by Samie Sands
But first, before I can do any more thinking, I need to sleep. Luckily the exhaustion did make sound terrible on the phone so I’m sure I pulled off my lie, but now I need to get rid of it. I want to wake up with a clearer head.
I stagger into my bedroom and crash onto my bed, pressing my face into the mattress as I go. It won’t be long until the blackness of sleep comes for me, I just hope that it’s peaceful and I actually wake up rested...
WHERE’S THAT ALARM coming from? What’s that smell? Why do I feel more afraid than I’ve ever done before in my life?
I try to move my head but it feels stuck like I still have the crick in it from sleeping across my desk. But if I can’t move then how am I supposed to find out what’s making me feel this way? Is something pinning me down?
My heart rate kicks up a notch, I can almost feel the tight knot of panic starting to coil in my chest. I hate this feeling, the lack of control, it reminds me of when I learned that Mom was sick. All I wanted to do was help her, and with my medical knowledge, I should’ve been able to. But of course, I couldn’t. There was nothing that I could do to stop her from dying.
Ever since then, I’ve craved control.
“Help me,” I rasp. Why is my mouth so dry? “Someone, please!”
“Katie.” The voice that answers me sounds weirdly hollow, and also a bit like...my mom.
Not that it could possibly be my mom, of course. I haven’t gone crazy just yet!
“Help me...whoever you are, I’m stuck.”
The ghostly voice doesn’t answer me. All I can hear now is growling. The thick smoggy scent of death wafts up my nostrils only freaking me out even more. I recognize that smell, it reminds me of them. The infected that I’m trying to save.
I can almost feel them around me, they’re coming for me. I don’t know how I know it, but I can sense that this isn’t a friendly visit. They haven’t come to say ‘thank you so much for trying to save us from death’. No, they want me.
Course, paper-like skin brushes against my thigh making me jump. I try to scream, to get the attention of the person I could hear before, but my throat has closed over now. I can’t even breathe, never mind yell.
I gasp, I suck in air as fast as I can, but it isn’t enough. I’m dying, I’m going to die right here not knowing what’s going on around me. They are going to kill me.
Oh God, no. I squeeze my eyes shut and beg. Not like this, please...
Seven
Huh? What?
I bolt upright in my bed gasping loudly, trying desperately to fill my empty lungs. I claw at my chest as if I’m trying to actually free my pounding heart from my body. I wake up in such a terrified shock that it takes me far too long to realize that was only a dream.
I’m not actually in danger at all.
“Urgh, God,” I groan as reality kicks in. “What a mess.”
I still feel dreadful, the sleep hasn’t done anything for me, but there’s no point in me trying to rest any longer. Not if I’m having nightmares. I kick my feet off the bed and wander aimlessly through my apartment, only glancing upwards to look at the clock.
Twelve fourteen. Still, plenty of time to get work done. But of course, I need a drink first...
Once I’m fully caffeinated, I grab my yellow legal pad out and I note down everything I’m sure of, or at least semi-sure of, to try and find a link.
Each victim is unique, but this is the general method of infection is this:
It begins with flu-like symptoms: colds, coughs, fatigue, nausea, stiff joints...that kind of thing.
Victims begin to have lapses in memory, which leaves them confused and angry.
The organs begin shutting down, which leaves the infected in great pain and distress.
They slowly lose all of their personality and become overwhelmed by an intense hunger.
Eventually, victims become a slave to the AM13 virus. Their only goal becomes biting others. Some say to eat people, others suggest that it’s to spread the virus. I don’t know.
So, what is it?
It’s viral, that much is definite. Any medical professional can see that.
Zombies...some people call the infected zombies. I can see why, I suppose, but I’m not one to believe in Haitian Voodoo. Anyway, the victims don’t really ‘die’. There isn’t a death period before they wake up, as shown by the list above. They just change.
Drugs. Could drugs have caused this? Has this been created on purpose?
Would someone have really done this? Could someone have such little regard for human life that they would create such a monstrosity? I’d like to assume ‘no’, but I can’t. There are sick people out there. There are people who do terrible things and this might just be one of them.
Maybe even one that went too far.
Okay, this isn’t helping me really. Again, I know how it works, I need to work out how to stop it.
Possible solutions:
Replenishing the white blood cells quicker than the victims lose them.
Look into antibiotics. It’s a long shot, but worth a try.
Could there be a way for the body to eventually fight off the virus itself? Humans are strong and capable. But maybe not enough for this...
Hmm, that’s not a long enough list. I can’t stop here, but I’m going to need a lot more caffeine if my brain is going to produce any more ideas.
Eight
I flick absentmindedly through the names in my phone, trying to find someone that I can actually speak to about this. I’ve tried, I’ve really tried so hard to do this by myself, but I think I’m too close. I need the outside perspective of someone who knows what they’re talking about but isn’t staring the virus in the face every damn day.
Weirdly, that’s a lot harder than it probably should be.
Pam...Rose...Ryan...
Wait! Ryan.
Ryan Hamlin, a guy I went to medical school with, a man I worked with at the hospital for a few years before I transferred to the special medical facility, a guy that I’ve been in love with from afar forever.
I pause on his name for a moment, remembering the first day that I met him. He wandered into the classroom with such a confident swagger that absolutely everyone turned around to face him. He had dark brown wavy hair, crinkly hazelnut eyes, and a smile to die for. He had command of the room from that very moment, and every moment since.
It’s safe to say that I was in love right away.
I was always quiet, always shy. I blended into the background automatically, so everything about Ryan cried out to me. He had everything that I didn’t, it was like we were jigsaw pieces that fit perfectly together to make one whole person.
The only problem was he had a girlfriend, and not just any girlfriend, Christy. The most beautiful woman that I have ever laid eyes on. Tall, curvy, platinum blonde, sparkling eyes...she wasn’t the opposite to Ryan, she way similar. They were like a glossy, celebrity couple that everyone was jealous of, including me.
Especially me.
A friendship didn’t form until we started working together, and by then we were far too busy to get together. I had heard at one point that Christy wasn’t around anymore, but I never did anything about it. I always assumed that I lost my chance.
When I told Ryan that I was going to work at the specialist medical facility he was gutted. He wanted to join me, but he was on the verge of getting a promotion that he really didn’t want to risk missing out on. I never did bother to call him to see if he got it...that was wrong of me.
I bite down on my bottom lip and clutch my phone tightly to my chest for a second. Can I call him now? Would it be wrong to contact him only because I need something? I mean, that isn’t the only reason I wish to speak to him, now that I’m thinking about him I realize how much I’ve missed his voice. He’s the perfect person to ask for advice, plus this gives us an excuse to reconnect.
Maybe the time apart will have made him realize just how much he misses me too. Maybe absence will have made the heart g
row fonder and something will finally happen. Maybe. I can dream anyway.
Ring, ring... Ring, ring...
My heart beats faster as I wait for Ryan to answer. I feel that childish excitement that can only come from having a crush. After the headache I’ve given myself over the last few days, this thrill is intoxicating. I need more of it.
“Hello?”
Ah, his chocolaty voice makes me melt inside. How have I managed to survive so long without him? It feels utterly impossible now.
“Hi, Ryan. It’s Katie...”
“Katie!” His glee spikes more delicious excitement into me. “Where are you? Why aren’t you here? It’s Dossie’s birthday, why aren’t you out with us?”
“Dossie? Surgeon Dossie? I didn’t realize.” If I was working at the hospital as normal, I would be out with all of them. There’s no way I would’ve missed such an event. I feel a pang in my chest, a wistfulness for things that could’ve been. I was so keen to work in the facility, I thought it would be an awesome jump in my career. Now though, I just miss things being normal. “Where are you guys? Should I come and join you?” I know I have something that I need to do, but to be totally honest the idea of blowing off some steam is all too appealing.
“The Bell, come now. I would love to see you.”
Something in his voice hints to me that he really would like to see me, and that fills me with a huge sense of confidence. I’m going to see Ryan, I’m going to get him to help me, and if I’m feeling extremely brave, then maybe I’ll kiss him too.
The way things are going at the moment, anything is possible!
Nine
The suddenly bolt of bravery that I felt when I was at home wanes by the time I reach the bar. All of a sudden, all the self-doubt I experience on pretty much a daily basis comes flooding back to the surface. I’m overwhelmed with the sense that I’m not good enough, that I’m making a fool out of myself, that I should just go home...this is why I’m still single because I always assume that I’m unlovable.
Come on, Katie, I plead desperately with myself. This isn’t just about kissing Ryan, I need to ask him for help too. Just get in there.
Still, I don’t feel convinced that I can do it. There’s a hot, metallic ball lodged into my throat, but if I don’t do it then I’ll end up stood out in the cold all-night long. Eventually, someone will come out and see me, and the whole thing will be incredibly embarrassing. It’ll be better if I just rip off the band-aid, and in I go.
It’s Dossie’s birthday, I remind myself. I have been invited. No one will be looking at me.
But of course, the moment I push the squeaky door open, every single eye in the place spins around to stare at me.
“Hey, it’s Katie!”
“Oh, hey! Katie!”
“Where have you been, Katie?”
The cries burst from everywhere, which makes my face flame and a giggle burst from my chest. I’ve never been very good with being the center of attention, it makes me feel really weird inside, which is why I don’t really do my own birthday.
Luckily everyone is more than a little tipsy already which means I can get away from the limelight with one simple sentence. “Does anyone want a drink?”
All sorts of drink names are yelled at me, none of which I’ll remember, which is easily rectified by ordering a round of shots. I know this lot very well. They’re always won around by something to make them scream ‘woo!’. I suppose it’s because we all have such stressful jobs, it’s a way to blow off some steam at the end of the day. And boy do I need that right now!
“What can I get you?” The bored-looking bartender asks.
Clearly, she’s not impressed with the way that my colleagues have been behaving because her face falls even further when I answer with, “shot’s for everyone please.” I wonder what’s been going on so far to make it this bad.
I can’t stand to look at her angry face as she pours them, so I turn my back to her and scan my eyes over the rest of the place. There’s a surprisingly fun-loving vibe in here considering what’s going on in the rest of the world. It’s almost as if everyone needs to forget about real life today, and I honestly can’t say that I blame them.
A slow smile spread across my cheeks as I start to feel that buzz once more. I love the sensation that a night’s going to be a good one because it doesn’t usually let me down...
Oh. My. God.
My heart freezes, my blood runs ice cold, the smile slides off my lips far quicker than it appeared. The sensation is gone now, all the positivity is gone. I feel like I’ve been tossed into the middle of a horror film and there’s no way out. The walls are closing in on me, I can’t breathe, but it’s too late for me to find a solution. The credits are already rolling, all hope is lost for me.
I’ve spotted Ryan, but he isn’t alone. He has his lips locked with a raven-haired beauty who definitely isn’t Christy...but she isn’t me either.
I need to run. No one might know that I’ve made a fool of myself, but I do. I’m aware of the horrifying feelings creeping through my veins. I’ll never be able to relax knowing that I’ve come here to kiss Ryan, just to see him with someone else.
I need to get out of here.
I’ll feign illness or something. Say I got a sickness bug that hit me unexpectedly. I cannot stay, this will be too hard, I already feel like I want to die. Everyone is already drunk anyway, they’ve probably forgotten that they saw me already.
Just as I pull my bag further up my shoulder and I duck my head down to run, two things happen at once, as if karma is working to bring me down for something terrible I did in a past life.
“Miss, are you going to pay for these drinks?” the bartender asked while clutching onto a large tray. Her furious expression told me that ‘no’ wasn’t an acceptable answer.
Just as I dived into my bag to grab the cash quickly, I felt a rough tap on my shoulder. Feeling flustered and about ready to scream, I span on my heels just to find myself looking into a very familiar pair of eyes.
“Hey, Katie, I’m so glad you came. This is Melanie, my girlfriend.”
Ten
Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod.
As I slam the door to my home shut behind me with a loud bang, my heart leaps out of my mouth. I can practically feel it bursting free past my lips and slopping pathetically on the ground like a wet rag in front of me. It’s given up, it doesn’t want to be hurt again so it’s left my body completely.
What the hell?
I cannot believe that I went out with the intention to kiss a man who never really liked me. What on Earth was I thinking? I guess a part of me always thought that Christy was the one in the way of us. He had been with her for a very long time, they shared a history that I couldn’t compare with...but Melanie? Who was the girl to stroll into the picture and instantly steal his heart? She’s beautiful, sure, but he doesn’t know her. Not like he does me. They’ve been together for three whole weeks and it already feels too long for me.
Urgh, I feel like a total idiot. I’ve admired Ryan from afar forever, and I’ve always held onto the dream that somehow, we would end up together. Did I ruin it by moving to the specialist medical facility for work? Is it an ‘out of sight, out of mind’ thing?
Then again, is that really an excuse? I’ve been away from him too and I haven’t forgotten about him. I think it’s time to accept that it was never going to happen. Anything I thought we shared was only ever in my mind.
I sigh loudly as I make my way into my bedroom without even bothering to take off my clothes. I’m too mentally exhausted to bother with anything now, all I want to do is sleep. I just hope that tomorrow is a better day...
NOPE. AS SOON AS I walk into the hospital at eight AM the following morning it becomes way too obvious that I’m not about to get the break I so desperately need. The place is filled with people, all the hallways are jam packed, I can barely even squeeze in myself.
There goes my much-needed easy day!
“Hey, Hannah.�
� I wrap my hand around my friend’s arm to get her attention. “What’s going on?”
“Urgh, the cops have brought a load of people in. Apparently, they want this quarantine to really be enforced now so they’re dragging in everyone that might be infected.”
“But...” I can my eyes around the room in confusion. “Most of these people look fine.”
“Yeah, well, what can we do?” Hannah shrugs noncommittally. “We have to see them all and ship them out if we can.”
“What...” I gulp, hating that I even have to ask this. “What does Dave know about it all?” I don’t really want to know what his nosiness has discovered, but unfortunately, he is always way more in the know than me. “Can we send them home?”
“Dunno, rules have probably changed, haven’t they? I don’t think anyone knows anymore. This is the Lockdown quarantine really coming into play now. They aren’t messing around anymore.”
“Hmmm, if everyone is in quarantine now, what does that mean for us?”
“Dave reckons we’ll need to stay here.”
That’s just marvelous. I didn’t even want to come to work today, and now I might be stuck here until the quarantine is over. Urgh, the thought of it makes me feel sick to my stomach.
“Okay, well I suppose we better try and figure out what’s going on then.”
I guess at least for today, I’ll have to put my ‘Katie saves the world’ plan to one side. Today, I just need to focus on getting through.
Eleven
This situation is impossible, I cannot stand it. The more I try to come to terms with it, the worse it becomes.
It quickly became obvious on that first day of the Lockdown quarantine that we couldn’t let anyone out. There isn’t anywhere for them to go anymore. It isn’t just us that are stuck here, it’s everyone. The only problem is we don’t have nearly enough room. The people who are very clearly infected are strapped to the beds like animals, and everyone else is simply lost with nowhere to go.