RAVEN: Every woman alive loves Chanel Number 5. Men? We really don’t care what you think… we deserve respect regardless!
(the song Respect by Aretha Franklin plays)
RAVEN: The Chanel might be Number 5, but that’s the Number 2 song this week on the billboard charts… the Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin! 11:20 here on K-Broad, and we got another caller.
CALLER: (falsetto voice, clearly a man impersonating a woman) Hi Raven, I just wanted to say that not all women think you’re…
RAVEN: Oh, nice try, Caller! Give us a ring after you hit puberty, okay? (cuts Caller off the air)
(KBRD weather jingle)
RAVEN: Currently sunny in Broad-land with zero chance of testosterone in the forecast. High’s in the mid-80’s today, light smog in the basin, 76 in Owl-hambra, 77 in Raven-side, and here at our studios in Bird-bank… I mean, Broad-bank… it’s a rockin’ 74 degrees.
(pre-recorded Get Smart promotional ad featuring Barbara Feldon as Agent 99, reminding listeners to tune in to KBRD for the “Guess Agent 99’s Real Name” game and to watch the show on KNBC Channel 4).
RAVEN: And you know what we love best about Agent 99? She’s a tough, smart, independent woman… very “slick,” I tell ya!
(the song Somebody to Love by Jefferson Airplane plays, Grace Slick on lead vocals)
RAVEN: Number 7 this week on the charts. They have a new single out as well, White Rabbit… we’ll try to get that played later, before the news at noon with Jeri Churchill. But right now, it’s almost 11:30 on AM 1130 and you know what that means…
(the Who Gives a Hoot? Game intro jingle plays)
RAVEN: Thanks to our caller earlier who kicked off K-Broad for the rest of the Rockin’ Raven morning show today, we got a special edition of Who Gives a Hoot? Two ladies on the line… welcome, both of you! Can you introduce yourselves?
CONTESTANT 1: I’m Francesca, calling from Torrance.
CONTESTANT 2: I’m Sable, calling from Whittier.
RAVEN: Francesca and Sable, you both know the rules, I’m going to ask a question… and this one’s for the special edition of today’s show… and the first one to hoot like an owl gets a chance to answer. If you get it right, you win the prize of $50 Rockin’ Raven cash and your name goes in the lottery to play the role of a non-speaking extra on an upcoming episode of Get Smart… where you’ll get to meet Agent 99 played by Barbara Feldon in person. If you answer incorrectly, the other contestant gets a crack at it. Are you two ready?
BOTH CONTESTANTS: Yes!
RAVEN: Okay, here’s the question. 30 years ago this week, the first female aviator to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean mysteriously disappeared while trying to circumnavigate the globe and was declared dead. Who was this famous female pilot?
SABLE: Hoot! Hoot!
RAVEN: Yes, Sable?
SABLE: Antonia Blackstone?
RAVEN: (laughs, has to take a second to collect herself) No, unfortunately, that’s not correct. But a very good guess! Francesca, it goes to you, if you know the answer.
FRANCESCA: Is it… Amelia Earhart?
(chorus of hooting owls sound effect to announce the winner)
RAVEN: Yes! Amelia Earhart is right!
FRANCESCA: Whoo-hoo! Yaaaayyyyy!
RAVEN: Congratulations, Francesca, you win the $50 Rockin’ Raven cash and your name will go into the drawing for that non-speaking extra part in an upcoming episode of Get Smart. Stay on the line for more details. Sable, sorry you didn’t win, but thanks for playing today on Who Gives a Hoot? Stay on the line as well and I have something for you for participating.
SABLE: Thank you, Rockin’ Raven! You’re the best!
(“Rockin’ Raven” jingle plays, then the aircheck fades and ends)
About The Author
C. J. Pearson
C.J. (Chuck) Pearson is a California native and resident who has been a Sci-Fi/Fantasy fan for most of his life. Some of his characters from the Cordysian Chronicles were inspired a long time ago from playing Dungeons & Dragons as a teenager and later writing fanfiction centered around the Lexx universe. Other influences, such as the works of J.R.R. Tolkien, C.S. Lewis, and films like the Star Wars saga, The Dark Crystal, and Labyrinth can be clearly seen in his novels. A devoted activist and social justice warrior, strong elements of satire and political commentary play an important role in his writing. A former ordained minister and graduate of a Christian university, aspects of faith and spirituality are equally felt in the plot, characters, and themes of his work. Pearson is a middle and high school English teacher by profession, and when he's not working with students or writing, he can be found engaged in a variety of community events and forms of service, especially those that promote and encourage the arts, and advocate for progressive social ideals.
Two Birds, One Feather: The Lives and Times of Lorewyn & Rhianyn in America Page 31