of an office building. I could have gotten used to that.”
“Hmmm. I can see I misread you a little bit. I could have sworn you’d be one of those people who come down the stairs by way of the banister instead of the steps,” Clay said then turned his head to look at her when she didn’t reply. When he found a wicked smile and raised eyebrows he dropped his head.
“Oh, Lord. Make sure you pay the payment on the homeowner’s insurance first,” he muttered.
“You have such a suspicious mind. Now what would give you the idea that I was even thinking about…”
Clay burst out laughing and shook his head. “Hailey, I swear to God you have the worst innocent act of anybody I’ve ever seen.”
“Dang. That’s what Laine said, too.”
He laughed again and reached up to brush a hair back from her cheek and then froze with his hand against her skin. When he could make himself move, he dropped his hand and looked away.
“This doesn’t need to happen,” he said hoarsely.
Hailey swallowed hard then finally nodded. “I know,” she said quietly.
“Uh—I suggested that Laine sleep between us tonight. What happened last night…well, it shouldn’t happen, so…”
“I understand, Clay. It doesn’t make me not want it to happen, but I understand why it can’t.”
Clay grunted slightly. Knowing that she wanted the same thing he did had the arousal he already had growing harder. He turned his head to meet her eyes and could clearly see her own desire. It was too dark to see her eyes, but he could see her face. The face he wanted so much to touch. But he wouldn’t. He finally just nodded slightly and turned away.
“We should get back, I guess,” he said as he stubbed out his cigarette and waited for her to do the same. He held out his hand when she was done and she looked up at him then dropped the cigarette butt into it silently. He swore softly when his hand closed around hers before she could pull it back.
“Laine thinks you’re the real thing. Are you the real thing?” Clay asked softly.
“I am what I am, Clay. I can’t change who I am. I don’t know how to play games. And I don’t know how to pretend to be somebody that I’m not. Does that make me the real thing?” she asked huskily. The feeling of his fingers wrapped gently around her hand was sending wave after wave of impulses up her arm and right down to the center of her, building that fire right back up again after they had just said it shouldn’t be there.
Clay hesitated several seconds then said, “I don’t know, Hailey. I…I don’t how to tell.” He slowly uncurled his fingers then dropped the cigarette butt in his shirt pocket when she dropped her hand. They turned together and walked silently back to the camp where she walked on ahead of him and settled beside Charlie. Clay stopped by the trash barrel and dropped the two cigarette butts inside before he lifted his eyes back to look at her again.
Chapter Fifteen
“Did you get those vices all taken care of?” Charlie asked quietly as he leaned back on one elbow then looked up at her sitting beside him.
Hailey chuckled and nodded her head. “I did. Well, one of them. I’m not quite ready to let go of my coffee cup yet, but the cigarette will hold me for a while.”
“Aren’t you cool?”
She shook her head and said, “No, not yet.”
“Huh. I figured bein’ from down South that you’d be freezing up here.”
“Ah, well, where our place was located is technically in the desert. There are areas around where the grass and trees grow okay, but still it’s desert. The days get hotter than hell, but when the sun goes down, the temperature drops fast. I’m a little cool, but not enough for my jacket yet.”
“I’ve never been down that way. I’ve never been out of Montana actually.”
“Were you raised around here?”
Charlie nodded and said, “Yeah. Just a little ways south of Bozeman. My old man was a truck driver and my mom was a waitress in a little cafe down there. I worked summers and weekends on one of those places that lets folks come in and ride their horses for a few hours, but when old man Cardell decided to hire some new guys I beat a trail up this way. This is what I grew up wanting to do, not spend my days loadin’ some two axe-handle-wide woman from New York City on the back of horse.”
Hailey laughed at the image and Charlie smiled widely when Clay snorted just as he sat down across the fire from them beside Laine.
“I don’t feel sorry you. I feel sorry for the horse,” he muttered and kept a straight face when everybody close enough to hear the low comment started laughing.
“Now, boss…if you’d ever seen me underneath one of ’em trying to push ’em up in the saddle, you might feel sorry for me, too,” Charlie said then threw his head back and laughed when the grin that had tugged at Clay’s lips wouldn’t be held back anymore.
“Well, now there’s a pretty picture to lie down with at night,” Laine said still laughing.
Hailey turned her head and found Lynn watching them stonily. She held her gaze for a few seconds then shook her head slightly and turned her head to look at Clay.
“Hey, I thought about something while we were working today. UPS.”
Clay frowned at her then looked at Laine before he looked back to her. “The company?” he finally asked.
Hailey tried not to laugh but couldn’t help it. “No, Clay. For the computers. Uninterruptible Power Supplies. Battery backup systems to keep the power on to the computers in case the electricity goes off while you’re working on something. It will give you time to save your work before you shut the computers down.”
“Huh. They make something like that? Never mind. Forget I asked that. Buy what you need,” he said then shook his head when both Laine and Charlie started laughing at him.
“You learn qu
ick, boy. Are you goin’ into that same store, Hailey?” Laine asked.
She pursed her lips thoughtfully for a few seconds then nodded. “Yep. I’m curious to see what he tries to charge me for these.”
Clay rolled his eyes and leaned out to look for Davey. “Where’s Davey? He needs to call that blonde.”
“What blonde?” Hailey asked.
“The one he and Charlie were talkin’ about. From the bar. We thought she might want some advance warning before you come back in. In case she wanted to sell tickets,” Laine said then smiled brightly at her when everybody around them roared with laughter. She blew out a quick laugh and let her eyes drift closed as she shook her head.
“You’re bad. You’re very, very bad,” she muttered.
“Hey, she learns quick, too,” Laine said quickly and the smile widened even farther.
When the music, the talk and the laughter wound down, the sounds of the camp turned to the muted activities of men and women who had worked and ridden hard for a long day beginning to make themselves ready for a well-deserved good night’s sleep. Hailey went first and had just spread out her blanket when Laine and Clay followed her closely. She glanced up at Laine once when he laid his bag out close to hers and Clay unrolled his on the other side of him.
Laine grinned at her and whispered, “Just think of me as your own personal bundling board.”
Hailey frowned at him for a few seconds then finally whispered back, “My own personal what?”
Laine chuckled and kept his voice at a whisper. “Back in the 1800’s or so, the practice of bundling was part of courtship in the winter months. The boy and girl were given two separate blankets and they’d get into a bed that had what they called a ‘bundling board’ down the middle so that they could talk but supposedly couldn’t touch. Now me…I never could figure out what stopped that boy from goin’ over the top of that board.”
Hailey laughed in surprise then slapped her hand over her mouth when Clay coughed slightly to cover his own laugh.
“That would be her daddy’s double-barreled shotgun,” Charlie whispered from the other side of Hailey.
The grin went across Laine’s face as he settled his hat over his face and muttered, “You’re supposed to be asleep.”
“Workin’ on it. Or at least I would be if the lot of you would hush,” Charlie muttered back.
“They must not have all had shotguns. We all had to get here somehow,” Hailey whispered.
“That’s what I’m talkin’ about. ’Night,” Laine said after he cleared his throat to keep from laughing out loud.
“Goodnight, Laine,” she said softly then lifted her eyes to meet Clay’s. She hesitated several seconds then whispered, “Goodnight, Clay.”
“Goodnight, Hailey,” he said then pointed up to the stars with a little grin and the smile went across her face immediately. The deep sigh happened without her meaning for it to and she nodded slightly then slid inside the sleeping bag and looked up at the thousands of diamonds twinkling in the sky above them.
She didn’t even remember closing her eyes when she suddenly found herself sitting straight up, fumbling with the zipper on the bag, trying to get free. She couldn’t remember anything about the dream, or even if it was a dream. She just knew she couldn’t breathe and needed out of the bag. When she finally got it free, she immediately rose and stepped away from it, drawing in deep breaths. When her heart rate slowed some, she sat down at the end of it and tugged on her boots then started walking. She was sure if she just walked around for a few minutes that she would be able to lie back down.
She tried to remember what, if anything, she’d been dreaming about. That feeling of suffocating was not anything she had ever felt before. And she had never awakened with such a need to get up and get away. She ran her hands through her hair to push it back from her face then let her hands drift down the back of her head to her neck, keeping them there as she walked.
Clay watched her carefully. He’d heard her get up and watched her as she tried to catch her breath. She had mentioned dreams, but he didn’t think this was that kind of dream. At least she didn’t look like she enjoyed it. He had just started to ask her if she was okay when she sat down and pulled on her boots. So he stayed where he was, watching her silently. At first he thought maybe she was going to answer nature’s call, but when she walked slowly across the opening they were camped in with her hands laced together behind her neck, he decided that probably wasn’t the case. Still he waited several minutes after she had disappeared through the trees in the direction of the pond before he pulled on his own boots then rose silently and picked up her jacket to follow her.
He eased silently through the trees and stood watching her for several minutes before he saw her shiver slightly. As he started towards her he saw her head jerk around to find him before she blew out a quick breath and looked back at the water.
“You startled me. I didn’t know anybody was there,” she said softly.
Clay crouched behind her and draped her jacket around her, letting his hands linger on her shoulders for just a few seconds before he dropped them.
“I thought you might be cold. Bad dreams?” he asked. He knew he should stand up, but his lips were so close to her hair. Hair that he knew was silky and soft.
“I honestly couldn’t tell you. I just woke up and couldn’t breathe. I had to get up. I don’t remember anything. I don’t even know if I was dreaming. Did I wake you?”
“No. I was already awake. I had my own dreams. Ones that I remember all too well,” he whispered as his hand lifted and brushed softly down the side of her neck. She shivered again, but he didn’t stop.
“Still cold?” he murmured.
“No,” she started then broke off on a whispered moan when his lips brushed against her skin. When she breathed out his name, his lips stopped and he slowly dropped his head to lean against her shoulder, not moving for several seconds as he reined himself back in. Being so close in such an isolated spot had driven all but one thought out of his mind. And that was how much he wanted her.
“Sorry,” he mumbled then moved to sit down beside her making sure he wasn’t close enough to actually touch her.
“You want a cigarette?” he asked hoarsely as he pulled the package out of his pocket.
“Sure,” she whispered. What she wanted was him. She wanted him to put his lips back where they were and not stop. When he lit both cigarettes then handed one to her, she reached for it before she realized her hands were shaking. She took it and quickly put it in her mouth then took a long drag.
“Jean Ann said you used to come here,” she said. It was the only thing she could come up with quickly to fill the uneasy silence.
“I did. A lot. Probably a lot more than they knew. It was a way to get away from…him.”
“Would you tell me about it?” she asked.
He took in a deep breath then waited until he took a drag off the cigarette before he answered her, looking out across the pond as he talked.
“I didn’t measure up. And he made sure I knew it. No matter what I did, it wasn’t good enough. I brought home straight A’s. So what? Why shouldn’t he expect that? I rode a horse that none of the hands could ride. Well, the hands softened him up for me. I remember once when I was thirteen I killed a big white-tailed buck. He had a great rack. I thought it was pretty neat that he had thirteen points and I was thirteen years old. I field dressed him and carried him home. He took one look at him and then spat on the ground. ‘I guess you ain’t smart enough to know if you’d left him alone for a few years he might have been a record buck.’”
“Oh, Clay,” Hailey whispered.
He shrugged his shoulders and took another drag before he went on. “I never could figure out why he hated me. It was always that way. No matter what I did or what I said, it was wrong. As far back as I can remember. He wasn’t easy on Kathy, but with me…he couldn’t stand to be in the same room with me. No matter how hard I tried, it was just never enough. Never g
ood enough, never strong enough, never smart enough. I just…never understood,” he finished quietly.
“I’m sorry, Clay.”
He clenched his jaw several times then said, “It’s not a big deal.”
“Yes. It is. Clay…I think you’re good enough. And strong enough. And smart enough.”
He looked down at his cigarette and then turned his head to meet her eyes only to find tears there. “I don’t like making you cry. I don’t like the way it makes me feel,” he whispered hoarsely.