by Raeann Blake
Clay walked straight to the boys and sank down on the floor so that he was directly between Laine and Shack, facing the two boys.
He held up the sacks in his hand and said, “I have something here for you boys. I hope they fit. Everybody knows you can’t ride without a hat, so…”
Both boys squealed when he pulled out the first one and settled it on Timothy’s head then did the same with Taylor’s. He didn’t look up at Kathy until both boys had hats. He’d seen the flash as he set each hat in place, but he was too caught up in the excitement on their faces to look up at her then.
“We can ride? We can ride with you?”
“Yes, sir. Your mom said it was okay and everything. Me and Uncle Laine and Grandpa Shack. We’ll take you riding. Would you like that?”
They were all laughing when both boys launched themselves off the floor and hit Clay at the same time, throwing him off balance and they all wound up lying in a tangled pile.
“Honey, I believe they’re excited,” Gage said with a wide smile.
Hailey looked back at him. He was very handsome. Dark brown hair, brown eyes. Very well built. She guessed he would have to be to do what he did for a living. But there was a gentleness to him. Especially when he looked at Kathy or the boys. The love practically shone from the man’s face. What would it be like to have somebody look at you that way?
“Hailey, you were so right. Thanks,” Kathy said as she watched her gaze shift from Gage down to her.
She smiled at her and nodded. “I knew it was going to be something you’d want to keep. You can see the love on his face when he looks at you. That’s nice,” she said simply as she lifted her eyes back to Gage then down to her again.
Kathy smiled and looked up at Gage. “It goes both ways,” she whispered then leaned up and kissed him on the cheek as his arm went around her waist.
Shack watched Clay’s face as he tilted his head slightly and watched the exchange between Kathy and Gage. If they got nothing else out of this, at least it was a chance for Clay to see two people together who were in love and how it was supposed to be.
“Miz Hailey,” echoed throughout the room. Hailey’s eyes jerked back to the boys in surprise then dropped into a crouch when they rushed towards her.
“Hello, Timothy. Hi, Taylor. I’m so glad you got to come back. And don’t you look handsome in your new hats. I hear you’re going riding,” she said with a wide smile.
“Yes, ma’am. And we get to have a camp out like Uncle Clay does when they drive the cattle. But we won’t be driving cattle. We’re just gonna camp out.”
Hailey laughed and kept talking to the boys and didn’t see Kathy nudge Gage’s arm then nod in Clay’s direction. And she didn’t see Isobell, Laine, or Shack watching him either. Neither did Clay. All he could see was Hailey talking to two very special little boys. There was a light in her eyes when she talked to them that was different from any he’d ever seen before. It was different from the one that he could see when she was talking about work. And it was different from the one that he could see when they were out on the range. This was something deeper, but softer.
But he did hear the click and saw the flash and he turned a narrowed gaze to Kathy only to see her shrug her shoulders.
“Sorry. It was a chance to get you and Laine and Shack all together. I don’t know how many times I’ll get you all to sit still for a picture so I took my chance.”
What I really wanted was the look on your face, little brother. I really wanted the one on Hailey’s, too. But I think I can probably get that any time she sits down and talks to them. And I didn’t want to miss the chance to get the one on yours.
“Sis, you can take all the pictures you want if it means you’ll come back often and take some more. And I want copies,” Clay said then laughed when she immediately took another one then turned and took a quick one of Hailey with the boys.
Hailey glanced up at her then right back to the boys. They waited until the boys had finished what they were telling her before Gage spoke.
“I think they were so excited to be here that they must not have seen you outside.”
“I believe you’re right,” she said as they both shot up and ran back across the room to the men again. “When can we ride, Uncle Clay? Can we ride now?”
Clay glanced up at Kathy and saw her shrug her shoulders so he looked at Shack then Laine then turned back to the boys with a wide smile.
“We absolutely can. Come on. We’ll go saddle the horses,” Clay said as he rose and took a hand in each of his.
“Hang on. Boys, bathroom,” Gage said.
“You wait, Uncle Clay. We’ll be right back,” Timothy said as he grabbed Taylor’s hand and they rushed to the bathroom.
Laine and Shack were both chuckling under their breath but Clay had a perfectly innocent face. Kathy narrowed her eyes at him and shook her finger.
“Clay Cardell, don’t you teach those boys to pee outside,” she growled.
Everybody in the room except her burst out laughing and Gage tightened his arm around her waist and lifted her chin up so that she was looking at him.
“Kat, all little boys pee outside. You don’t have to teach them that. It’s a rite of passage. You can love them. You can teach them all the proper things. But you can’t stop a little boy from doing what comes natural,” he said and let the slight smile widen with each word.
Shack laughed with them but he was watching Clay. His head was tilted again, almost like he didn’t understand what he was seeing. But at least he was seeing.
Kathy sighed and shook her head. “Okay. But you don’t have to show them how.”
Clay bit the inside of his cheek and nodded seriously until Gage grinned at him and he couldn’t keep from laughing.
“Yes, ma’am,” he finally managed and walked to her then opened his arms. When she walked into them, he hugged her tightly.
“Kathy, thank you. Thank you for coming and thank you for bringing them. I’ll take real good care of them. I won’t let them get hurt.”
“I know you won’t. It’s good to see you smile, Clay.”
Clay took in a deep breath then looked down at her and nodded slightly. “It’s good to feel like smiling, Kat.”
“We’re ready,” Timothy said as they came through the door with him still zipping his jeans.
“Alright. Men, let’s ride,” Clay said as he lifted Taylor and settled his hat farther down on his head then turned to find Taylor in Laine’s arms. He grinned at the other two men and started for the door.
“We’ll be back,” he said then kept walking.
Kathy waited until they were out the door before she looked up at Gage. “Didn’t I tell you? He’s so different. He’s almost…happy.”
Gage nodded and said, “It’s not the Clay I know that’s for sure. I think Kathy’s right. I think you must have something to do with that.”
Isobell nodded but Hailey shook her head. “Not really. He’s just never had anybody in this position to take the load off of his shoulders, I think. Well...and he’s never had one that barks back at him either. You don’t want to miss the pictures of them on the horses,” she said as she motioned for the front door.
Kathy held her gaze for just a second then shifted it to Isobell but finally nodded. “You’re right. Let’s all go out.”
When they were off the porch and walking towards the stables, Hailey glanced up at Gage. “I don’t know if he asked, but would you like to ride with them?”
“Me?” Gage said quickly then shook his head. “No, ma’am. I’ve never been on a horse in my life and don’t have any real desire to get on one now. About the only horse you’ll see me on is a merry-go-round with one of the boys.”
All of the women laughed at him and Kathy’s arm went around his waist. “But he rides those really well.”
“I’m the best,” Gage said with a proud grin.
“Clay said you don’t ride, Kathy. Did you ever ride?”
Kathy nodded and Hail
ey wished she hadn’t asked when she saw the look on her face and Gage’s arm tighten around her shoulders.
“Not since…not in a long time. Do you know about our mom?”
“Yes. Clay told me. That’s okay, Kathy. You don’t have to talk about it. I didn’t mean to pry,” she said honestly.
“It’s okay. I’ve learned that it’s better to talk about it than to keep it bottled up. Our mom rode with us every day, rain or shine. Nothing got in the way of our rides. When she disappeared, Clay kept riding. I never rode again. And I never will.”
“Kathy, I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine what it was like for the two of you. I’m sorry that I brought it up,” Hailey whispered. She was desperately trying to get the image of a seven-year old Clay riding out all alone after his mother was gone. “Did he…did he ride by himself? He was just seven.”
Kathy glanced at her and reached out to touch her arm. The tears on her face told the whole story. She knew that she was seeing him in her mind.
“No. Shack rode with him every day. He never let him make those rides alone. That’s not to say that Clay didn’t slip off sometimes after he got older. I never knew where he went, but Shack did. He said he knew where he was and he was okay, that he’d be back when he could be.”
“I know where that place is. He showed it to me. He said he’d go there when it was too bad for him here. That breaks my heart,” she whispered hoarsely and quickly turned away to dry her face when the stable doors opened.
When she turned back around she couldn’t help but smile. Kathy started snapping pictures right away. They were leading three horses. Taylor’s hand was in Clay’s and Timothy’s was in Laine’s as they walked towards them. And they were absolutely adorable in those little felt hats and wide smile on their faces.
“Okay, are you men ready to mount up?” Clay asked.
“Yes, sir,” both boys exclaimed.
Clay lifted Taylor onto his horse first then smiled up at him. “Look at Mama. Let her get your picture,” he said as he turned his head to look back at Kathy then chuckled when she took the picture. He stayed where he was and turned to watch as Laine repeated the same process with Taylor. Once that was done, all three men mounted and waited as Kathy took still more pictures.
“Alright. Here we go,” Clay said as he led them out of the yard at a walk with a wave back to the group.
They watched them go in silence, listening to the excited chatter of both boys and the laughter of the three men with them.
“Oh,” Kathy finally breathed with the tears running down her face.
“Kathy, they’ll be fine. They won’t let anything happen to them and they won’t go far,” Isobell said softly.
“No, I know. They can’t go far with Shack riding anyway. It just hit me how fast they’re growing up,” she whispered then closed her eyes as Gage stepped behind her and slid his arms around her, pulling her back against him.
“It’ll be okay, baby. I know they’re growing up. But they’ll always be your little boys.”
Hailey bit her bottom lip when Gage’s eyes squeezed shut after that caused the first sob to escape Kathy’s throat and she turned to bury her face against his chest.
“Shhh. It’s okay, baby. Don’t cry now,” he whispered and glanced up at Isobell and jerked his head slightly for the house.
She nodded and took Hailey’s arm, pulling her in that direction. “Let’s give them a little time.”
* * *
Hailey glanced up in surprise when the cup of coffee hit her desk and she found Kathy there with a wide smile.
“I understand you really like coffee,” she said then settled in a chair across the desk.
Hailey laughed in surprise and then nodded. “I do. And Isobell talks too much.”
“Oh, honey I would have paid really good money to have seen the look on her face when he brought you that cup. And double that to have seen the one in the kitchen,” she said with an even wider smile.
“I can’t tell you for the life of me why I disliked her from the minute she stepped inside the door. But I did and it only got worse from there. Something tells me the feeling was mutual. Where’s Gage?”
“In the living room. He’s fascinated. He’s an avid reader and he’s picking out all of the titles that Clay has out there that he hasn’t read. I know my husband. By the time I go back out there, he won’t be there. He’ll be out on that back porch, kicked back in a chair with his feet propped up on the railing and one of those books in his hand.”
“I love to read. I just never seem to have the time. Back home between doing the same job I do here and trying to find time in between to ride with the hands there just didn’t seem to be enough hours in the day. I’m hoping once I get a real handle on things here that it will be easier to balance the two.”
“Something tells me that you’ll make that happen. I didn’t mean to interrupt your work.”
“That’s okay. I’m entering the bills that need to be paid next week. It won’t take me long. Do you work outside the house?”
Kathy’s eyebrows went up in surprise. “I think you’re the first person I’ve ever heard put it that way. Most people just ask if I work. Like being a stay-at-home mom wasn’t a full-time job. But to answer your question, I don’t. But I am thinking about getting a part-time job during the school year. With both boys in school, I just seem to be kind of lost without them.”
Hailey glanced up at her then down, “How did you learn? I mean, you were eight when she left, right? How did you learn to be a good mother?”
“I guess I learned from her. I remember her very well. I remember the things she did with us. The way she talked to us. Like I said earlier, she rode with us every day no matter what. When we were younger, she would read to us every night until we fell asleep. She never missed a birthday. She never missed a school play or a teacher’s meeting, Parents’ Day. She was always there for us. I want to be the kind of mother she was before she went away,” Kathy said quietly.
“Kathy, how could she leave you? She must have loved you both very much. How could she just walk away and leave you with him?”
“I don’t know the answer to that. I used to pretend that she was dead. So I wouldn’t have to face the possibility that she chose to leave us behind. But I don’t know that she is. It was very hard for me to deal with. Especially since we weren’t allowed to even mention her again. It was even harder for Clay. Even back then, Clayton didn’t want Clay anywhere around him and he never said one kind word to him. Mama and Shack were the only two lifelines he had. And he got up one morning and one of the only two steady influences in his life was suddenly gone without any warning. He withdrew completely. The only people he even talked to after that were me and Shack. Oh, he tried with Clayton. He’d do something he was proud of, something he was so sure would make Clayton proud and he’d go tell him about it. That bastard never once told him that he was proud of him. He’d make fun of him or belittle him in some way. Not once did Clay go to him and not come away with his heart broken,” Kathy said hoarsely then wiped the tears off of her face that she hadn’t realized were falling.
Hailey fought to hold back the sobs she could feel in her chest as she wiped her own face. “My heart just breaks for him over and over, every time I think about him being turned away like that when all he wanted was for him to love him.”
“So does mine. If it hadn’t been for Shack, I don’t know if he would have made it. No matter what happened, Shack was always there for him. I have to tell you, I’m very surprised that you know all of this. Clay doesn’t usually talk about anything, but especially not about his childhood and never about Clayton.”
“He didn’t tell me all of it. I got some from you and some from Laine. A little from Shack. But he did tell me about your mother. It was the night Gail got here and we were sitting on the back porch smoking a cigarette and drinking a drink. I just asked him if she was still living and he told me about her. He’d made several comments about Clayton,
but he didn’t tell me what it was really like until one of those nights we were out on the range. We were at the place that he used to go and he told me about some of the things that happened and why he would go there. I wish…I wish we could go back there and make it better for him. But we can’t.”
“No, Hailey. We can’t. But I think you make it better for him now,” Kathy said softly.