by Mila Gray
I nod. ‘Yes. Four. Forty. Whatever. I want to be with you, Kit.’ There, I’ve said it, and it feels like I’ve just sprouted wings and am lifting up into the air, light as a bird.
‘No,’ Kit says.
‘Yes,’ I answer angrily, falling straight back to earth. ‘This isn’t your decision.’
A grin splits his face. ‘No, I mean you don’t need to wait,’ he says, stepping towards me. ‘I didn’t re-enlist. I’m a free agent.’
He didn’t re-enlist? The news hits me with the force of an electric shock. Before I can say anything he carries on. ‘I came here and I had the weirdest conversation with . . . well, never mind.’ He shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose. ‘The long and short of it is that I was just leaving to come and find you.’
‘You were?’
‘Yes,’ he says, reaching for my hand.
‘Why?’ I ask, as my throat tightens. The feel of his hand in mine, his touch, has started some kind of chain reaction through my body. Little tremors start to travel up my arms and down my spine.
‘To tell you to ditch Todd and come back to me.’
I draw in a breath as he pulls me closer so I’m standing almost chest to chest with him. His free hand strokes my hair behind my ear. ‘Because you’re my girl,’ he whispers. ‘You’re mine, Jessa. And I’m yours. And I’m an idiot for walking away, but I swear to God I’ll never walk away again.’
I look up into his eyes, noticing that the haunted look I saw at the funeral has vanished, that lost look I saw the last time we made love is nowhere to be seen. He’s looking at me the same way he used to look at me before Riley died.
‘You promise?’ I ask, still not sure if I can believe it.
His jaw tenses. He takes my face in his hands and fixes his eyes on mine. ‘With my whole heart,’ he says fiercely. ‘I’m back. And I’m not going anywhere ever again.’
And then he kisses me. My body responds automatically. Even though nine months have passed, it may as well be nine seconds, the connection between us is so instant. Nothing has changed. I melt against him. It’s as if I’ve been frozen for nine months and now I’m waking up, his lips, his hands, his touch all forcing the heat back into my body, setting me alight from the inside out.
I kiss him back as though I’m trying desperately to find my way back into the light and he’s holding the torch. I had forgotten how it felt to be in his arms – the memory could never do it justice – and now I press against him, wanting to remember.
We’re breathless, both of us shaking and crying when we pull apart. There’s a burning ache inside of me, one I haven’t felt in so long, one I never felt with Todd.
As if he’s read my mind, Kit asks, ‘What about Todd?’
‘I broke up with him. Twenty minutes ago. I told him I was still in love with you.’
Kit smiles and takes my face in his hands to kiss me again. I will never get tired of his lips. ‘God, I’ve missed you,’ he whispers.
‘I can tell,’ I answer with a sly smile, because he’s pressed against me and suddenly there’s only one thing I want to do. I glance over his shoulder and see his bike.
‘Take me for a ride?’ I murmur.
‘Where do you want to go?’ he asks.
‘Home,’ I say, and he knows without having to ask that I mean his house, our room, our bed.
He takes my hand and pulls me towards his bike, striding purposefully, and I know with a thrill that races through me that this is going to be one fast ride.
‘Wait,’ I say, digging in my heels, my stomach falling out of me. ‘Isn’t that my dad’s car?’ I ask, pointing at the BMW at the edge of the lot.
‘Yeah,’ Kit says with a small smile.
I give him a confused look, but he shrugs it off and tosses me a bike helmet.
‘Come on, let’s go,’ he says. ‘We’ve got a lot of catching up to do.’
I grin at him because I know exactly what kind of catching up he means, and it isn’t going to be the conversational kind.
‘And then,’ he says, helping me do up the strap before lifting me onto the back of the bike, ‘then we have a whole life to plan. I was thinking a road trip and then a move to LA. What about you?’
He kicks up the stand and revs the engine. I wrap my arms around his waist.
‘I don’t care where we go. Just so long as we go there together.’
Epilogue
FIVE YEARS LATER
The wedding is taking place on a cliff above the beach. The weather is glorious. Days like this always take me back to that first summer with Kit when we were a secret and everything was touched with a golden, magical kind of light.
I look across at him now and my heart gives a quick kick at the sight of him in his suit. If anything he’s only gotten sexier over the years, and though he always jokes that one day I’m going to run off with one of my leading men, there’s no possible way anyone could ever come close to making me feel the way Kit does. With just a glance he has the power to make me come completely undone.
Aware of me staring at him, he looks my way and gives me a smile, his eyes slipping down my dress. I know exactly what he’s thinking and have to look away to hide my blush.
He links his fingers through mine and leans over to whisper in my ear. ‘Have I told you how beautiful you look?’ he asks.
I shake my head while laughing under my breath. ‘Shhhh,’ I whisper, focusing my attention back on the bride and groom.
Jo looks stunning in her white dress, so much so that I have to wipe away a tear. Her groom is gazing at her with an expression of such unadulterated love that it makes something catch painfully in my chest and I have to swallow away the lump in my throat as I watch them exchanging vows. Though I wish it was my brother up there marrying Jo, I’m thrilled that she’s found someone to take care of her. He’s a good guy. And he adores her. The fact that he adores little Riley too makes me even happier.
I watch the little monkey who’s standing between them holding a cushion with the rings on. He looks so like Riley that it’s hard to tear my eyes off him. He turns just then and, grinning a gap-toothed grin, waves at my mom and dad who are sitting beside us. My dad is beaming as if this is the proudest day of his life, and I notice he and my mom are holding hands, my mom wiping away tears.
Kit’s dad is officiating at the ceremony, and I watch his blue eyes light up with happiness as he pronounces them man and wife.
‘That’s going to be us next,’ Kit murmurs in my ear, sending a shiver up my spine.
I feel a flutter in my belly at the thought, a quickening inside me that feels like a butterfly stretching its wings for the first time. I can’t wait for it to be our turn, but the wedding we have planned is going to have to wait. Next month I’m away on location in Hawaii filming, and I have two other projects lined up for next year. Things are really starting to take off. It’s already getting to the stage where I’m having to wear a hat and dark glasses when I go out in public – something I’ll never get used to. The paparazzi even followed Kit and me here to the wedding and are waiting outside for a money shot.
After the wedding, as everyone gathers to drink champagne and the bride and groom are having their photos taken, Kit takes my hand and leads me over to my parents.
‘What are you doing?’ I ask him.
‘I think we should tell them, don’t you?’ Kit answers.
‘What? Now?’ I ask, hit by a flurry of nerves.
‘It’s OK,’ Kit says, grinning at me over his shoulder. ‘I’m wearing a bullet-proof vest.’
I know he’s kidding. There’s no need any more for one of those. These days Kit and my dad get on pretty well. Since he retired, my dad has mellowed even more. He and my mom come and visit us in LA quite often, bringing little Riley, who loves hanging out at Kit’s restaurant (which he named Riley’s). His favourite part is following the waitresses around and watching the cocktail waiters mix drinks, which is slightly worrying seeing how he’s not yet six.
/> My dad hugs me and kisses me on the cheek. ‘That was beautiful, don’t you think?’ he asks, gesturing at the flower-decked arch where the ceremony took place.
I nod. My mom squeezes my arm. I know today is equal parts wonderful and difficult for her, as it is for all of us.
Kit and my dad shake hands.
‘How’s the business?’ my dad asks Kit straightaway. He’s taken a keen interest in Kit’s restaurant ever since he started winning awards and being featured in the papers.
‘Great,’ Kit answers. ‘We’re going to be opening a sister restaurant in New York next year.’
‘That’s fantastic,’ my mother says, giving Kit’s arm a squeeze.
Just then Jo and her new husband Marc walk over arm in arm, little Riley swinging off Marc’s hand. He lets go and jumps straight into Kit’s arms, and watching them I feel a swell of emotion. Kit’s going to make the most amazing father. If Riley could see this right now, I know he’d be smiling. As though he knows just what I’m thinking, Kit puts his arm around my waist and draws me close.
‘Dad!’ he shouts over the heads of the crowd, getting his father’s attention.
His dad is locked in close conversation with Jo’s mom and they both look up. I notice Jo’s mom is blushing and the two of them look like teenagers who’ve been caught doing something they shouldn’t. Oh my God. Am I imagining it? Is there something going on between them? That would be so wonderful, I think to myself. If anyone deserves a second shot at love, it’s Kit’s dad.
They walk towards us and I watch speechless as Kit’s dad and my dad exchange a few words of light-hearted banter. I will never get used to seeing those two talking and getting on.
When everyone’s gathered around, Kit clears his voice. I stare at the ground and take a deep breath, grateful for Kit’s arm which is an anchor around my waist.
‘Everyone, we have some news,’ he announces.
‘At damn last,’ my dad interrupts.
‘John,’ my mom reprimands with a smile.
Kit looks at me and again I get that butterfly flutter, a feeling of something unfurling and blossoming inside me. His eyes burn into mine and I suddenly flash back to the first time we made love. The expression he wears now is exactly the same as then, and I know just as I did then that he’s all I’ll ever need.
‘We’re getting married,’ Kit announces with a grin.
Everyone immediately lets out excited squeals and Kit has to struggle to be heard over the top of all the laughter and clapping.
I glance nervously at my parents, unsure of their reaction, memories of how my dad reacted to Jo and Riley’s news racing through my mind. But he takes a step towards me and pulls me instantly into a hug.
‘Congratulations,’ he says in a voice choked up with emotion.
I squeeze him back hard, and then my mom too, who is all kinds of excited and already trying to talk to me about wedding dresses and flower arrangements.
We’re swept up in a celebratory round of embraces and it isn’t until about forty minutes later that Kit and I get a moment alone together again. He pulls me under the flower-decked arch. Below us the waves are crashing onto the beach. The sun is sinking low in the sky, painting golden shadows across Kit’s face.
‘So Jessa Kingsley, soon to be Ryan, think you can handle spending the rest of your life with me?’ he asks.
‘I think so,’ I say teasingly, biting back a smile.
‘I love you so much,’ he says now, putting his arms around me and pulling me against his chest. I feel his lips in my hair. He strokes it behind one ear (it’s long again now) and drops a kiss on my neck.
I shudder against him.
‘Are you mine?’ he murmurs.
‘Always,’ I answer as his lips find mine.
Acknowledgements
This book would not have been written had it not been for Venetia Gosling, the editor who signed my very first book Hunting Lila and many more since then. I feel so very lucky to have found such an amazing mentor and champion.
Thanks too to Amanda, my agent, to whom I will always be eternally grateful for her advice, support and enthusiasm.
Becky Wicks, fellow author and friend, whose daily missives lift my spirits and who, as my very first reader, gave me the encouragement to keep going.
J, for everything, but most of all for your love.
My girlfriends, who are the funniest, smartest, most wonderful bunch of women. I’m so blessed to have you in my life; Jessica, Rachel, Meg, Helene, Nic, Vic, Sara, Lauren and Asa.
All the bloggers and fans who tweet, email, blog and encourage me to keep writing on the days I feel like just eating ice cream and throwing my laptop in the pool.
Catherine Richards, Eloise Wood and Juliet Van Oss at Pan Macmillan for all their help and support.
Finn Butler, who wrote the glorious poem about stardust that Jessa sends to Kit, for giving me kind permission to use it in my book. For more beautiful words check out her website: http://greatestreality.tumblr.com/
COME BACK TO ME
Mila Gray is the pseudonym for author Sarah Alderson. Having spent most of her life in London, Sarah quit her job in the non-profit sector in 2009 and took off on a round-the-world trip with her husband and tutu-wearing daughter on a mission to find a new place to call home. She now lives in Bali.
She is the author of several YA novels, including Hunting Lila and Losing Lila.
www.milagray.com
@MilaGrayBooks
First published 2014 by Pan Books
This electronic edition published 2014 by Pan Books
an imprint of Pan Macmillan, a division of Macmillan Publishers Limited
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ISBN 978-1-4472-7441-4
Copyright © Mila Gray 2014
The right of Mila Gray to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
The poem that appears on this page is used by kind permission of Finn Butler,
http://greatestreality.tumblr.com
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