by Jamie Zerndt
“Mom? You okay?”
“Douglas? What’s happening here?”
He reached over and took her hand in his. “You’re okay. We’re just taking you back home.”
“Back home? Where was I?”
“You don’t remember being at the church?”
“Was there a wedding?”
Douglas could feel Marty looking over at him. “No, nothing like that. You sort of took Shawna’s horse out for a ride.”
“Sort of?”
“You totally took Shawna’s horse out for a ride.”
Kay swiveled in her seat, looked out the rear window. “Then where is he?”
“He sort of... He ran off.”
“Oh, that’s not good. I feel horrible.”
“Seven will be okay. My guess is Shawna will be able to find him easily enough.”
“She’s going to hate me.” Kay then turned and looked at Marty like she’d only just noticed him. “Hi, Marty.”
“Hi, Mrs. O.”
Kay cupped her hand so that it covered her nose and mouth and breathed into it. “Oh, well, that explains it.”
“That reminds me,” Marty said, reaching into his coat. “I think this belongs to you.”
Kay sheepishly took the flask from him. “I suppose a little more couldn’t hurt at this point.” Kay tipped the flask back, coughed, then offered it to Marty.
“Sure, why not?” When he’d had a pull, Marty tucked the flask back into his pocket.
Soon the familiar wooden white signs nailed to the oak trees came into view. All of them were shaped like arrows and bore the residents’ last names. Their house was the last one before the road dead-ended into a wall of black spruce.
“Isn’t that Shawna there?”
Sure enough, Shawna was standing out in the middle of the road like she’d been waiting for them.
“I guess I’m in trouble now.”
To Douglas, his mom sounded like a little girl. Which wasn’t at all like the woman he knew. “No one’s getting in trouble. I’ll help explain what happened.”
“How are you going to do that? I stole her horse and lost him.”
“It’ll be fine.” Douglas got out of the truck first. Shawna looked completely stricken, like she’d been holding her breath and wouldn’t let it out again until she knew Seven was okay. “He’s somewhere near the church. My mom--”
“He’s okay then? You saw him?”
“We did. He’s fine.”
Kay climbed out and looped her arm through Douglas’s, leaning against him. She looked exhausted to Douglas.
“Well, I’m afraid this old woman went and did something really stupid.”
Marty, never a big fan of the truth to begin with, grabbed the flask and handed it to Douglas. “What’s stupid is not locking the gate on that pen. All Mrs. O did was have a few too many and try to find a runaway horse.”
Shawna looked over at the pen, then at Kay. “That doesn’t explain the chair in the pen.”
“Marty, you’re sweet, but that’s not true. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to climb up on him and go for a walk through town. Shawna, I can’t tell you how--”
“Where did you last see him?”
“By the church,” Douglas said before his mom could answer. “But we lost him in the woods behind.” Douglas hung his head a little. “We’re really sorry. This isn’t like my--”
“Isn’t like what? It’s like all white people. You think everything belongs to you. Well, my horse fucking doesn’t. You understand that, old lady?”
Before Douglas or his mom could say anything, Shawna stormed off back to her house.
“It’s okay,” Kay said quietly. “She’s right. It’s okay.”
“C’mon,” Douglas said, wrapping his arm around her. “Let’s get you inside before you catch pneumonia.”
When the door shut behind them, Kay turned to him and, with her voice lowered, said, “I know this is the wrong thing to say right now, but, Douglas, I had so much fun. I’m sorry, but I did. That animal may be God himself.”
“I don’t think that’s okay to say, Catholic-wise and all, but okay.” Douglas led her into the kitchen and sat her down at the table. “I’m going to make you a BLT and you’re going to sit there and eat it. Deal?”
“Deal.”
After he got the bacon going, he noticed her digging through something on the table. “What’s with the box?”
“I found it in the shop.”
“I thought it looked familiar. What’s in it?”
“Bits and pieces of your father.”
Douglas just gave her a look as the bacon started to sizzle.
“Sorry. They’re mostly poems. Or fragments of poems and things, I guess. You never saw your dad putting anything in it?”
“No. Poems? Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“Well, that explains why you were talking about poetry earlier.”
“I was?”
Douglas walked over, peered down at the stack of loose papers and picked one up. On the back of an old shop receipt, it read:
The moon is none of your business
And everybody knows it
Douglas placed it back in the pile before picking up another, longer one.
After the war it was never anything
But theatre, a big noise
From the people
But I tried to pay attention
To the three dark men in my head
When I can’t find good milk
I give them ice cream
Or big buttons of berries
And we don’t mind the vultures
Just out of sight
Carving deer for brunch
Or the black bears keeping quiet
In the shade trees
These days I’m on the list
So I don’t cry when they unlace
The half-cadavers bricking in
The winter rain
I plan on being a complete wreck
By departure
He handed the poem to his mother, shaking his head. “My God, who are you people?”
Chapter Ten:
Shawna
Shawna turned the radio up as she drove home from the casino. She’d been missing Seven more than usual and had even called her naan twice to check on him. All night at the casino there’d been the incessant knocking of her mother’s voice telling her Seven was in some kind of danger. Shawna tried to dismiss it as just her mother’s paranoia, but it still worried her. Which is why she turned the music up. It was a pointless thing to do, like trying to drown out the sound of a jet plane, but she did it anyway.
By the time she was driving down Little Pike Lake Road, Shawna was going about twice the speed she normally did, kicking flumes of dirt up behind her until her house finally came into view. She’d told Elmer about the loon finally. He’d taken it better than she’d expected he would. There were no pouty comments about the “grease monkey” which is what he called Douglas when he was jealous. She figured things went well because just before she’d told him, they had been looking at a brochure she’d gotten for the school in Madison. She thought he’d make fun of it, how idyllic and fancy it all seemed, but he hadn’t. She could tell he liked it. And she understood why. Each photo was like a beckoning finger, asking them to step right into a movie. This is what their lives could be like. Shawna knew the reality of it all would probably be much different, but it was still fun to dream. Especially with Elmer.
Seven was there, munching away on his hay. After turning the engine off, she walked over and greeted him like she always did, by placing her hand palm-down in front of his nose. When Seven touched her hand with his nose, she placed both her hands on his shoulder. “I’m going inside to find you some
thing yummy to eat. And when you’re finished, I’m going to take you out on a run until you’re sweating and your heart is about to burst from happiness. That sound good to you?” Seven gave a few snorts and shakes of his head for a response, and Shawna went inside to get a zip-lock bag full of Lucky Charms. His favorite.
Chapter Eleven:
Kay
“How you feeling this morning, killer?” Douglas said as he sat down to breakfast, his plate heaping with eggs and bacon and sausage and hash browns.
“My head hurts. And my butt.”
“And your pride maybe?”
“Pride? What’s that?” Kay snagged a piece of his bacon. “Jesus, when’s the last time you ate?”
Douglas shoveled a forkful of eggs into his mouth and, with his mouth purposefully full, said, “I’m not the one eating Manhattans for dinner.”
Kay nodded and stared at the silver box still there on the table. She wondered if Douglas had looked through it any more last night after she’d gone to bed. She herself had only managed to get about halfway through them.
“Have you spoken with Shawna yet?”
“I just got up, Mom. When would I have spoken to her?”
“I don’t know. I just thought maybe...”
“I’ll call her in a few minutes, okay?”
Kay got up and peered out the front window. The pen was still empty. “You mean once you’ve finished eating that entire pig?”
She was about to ask him if they should try looking for Seven before he headed to the shop when Shawna pulled into their driveway.
“Did you find Seven yet?” Kay asked when she came into the house without knocking.
“Do you see him anywhere?” Shawna said irritably, looking about as tired as Kay felt.
“No,” Kay said quietly.
Douglas grabbed his bag from the kitchen table, the one he kept his sketchbook in. “I can help you look after work if you want, but I have to get Marty and open up the shop right now.”
“Look, somebody called and said they saw Seven tied to a tree outside a house. I’m pretty sure I know who it is, but I need somebody to come with me. And, well, seeing as this is all your fault, I nominate you.”
Douglas looked like he was about to object, so Kay gave his arm a squeeze before he could. “She’s right. It is the least I could do. And it’s not like I have any big plans today, do I?”
“Just take it easy, okay? Promise me.”
“I promise.” She then turned to Shawna. “Just give me a few minutes to get myself together.”
Kay, as she sat on the end of her bed putting her boots on, suddenly felt nauseous. She told herself it was from the hangover, but she knew that wasn’t true. It felt like her brain had been raised a few inches on one side, the world tilted just slightly. When she sat up from tying her boots, she thought she might throw up. And why had she been putting her boots on? She stared out at the lake. The Scamp was there. The boat was there. So Norm wasn’t fishing. Maybe Kay was going fishing? She heard a noise in the kitchen, the refrigerator door opening. Norm was rooting around in the fridge for something to eat, which meant she’d probably end up making him a sandwich. She sighed and stood up, the room still not quite right.
“You want a tuna sandwich? I think there’s still some leftover in there,” she said, knowing full-well she sounded irritated, but when she stepped out into the kitchen, Kay saw the girl standing there.
“I just wanted a soda. That okay?”
“Of course,” Kay said, grabbing a chair to steady herself. “I’m sorry. I seem to be a little confused at the moment.”
Shawna put the orange soda back in the fridge. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
Kay realized the girl was talking to her like she used to talk to her own mother. Like Kay was a child. And a very stupid one at that.
“You didn’t startle me. I’m fine.”
“Are you feeling okay now then?”
“I’m fine,” Kay said again, going to the fridge and grabbing the soda for the girl. “Just the drinking catching up with me. Nothing to worry about. Shall we go?”
Kay was relieved the girl was there, relieved they were leaving the house. She felt things un-tilting a little. Even the fact that there was no need to make a tuna sandwich was something of a small relief. Shawna drove in silence for some time, which let Kay take in the scenery. And it still was scenery to her even though Douglas had once described Mercer as “tree, tree, tree, deer, tree, tree, tree, drunk” which was mostly true but like just about everything else, you had to pay attention. That’s all prayer was really. Paying attention. So Kay had always tried to find one thing to treasure and hold onto during her day. Sometimes it was hard to find that one thing, but today that thing was Shawna. Kay would do whatever it took to make things right with the girl. If she’d let her.
At some point, Shawna pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket and handed it to Kay. “This is where Seven’s at. Do you recognize the address?”
“No, should I?”
Shawna slowed the car and pulled off onto the side of the road. She left the engine running but didn’t say anything more, just laid her head against the steering wheel and squeezed the rubber padding of the wheel. It was something Kay herself had done before. The squeezing was supposed to keep the tears back, but it never did.
“Whatever it is, you can handle it. I know that much about you.”
The tears found their way out now, spilling down the side of the girl’s face. “I’m sorry. I’m a garbage can of a person. I just want my Seven back.”
The words garbage can made Kay’s heart flinch. And the way the girl said them, it was obvious she believed it though Kay couldn’t understand why.
“I’ve been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s,” Kay blurted out. She hadn’t meant to say it. She hadn’t, in fact, told a single soul until now. Not Alma. Not even Douglas. And even though it might not have been the best thing to tell the girl right then, she hoped that sharing her dirty secret might somehow erase the idea of any garbage cans.
“Shit.”
Kay laughed. “Yes. Shit.”
The girl leaned back in her seat and wiped at her face. “I’m sorry for you and everything, don’t get me wrong, but poor Douglas, too.”
Kay dug in her coat pocket, handed the girl a small packet of tissues. “I know what you mean. But I don’t worry so much because I can picture him later in life, with a family and his drawings and his quietness, and I just know he’s going to be fine. I’m glad for that at least.” Kay said nothing for a bit, just stared out at the road. There was a crushed Big Gulp container in the gravel, the plastic splayed out like a hideous fan.
“I wish my mom could have told me she was going to be murdered. I would have been able to tell her things, you know? It’s good you and Douglas will have that.”
“You’re the only person I’ve told. I didn’t really mean to. I’m honestly not sure why I did.” Kay thought about Norm and whether knowing beforehand about his death would have changed anything. She knew instantly it wouldn’t have. You say the things you need to say throughout a lifetime in the little things you do. Even so, she said, “I’ll tell Douglas soon. I promise. I guess I’m still just getting used to the idea.”
“How long do you have? I mean, before...”
“Before I lose my marbles?” Kay leaned over and patted the girl’s knee when she didn’t smile. “They say I’m getting toward the end of stage 3 if that means anything to you.”
The girl nodded but said nothing. It was something Kay admired about the girl, her stoicism, but she also wished the girl could loosen up a little. What kind of pressure did a person have to be under to end up feeling like a waste can? Especially when the world was so full of other candidates better qualified for the label.
“So is there, like, anything they can do for it?”
>
“No, not unless somebody comes up with a cure. And I don’t see that happening any time soon.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“Die.”
The girl, obviously not intending to, laughed at this and then quickly covered her mouth. “See... garbage can.”
“Stop it. If you can’t laugh at times like this then you’re already dead. Am I right?” The girl nodded. “Okay, that’s enough of that then. How about it’s your turn now and you tell me what you were crying about?”
“The house we’re going to is Peyton Crane’s. He’s the one that has my horse. Do you know who he is?”
“I do. He’s just a big bully. I’m sure the two of us can handle him just fine, don’t you think?”
Shawna smiled, wiped at her tears. “It’s not him I’m worried about. He was friends with my step-dad. Good friends. So I sort of have an obsession with him. And not the good kind.”
“And you’re worried you might do something bad?”
The girl nodded. It was obvious she didn’t want to say anything more, so, instead of pushing her, Kay said, “I’ll keep a close eye on you, don’t worry. And I know you want to get your horse, so let’s say we do that, okay?”
“Okay,” the girl said.
They drove on and after a few minutes, Shawna slowed the car and stopped in the middle of the road. There, at the end of the street, was a horse standing in the front yard of a small red house.
“Is there a problem?”
Shawna took her foot off the brake and started toward the house. “No.”
Kay kept quiet, trusting that Shawna could handle herself no matter what situation they were walking into. As they parked and got out of the car, Seven began pawing at the ground and snorting. It reminded Kay of a dog wagging its tail.
“Aren’t you going to knock on the door?”
Shawna took her time untying the rope that had been placed around Seven’s neck. “That’s probably not a good idea.”
Kay looked at the house, tried to see if there was anything menacing about it, but it looked like just about any other house around there. There was a pick-up in the driveway, a toy shotgun resting in a bed of foxgloves by the front door. She watched as Shawna stroked Seven’s nose, calming him.