“Great, just flippin’ great. What about the shoot?”
“It’ll be fine by then. Plus, we can always do some shots of you lying or sitting down. We’ll make it work.”
“I have another shoot on Thursday; hopefully, they’ll be as understanding as you are. Then, I’m supposed to walk for this new designer in Chicago on Friday. What are the chances of that happening?”
“If you take it easy between now and then, it should be okay. If it doesn’t feel any better by tomorrow, I’ll take you to see someone.”
“Zach is going to kill me if I miss anything.”
“I thought you were on vacation?”
“Me, too.”
Catching on to my irritation, Blake drops the subject and we eat in silence. After all the food is gone, he picks out a movie, and we settle in to watch. I don’t remember much past the opening scene as my exhaustion from traveling and cleaning took over.
I’m warm. My entire body is warm, and I’m comfortable. Half awake, I snuggle back into the pillow, reaching under to pull it closer to my face. My hand is met with a firm yet soft object. An arm. I think back to yesterday, tripping over my own two feet, Blake… shit! He’s still here. He’s cuddling with me. No wonder I’m so damn comfortable right now.
Slowly cracking one eye open, I see I’m still on the couch. The TV is off, and dawn is breaking through the open blinds of the patio door. The clock on the cable box tells me it’s almost six o’clock. That means it’s after nine in New York. Zach will probably be calling soon to check on me. Blake can’t be here for that. I suck at lying, and I hate doing it.
“How long have you been awake?” he mumbles, causing me to jump a little.
“Damn it, Blake. You scared me.” I suck in a deep breath and let it out. “I just woke up.”
“You missed the sunrise. I’m glad I didn’t close the blinds last night. It was beautiful.”
Knowing Blake can find the beauty in almost anything, a smile forms on my face. “You should have grabbed your camera.”
“I didn’t bring it with me.”
Turning to face him, I give him an inquisitive look. “Really? I thought it was attached at all times.”
“It normally is. I didn’t think I would need it.”
I’ve always competed with Blake’s camera. Knowing, for once, he left it at home makes me wonder. “Oh.”
“I hope you don’t mind I crashed here.”
“No. Why would I?”
“Because I know you’re engaged, and yet, I still slept beside you.”
“That probably wasn’t a good idea but, well, no harm, no foul.”
“I couldn’t resist.”
The serious look on his face, the way he’s staring deep into my eyes—into my soul—to make sure I understand what he’s trying to tell me, scares the crap out of me and excites me at the same time. Three little words just rocked my world. He could have told me he still loved me, and my heart would be reacting the same.
“Well,” he begins, sliding out from behind me and sitting at the end of the couch. “I should get going. I have a full day of work ahead of me.”
“Okay. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”
“Or I could come back over tonight and we could try and go out for dinner again,” Blake suggests. “How’s the ankle?”
Moving it in circles, I attempt not to cringe. It still hurts but not nearly as badly as last night. “It’s better.”
“I’ll be over about six, then. Sound good?”
“Sure.”
After letting Blake out, I lean against the door and practice my deep breathing. As awkward as it was to hug him goodbye, it was even more awkward when we both went to lean in for a kiss, stopping ourselves and stepping back quickly. I need to call Aubrey and get her opinion on this. Better yet, I’ll call Alice. She’ll help me make sense of it.
She laughed and laughed about me tripping and then was all bubbly when I told her about the “almost kiss” with Blake. They love Blake; they always have. Alice was devastated when I told her we broke up. This, us together again, even if it’s just as friends, makes her happy. It makes me happy. I missed him… more than I realized.
Zach’s call comes just as I hang up with Alice.
“What do you have going on today?” He’s hinting at something, but I’m not sure what. It’s the tone, the condescending tone I hate.
“Nothing. I’m going to finish cleaning the apartment, and then I think I’m going to head to the salon. Maybe hit up the spa.”
“You need to hit the gym. Get in a few miles on the treadmill.” That’s going to be a problem. “After that, you can go do whatever you like. The shoot tomorrow is at two o’clock. You should probably hit the gym tomorrow morning, too.”
I have to tell him. He’s going to be pissed. Or I could just skip the gym and keep my mouth shut. He’s not going to be able to tell if I went or not. “Sounds like a plan.”
“I need to get going. I have a few meetings this afternoon, and then Aubrey and I are going shopping for the two of you for Chicago.”
“Okay. Send her my love.”
“I will.”
Ignoring Zach, I spend the afternoon at the salon, treating myself to a mud bath and massage. I’m pulling in the driveway when Blake calls to let me know he’s running late, but he’s on his way. I still need to shower, so I tell him to let himself in when he gets here.
We spend the evening walking the beach, catching up on the past few years and getting to know each other again. I tell him all about modeling, the things I’ve experienced and the places I’ve been. After a few moments of silence, I tell him about Zach, how we started dating and our life together. It pains me to tell him about my life with another man, and judging by the fact he’s staring out at the vast ocean, avoiding eye contact, it’s hard for him to hear.
When he asks about the wedding, I freeze up. I explain I haven’t set a date, and the inquisition ensues. No date. No plans. We’ve only been engaged for a little over a year. My schedule it too hectic.
Blake calls my bluff like I knew he would. I can’t argue my way out of it, so I let the conversation fade away.
After a nice dinner, Blake drops me off back at my apartment, excitement in his eyes for our photo shoot tomorrow. Watching him drive away, a feeling washes over me I’ve never felt before. It’s as if our day is incomplete, our conversations unfinished.
Waiting on Blake to arrive at the set, the makeup artist puts fresh powder on my face. Another layer that will melt off under the heat of the lights if he doesn’t show up soon.
A door slams in the distance and Blake jogs toward me. He apologizes for being late, and we get started right away. All business, Blake directs me through the shoot, positioning my body the way he wants. Letting the lights and sounds fade away, I focus on Blake. Thinking back to when we were much younger, I remember the summer we spent together. The trip he took me on to the amusement park. I think back on the spring break I spent with him when we hiked the trails to the hot spring so he could take some shots. Our first kiss… and our last.
Depending on what emotion Blake was trying to get from me, I focused on that aspect of our relationship. We’ve had our highs, our lows and everything in between. We started as friends—best friends—spent a few years in a relationship neither of us understood, something maybe we weren’t ready for, and fell flat on our face. Now, we’re back to where we started, friends. Right? Is that all we are?
My heart flutters inside my chest and then suddenly stops when the realization hits.
That has to be all we are. I’m engaged to someone else.
September 2000
London Fashion Week was amazing. It still amazes me I’ve never been a fan of shopping because I fell in love with every outfit I was put in. The designer, Anthony, is incredibly talented. Our meeting in Chicago was a huge success. He’s asked both myself and Aubrey to walk for him in Paris and again in New York next season. Of course, we agreed. We’d be stupid not to. He’s up-and
-coming in the fashion world, and he wants us along for the ride.
That’s been the highlight of my year, getting to know Anthony and working with him. But the lows have been just as significant.
When I picked Aubrey up at LAX, she knew something was off. She peppered me with questions until I finally caved and talked to her about Blake. What a mistake that turned out to be. I never imagined she’d tell Zach anything, but she claimed she felt she “owed it to him” to let him know what was going on.
The fact of the matter is, I had no idea what was going on, and in the end… nothing was going on. I haven’t seen or heard from Blake since I left LA. In fact, I was surprised he didn’t show up in London. I almost expected him to be there. A different photographer from his magazine was there to represent the company.
At first, I was sad. I didn’t let it show, though. The last thing I needed was Zach breathing down my neck while I was preparing for the show. Or Aubrey. Both have been watching me like a hawk recently. I can’t think of any other reason than Blake.
Our paths are bound to cross again in this industry. They’re both going to have to learn to deal with it. Zach knows how to act professionally in public. He’s also mastered the art of tearing someone apart with his words while smiling and sounding pleasant. Yes, it’s an art. One I have learned to recognize where he’s concerned.
We’re on our way to Paris, and then it sounds like I get a small break. Small being a few days, tops, including traveling back to the states. I’m thinking about going home to see Alice and Scott. I miss them terribly, the boys, too. If I can make it happen, I’m going to fly Georgie home for the weekend. According to Alice, Brenden seems to be lonely, and it would be good for him to get to see both of us.
“When we land, we’re heading straight to the hotel to get settled, and then you have a fitting with Anthony this afternoon.”
“Sounds good,” Aubrey pipes in from the seat behind me. “Are we going to have any time for sightseeing while we’re here?”
“After the show, you can do whatever you want until we leave. We aren’t scheduled to fly back for two days.”
“How would you feel about me leaving early and flying home?” My words are hesitant, uncertain what his response will be.
“We’ll see.”
“Um, I’d like to make arrangements as soon as possible.”
“I said, we’ll see. Let’s get through the show first.” Taking an annoyed tone with me, I let the subject drop for now. But this conversation is far from over. Once we’re alone in our room, I plan to bring it back up.
Zach excuses himself to the restroom, and Aubrey hops up into his seat.
“Why do you need to go home?” she inquires, lifting the window shade, momentarily blinding me.
“I don’t need to,” I respond. “I want to. I miss my family.”
“But they’re not really your parents. It’s not like you owe it to them to keep visiting.”
“Excuse me?” I’m not easily offended, but that felt like a knife in the back, especially coming from her. “They are my family. Family is not always about blood, Aubrey. They love me, I love them, and nothing else matters.”
“I guess. It’s just weird how you’re still visiting them after all this time.”
“It’s not weird. If Zach and I get married, who did you think would walk me down the aisle?”
“If?”
“I meant when.”
Did I say if? Oops. I hope she doesn’t read too much into that. I’m sure she’ll run to Zach and tell him what I said. I’ve learned, especially after this summer, I can’t tell her anything I don’t want him to know.
“Sure you did. Are you planning on setting the date anytime soon, by the way?”
“I already told you, Zach needs to clear our schedule first,” I say, placing the blame on Zach even though I know it’s not him that’s holding things up.
“You guys should talk about it. I mean, you’ve only been engaged for like forever.”
Aubrey’s been pushing the issue lately. This is the third time she’s brought up our wedding date in the last few weeks. I can only imagine Zach has put her up to it. I’d be getting a tad bit impatient if I were him, too. After the whole Blake thing, I figured he’d call things off and I wouldn’t have to worry too much about it. I was wrong. I think it’s made him even more determined.
The pilot comes over the speakers, announcing our arrival in Paris, first in French and then in English. Moments later, Zach returns, closing the window shade, and we sit in silence while the plane makes it descent. This is the worst part of flying in my opinion. My stomach always starts to turn as we approach the ground. I fear, if I were to ever die in a plane crash, it would be while attempting to land. I’d never even see it coming.
Per usual, life becomes a whirlwind as soon as we reach the hotel. Zach is on his phone, making calls and scheduling things for both myself and Aubrey. I hear the word party, photo shoot, and interview a handful of times before I zone out and focus on unpacking both our suitcases.
Zach tosses his phone on the bed and starts to undress. “Get changed. We have to meet with Anthony in thirty minutes. After, you have a photo shoot, and then we’re going out to dinner with a few of my colleagues. Make sure you bring something sexy to change into. We won’t have time to come back to the hotel beforehand.”
I hesitate but only for a second before Zach snaps his fingers to get me moving. However, I’m ready and waiting on him ten minutes later.
“I was thinking,” I start as he pushes the button to call the elevator, “I’d really like to go home for a visit. It’d only be for a few days, and I’d meet you and Aubrey back in New York.”
“I said, we’d see.”
The ding of the elevator stops me from continuing. When the doors slide open and I see the car is empty, I push him on the issue again. It gets me nowhere. He’s dead set on making me wait. I’m sick of listening to his demands, and I almost tell him so. Almost. The elevator comes to a stop, the doors slide open to reveal the lobby of the hotel and Blake’s handsome smiling face.
“Charlie,” he says, his voice lacking the surprise I’d expect.
“Blake. What are you doing here?”
His eyes shift to Zach and then back to me before he continues. “I’m shooting the Paris show. Are you walking?”
“Yep. The Chicago trip I told you about turned out great, and I got to walk in London, too. Same designer.”
“That’s great,” he replies, stepping into the elevator as we step out. Looking directly at Zach he says, “I guess I’ll see you both around, then.”
The doors close, cutting our conversation short. Zach grabs my hand and pulls me into the bustling lobby and over to where Aubrey is standing. He doesn’t speak. I can see the anger on his face, the storm brewing inside. Blake’s presence gets to him. His name alone hits a nerve. I get it. He’s my ex-boyfriend. But after all this time, I would have thought he’d get over it. Zach won. I’m engaged to him even if I’ve had second thoughts about it. Even if I won’t set a date for our wedding. It’s his bed I sleep in at night. His arms hold me. It’s his hand squeezing mine, attempting to get my attention right now.
The cab ride is short. Anthony, who I saw less than twenty-four hours ago, greets us excitedly outside the venue. Zach focuses all his attention on his meeting, addressing Anthony and referring to me and Aubrey as if we’re not even in the room. We’re not included in the conversation. Decisions are made for us. Outfits are chosen. The order in which we walk is determined. All without consulting us, even though we’re all seated at the same table.
It wasn’t like this in London. It wasn’t like this in Chicago. We both had input. Something is wrong with this situation. Did London not go the way Anthony was hoping? Did one or both of us screw up somewhere along the way? I want to ask, but I also don’t want to be rude and interrupt their conversation. So I sit back and tune them out, do a little people watching—my favorite thing to do at these event
s, and slip my heels off.
“Char is going to be taking a short break after the show. She’s going home for a few days to recharge. We can meet you in Chicago the week after if that still works for you.”
My ears perk up when I hear Zach say my name. My heart starts to race when his words sink in. I’m getting my vacation. I get to go home and spend some time with my family. “Recharge,” as he put it. Time off. Thank the stars!
I pull Zach into a hug, planting a loud kiss on his lips, as soon as the meeting is over. “Thank you so much.”
“You’re welcome. I need you to do me a favor while you’re home, though.”
I should have seen it coming. There’s always a catch. “What?”
“I’m going to give you a list of dates for next year, weeks we don’t have anything planned. I want you to pick a date for the wedding. Talk it over with Alice and Scott. See what works best for them.”
Shit! He’s giving me an ultimatum of sorts without actually saying it. He’s pressing the issue in the nicest way he knows how. I can do this. Deep down, I love Zach. I do. It’s not the kind of love I shared with Blake. I’ll never have that with anyone else, but I do love Zach. I need to do this, for us. I’ve put it off long enough.
“I can do that.”
A smile breaks out across his face as he pulls me in for another kiss. Aware people are staring at us, I push him away, taking his hand and leading him out of the venue. We have a cab to catch and a photo shoot to get to. Plus, I have to call and make arrangements for my trip home.
Walking into the photo shoot, I’m bombarded by hair and makeup. Apparently, Zach messed up the start time. We’re late. Like, an hour late. I’m surprised they didn’t call and cancel. It’s not until I walk out onto the set that I realize why.
“Blake,” I state, attempting to be unaffected by his presence. It’s warm in the room, yet goosebumps still form on my skin when he walks over to greet me.
“Charlie. Glad to see you could still make it. I was starting to get worried.”
“We made it just fine,” Aubrey points out, walking up next to me, hand on her hip, attitude in her voice. She’s never been a huge fan of Blake, and she’s reminding him of that little fact.
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