by Raeann Blake
He stopped at the door and sucked in a deep breath before he opened it and walked through. He stopped just inside and just barely cut his eyes to her bedroom door. When he found the door closed, he let the breath back out slowly.
“Come on, man. I’m buying,” Laine said easily as he pushed Clay towards the bar. He walked straight behind the bar and poured two drinks, handed one to Clay then motioned to the back porch.
“Let’s go out here.”
Clay glanced back at her door again then nodded before he followed him out. It was several minutes after they had both settled on the steps and Clay lit a cigarette before he finally turned to him.
“What is it, Laine?” he asked quietly.
“First…you didn’t sleep with her.”
Clay opened his mouth then shut it and frowned. “How do you know that?”
“I was worried about you not knowing whether or not you used a condom. I got her number off the caller id and called her back. I asked her if I could come get your hat. She said I could and told me where her apartment was. I drove in and got it. Before I left, I asked her. She said you were drunk when she first sat down beside you, and that you were even drunker before you left with her. You followed her home and you passed out on her couch just about the time you walked through the door. You didn’t sleep with her, Clay.”
Clay’s head immediately dropped into his hands as the relieved sigh came out. “Oh, goddamn. I just knew I’d fucked up. I was so afraid it was gonna be just like Gail all over again,” he muttered.
Laine waited a few seconds then asked, “That’s why you got married so suddenly?”
Clay nodded and lifted his head then took a drag off the cigarette. “Yeah. I did the same thing that night. Except I did sleep with her. That wreck…she miscarried when she had that wreck. And I couldn’t even think about the fact that she lost the same thing I did. All I could think about was the baby that would never be. I wanted that baby. But I was so scared it was gonna happen again. Besides, if I slept with her without a condom then I couldn’t….”
He immediately clamped his mouth shut and didn’t look up when he Laine’s breath sucked in sharply.
“Oh, Clay. Goddammit. You’ve been sleeping with her without a condom? Are you crazy?” Laine whispered.
“She’s…she’s taking something. She said she was…oh…oh, God. You don’t think she is?” Clay asked hoarsely.
“Whoa, buddy. I didn’t say that. If she said she is, then I’m sure she is. She’s worked with nothin’ but men all of her life. I can’t imagine that she wouldn’t protect herself just in case.”
Clay nodded then croaked., “Yeah. I guess. That’s over anyway, so…”
“Well, that’s the other thing, Clay. Kathy came out earlier and brought copies of all those pictures she took when they were here. There’s two things I’m gonna ask you to do for me,” Laine said gently then slipped a picture out of his pocket and tucked it into Clay’s without showing it to him.
“Don’t say anything yet. Let me finish. The first thing is that I heard what you said about the way she looked at the two of them in those pictures. And I know you believe she looked at them some special way or something. I want you to go in there and you look at those pictures. You look at her face in each one of them,” he said then tapped Clay’s pocket that held the picture.
“Then I want you to look at this one. I want you to look at her face in this one and then look back at those others. I want you to see the difference. Wait, I’m not finished,” he said when Clay’s mouth opened and he could tell he was going to argue with him.
“The other thing is that I want you to give her a chance to explain every one of those pictures. I’ve already heard it. I’ve heard it from her and I’ve heard from Isobell. You should hear it from her, Clay. Just give her a chance to tell you what was going on. If you still don’t believe her, then that’s your choice. But you should at least listen to her. That’s it. Just do those two things for me.”
Clay clenched his jaw several times before he turned his head to look at him. He held his gaze for several seconds then looked down at his pocket but didn’t take the picture out. Instead he nodded slightly.
“For you,” Clay said quietly.
“For you, too, buddy. Come on. Let’s get some sleep,” Laine said quietly then rose and waited for Clay to put his cigarette out then follow him inside. They both left their glasses on the bar and started for the stairs. When they reached the bottom of them, Clay reached out and stopped him.
“Where are you going?” he asked with a frown.
Laine smiled just a little and lifted his eyes up to the front bedroom on the second floor. “I’m goin’ to bed, buddy.”
Clay lifted his eyes to follow his gaze then slowly dropped them back to him with his eyebrows drifting up slightly. It was a few more seconds before he turned his head enough to see the door to the other bedroom on the bottom floor and found the door closed. He was almost afraid to ask but couldn’t stop the grin that was spreading slowly across his face.
“Are you kidding? You moved in? You both moved in?” he asked hoarsely.
Laine shrugged his shoulders but then chuckled softly when Clay laughed and threw his arms around him and hugged him close then slapped him on the shoulder.
“Well, I’ll be damned. Oh, man. I can’t believe it. Thanks, Laine. You don’t know…you think he’s awake?” he asked as he nodded at Shack’s door.
“I think he wouldn’t mind if you wake him up if he’s not. Go talk to him. I’m goin’ to bed. See you in the morning.”
“Goodnight, Laine. Buddy, you don’t know what this means,” Clay whispered hoarsely.
“Actually, I do. It means just as much to me. Goodnight,” Laine said as he laid a hand on Clay’s shoulder briefly then started up the stairs with Clay watching him go.
He couldn’t help his heart lifting as he watched the man go up the stairs and then into the bedroom, closing the door softly behind him. He turned and walked to Shack’s door then tapped gently before he opened it just a crack.
“Yeah?”
He pushed the door open and stepped inside and met his eyes in the pale light from the window. The quick breath that he heard pushed out of Shack’s lungs told him how worried he’d been.
“Glad you’re home, son,” Shack said softly.
Clay walked across the room and sat down in the chair that was directly beside the bed. “And I’m glad you’re home, old man. Finally.”
Shack chuckled softly then nodded. “Think you’ll be able to stand having us in the house?”
“Shack, I can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted this. Thank you. Not just for this. For my life. And for being the one person I could depend on no matter what. You’ve always been there for me. Every day. And having you in here…I don’t know how to tell you what it means. There’s nothing else you could have done for me that would mean more than this,” Clay said with the emotions clogging his throat.
Shack sat up in the bed and faced him to meet his eyes steadily.
“Son, this means just as much to me as it does to you. It was just as hard for me to watch you leave that bunkhouse and come up here as it was for you to do it. I missed the hell out of you. I didn’t know what to do with myself most of the time. But that’s over. I’m here, Laine’s here…and you’re here. How long you been home, boy? Are you hungry?”
“No, sir. I haven’t been here long, and it’s not long until breakfast anyway. Go back to sleep, Shack. I just wanted to tell you…I’m glad you’re here,” Clay said hoarsely. The emotion in Shack’s voice was more than he’d ever heard before. He was always open and honest with him. But he’d never heard the emotion choke his voice that way before. It made him doubly glad that he had finally asked about them moving in the house.
“Okay. Go on to bed, Clay. Get a little sleep.”
“Yes, sir. Goodnight,” he said then rose and walked to the door but turned and looked back at him again. Just knowing he was the
re put the smile right back on his face and he saw one just like it spread across Shack’s. He waved a hand silently and went through the door, closing it quietly behind him.
He took a few seconds to lean back against the wall and lifted his eyes to the ceiling. “Thank you,” he whispered then straightened up and started for the stairs. His steps faltered then stopped when his eyes settled on her door. He looked back down at the pocket of his shirt but still didn’t take the picture out. Instead he made himself turn away and went up the stairs, not stopping until he was inside his room.
Once he was there, he waited for a few seconds before he slipped the picture out then laid it face down on the nightstand without looking at it. He pushed off his boots and shirt then slid his belt through the loops and dropped it on a chair. His steps went to the door instead of the bed. He wasn’t sure he could lie down there. After several long minutes he turned back to it again then caught his breath, dropping his eyes down when he could see her there. Instead of looking back at it again he walked back to his shirt and pulled out the package of cigarettes and lighter then walked out to the balcony. He’d just lit it when he caught the wisps of smoke drifting up from below him. He rubbed his hand roughly across his forehead to keep the groan that was in his chest inside when he realized she was right below him.
Hailey was holding her breath. She’d heard him go upstairs and thought she had waited long enough to make sure he was in the bed before she slipped out of her room. She’d watched him ride in and watched him walk across the yard with Laine. She knew he’d gone in to talk to Shack briefly before he went upstairs. Then she thought it was safe and had slipped out to smoke. Her heart had stopped briefly when she heard the door open and the flick of the lighter. She knew she should just go back inside, but she was afraid if she moved that he would know she was there and she couldn’t face him tonight.
She took another drag then turned her head just enough to realize he was directly behind her. She couldn’t stop the little sound at the back of her throat as she quickly shoved off the steps and started across the yard without saying anything.
Clay watched her silently as he sank down on the steps where she had been. It had been just like an invisible rope pulling him across the balcony and down the steps. He was back in that spot. The one where there was a short-circuit between his brain and the rest of him. No matter how many times his brain said stop, his feet kept going. The sock-covered feet made no noise going down the stairs. He’d been directly behind her and battling with himself not to touch her before she even knew he was there. Now she was across the yard from him, pacing, without looking back.
He finished the cigarette then pinched the fire off before he tossed it away but stayed where he was. He should go. He knew it. But he couldn’t make himself do it. Instead, he waited. Then his breath stopped. She had been pacing back and forth even after she’d put the cigarette out. She wasn’t pacing anymore. She was facing him now. Even from that distance in the dim light of the partial moon, he could see her take one slight step then stop. It was several minutes before she took two more then stopped again.
Don’t. Don’t do it. Why is he just sitting there? If he just wasn’t sitting there. It doesn’t matter. Don’t do it. But…no. Don’t…I have to.
Then her steps started again and didn’t stop. She walked straight to him. Her lips were against his even before she straddled him and sank down over him.
Clay groaned deeply and answered the kiss hungrily. His arms went around her to pull her tightly against him and one slid up her back and into her hair as he deepened the kiss. As much as they had shared together, he had never felt that much need in her kiss…and it matched his own. Neither one’s hands were still. His were at her back, up into her hair, up her ribs to brush against her breast. Hers were on his chest, at the back of his neck, up into his hair to let it play across her fingers as she slid them up. When one slipped down to let her fingernails scratch just lightly along his chest, the deep growl rumbled through him into her. It was a sound that deepened as soon as the touch of her hand turned bolder and pressed against his skin as she rubbed a trail back up again.
He finally broke the kiss then held her back from him for a few seconds as he searched her face then rose with her still against him and shifted her to cradle her in his arms and start for the stairs without either of them speaking. When he reached the bedroom, he laid her gently on the bed and immediately stripped away the jeans before he settled on the bed with a knee on each side of her. He held her gaze for just a second before he reached for the first button of her shirt. Each one that came free shortened her breath a little more. She was pushing him to the edge as she lifted her hands and laid one against each leg, slowly, tantalizingly moving them up. The higher she got, the faster the buttons came undone.
He couldn’t help the groan that came out when she touched him and let her hands brush along the full length of him before they slid higher, up his stomach, up to his chest. He freed the last button on her jeans and quickly pulled away from her and stripped them off then pushed the shirt back and down before he unclasped the bra and peeled it back slowly. He helped her pull it off and out from underneath her. He reached out to touch her but then pulled his hand back. His eyes were fastened on what he wanted to touch, but he couldn’t. The thought that his hands were too rough flashed through his mind and he slowly lifted his eyes to hers.
She didn’t know how anybody’s eyes could show hurt, desire, and uncertainty all at the same time. But his did. She didn’t even hesitate to reach out and take his hand then pull it to her breast. The hoarse whisper of his name came out as soon as she felt his hand against her and her back arched to him.
The dam was broken. Just as she had that first night, she let him know with her body how much she wanted his touch. All of that need surged through him and nothing else would fit inside of his mind. He didn’t stop to wonder how she could take him to a place where no other person and no other things existed. When they were in that place, there was no before; there was no after. There was only that minute in time.
There would be no teasing touches, no soft brush of the lips. The need to feel the things they only felt when they were together pushed them both on. He sank inside quickly and her hips rose to meet him. The more they gave, the more they needed. With no words spoken, two bodies demanded of each other everything the other had to give; each one answering the demand and still pressing for more.
She had not even managed to get her breath back when she finally realized what she’d done. He had managed to roll to the side and had her pulled tightly against him. His heart was still pounding in his chest so violently that he shook with the force of it. Hers wasn’t any slower. But the realization that came forced her to move.
“Oh, dammit,” she whispered hoarsely and tried to pull away from him only to have his arms jerk her right back against him roughly.
“Don’t,” he growled.
“Let me go, Clay.”
“No. Don’t go,” he said softly. He knew it was a mistake. What he had done was a mistake and letting her know that he wanted her to stay was another one, but he couldn’t stop the words any more than he could make his arms loosen from around her.
“Please, don’t go. Stay,” he murmured with his lips pressed against her hair.
“It won’t change anything, Clay.” She tried to keep her voice from quivering and letting him know how close she was to crying yet again, but she wasn’t as successful as she had hoped.
“Stay anyway. One night, Hailey. Stay one night,” he whispered to her and leaned his cheek against the top of her head. He let the breath of relief out as quietly as he could when she stopped trying to push away from him. The tension in her body relaxed slowly, very slowly. But it did relax. When he finally felt the fight go completely out of her, he slipped one hand up and tunneled it into her hair as he pressed her closer to his chest.
It was so foolish to let herself sink back into the feeling of security and belonging that
his arms gave her. Even knowing that, she wasn’t strong enough to force herself to give it up…even if it was only for one night.
Clay opened his eyes and let them drift to the nightstand where the picture was still lying. He knew Laine was wrong. And he knew that having her there with him that way was the worst thing he could have done; the very thing he had sworn would not happen. But right that minute, nothing else mattered as much as her staying. He’d deal with the aftermath tomorrow. He’d do the things Laine asked him to tomorrow. It was close to sunrise already. He just wanted to hold her for a little while. He just wanted to feel her against him for a little while. Then he would be stronger.
As he drifted to sleep, it was with the thoughts of them dancing, laughing and talking. Memories of sharing the drinks, the cigarette. And hearing her voice saying she would stay forever.