by R. L. Weeks
I blinked twice. “I’m surprised you’re here after yesterday.”
“Me too.”
We stayed in silence for a few moments and stared at each other. I felt emotion surge through me. It wasn’t something I was accustomed to. I felt… sad.
“I’m sorry,” I said earnestly. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
She huffed and sat at the end of my bed. She rubbed her hand on my foot on top of the covers. “Oh, Kate. I wish you’d just spoken to me. Anything would have done. Look, I’m here for you. I know I said what I did, but you’re my best friend. We’ve known each other our whole lives. You’re like my sister.”
My chest tightened. I did miss her; I didn’t even realize I could still care. I told myself it was a good thing. “Same. I just couldn’t feel anything for the longest time.” My mouth had run before I could think about what I was saying.
Her expression set into a frown. “What do you mean?”
I swallowed hard. “Nothing. It’s just been a weird summer.”
“You can tell me more about it on the way to school.” She stood and pulled the blanket off me. “Come on, get up.”
I shook my head. “I really don’t want to face everyone again today. It was bad enough doing it yesterday.”
She rolled her expressive brown eyes. “Put your war paint on and let’s go face them!”
I half-smiled. I eyed my makeup bag and sighed. “Fine.”
Vanessa chatted with my mom downstairs. I could hear them from my room but couldn’t make out what they were saying. I looked back at the mirror and put my hairdryer down on the side table.
My hair was thick, which made it difficult to actually style. As always, I let it fall flat and straightened the parts which were flicking off.
I turned to my makeup bag and pulled out my crimson lipstick. Next, I turned to my eyes. I couldn’t get my eyeliner right. One eye looked like Macy’s, the other like Walmart. I gave up and threw my black makeup bag next to the mirror.
“Hurry up!” Vanessa shouted up the stairs.
“Yes! Coming.”
I grabbed my coffee, already brewed thanks to Mom.
“Have a good day,” Mom said with a hint of a smile.
I pecked her on the cheek. “See you.”
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out and eyed the message. It was Nicholas.
I’m glad you texted. I did say to call though.
I texted back.
Who calls anymore? Anyway, can I talk to you after school? Meet me at the bench by the woods.
I wasn’t sure what I was going to say to him, but him being in my dream couldn’t be nothing. Unless it was. In which case, I was being ridiculous. Either way, it couldn’t hurt to hear him out.
Vanessa’s gaze narrowed. “Who was that?”
“No one.” I mumbled and shoved my phone in my bag. She didn’t look convinced, but thankfully she didn’t push it further. We walked outside. It was slightly warmer today than it had been all month. The sky was bright and almost clear, except for the odd-scattered cloud. Birds were tweeting, there was a nice breeze, and I heard a man whistling while watering his lawn.
Vanessa finally said what she had been thinking. I could always tell when she was holding back. “Your mom said you’ve been going to a psychiatrist.”
Why did my mom feel the need to tell everyone that? I let out a slow exhale. “Doctor Roads,” I stated. “She’s okay, but she hasn’t really helped. I needed help getting to sleep. That’s all.”
She didn’t look swayed. I looked down at her bag. It was covered with beads and tassels. New bag?”
“You like it?” she asked.
“Love it,” I lied. I wouldn’t wear it, but it was her style. Taking advantage of her good mood, I decided to bring up my conversation with Nicholas. “I need to ask you something,” I whispered.
“Why are you whispering?”
I bit my lip, then remembered I had lipstick on. I cleaned my teeth with my tongue. “It’s Nicholas.”
“Oh God.”
“He talked to me.”
“About?”
“Nothing really. He just wanted to get me alone to talk about something.”
“He is a creep. Creeeep!” she enunciated. “Stay away from him. You should know better.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “I know.”
She gave me a look. “Well, I know you. You’re attracted to all of that.”
I stopped. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
She waved her hand. “Oh come on, I just meant you’ve always been drawn toward toxic people.”
“Why thanks, Nessie,” I replied.
“I hate that nickname,” she chastised. “Anyway, what I am saying is you are not toxic. You are kind. Others take advantage of you. People like Nicholas.”
“Thanks,” I said sarcastically. “But I’m sure he was just trying to find out more about my dad’s accident. What is it with everyone and their morbid curiosity?”
She shook her head. Her waves bounced around her shoulders. “Ignore everyone. They’ll soon forget about it when something new happens.”
I felt a knot in my stomach. Forget about it, just like he would be forgotten about. Pain radiated through my chest. I didn’t like it. I felt like the Grinch when he finally learned to love again. My heart was enlarging. I pushed the pain away into a deep, bottomless pit, along with my other emotions.
“He’s dating Amara anyway,” Vanessa said.
I zoned back in. “Huh?”
“Nicholas.”
Oh, we were still on that topic.
“Great. I don’t care.”
She smiled. “I know. I’m just saying. “You’re better than her in many ways,” Vanessa said proudly.
I chuckled and nudged her. “She’s not the problem. Jayde is.”
Vanessa agreed, and we picked up the pace. I decided against telling her about me texting Nicholas. She would only judge me anyway. What was the word she used to use in junior year to describe me? Oh, that was it: naïve. I wasn’t going to give her any ammunition.
Her eyes sparkled as sunlight bounced off them. She looked so different since the start of summer. She had always had a similar figure, thin with small breasts and small hips. Except, now her figure was fuller, and it made her look hotter. Her cheeks were always a rosy pink, and her small nose complimented her heart-shaped face.
She side-eyed me. “Why are you staring at me like that?”
I laughed. “Sorry, that was weird. I was just realizing how different you look now.”
“I hope you mean for the better,” she said playfully. We reached the gates. “I’m going to head out to meet Grace and chat with them so there are no problems at lunch.”
I nodded gratefully. “Thanks.” I didn’t want to deal with making up with the other girls just yet. I wanted to slide back in as if nothing had happened. “I’ll meet you at lunch.”
I headed to the restroom before class and ran into Jayde and Amara on the way.
“Watch where you’re going!” Jayde shouted as we bumped together. Her books went flying, scattering over the tiled floor.
“Sorry. I was distracted.” I admitted, hoping to avoid a confrontation.
She laughed and so did Amara. Jayde’s eyebrows shot up her forehead, and the corner of her lip tugged into a smirk. “On more crazy pills? I heard they make you dazed.” She rested her hand on her hip. “I know everything. My mom’s a pharmacist. She was telling my dad about all the different medications going out under your name.” She told me, as if she had found out about some great, forbidden secret.
I shook my head. “That’s confidential. Your mom could get into all sorts of trouble if anyone found out she was telling her daughter that information.”
Jayde faltered. “Yeah, well… prove it.”
Amara jumped in. “That’s probably why Nicholas was talking to you.” She flicked her long hair over her shoulder. Her brown eyes focused on me, like a vip
er ready to attack. “Because you’re broken.”
I was done trying to avoid confrontation. Amara and Jayde were both bitches, but Jayde was more obvious about it. At least she owned it. What I hated most about Amara was she was sly. She would pretend to be nice to people, and then manipulate them. The bad ones are usually the best at playing the victim. “Fuck trying to be nice to you. Do you seriously think you can get to me?” I laughed and it echoed down the emptying hallway. “I don’t care what either of you has to say. Nicholas just asked me something quickly. It was nothing. We’re not even friends, and besides…” I looked at Amara. “You’re just bitter. Let me guess, he dropped your ass sometime over the summer. Vanessa told me you were dating, but I doubt it lasted long.”
Her chest heaved. She looked like a volcano ready to erupt.
“That’s what I thought,” I said and turned away from them. I was so done with high school drama. The sooner I was out of that one-horse town, the better. Adrenaline pumped through my veins, making me feel nauseous. I hurried into the restroom. Thankfully, it was empty. I suddenly felt overwhelmed, as if the numbness was slowly peeling away and I had to deal with everything underneath. Being back at school was bringing it all to the surface. I checked my phone as a distraction and saw two texts from Nicholas.
I’ll meet you there.
The second text, which was sent only a few minutes ago, read:
I just saw you with Amara and Jayde. Are you all right?
I didn’t reply. I held the phone in my hands tightly until my knuckles turned white. One by one, tears slipped down my cheeks. I didn’t know what I was crying about, but the list of things I should cry about was long. My heart raced and before long I was trembling and almost dropped my phone. I wanted to scream and scream until my voice dried out.
My phone buzzed again. It was another text from Nicholas.
At least let me know you’re all right.
What was with him? He didn’t even know me. I almost texted him to tell him to leave me alone, but the dream from last night lingered in my thoughts. I felt like something was going on, something I couldn’t put my finger on.
After a few minutes, I calmed myself down. I was too tired to stay mad or sad. My eyelids were heavy. What I’d have given for some relief…
I walked out of the cubicle and checked the mirror. “Great,” I said aloud and wiped the streaks of mascara from my cheeks. My eyes were puffy, my cheeks blotchy, and I’d missed the start of class. I couldn’t bear for anyone to see me like that, so I grabbed my bag from on top of the sink and hurried out of the restroom, walking right toward the front doors. I headed toward the only place where I knew I could be alone without being badgered. I walked down the long-cobbled path until I made it to the woods.
The sun beat on my back and head, making me feel more exhausted than I already felt. I reached the bench and sat. My feet were aching. I usually wore boots, but today I wore tennis shoes. I slammed my bag on the ground and slunk into the bench. It was quiet out there. No one was staring at me, or asking questions, or looking at me as if I were some pitiful lamb.
My hands were shaking vigorously, but I wasn’t cold. They just did that when I was upset. I sat on them, trying to calm myself. I looked up and watched the leaves as they fell swiftly to the ground.
Why was I suddenly feeling everything? It didn’t make any sense. I rubbed my eyes and took several deep breaths. I had completely lost all sense of who I used to be. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was a shell of the old Kate. I missed her.
Being alone gave me some relief. I let my tears fall, but this time I didn’t try to stop myself. My heart hurt, which I guessed was a good thing, but it was painful, and I needed it to end.
Tears tickled my skin. I didn’t wipe them away. I was alone there; I didn’t need to hide my emotions. I sat for ten minutes or so, staring at the leaves and sobbing.
My phone buzzed. It was Vanessa.
You weren’t in class. Did you go home?
Then my phone rang. No, no, no. I hated phone calls. Why couldn’t people just text?
It was my mom. That made sense. She’d probably received a call. I didn’t answer. Shortly after, my phone buzzed with a new text. It was my mom.
Please answer your phone!!!!
I texted her back. I knew she’d worry if not.
I’m okay, I needed to go and see the school therapist.
I hoped it was enough to sedate her calling me again.
It buzzed again.
“Come on!” I shouted at no one in particular. “Give me a break.”
It was Nicholas.
It’s a beautiful spot.
Wide-eyed, I looked around. I couldn’t see him. No one knew I was here. It was quiet—too quiet. I could hear my own heartbeat. The woods had suddenly become devoid of all sound.
Crack. The sound of a twig breaking set me into motion. I ran, adrenaline pumping through my veins, pushing me to run faster. I couldn’t shake the feeling of being followed. I sprinted toward a clearing. The dappled sunlight shone through the branches above. I saw a meadow, like the one from my dreams, ahead, and stopped to catch my breath. A feeling of dread came over me.
“There’s no way,” I said aloud as I scanned the meadow for any threat.
“You know, the first sign of insanity is talking to yourself.” Nicholas said, breathlessly, and halted behind me. “But it’s okay, I like the insane ones.”
“You stalker!” I yelled. “Why didn’t you just come out and say hello like a fucking normal person?”
He put his hands up in the air. “Whoa, I’m sorry. To be fair, you took off before I had the chance to. I saw you from the end of the path when I texted you.” He looked around. “I ran after you.”
I ground my teeth. It made sense, but I was still pissed. “You scared the shit out of me.”
He smirked. “You’re cute when you’re mad. Has anyone told you that?”
Rage bubbled in the pit of my stomach. “It’s not funny!”
He grinned.
“No!” I shouted. “Stop smiling.”
“Sorry… sorry,” he said with a smirk. He looked around us. “Have you been here before?” His eyes took shape as the sun got higher in the sky. He looked almost feline. It was super creepy.
“Uh… no.” I looked at the meadow and felt uneasy. “Maybe.”
“I think you have.”
I revved myself up to ask the ridiculous question about my dream. “Were you in my dream last night?”
He lifted a dark-brown eyebrow. “I don’t think so.”
I felt stupid for asking, but he didn’t seem to be weirded out. “Oh.”
“You were in mine though.”
My jaw dropped a little. “What?”
“Yeah,” he said nonchalantly. “You’ve been in my dreams for months actually. I could never quite make out who you were, but then I saw your face...”
“Last night,” I said, finishing his sentence.
He exhaled slowly. “Right.”
“That’s not strange at all.” I almost smiled. Was it some cosmic connection? My dad had said that he always felt a draw to Mom, said he knew before she came into his life that she was the one. I never understood it, but perhaps seeing him in my dreams was no coincidence.
“Was that a smile?”
“Almost,” I teased.
Being with him—although up until now I hadn’t thought much of him—seemed easy. He wasn’t asking questions about my dad or looking at me like some crazy person.
“Being in each other’s dreams can’t be a coincidence,” I told him. “What do you think it means?”
He smiled widely. “I never thought it was a coincidence. The universe is rarely so lazy.”
“What does it mean then?” I asked, doing my best to keep the cynicism out of my tone.
He looked at the meadow. “How about I show you?”
Curious to see what he might show me, I followed him through the meadow. As we walked through the tal
l grass, I pursed my lips. “You asked about my sleep. Does that have something to do with this too? Some sort of weird dream travel or something?”
He didn’t look back at me. “Not dream travel, no. More like a calling.”
“To what?”
He didn’t answer me. “Look.” He pointed at a house in the distance as it came into view.
I did a double take as the pale-blue wooden exterior came into view. “Unbelievable,” I gushed. “Un-freaking-believable.”
“Almost,” he said snarkily. “But it’s very real.”
“I’ve dreamed about this house,” I said in disbelief. “I… I don’t know what to say.”
We reached the house, and the whole area had strong energy, an overwhelming spiritual presence. It was heavy and filled with many different emotions.
“Overwhelming, isn’t it?” Nicholas stated as he searched my eyes for my reaction. “After the house kept showing itself in my dreams, I came looking for it. I’m surprised you didn’t.”
“I didn’t leave the house all summer, except to go to the doctor’s and the bookstore.”
He hushed me as he pushed the door. He looked unsure of what we may find inside. It squeaked open. I felt as if we had been transported into some clichéd horror movie. A strong herbal smell hung in the air. Just outside the door, just like in my dreams, there were unmarked graves.
I followed him through the doorway and sneezed when the dusty air reached my nose. “I’ve been here before. I mean, besides in my dreams. I think I came here when I was a kid, but I can’t be sure. I was so young.”
He ran his hand down the wall that was splattered with blood, which had turned brown. “Something terrible happened here,” he told me. “Something dark.”
I could feel it, the tragic energy. He sat next to the used black candles and leaned back against the wall. He patted the spot next to him. I chose to sit across from him instead. I liked to look at the person when I was talking to them.
“It started over the summer,” he explained. “The dreams. You. The sleepless nights and rollercoaster of emotions.”
It all sounded the same as mine, except for the rollercoaster of emotions. Mine had up and left. “Pretty much the same happened to me.”