Taming Clay

by Raeann Blake

  He sank down to the ground and ran his hand down his face before he lit a cigarette with shaking hands and smoked it slowly. He knew she was lying. That wasn’t what she wanted. At least it wasn’t all she wanted. It had almost come out, but she’d stopped it just in time. Why not just say it? Just finish it.

  When he felt the heat against his fingers from the cigarette that had burned down to the filter without him even taking another drag, he crushed it out on his heel then dropped the butt in his shirt pocket. He rose slowly and walked back through the trees but stopped and leaned back against one as he looked around the area. Being here was no different than it was any other time. He still heard him, heard the things he said at one time or another that sent him there. He still felt it cut through him. He sighed deeply and turned to look back at the fire only to find her sitting up now with her jacket on and a cup of coffee clasped between her hands as she breathed in the steam. He couldn’t help just standing there and watching her. As much as it hurt, as much as he knew it couldn’t happen now…he still wanted her close to him. But he couldn’t touch her now. He couldn’t say all those things he’d said before. He couldn’t tell her and show her that he needed her and wanted her beside him. He couldn’t do any of those things…because he couldn’t trust her.

  Hailey knew he was there but she wouldn’t look up. This hurt so much more than she could have ever imagined. Just knowing that he had spent the night in another woman’s arms after what they had shared was unbearable. He touched her, and he kissed her. Made love to her only hours after he’d held her in his arms and…

  She shook her head and took a quick sip of coffee when her breath caught and warned her that she was very close to crying again. She wasn’t going to let him make her cry again. She lifted her eyes just slightly and thought he might be watching her so she looked right back down at her coffee. She could see him just enough to tell he moved and was getting closer.

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  Clay settled back across the fire from her then spooned some chili into a bowl and took a bite. He couldn’t taste it, but he forced it down.

  “Did they tell you what we found out from Isaac?” Hailey asked without looking up.

  Clay clenched his jaw then nodded slightly. “They told me. Funny how you just happened to run into him and you just happened to have that list with you.”

  Hailey finally lifted her head and studied him for a few seconds. “What the hell does that mean? I did just happen to have the list with me. He showed up at the cafe and I asked him about it.”

  “Yeah, so I heard,” Clay muttered then forced another bite down his throat.

  Hailey pursed her lips for a few seconds then quietly asked, “Did you get your hat back?”

  Clay flinched slightly but answered her immediately. “Not yet.”

  Hailey snorted in disgust and looked back down at her coffee.

  Clay waited several minutes to try to make sure his voice was sharp. Instead it came out hoarse. “I guess his hands aren’t quite as rough as mine.”

  The frown happened first as her head lifted yet again. “Whose hands?”

  Clay blew out a short laugh and shook his head without saying anything.

  “If you got something to say to me, say it,” Hailey snapped.

  “Yates. Isaac Yates. Do his hands feels better against your skin than mine do? What about the cop? His are probably soft. He’s probably never handled anything rougher than the butt of a gun in his whole fucking life,” Clay finally snapped.

  “What are you talking about?”

  Clay rose and dropped the bowl to the ground and glared down at her. “I’m talking about your hand in his. You smiling up at him like he made you the happiest person on earth just by showing up. I’m talking about you with your hand on Yates’ arm. And his on your goddamned face. You know fucking well what I’m talking about.”

  “Who told you that?”

  “Didn’t think I’d find out?” Clay snapped.

  “There was nothing for you to find out. It was nothing. I’ll tell you about it. But who told you that?”

  “And I’m just supposed to believe you? Are you kidding me? I’ve got pictures, Hailey. Fuckin’ pictures. You think I can’t see how you were looking at them? Do you think I can’t see the look on your face when he was touching you and…goddammit,” Clay shouted then spun and walked into the darkness.

  Hailey shot up and followed him. When she caught him and touched his arm, he spun and grabbed her roughly.

  “Get the fuck away from me. Goddammit, get away from…” He stopped and jerked her to him then crushed his lips against hers. His whole world was spinning out of control. He wanted to push her away from him, but he couldn’t. The feel of her against him, her lips against his wouldn’t let him.

  Hailey struggled with herself for just a minute before the memory forced her to push against him and jerk her head away.

  “Let me go,” she said hoarsely.

  Clay forced her face back around to his. “No,” he growled and tightened his grip on her chin and pressed him lips back against hers when she tried to pull away.

  Hailey started to fight in earnest and shoved him backwards as hard as she could. It was just enough to break the kiss.

  “Did you kiss her like that? Cherry, right?” she hissed.

  Clay immediately dropped his arms and took a step back. “Get away from me. Go back to the fire,” he whispered.

  “Clay…”

  He lifted a finger in warning and whispered even lower. “Get…away…from me. Now,” he said slowly then backed away from her and disappeared into the dark.

  The first sob broke free and she quickly turned away and walked dejectedly back to the fire. She couldn’t stop them now. As soon as the first one was out the rest soon followed. She sank down tiredly on her bag with them still racking her body and the tears streaming down her face. She pushed her boots off and slid inside the bag, curling up into as tight a ball as she could.

  He stopped far enough away that she couldn’t see him, but he could still hear her. And it tore his heart out. If she hadn’t said what she did, he would have forced her. He was so out of control that he wouldn’t have stopped. That hurt almost as much as hearing her cry.

  She finally managed to control the sobs but everything inside of her felt dead now. She was trying to put the pieces together. What pictures? Somebody took pictures and sent them to him? She should be angry. She should be upset. But nothing inside of her was working. How could she still want him so much that it had taken imagined images of him kissing that woman, holding her, making love to her before she could stop him? Could she stay there? Trying to work with him would be the most difficult thing she had ever attempted to do. Living in the same house with him…that might be impossible.

  She’d known for a while that she was in love with him. She probably had been from the first day. But she had only let those three words come together when he had so sweetly told her why he thought they fit together. She couldn’t deny it anymore after that. And now…now it didn’t matter. Now he was gone. Just like she’d known all along he would be some day, but she had let herself forget. She had let herself believe that she could have the fairy tale. A fairy tale that she had never admitted that she wanted before. One she didn’t even know she believed in. She didn’t believe in it anymore.

  She shivered slightly. It was strange that she hadn’t been able to get warm since that cold wind had started blowing through her just two nights before. Was that all it was…just two days? It seemed like it had been a lifetime. She’d forced herself not to wear her coat all day even though she had needed it. She knew if she wore it all day that it wouldn’t seem as warm to her after dark. But instead of the coat she had put just the jacket on earlier. Now even with it and the sleeping bag, she was still cold.

  She tried to force her eyes open. She tried to uncurl from that tight ball. But she hadn’t slept for two nights now and she suddenly couldn’t seem to move.

&nb
sp; Clay walked silently back to the fire. He had just settled on the log and glanced at her when he realized she was shivering. He watched her for several minutes. Her breathing was steady. She was obviously asleep but she was shaking badly. He sighed softly then rose and went to get her coat. He eased over to her and spread it over her gently as he crouched beside her.

  The breath came out quietly but was uneven as he let his hands linger for just a second against her before he lifted one and tenderly brushed a wisp of hair back from her cheek. The whispered ‘why’ wasn’t loud enough to wake her. But it echoed through him. He pulled his hand back and just watched her sleep for several minutes before he made himself stand and walk back to the other side of the fire.

  He’d spent long enough walking through the dark to finally understand and admit one thing. He knew he needed her in that job or he’d never get out of that house and out here again. But it was more than that. He needed her in that house. Even knowing what he knew, he needed her close to him. What he didn’t know was how long he would be able to stand wondering every time she left the ranch if she was meeting somebody. How many times would he be able to watch her drive away knowing she was going to somebody else? How was he going to look at her when she came back and not search her face to see if her lips were swollen from another man’s kisses, try to tell if her hair was mussed by another man’s hands?

  He groaned softly and dropped his head when he just couldn’t stand looking at her anymore. Why couldn’t Laine and Shack have been right? Why couldn’t she love him? Why did she let them touch her?

  * * *

  She was working as quietly as she could but every sound seemed magnified to her. She was hoping to at least have everything ready before he woke up. They’d be less likely to fight that way. She just needed to eat a little then she could start back for the ranch. She closed her eyes and listened to the lowing of the cattle in the distance for several seconds before she looked back at the chopped bits of sausage in the pan and stirred them.

  “I thought you couldn’t cook.”

  His voice startled her so much that she jumped backwards and landed on the ground from where she had been crouched close to the fire.

  “Oh, dammit. I thought you were asleep. Over a stove. I can’t cook over a stove. A campfire is different,” she muttered as she pushed herself back up to stir the sausage again.

  Clay blew out a long breath and pushed himself up then scrubbed his face. He didn’t think he’d slept more than an hour or two, but he was surprised he’d slept at all.

  “There’s coffee,” Hailey said quietly as she lifted the small pan and raked the sausage onto two soft flour tortillas she had already warmed. She rolled them both into a tight circle and tucked in the ends then took one and moved back to the log she had sat on the night before.

  “Go ahead. Not a gourmet breakfast, but Shack didn’t have much time to get a lot together,” she said quietly then took a bite and chewed silently as she let her eyes flick to him then back to the fire.

  He took time to pour some coffee into a tin cup first and took a long drink before he took the other tortilla and took one bite.

  “That’s good,” he said quietly after he’d swallowed it then took another bite without looking at her.

  “It’ll do,” she said lowly.

  They ate silently and each had another cup of coffee before either one of them spoke again.

  “Did you make it to the line cabin before the storm hit? Laine was worried about you.”

  “No.”

  Clay swallowed hard at the lack of emotion in her voice and finally lifted his eyes to look at her. “No?”

  “No.”

  He pursed his lips for a second then asked, “Didn’t he tell you that there was weather moving in?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And you came anyway?”

  “Yes,” she said evenly then rose and took the pan she had used and walked away.

  Clay sighed and turned his head to watch her walk towards the pond until she disappeared into the trees. The day before she came to work for him, it wouldn’t have mattered one iota what she thought or how she felt. All he needed was for her to do her job. Even after seeing those pictures, even after spending countless hours seeing them over and over again in his mind…it mattered now.

  When she came back, she started packing her gear without speaking.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Back to the ranch. I have work to do.”

  “You don’t have to go back yet if you’re not ready. I mean…you can camp anywhere else if you’re uncomfortable here,” Clay said quietly.

  Hailey stopped and turned her head to look at him then went right back to work. “I told Laine and Shack I’d only be gone a couple of nights.”

  “They know I’m here. They won’t worry if you don’t come back tonight.”

  He sighed slightly when she didn’t even pause. He watched her finish what she was doing and then move over to Soldier where she worked quickly getting the saddle on and the packs tied on the back. When she swung into the saddle he finally rose but still watched silently.

  She wanted to stay, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t let herself feel anything now. She had to stay in that spot where the only thing between them was business.

  “I’ll see you back at the ranch?” Clay asked quietly.

  Hailey nodded and nudged Soldier with her knees to get him started. “That’s where I’ll be. Anything I need to tell Laine or Shack?”

  “No. Just…I’ll be in tomorrow, I guess.”

  She let Soldier walk on for several steps before she reined him in sharply and turned him around and rode back to look down at him. He couldn’t miss the hurt in her eyes and it took his breath away.

  “I don’t know what you thought you saw in those pictures, but you were wrong. Now if you could just say the same thing about where you spent the night,” she said evenly then immediately spun Soldier around and kicked him into a canter without giving him a chance to say anything.

  That band around his chest got even tighter. He couldn’t stop his eyes from watering as he watched her ride away from him. He sank back down to the ground and watched the path she had taken long after she had gone. What if he’d been wrong?

  “No. I’m not wrong. I saw it. I know what I saw,” he muttered to himself. But what was he supposed to do now?

  “You can start by getting up off the ground. She was with them. She was with them both. Don’t forget that,” he whispered then finally made himself stand. He looked around him for several minutes then started working to pack everything up. Maybe he would stay there tonight or maybe he’d stay closer to the herd. He didn’t know. It didn’t really matter. What mattered now was just to do something.

  Once he had everything ready, he mounted then started for the herd. His mind churned constantly and the farther he rode, the tighter his chest got. When he topped the last rise and found the herd below him, he sat where he was for a long time, just watching them before he lifted his eyes to the ledge she’d been on the day before.

  “Hey, buddy. How’s it goin’?” he whispered softly to the mountain lion that was watching him steadily but hadn’t moved. After several long minutes, he disappeared from view when he stretched back out on the rocky surface.

  * * *

  The tears were long since dried when she rode into the yard. When she saw Laine come out of the house she waved a hand at him but didn’t stop until she reached the front of the stables. She dismounted and waited for him before she led Soldier inside.

  “Hey, sugar. Are you okay? Did you make it to line cabin?” Laine asked when he reached her then slipped an arm around her shoulders and squeezed as he kissed her gently on the temple.

  “Not before the storm hit, but we made it,” she said as he walked to the door and held it open for her to lead Soldier through.

  “Did you see him?” Laine asked quietly.

  “Yes. He said he’d be in tomorrow,” she said as she turne
d away and started stripping the packs off.

  Laine waited several seconds then nodded slightly. “Okay, let me help you.”

  They worked silently until they had everything off and stowed. She had taken him inside the stall and was brushing him down before he spoke again.