Come Back to Me

by Mila Gray

  33

  Kit

  Two days after Jessa auditions, the doorbell rings just as I’m finishing up a weight session in the basement. I jog up the stairs and find Jessa flinging open the door. I love it that she has a key and is starting to use it. It feels like we’re living together when I see her coming in the door like this.

  She’s bursting with excitement. Behind her I see her bike thrown haphazardly on the lawn, the wheels still spinning. She biked over? She throws herself on top of me. ‘I got it! I got the part!’ she screams.

  I pick her up and spin her around. ‘I told you!’ I say triumphantly. ‘Didn’t I tell you?’

  She squeezes me around the neck like a boa constrictor. ‘Kit, I can’t believe it. Thank you. Thank you.’ She starts covering my face in kisses. ‘It’s not the main part or anything, but it’s a professional production! And I’m in it!’

  I pull her towards me and kiss her on the mouth. Her excitement transmutes into desire almost instantly, her legs tighten around my waist and she seems only then to become aware I’m not wearing a shirt. Her hands hungrily start to explore and she lets out a series of moans as I kiss her throat and slide my hands beneath her T-shirt.

  ‘Let’s go upstairs,’ she whispers hoarsely.

  I don’t need any encouraging. Hoisting her around my hips I carry her up the stairs. Before we make it to the bed, Jessa’s already half naked, her clothes littering the floor. I toss her down on the bed, but she gets to her knees and pulls me down then flips me onto my back and straddles me with a seductive little smile before shimmying down my body.

  And then she returns the favour.

  Afterwards, I lie cradling her head on my chest. My heart is still hammering like crazy. I can’t stop marvelling at just how uninhibited and confident Jessa’s getting in all areas of her life, not just the bedroom. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anything sexier than her straddling me, taking control like she just did. I love seeing her coming out of her shell, not just for obvious reasons (like getting to benefit exponentially) but because of the happiness flooding out of her like sunlight.

  She starts telling me all about the role and how she’ll need to rehearse three days a week for the next eight weeks.

  ‘What about your dad?’ I ask. ‘Are you going to tell your parents?’

  Jessa shakes her head. ‘No way. He’ll probably tell me I can’t do it. The performance dates coincide with the first few weeks of college. I think I can manage, but if he finds out I know he’ll say it’ll interfere with my studies.’

  ‘What about all the rehearsals?’ I ask warily. The lying is getting too easy. All the deceit is starting to leave a bad taste in my mouth, as though we’re constructing a house of cards that one day is going to collapse on us.

  Jessa shrugs. ‘I figure I can lie and tell him I’m volunteering at the hospital, taking more shifts.’

  ‘I can’t believe I’m going to miss it,’ I say, running my hand up her back.

  She lifts her head and looks at me.

  ‘I won’t miss the next one. I promise,’ I say.

  She kisses me and I get a kick from the fact that she hasn’t said there won’t be a next time. I’m confident that now she’s back in the game she’s not going to quit acting again. I’m not going to let her, anyway. This is what she was made to do. I can totally see her one day gracing bill boards and walking red carpets.

  Jessa rolls out of my arms and gets up. She stretches languidly and I prop myself up on my elbow to watch her, scoring her onto my memory. This girl is the only girl I’ll ever need, is what I’m thinking. She walks naked over to the dresser and I grin to myself as I get a double view of her perfect ass and her front reflected in the mirror.

  She opens the drawer filled with her clothes and pulls out some clean underwear. I watch her get dressed, wishing that she lived with me full time and I could get to watch her get dressed every day. In her white lace bra and panties she walks over to me. She sashays, in fact, no doubt driven to tease me by the naked desire she sees in my eyes.

  ‘Stop,’ I say. ‘Let me look at you.’

  ‘Take a photo. It will last longer,’ she smirks.

  ‘OK,’ I say, reaching for my phone in jest.

  She doesn’t stop me and I realize with surprise, and not a little bit of excitement, that she isn’t joking. She tosses her hair over her shoulder and turns, giving me a view of her perfect ass, the flat of her stomach and the curve of her breast swelling over the white lace of her bra. Holy shit. I take a photograph. And then she turns towards me, biting on her bottom lip, and I take another.

  ‘I want you to have something to remember me by,’ she whispers as she turns her back and pulls her panties down offering me a perfect view of her ass.

  I nod dumbly. That works for me.

  ‘Don’t you dare show anyone, though,’ she growls.

  ‘As if,’ I say. ‘You’re for my eyes only.’ I reach for her but she dances out of my way.

  ‘I have to go,’ she laughs, hopping over to grab her jeans off the floor. She does her hair in front of the mirror as I flip through the photos on my phone. I wish I could use them for my screensaver, but yeah, probably not a good idea. I’ll have to password-protect my phone or someone in my unit is bound to scroll through and find them, and I’m not having anyone jerking off to these except me.

  ‘What’s this?’ Jessa suddenly asks.

  Her tone makes my head snap up. Shit. She’s holding a piece of paper in her hand. Fuck. She’s found the letter from my commanding officer. It arrived today and it contains the details of my next deployment.

  She turns towards me, her expression stony. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ she asks.

  I jump off the bed and walk towards her, but she steps backwards out of reach.

  ‘Jessa,’ I say, ‘of course I was going to tell you. I just got it today.’

  She waves the piece of paper in my face. ‘Kabul? They’re sending you to Afghanistan?’

  I nod.

  She stares at me and I see her eyes are bright with tears. ‘And Riley too?’ she asks.

  I nod.

  ‘Why? Why Afghanistan?’ she asks. ‘You were just in Sudan. I thought they couldn’t give you a second dangerous posting? I thought that was how it worked? One easy, one hard.’

  ‘We don’t get to choose. We go where they send us.’

  She shakes her head at me. ‘I’ll talk to my dad. There must be something he can do.’

  I step towards her, ease the letter from her grip and toss it to the ground. I take her hands which are fisted and close my palms around them. She won’t look at me. Her jaw is pulsing and she’s fighting to stop herself crying.

  ‘Baby, this is my job. It’s what I signed up for. I knew the risks. Your father can’t do anything and even if he could I wouldn’t want him to.’

  ‘But . . . ’ she starts to say, her bottom lip wobbling.

  ‘No buts. Nothing is going to happen to me. I swear it.’

  ‘You can’t swear it,’ she says. ‘Afghanistan is one of the most dangerous postings in the world.’

  ‘It’s safer now,’ I argue.

  ‘According to who?’ she asks. ‘Not according to the State Department. It’s top in the danger rankings.’

  She’s been doing her research. Damn.

  ‘Jessa,’ I say. ‘I’m going to be fine. I promise. I’m good at my job.’

  She’s turned her back on me and her body is as tense as a tripwire. I wrap my arms around her waist and nuzzle her neck. Finally her shoulders slump and she turns around to face me.

  ‘Come back to me. Promise you’ll come back to me,’ she whispers, her lips against mine, tears pouring down her cheeks.

  I stroke that stubborn strand of hair behind her ear. ‘Always,’ I say.

  Barely two minutes after she leaves and just as I’m about to step in the shower, the doorbell rings. I figure it’s Jessa, that maybe she’s forgotten her keys, but when I open the door I find Riley on the
doorstep and he’s not smiling.

  I stagger backwards, blood draining to my feet, my hands coming up to block the blow I’m anticipating. Does he know? Did he see Jessa leave?

  ‘Yo,’ he says, walking past me into the hallway. ‘Did you get the letter?’

  ‘Yeah,’ I say, gradually pulling my shit together and breathing out slowly with relief. He doesn’t know. But thank hell he didn’t time his visit five minutes earlier.

  ‘Afghanistan?’ He shakes his head. ‘We got screwed, man. May as well have just stayed with our old unit.’

  ‘Yeah,’ I say.

  ‘You just work out?’ he asks me, frowning at the towel slung around my waist.

  ‘Yeah,’ I say. ‘I was just about to take a shower.’

  ‘Wanna go hit some balls?’ Riley asks.

  ‘Yeah, sure,’ I say, aware that apart from our morning runs I haven’t had much chance to hang out with Riley, and since our confrontation at the prom we haven’t really talked. A tension hangs over every conversation, probably compounded on my part by the fact I’m having sex with his sister. But there’s also something about his expression, the furrowed brow and distracted air, that tells me something’s playing on his mind and he needs someone to talk to. ‘I’ll just throw some clothes on.’

  I’m hoping he’s going to wait for me downstairs, but he follows me up to my bedroom. I open the door, already cringing.

  ‘Woah, dude, did you just get some?’ Riley asks, taking in the bed with the sheets all rumpled and my clothes strewn across the floor.

  He crosses straight to the foot of the dresser and picks something up, holding it between thumb and forefinger. It’s one of Jessa’s bras. Fuck. He waves it in my face, grinning. ‘Holy shit. You did!’

  I fall mute. What can I say? I’ve been busted. He looks admiringly at the bra before putting it down and turning towards the bed. ‘Check out this room!’ he says. ‘When did you do all this? Wait . . . ’ He stares at me open-mouthed. ‘You did this for a girl? Holy shit, bro – who the hell is she?’ He’s grinning at me like a maniac, reminding me of when we were both fifteen and first experimenting with girls. ‘What’s she like in bed?’

  Oh man. ‘Quit it,’ I say, turning to my closet and grabbing a pair of sweats.

  ‘What?’ Riley laughs. ‘Come on, give me the details. What’s her name? When can I finally meet her?’

  ‘I’m not sure,’ I say. ‘It’s complicated.’ I reach for a T-shirt and pull it on over my head, smelling Jessa on it. It was one she wore the other day while I made her breakfast.

  ‘What the fuck?’

  I whip around. Riley’s staring at me and his face is turning purple. My gaze drops to the phone in his hand. My phone. The phone with the pictures of Jessa half naked on it. I snatch for it but I’m too late. Riley steps backwards away from the bedside table, holding it out of my reach. My arms drop to my sides in defeat. It’s not like there’s anything I can say to get me out of this one.

  He stares at the screen. ‘You’re screwing my sister?’ he asks, his voice a serrated blade.

  I wince. ‘It’s not like that.’

  ‘Then how the fuck is it?’ he shouts, thrusting the phone in my face. I catch a glimpse of Jessa biting her bottom lip as she poses for me in her underwear. Grabbing for the phone, I wrestle it out of Riley’s hand. ‘We’re dating,’ I say.

  He shakes his head at me. ‘What about that other girl? The one you said you were into?’

  ‘That was her. It was Jessa all along. It’s only been her this whole time.’ I want to say more, tell him that I love her, that she loves me too, that the last three weeks have been the best of my life, but the way Riley’s looking at me, as if I just betrayed our friendship and knifed him in the gut, makes me ram my mouth shut.

  ‘You’re my best friend. She’s my sister,’ he growls.

  ‘And?’ I shout. ‘What’s that got to do with anything?’ Riley looks like he wants to punch me and all I can think is bring it. Anger blazes through me, lit by the unfairness of Riley’s reaction. ‘Or is it that you still don’t think I’m good enough?’ I yell. He glares at me not saying anything. ‘You know,’ I say, shaking my head, ‘you’re starting to act and sound just like your father.’

  ‘Screw you,’ Riley says, a flare of anger mixed with pain stretching across his face. I instantly regret the words but I’m too angry to back down.

  We scowl at each other for a long second, both of us clenching our fists, both of us breathing hard.

  ‘Fuck,’ Riley finally says before sinking down onto the edge of the bed and burying his head in his hands.

  For a few moments I just watch him uncertainly. That was not the reaction I was expecting. What’s going on? A second ago he looked like he wanted to punch my lights out and now he looks like he’s about to burst into tears. I’m totally wrong-footed.

  Riley looks up at me. ‘Jo’s pregnant,’ he says.

  Coming straight out of left field like that in the middle of a fight about his sister, it takes a second for the news to sink in. When it does, I slump down beside him on the bed. ‘Woah,’ I say. ‘That’s . . .’ I don’t finish the sentence because I’ve no idea what he’s thinking about it – whether he’s pleased or not. I’m guessing not from the expression on his face, but don’t want to say the wrong thing just in case.

  ‘I don’t know what the fuck to do,’ Riley says, looking straight into my eyes, more terrified than I’ve ever seen him, and seeing as I’ve watched him approaching possible suicide bombers while on patrol, that’s saying something.

  ‘What do you mean?’ I ask.

  ‘We’re leaving,’ he says. ‘In case you hadn’t noticed. We’re going to be gone for a year. To Afghanistan, of all places. I won’t be here for the birth.’

  ‘So she’s keeping it?’ I ask.

  He swallows, a scowl crossing his face. ‘I don’t know. We haven’t really talked about it. She only just found out. It must have been the day I got back. Or around then. Can you believe it?’

  I nod to myself, simultaneously thanking God Jessa and I have always used protection and making a note to myself to never, ever throw caution to the wind. ‘How’s Jo doing?’ I ask.

  Riley shrugs. ‘Not good. It wasn’t exactly planned, you know?’

  I nod some more. Poor Jo, like she doesn’t have enough to deal with. Riley buries his head in his hands once more and I put my arm around his shoulder. ‘Bro, I’m here for you,’ I say. ‘I’m here for both of you. Whatever you need.’

  After a moment Riley looks at me. ‘You ever wish you’d never enlisted?’ he asks.

  I nod. ‘Yeah, I’m thinking of getting out after this.’

  His eyebrows shoot up. ‘Serious?’

  I nod.

  ‘I always thought you were in it for life.’

  ‘Nah, things change.’

  ‘Does this have anything to do with my sister?’ he asks, giving me an incredulous look.

  ‘Might do,’ I say.

  He studies me for a second, his expression turning from confused to amazed to serious. Finally he shakes his head. ‘I’m sorry I lost my shit before. About you . . . and her.’ He looks slightly uncomfortable still, as though he’s just eaten something disgusting at a dinner party and is having to smile his way through it so as not to offend the host.

  ‘It’s cool,’ I say. ‘I’m sorry I kept it a secret. Jessa didn’t want you to know.’

  Riley grimaces and looks at me sideways. ‘You really like her?’ he asks, still with that sceptical tone in his voice.

  I laugh. ‘Yeah. I really like her. A lot.’ I’m not going to come out with the love word at this stage, not until I’m totally sure he isn’t going to punch me.

  Riley shakes his head wearily as though he’s had enough surprises for one day and can’t process any more. ‘Fine,’ he says. ‘Just don’t screw her around.’ He fixes me with a drill-sergeant stare. ‘Or I’ll hunt you down and rip you into so many pieces they won’t be able to tell your
asshole from your earhole.’

  ‘I won’t,’ I say solemnly.

  ‘I mean it, Kit,’ he says with a touch of menace. ‘Treat her right.’

  ‘I will.’

  His face wrinkles in disgust. ‘And man, do you have to have her bras and underwear lying around everywhere and pictures of her naked on your phone? I don’t want to know what you two are doing.’

  ‘You were the one that was asking for details, dude,’ I say, laughing.

  ‘Before I knew it was my sister.’

  We both lapse into silence, our thoughts shifting in unison away from Jessa and returning to the far more life-altering news about the pregnancy. Holy shit. I’m still struggling to get my head around it. I can’t imagine how Riley is doing. He exhales loudly, running his hands over his head. ‘Fuck,’ he says again. ‘This was not part of the plan.’

  ‘Guess life likes to throw us some curveballs,’ I say quietly.

  ‘You call a baby a curveball?’ he asks, looking at me in disbelief. ‘Can you even imagine how I’m going to sit my parents down and explain this one?’

  I wince. I remember the time we had to sit them down and explain we’d been suspended for streaking naked across the bleachers. That was bad enough. And I remember the time Riley had to explain he’d enlisted as a grunt not an officer. His dad went postal. Riley had to sleep on my sofa for three nights until he calmed down.

  ‘Do you think you could tell him just before I tell him I’m dating Jessa?’ I joke. ‘That way he might be too pissed at you to care about us.’

  Riley punches me in the arm and we both start laughing.

  34

  Jessa

  Riley knocks on my bedroom door as I’m getting ready to go out. As soon as I turn around and see him standing there with both eyebrows raised and his arms crossed over his chest, I know I’m busted. I don’t say anything, though.

  ‘So,’ he says. ‘When were you going to tell me?’

  My heart has started beating double time. ‘About what?’ I ask, aiming for innocence because I want to be certain he’s talking about what I think he’s talking about and not something else.