by Rayna Stone
“You look like a goddess, kitten,” Jay said as he smoothed his hands down her arms.
“I feel like one,” she replied in amazement.
Mac came into the bedroom with a wrap for her to wear and stopped short. “Jesus. I’m rethinking this, Jay. I might have to kill people when they see her.” His face broke out in a smile.
“No, Master. Let them look. Let them see how beautiful our pet is.”
* * * *
No one was allowed to hug her at the club, Mac insisted on enforcing a no-touching rule, but everyone gushed over their news about the engagement and the collaring. Kat was the most adorable shade of red. Mac might have to punch out Ryan if he didn’t stop eyeing her tits. Friends or no, those babies were off-limits. When Ryan realized he’d been caught staring, he gave him a look and said, “Well, honestly, Mac. They’re a bit mesmerizing, okay? I’ll stop, but you should seriously consider putting that wrap back on.” Yeah, he was definitely going to do that.
He had no problem with nudity in the club during a scene. It actually excited him to know people were watching him work over Jay. Perhaps it was Kat’s innocence and vulnerability that brought out the beast in him. He was pretty sure he wasn’t going to be exposing her in the same way he could with Jay. Jay enjoyed scening in the club, especially when he needed it for emotional release. The difference in environment helped him let go of the demons that built up within him. Kat didn’t need that. She was comfortable in their home, and he would keep most of her scenes there.
Just as he reached to the back of his chair to retrieve her wrap, Jay’s cell went off. His whole face shut down. Gone was the man full of happiness from a second ago. They only allowed cell phones for those members who needed to be available, like doctors. Unfortunately, Jay was included in that group. Lawyers needed to know when information became available. He looked to Mac for permission to take the call. He would never answer the phone or leave the table at the club without permission. Mac was sorely tempted to refuse. This night was too special for such an interruption, but he knew Jay would worry all night if he didn’t answer. Once Jay had permission, he left the table.
“What’s going on? And why are you wrapping me up like a mummy? Let me do that, it isn’t a towel, for God’s sake.” Kitten was slapping at his hands in dismay.
“I think the office is calling Jay. I’m sorry, baby, we may need to leave.” Mac was getting worried about Jay. He hadn’t asked for a session, but he needed it. He wasn’t sleeping well. Mac could see the stress building. He knew he would have to intervene if Jay didn’t approach him.
“I don’t mind. I’m exhausted.” Kitten was sitting in his lap and resting against his chest. When Jay finally came back to the table, he simply pulled out his chair and kneeled at Mac’s feet. Yes, things were getting bad. As Jay closed his eyes and lowered his head to start his deep-breathing exercises, kitten looked to him with worry in her eyes. There was nothing he could do tonight but show Jay they supported him. He placed a kiss to kitten’s nose and his hand on Jay’s head.
* * * *
Kat was struggling to stay in Mac’s lap. She desperately wanted to fall to the floor and wrap Jay in comfort, but she knew he needed to be left alone right now. She had gone into the office one day to use the Internet and saw the autopsy photos on Jay’s desk. They made her sick to her stomach. She couldn’t imagine how anyone could do that to another human being. Jay was immersed in that horror. She knew it weighed heavily on him and was taking its toll. She had never seen him kneel at the table. She prayed Mac could help him, because she didn’t know how.
After about an hour of subdued conversation and worried glances, Jay finally stood up. “I’d like to go home now, Master, if that’s okay.” God, he didn’t even sound like himself.
Mac put Kat on her feet and rose as well. “Of course, slave, it’s been a long day, and I think it’s time you and I had a conversation.” Mac’s voice turned from loving to severe. He was going to force the issue. Thank God. This was what Jay needed from him more than anything. She could see it in the relief on Jay’s face as he dropped his head. “Yes, Master. We do.”
* * * *
As soon as they got through the door at home, Mac told Jay to strip and wait for him in the library. He put his arm around Kat and started to lead her toward the stairs. She looked dead on her feet.
“Don’t look so worried, kitten. Jay will be okay,” he soothed.
“Mac, I’m part of this, I should be there for him. I need for him to be able to open up to me.”
Mac stopped and looked at her. He was worried that Jay may tone down the situation to ease kitten’s concerns, but she was right. They were a unit and needed to face all their problems as such. “You’re right. Jay’s going to have to learn not to shelter you. Okay, let’s go air this out.”
Jay had already started the fire in the library and was kneeling in front of Mac’s chair when they entered the room. “On the couch with kitten, slave.” Mac could see the slight flash of panic in Jay’s eyes, but he complied without pause. Kitten wrapped him in her embrace when he took his place next to her. Yes, perhaps kitten could help Mac take some of this pain for Jay. He had to be stern with him, but kitten could be his comfort.
“Slave, you have been holding in your pain for too long now. I know you grieve for that poor woman. I know you feel the weight of this prosecution, but I cannot allow it to destroy you. You need a release, to vent out all the stress.” Mac softened his tone and came to kneel in front of them.
“Jay, why have you not come to me? Baby, you’re not sleeping or eating well. You know it isn’t healthy. You can’t help her if you don’t take care of yourself.”
Jay looked so broken. “I didn’t want to scare kitten. I was afraid she would think it was too extreme,” he admitted with resignation.
Kitten looked confused. “Just tell me what’s going on. Jay, I love you. I see the pain you’re in. I don’t know how to help, but I know Mac does. I’ll understand,” she reassured him.
Jay took a deep breath and relaxed back into kitten. He took Mac’s hand and turned to look at her. “I have a problem allowing myself to process negative emotion. When I was growing up, I had an amazing family, but they were very calm and logical. I was the youngest child, and my parents were older. They didn’t use corporal punishment or anything. If you misbehaved, you were sent to time-out to ‘contemplate’ your action. If you cried over anything, you were sent to time-out so you could analyze your need to cry. They taught us that tears and tantrums never solved anything, so we weren’t allowed to behave that way.
“For my brothers and sister, that apparently worked just fine. They were older when my parents adopted this method of parenting. But a toddler can’t logically work their way through their anger and frustration, especially sadness. I was denied the only tool I had at the time to express those emotions.
“When Mac first realized that I had trouble responding to the stress of my job, he had me see a psychologist. She helped me understand that at a very young age, I learned to internalize those feelings and form a mental block that prevented me from expressing them. I learned not to cry or act out, because that’s what I thought my parents wanted. I never learned how to process the emotions.
“When I was about twelve, my grandmother died. I had no way to cope with the sadness, the feeling of loss and helplessness. I took off on my bike after the funeral and got into a really bad accident. The pain wasn’t extreme, but it forced me to cry. By the time my parents found me, I had been crying for an hour. When I calmed down, I felt better than I had in a long time. Like I could breathe again. The psychologist said that it’s actually fairly common. I couldn’t cry over her death because my mind wouldn’t allow me to vent my pain, but the physical pain forced a break in that barrier so I could finally get it all out.
“She said that there are people who cut themselves to feel pain because emotionally, they don’t know how to. Some people misdirect aggression because they can’t f
ocus on the proper source. There are all kinds of coping mechanisms out there. I coped by internalizing. But as Mac noticed, the stress of that takes a toll on my mental and physical health.
“I use the breathing exercises to help me release the stress, but sometimes it isn’t enough. I need the physical pain to break loose all emotional turmoil. I wish I could have been more successful with the techniques that the psychologist suggested. He won’t admit it, but I know how hard it is for Mac to have to take me to that extreme. I know he suffers right along with me. But a session with him has been the only way for me to find release. And I can trust Mac to know how far to push. To get me where I need to go in a safe way. It may seem like he’s hurting me, but you’ve seen my body. I have no scars. Mac never even breaks the skin. And the way I feel afterward is indescribable. I can breathe again. I can focus again.”
Mac watched as kitten processed all of Jay’s words. He released a breath he didn’t know he was holding when she cupped Jay’s face with tenderness. “Jay, I love you. I trust Mac to know what you need. We handle things differently than what we’re taught is socially acceptable. I don’t care. To me, this is actually healthier than using medication to dull your emotions. There are a million negative coping mechanisms you could have chosen. Instead, you let a man who loves you take care of you and protect you at the same time. Let him help you. Let me comfort you. We are always going to be here to pull you out of your pain if you let us, Jay.”
The tension lines around Jay’s eyes eased a bit. “Thank you for understanding, kitten. You constantly amaze me, baby.” Jay gripped Mac’s hand more firmly. “Master, I need a session,” he admitted.
“Tomorrow, slave. Thank you for having the courage to ask for help. I’ll always provide what you need.” Mac rose up to kiss Jay and hug him tight.
Chapter Eighteen
The next morning Kat headed to work, being careful not to press her friggin’ thighs together. She finally figured out that Mac had used a cane to mark her. There was a nice-size welt on her inner thigh. It’d be gone in a few days, but she’d definitely feel his touch till then. Mission accomplished, Master. She kind of wished it was more painful. It might take her mind off the session for Jay later. Her heart ached for him. She really hoped Mac could help him tonight. He needed a clear head for his work as badly as his heart needed to unload some of its burden.
Her stomach dropped when she pulled into her space and Ryan was standing there waiting for her. God, what now? She slowly got out of her car. He looked really upset. She was starting to get close to Ryan. She didn’t like to see him uneasy, and she was getting the distinct feeling it had to do with her. If Suzy tried another of her scare tactics and pissed off her bosses, she was going to take Kelly’s offer to teach her how to use a cat-o’-nine.
“What’s up, Ry?” she inquired tentatively.
“You need to come into the office. We received a package today that you need to see. James is on the phone with Mac right now to get him over here.” Shit. That didn’t sound good. Ryan turned toward the clinic, and Kat dragged her feet behind him.
When she got into the office, a red-faced James was sitting at his desk holding a folder. He was pissed. He didn’t even say anything, just handed the folder over to her.
Before she could look inside, Ryan informed her that they found it in their mail slot at the clinic this morning when they got to work. She opened the folder and pulled out a stack of pictures. Oh, fuck. The color drained from her face as she flipped through photo after photo of her and her men in the playroom. The scene from last night was playing out before her eyes in vivid detail.
The pictures documented every expression, every act of the most important and intimate moment of her life. She started shaking when she realized the angle of the photos suggested they were taken from an area by the door. “How the fuck where these taken? They’re from inside the house!” She felt a sense of hysteria well up. They would have noticed someone in the room, but someone had obviously been in the house. There was a camera somewhere by that door. She knew who did this. How had Suzy gotten past the security system? God, how crazy was this woman?
James got up to walk over to her. “Calm down, Kat. Mac called the police, and they’re going to figure out where that camera is.”
“And then what, James? How did she get in the fucking house? Do you honestly think the police can do anything about it? Even if they find the camera, do you believe they’re going to be able to prove she put it there? Delivered these? She’s going to get away with it again, isn’t she?” God, was she going to have to wonder if she was being watched all the time? What else was this woman going to do to them? Oh, Jesus, what if James and Ryan weren’t the only ones to get these photos? She could ruin Mac and Jay’s careers if it got out that they were in a triad and BDSM relationship. She could only imagine what these photos could do to Jay. What if his coworkers thought she was being forced or beaten? She was going to be sick. They could lose everything because of her.
Kat got up and ran to the bathroom. She slammed the door in Ryan’s face, barely hearing him shout her name as she lost it in the toilet. When she calmed down, she heard Mac storm into the office. “Where’s kitten?”
She got to her feet and went to him. He picked her up and sat with her on the couch. “Are you okay, baby?” He was smoothing her hair back and studying her face.
“Yes, I just couldn’t handle knowing she saw everything from last night. I feel so violated, Mac. She took the most special night of my life and turned it into a collection of pornography. I hate her for that.”
“No, baby. Nothing changes how beautiful last night was. She is a vile human being. That does not touch what we shared…no matter what. Understand?”
Kat nodded, snuggling into him. “What are we going to do, Mac? What if she sent those photos out to other people? How do we stop this?” she whispered.
“I don’t know, kitten. For now, we go home. The police are on their way to take prints and look for the camera. I called Jay’s friend in the Denver PD. He’s planning on coming over this afternoon to talk with Jay about the case they’re working on. I’m hoping he has some ideas about what to do here.
“Jay was on the phone with a private investigator when I left the house, and his next call is going to be to the security company to upgrade our system. We’ll get all the information we can from the cops today and listen to what Davis and the PI suggest. Then we’ll figure out our next move, kitten. Let’s go.” Mac put her on her feet.
“Mac, I have work to do here. I can’t just leave. I think it’s better I stay, anyway. I can’t sit around all day thinking about this. I’m safe here.” He looked like he was going to argue with her when James stood up.
“Mac, we’ll take care of her. You get this shit straightened out with the cops. She doesn’t need to be there when they’re at the house.”
Mac still didn’t look happy, but he agreed. She assured him she’d call if she felt a panic attack coming on, and James promised she’d be sent home well before Suzy’s shift for the day. With a resigned sigh, he gave her a kiss and went home to meet the police.
* * * *
One look at Detective Ross’s face when he entered the playroom, and Mac knew they were on their own in this. That judgmental prick wasn’t going to lift a finger to help them. He could feel the anger vibrating off Jay. After Ross looked over the room, he told them he’d do what he could and get back to them when the lab had gone over any evidence they collected.
“How much you wanna bet that asshole just loses the file,” Jay fumed as he stalked out of the room. Davis or that PI had better have some ideas because it was looking like there was nothing they could do. Again. That was unacceptable to him. Suzy had been in their home. He would find a way to put a stop to this. He just didn’t have a clue what it would be.
Confronting Suzy posed two problems for him. One, it didn’t look like they would have any legal recourse. Two, he was concerned about Suzy’s mental state. What
kind of a person thought to do this shit? And if he approached her about staying the fuck away from their woman, would she strike out at kitten? That worried him more than anything. Sane people did not do this kind of shit. Insane people were dangerous. Therefore, he was pretty sure Suzy fell into the dangerous category. Fuck.
* * * *
Jay was pacing the office like a tiger in a cage. Davis was explaining to Mac that they likely wouldn’t be able to tie Suzy to any of this. He knew the odds were terrible. Tracing the camera to a manufacturer, possibly even a store, was about as far as the investigation would go. All Suzy needed to do was know enough to buy the damn thing with cash and use gloves when she broke in and installed it. There wasn’t any postage on the envelope the pictures came in, so prints there were unlikely as well. They had nothing. No legal way to even get in her house and search for evidence. She never personally threatened any of them. They were screwed. Davis only confirmed his belief that this was a stalking situation and could turn violent.
“You’re in a shit situation here, guys. With stalkers, you can only hope they lose interest. You never know if your reaction to their efforts is going to spark a more aggressive attack or cause them to back off. I can only say that the behavior has escalated. I don’t think it’s a good idea to corner her. Unfortunately, all you can do is take measures to protect your home and Kat. Hopefully she’ll fuck up and leave us something to nail her with.
“I know that’s not what you wanted to hear. Sadly, the laws protect the stalker more than the victim in cases like this. We’re trying to make them better, but it’s real hard when you don’t have proof. Fucking civil rights can be a real bitch sometimes.” Jay knew Davis wished there was more he could do. He wasn’t just a damn dedicated homicide detective. He was a friend and Dom at their club.