‘In that case, I think I’ll have a bath and call it a night.’ He made for the bottom of the stairs.
‘Good luck with that. There’s no hot water,’ her mum said with an almost joyful note in her voice. She put a cigarette between her lips and rolled the flint under her thumb.
Don pushed the lounge door to, blocking Jacks’ view. But despite his lowered voice, she could still hear him.
‘Oh, Ida, and you wonder why…’
‘No, I don’t wonder why! I know why! I have all the time in the world to sit and think about why!’
Jacks abandoned the phone, suddenly wanting to be anywhere other than listening to her parents arguing. She retreated to her bedroom. This was not the time to be asking for anything.
15
Gina gave an elaborate wave as Jacks pushed her mum’s wheelchair through the door of the coffee shop on the seafront and snaked round the tables to take up the seat alongside her.
‘Cor, it’s freezing out there.’ Jacks loosened her mum’s scarf, unzipped her coat and ordered two hot drinks. The place was busy and the aroma of toast and freshly brewed coffee made it feel cosy and inviting. Customers clustered around the tables with coats and scarves resting on the chairs behind them. No one seemed in any hurry to go back outside.
There was a strong smell of cinnamon, which always made Jacks feel a little nauseous. The ceiling was festooned with twists of red and green crêpe paper and large silver snowflakes had been pasted on to the windows. On the other side of the glass, shoppers dashed madly to and fro, clearly feeling the pressure as December sped by and Christmas Day loomed closer.
‘Well, Ida, I heard about your little adventure last night.’ Gina smiled at her friend’s mum. ‘Did you go out dancing? Because next time, take me with you.’
‘Oh God, G. We can joke now, but it was the longest hour of my life. It just didn’t make sense. I knew she couldn’t have gone far, but you know when you can’t think straight and your mind runs riot.’
‘Yeah, every day.’ Gina pulled a face. ‘Still, all’s well that ends well.’
Jacks tried to laugh but was still haunted by how scared they had all been. The young policeman had sat at the kitchen table, removed his hat and flipped open his notepad. ‘So the lady in question is Mrs Ida Morgan and she is eighty-one?’
‘Yes.’ Jacks had nodded. ‘She has dementia and she’s very quiet and frail. And now it’s getting late and it’s dark and cold. Her coat’s still in the house.’ She shredded the tissue in her hand.
‘Does she have a phone?’
‘No.’ Her mum didn’t have the dexterity to open a packet of biscuits, let alone operate a phone. ‘No, she doesn’t.’
‘How mobile is she?’ The young policeman sat with pen poised.
‘Erm, she can walk, but she’s a bit unsteady and she can’t go far. So she can manage from the bedroom to the loo and from the kitchen up the hall to get in her stair lift, but for any longer distances, like going to the shops, she’s in her chair.’
‘Does she have any hobbies, participate in any sports, belong to any clubs?’
Jacks looked first at Pete and then back to the policeman. Don’t be so stupid! What bloody sports could she participate in? She nibbled her nail. ‘No. As I mentioned, she’s not that mobile, or that with it really. Shall we go and look for her again?’ She pushed back her chair, feeling impatient, wanting to do something.
‘Nearly done. Does she have friends?’
It was a difficult question for Jacks to answer. She shook her head and cried, ‘No! She doesn’t have any friends. She has lots of people who care about her, but no friends.’
Pete took her hand and held it beneath his.
‘How long was it between the last definite sighting of her and when you first realised she was gone?’
‘About an hour.’ Jacks shook her head. Why didn’t I check on her sooner? This is all my fault. I’m supposed to be looking after her. I promised.
‘And there was nothing unusual about her? She wasn’t upset?’
‘No. I got her started with her tea and she told me she was going away on a trip.’
‘She did? So she told you she was going away?’ The policeman looked confused.
‘Well, yes, but she didn’t mean it! She doesn’t know what she’s saying!’ Jacks was getting frustrated by the questions and the lack of action. ‘We had a guest over for tea, maybe we should talk to him!’ She looked at Pete.
‘Why would they talk to him?’ Pete asked.
‘I don’t know!’ Jacks shouted. ‘I just don’t know what else to do. Where is she?’
The front doorbell rang. Jacks ran up the hall and flung it open to see her mum on the doorstep, with Angela by her side, holding her arm.
Jacks shivered as she relived the memory. She looked at Gina. ‘Apparently Angela nipped out to do the recycling and came back to find Mum rifling through Ivor’s desk, flinging invoices left, right and centre, saying she was looking for something we’d stored there. I have no idea what she was doing. The policeman was lovely, but I still feel embarrassed about causing such a fuss.’
Gina pulled a face. ‘Weird that she’d go digging around in other people’s stuff – that’s not like her. Looking for that bloody letter, I bet!’
‘Oh God, G, I hadn’t thought of that! You might be right. I just feel terrible about it. She said she was going on a trip and I laughed it off, didn’t take it seriously.’
‘Mate, you can’t beat yourself up about it.’ Gina sipped her coffee. ‘Maybe you should get her chipped.’
‘She’s not a bloody dog!’
‘I know! But you know what I mean, like a homing device!’
‘And she’s not a pigeon either!’ Jacks laughed in spite of her friend’s clumsy comment.
‘What’s in the bag?’ Gina asked, changing the subject as she spied the large carrier with a box inside resting on the handle of Ida’s wheelchair.
‘Well, don’t laugh, but I got Martha a sandwich toaster for Christmas. I don’t know what the facilities are like at Warwick, but I thought if she gets back to her room after lectures and is a bit hungry, she can always have a toasted sandwich in her room, or make snacks for her friends.’
‘That’s a nice idea.’ Gina popped a square of shortbread in her mouth and turned towards the wheelchair. ‘You look well, Ida. Despite your little adventure. Are you looking forward to Christmas?’
‘I have treasure!’ Ida announced. ‘From my dad. I kept it hidden!’
‘Oh, how exciting. I love treasure.’ Gina patted her hand.
‘You mustn’t read my letter! You mustn’t. Don’t do it!’ Ida shouted.
‘Don’t worry, Mum. No one will read it but you, I promise.’
This seemed to placate her. ‘Is Don coming here?’ she asked anxiously.
‘No. No, he’s not,’ Jacks answered softly.
‘I reckon that letter your mum’s waiting for has gone second class,’ Gina commented.
Jacks giggled. Gina still had the ability to make her laugh like no one else. ‘Reckon you might be right.’
‘It’s true, though, your mum does look well. But you, on the other hand…’ Gina tutted.
‘What?’ Jacks sat upright.
‘You look terrible!’
‘G, you must learn to stop sugar-coating your thoughts.’ Jacks laughed.
‘I’ve known you too long to sugar-coat anything. You look knackered.’
‘So I’ve been told. I don’t know why everyone seems so keen on pointing it out to me. It’s not like I don’t know how tired I am. I do. I’m bloody exhausted! And everyone telling me just makes me feel worse.’
‘I’m only going to repeat what I’ve said a million times before, but can’t you get some respite care for your mum? Even if it were just for a week, it would make all the difference. She wouldn’t know and a rest would do you so much good.’
Jacks shook her head. ‘You know what happened when that home help came in – she went
berserk, hated it. It’s not fair on them or her.’
‘So try a different home help.’
‘No. I promised my dad and a promise is a promise.’
‘Jacks, I knew your dad nearly all my life.’ Gina stirred her coffee. ‘Don was a lovely, lovely man and he wouldn’t want you working yourself into an early grave, he just wouldn’t.’
‘It’s not that straightforward. She gets very flustered if things are new or there are strangers around. Plus it costs money, a lot of money.’ Jacks sipped her latte.
‘So use some of your inheritance! That’s what it’s for, to make life easier!’
‘Maybe.’
‘I know that “maybe” means no,’ Gina almost shouted.
Jacks laughed because G was right again.
‘I’ve already told you I’d be happy to have your mum for a weekend or overnight.’
‘Thanks, G, but I wouldn’t put that on you. Plus she’s better off at home, where everything is familiar.’
‘Well, the offer is there. Anyway, let’s change the subject. Have you thought any more about going to see Sven in the new year?’
Jacks looked around, as though someone might be listening. Of course they weren’t. ‘No!’
‘Well, you should,’ Gina urged.
‘Are you trying to get me into trouble?’ Jacks whispered.
‘I just think you’ve got a little bit of unfinished business. And it’ll be a laugh. I saw how you reacted to his photo – it obviously meant a lot to you and this is your chance to put it to bed once and for all. Fnarf!’
The women giggled like they were teenagers again.
‘I can’t just up and go to London! What would I tell Pete and the kids? I’ve never lied to them and I’m not about to start now.’
Gina considered this. ‘What about if you didn’t have to lie to them? What about if I invited you up to the Big Smoke for a day of shopping and it just happened to coincide with a certain event featuring a certain blonde Swedish nerd with terrible taste in jumpers?’
Jacks’ stomach flipped at the idea of seeing him again. ‘I don’t know…’
‘Well, think about it. Let me know and if you are up for it, I can put things in place. No one would ever know, only you and me! We’ll have a laugh!’
‘What would I do with Mum for a whole day?’
‘Like I said, get a nurse in, a bit of respite care. There are agencies that would send someone to come and spend the day with her. Surely you don’t mind leaving her for a day? There must be one person she’d be happy to be left with. She’d probably be glad of the change of company – having to look at your miserable face must drive her loopy. Or loopier!’
‘I’ll think about it.’
‘Ooh, good. “I’ll think about it” is usually a yes!’
And Jacks laughed because she was right yet again.
‘So,’ Gina started, ‘Pete told Rob that Martha’s got herself a young man!’
‘Well, yes, she has. But not so young – he’s twenty and works in a garage in town. He’s called Gideon.’
‘No need to ask if you approve!’ Gina laughed. ‘The curl of your lip says it all. And your voice! You sound like you’re spitting poison, the poor sod. I feel a bit sorry for him and I’ve never even met him!’
Jacks rubbed her eyes. ‘Oh God, it’s not that I don’t approve of him. I don’t approve of anyone here. I want her to go away and make a life, not get stuck in a rut she can’t get out of.’
Gina stared at her. ‘They’re having a cheeky snog on the Marine Parade, Jacks, not waltzing up the aisle. You need to let it run its course.’
‘Did Pete tell you to say that?’
‘No, but if he had, I would, because that’s right. You’re getting your knickers in a twist over nothing. Mark my words, by the new year, Gideon will have moved on and Martha will be lying on her bed, crying over what might have been and rehanging her Justin Bieber poster.’
‘I hope you’re right.’ Jacks polished off the last of her coffee.
‘I usually am.’ Gina grinned. ‘Just ask my husband.’
Ida turned and opened and closed her mouth as if about to speak. She twisted her fingers in agitation. Jacks helped lift her cup of tea to her mouth. Ida took a sip and then spoke with such clarity it took both Jacks and Gina by surprise.
‘Such a waste of life, two of us sitting waiting for him night after night. Did it make her happy? I don’t think so. I don’t think it did.’
Gina and Jacks stared at each other, wondering who Ida was talking about.
‘You are not wearing that!’ Jacks spoke authoritatively as she turned her attention back to the mound of potatoes that she was peeling.
‘What’s wrong with it?’ Pete crept up behind her and made the nose and antlers on his reindeer flash. ‘If you can’t wear your Christmas jumper on Christmas Day, then when can you wear it?’
Jacks laughed. ‘You look like a right wally.’
‘Thought we weren’t supposed to call our family members names?’ Martha wandered into the kitchen and took a seat at the kitchen table.
‘It’s Christmas, normal rules don’t apply! I can call your dad a wally and you can get me a large glass of wine, which I shall drink while I get the lunch ready.’
‘Drinking during the day?’ Martha tutted.
‘Yep. And I might have two puddings as well, who knows?’
‘Can I have two puddings?’ Jonty chirped up from the hallway, where he was directing his remote-control car.
‘Yes.’ Jacks nodded.
‘Can I have a glass of wine then, if he’s having two puddings?’ Martha asked as she poured one for her mum.
‘Yes.’ Jacks nodded again.
‘Can I get a motorbike?’ Pete thought he’d try his luck.
‘No!’ Jacks waved the vegetable knife at her husband.
‘But it’s not fair!’ He slapped the table as his voice went up a couple of octaves. ‘I have to share a room with Jackieeeeee and I want to go out with my mates and she won’t let meeeeee!’ Pete imitated his daughter before falling against the chair opposite her and slumping into it. ‘No one understands me and my boyfriend’s got a silly naaaaaame!’ he wailed.
‘Very funny.’ Martha pursed her lips but couldn’t fight the smile that spread.
Jacks leant against the sink and giggled.
Martha sipped the glass of white wine that she had poured herself. ‘He might have a silly name, but he bought me this!’ She gathered her hair and pulled it to one side to reveal a silver chain with a delicate filigree heart hanging from it. She was clearly pleased as punch.
‘Oh! It’s beautiful, love.’ Jacks had to admit, it was lovely. The smile her daughter gave her made her almost forget where the gift had come from.
‘Can I have some wine?’ Jonty stood in the doorway.
‘No. You are having two puddings,’ Jacks reminded him.
Martha faced her brother and took an elaborate sip. ‘Ooh, this is nice, much nicer than two puddings!’
‘You’ve got no boobs!’ Jonty shouted at his sister.
Jacks sprayed wine over the potatoes and Pete guffawed loudly.
‘Jonty!’ Jacks squealed. ‘What a thing to say to your sister!’
‘I heard her saying to Steph that she wanted bigger boobs and I said she didn’t even have any to start with, let alone bigger ones!’
Martha stood from the table and tackled her little brother to the floor, kissing his face and tickling him as he screeched for mercy. Ida rang her bell from the lounge and Pete jumped up. ‘I’ll go!’ He took a moment and looked back into the kitchen at his family. Jacks caught his eye and smiled. This was a good, good day.
The Davies household was full of laughter for the rest of the afternoon. The turkey and all the trimmings were cooked to perfection and there was even a blue flame flickering on top of the Christmas pud. Jonty had two helpings, as agreed. Pete kept his novelty jumper on all day; it flashed while he napped on the sofa, his tummy full
of trifle. Ida wore her good jewellery, stretching her fingers and staring at her eternity ring as though it was the first time she had seen it. Jacks looked at Jonty’s beaming face as he gazed at the remote-control car that Santa had brought him, mesmerised by the continual whizzing back and forth. She knew they’d been right to dip into their savings. At bedtime, he had to be prised away from it.
Jacks sat on the lounge floor, eating chocolates she didn’t really want, just because they were there, and half paying attention to the Christmas movie. She shot the occasional look at Martha, who was a little quieter than usual. She had her phone on the cushion by her side and was regularly sending and receiving texts, alerted by the tiny buzz that saw her fingers dart out and reach for it. Jacks didn’t have to ask who they were from.
As Jacks washed the pots at the end of the day, she thought about the year to come, another year without her dad. Pete came and stood next to her, picking up a tea towel to help dry.
‘Just think, next Christmas our girl will be home from university and when everyone else is asleep, I’ll sit here with her, glass of wine in my hand, and listen while she tells me all about it.’
‘You’ll miss her, won’t you?’ Pete whispered.
‘I really will. But I’d never stop her. It’s right she goes, goes and lives!’
‘You’ve done us proud today. The food was lovely, it’s been great.’ Pete pulled his wife towards him and kissed her gently on the mouth.
‘Blimey, Pete, reckon that glass of whisky’s gone to your head.’ She leant into him.
‘My head and my toes! It’s making me want to dance!’ He placed one hand on her waist and raised her hand inside his as he waltzed her in a circle, lifting her off the floor and ignoring her squeals.
‘Fancy an early night?’ He looked at his wife, his eyes crinkling into a smile.
‘Only if you promise to take that bloody jumper off.’ She giggled.
‘Deal.’
Pete leant in again for a second kiss when Jonty’s voice called from the landing.
‘Mu-um? Martha’s being sick!’
Jacks rested her head on her husband’s chest. ‘How much wine did she have?’
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