Chapter 8 The Talk
Jenna tossed and turned all night thinking about everything that had happened with her and Nicholas. She couldn't deny that she had feelings for him, and that his kisses made her feel like she was floating, but was she really ready to get into another relationship, and more importantly, was he?
She knew that even though it had been two years since his wife's death, Nicholas wasn't really over Leslie, and she wasn't sure he ever would be. Jenna didn't want to feel like she was constantly competing with a ghost, the ghost of his wife, his first love. She didn't want to give in and end up falling for him when he was just going to hurt her somewhere down the road. After all, someday he'll realize that Jenna will never measure up to the woman that Leslie was, and where will that leave Jenna.
But on the other hand, he was such a good kisser and he could sure shake his ass on the dance floor. He was such a good friend to Jenna, and he was always there to talk, or listen, or just hang out. He was a great father to Emma, and a great male role model for Colby. He was such a genuinely sweet man that she didn't think Nicholas had it in him to hurt anyone, especially not Jenna. But then again, he was a man, and what man hasn't hurt some woman at some point in his life, intentional or not.
'Oh, this is getting me absolutely nowhere. Besides, I have no clue what he's even feeling! Who knows if he'll even want to be with me, so why bother worrying about this now?' Jenna thought, frustration filling her body as she looked at the clock. 'Well, 7:30, might as well get up. It's not like I'm going to get any sleep at this point.'
Jenna got up and showered, then headed downstairs to get a Pepsi. She got the drink out of the fridge and grabbed the morning newspaper from the front porch and headed out to the back deck to read. She flipped through the paper, looking at all of the articles, but not truly absorbing any of the words that she read. Just when she was about to give up, she looked over and saw Nicholas walking towards her. He smiled at her when their eyes met, and she put down the newspaper.
"Good morning. I see you're up early." Nicholas called out as he reached her deck.
"Morning. I didn't exactly get much sleep last night. How about you?" Jenna asked, giving him a shy smile.
"Yeah, not so good. I don't think either one of us are going to get much sleep until we talk about what's happening." He told her.
"I agree." Jenna said nervously. "Are the kids up yet?"
"Yeah, my mom just came and picked them up. She wanted to take Emma for the day, to go to the beach and offered to take Colby along with her. I hope you don't mind that I said he could go. I sent them with plenty of sunscreen and strict orders not to go near the water without an adult with them." Nicholas said.
"Oh, that's fine. I trust your mom. After all, you made it out of your childhood alive." She laughed, still nervous. "Besides, I think it's good if we have some time to talk without interruption."
"Agreed. So, let's talk."
"Now?" Jenna stammered.
"Yes, now. I think we need to clear the air, and do it as soon as possible!" He chuckled. After a few minutes of silence, Nicholas took the lead. "Ok, since you don't want to start, I guess I will." He reached across the patio table and grabbed Jenna's hand. "I don't know what's happening between us, but I have to tell you, the feeling I get kissing you is indescribable. I haven't felt this way about a woman in a long time, and quite honestly, it scares me."
"Glad I'm not the only one then. I get this tingling feeling every time I'm around you, and it scares me shitless too. I really like the friendship that we have, and I don't know where I'd be without you as my friend." Jenna said honestly.
"I completely agree. Our friendship is very important to me. More important than pretty much anything, other than Emma of course. When you came into my life, I felt like a part of me had finally been glued back together. I have been broken for so long, but I also don't know if I am really over Leslie's death." Nicholas looked into Jenna's eyes, trying to read her reaction to what he was telling her. "I am so confused. One minute I think I'm ready to move on, then the next I feel so guilty that I am even thinking about it."
Jenna felt the tears building up in her eyes. "Nicholas, I really like you, and I enjoy spending time with you, but I don't want to push you into something that you aren't ready for. I don't want you to resent me because you feel guilty for moving on, and I also don't want to lose your friendship. If you aren't ready, I need to know now before I get into this too deep. I still have some scars from the way that Kyle treated me and our marriage, and I don't think I can handle any more at this point." Jenna swallowed hard. The tears slid down her face. "I don't want something to start happening with us, then a month or two down the road you realize that you weren't ready. I also can't live in the memory of your first wife. If you decide that you want to be with me, I need you to be with me, not someone who is there as a replacement for Leslie. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"I understand. You don't want to live in Leslie's shadow. I get that. Just like I don't want to live in Kyle's shadow. I don't ever want to be judged because of something that Kyle did. I'm not Kyle, and I never will be. I think he is the lowest form of life for cheating on his wife and not wanting anything to do with his son." Nicholas started to get mad thinking about Kyle. His hands started to clench into fists and he took a few deep breaths. "But anyways, I think we are getting a little ahead of ourselves. First we need to decide if we are ready to head onto the next step and start something between us or not."
"Well, I know how I feel about you, but I'm not really sure how you feel." Jenna told him.
"How do you feel about me?" Nicholas asked her, a slight smile on his face.
"Well, every time I'm around you, I get these little butterflies in my stomach. I think about you a lot during the day, for no reason at all. You make me smile, and I enjoy the time I spend with you." Jenna said, smiling through her tears.
"So, that's positive." Nicholas laughed.
"And what about you?" Jenna asked.
"Well, let me tell you…As soon as I saw you this morning, all I could think about was coming over here and wrapping you in my arms and kissing the hell out of you."
"So, this is just something physical then?" Jenna teased.
"I think you know better than that!" Nicholas smiled. "It's just really hard for me to talk about this, to talk about my feelings. I haven't done anything like this in a really long time, so I'm really rusty. Maybe we should just take things slow and see where it leads us."
"Ok, slow is good. But no matter what happens, I don't want to lose my friend." Jenna said, wiping her eyes.
"Me either. You are too important to me." Nicholas reached over and helped to dry her eyes.
"So, what was it again that you were thinking when you walked over here?" Jenna asked shyly.
Nicholas stood up and pulled Jenna up from her chair. He pulled her hand so that she moved closer to him, where he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close to his body. He could feel her heart pounding against his as he lowered his head down to hers to embrace her in a deep kiss. Her arms drifted to his shoulders and wrapped around his neck, with one of her hands reaching up to play with the hair on the back of his head. One of Nicholas' hands found its way up to Jenna's face and cupped her cheek.
Nicholas broke the passionate kiss to place small kisses on Jenna's lips and rest his forehead against hers. "It feels so good to be able to do that. Especially when it's all I could think about all night." Nicholas told her.
"I've been thinking about it since last week when we went out. How bad is that?" Jenna giggled.
"I can't help it if I'm so irresistible." Nicholas laughed. "So, when can I take you out on our first official date?"
"Well, how about next weekend, I don't really want to start leaving Colby with babysitters all weekend. I think once a weekend is more than enough." Jenna said.
"I agree. I don't want to be unfair to the kids. Ok, so next weekend we can go out on our date? But we can s
till hang out with the kids like we have been, right?" Nicholas asked. They usually saw each other pretty much every night. Either they would all go out to dinner together or Nicholas and Jenna would sit together while Colby and Jenna would play in the back yard. They were always spending time together and Nicholas didn't want that to change.
"Of course we can still hang out. I really enjoy the time we spend together like that, and so do Colby and Emma." Jenna told him. She looked into his eyes and hesitated for a moment before asking, "So are we going to tell anyone about this, like the kids or our friends?"
"Well, I know Vanessa will be pumping you for info at some point today, so you can tell her what you want. I just don't really want to make it public yet with a whole lot of people knowing. Let's see where things go first. Does that bother you?"
"Not in the least. I completely understand." Jenna said honestly.
"Good. Now, can I convince you to come over to my house so I can cook you breakfast?"
"Only if you wear an apron that says 'Kiss the Cook'." Jenna teased.
Nicholas grabbed her hand and led her to his house. Once inside, he told Jenna to make herself comfortable in the living room while he got the food started. Jenna walked to the living room and made her way over to the mantle that was lined with picture frames. Every single picture was a memory of a time that Nicholas spent with Leslie. There were wedding pictures, pictures from when Emma was born, and other every day pictures. Jenna picked up one of the wedding pictures and ran her hand over the glass lightly. She looked at the smiles on the bride and groom's faces as they looked into each other’s eyes over their glasses of champagne. They looked so happy, so in love. Jenna wondered if she could ever make Nicholas as happy as Leslie had made him.
She returned the picture to the mantle and turned around to see Nicholas standing in the doorway, leaning against the wall. She looked at him and flashed a sad smile before her eyes drifted to the floor.
"I'm just not ready to put her pictures away yet." Nicholas told her, apologetically.
"I think this may be a mistake Nicholas. You aren't ready, and I don't know if you ever will be." Jenna said as she rushed to the door.
Nicholas stepped in front of her and grabbed her arms. "Please, don't go. I can't tell you that I'm going to forget the memories of everything that ever happened with Leslie, because I won't. But I think I am ready to put the memories in the past and move forward with my life. I can just go from mourning to moving on and getting rid of all her pictures overnight. This is going to take some adjustment for me." Nicholas said, almost pleading.
"I understand that. I'm not asking you to forget your life with Leslie. I would never do that." Jenna started crying again.
"Then what is it? What has you so upset?" He asked, begging her to talk to him.
"Nothing. I'm sorry, I guess I'm just over-reacting since I didn't get enough sleep last night." Jenna said, not really convincing Nicholas.
"Well, when you're ready to tell me what's really bothering you, let me know." He told her and let go of her arms. "How about we just go out for breakfast instead?"
"That's probably a good idea. Are you sure you want to put up with me though? I'm not much use when I've had no sleep." Jenna smiled.
"I think I can handle you. Come on, let's go." Nicholas said and pulled her out the front door. They got in his SUV and headed to the IHOP a few minutes away. Leaving his house made Jenna feel a lot better, but she worried that she would never feel comfortable there with all the memories that haunted it. Only time would tell.
Chapter 9 Time Alone
After breakfast, Nicholas and Jenna strolled down the street filled with small shops, going into the ones of interest and looking around. Jenna had bought a few knick-knacks for her house, some clothes, and even managed to buy something for Nicholas when he wasn't looking.
"So, I take it you like shopping?" Nicholas asked her as he helped her carry some of her bags.
"Not really. That's why when I shop, I really shop. I don't think I could shop in stores or a mall more than once every month or two. Just another reason why I love the internet, no crowded stores to deal with and I can wear my pajama's while buying!" Jenna giggled.
"So then you won't make me come out shopping with you all the time then?" Nicholas asked, relieved.
"Hell no! We'll do this as little as possible!" Jenna reassured him. "Speaking of, I've had it for the day. How about we head home and enjoy our time left until our little monsters come back from the beach?"
"Music to my ears!" Nicholas said and led her back to his Xterra. He put her packages in the back and helped her into the passenger seat. As he drove them back to their houses, he reached over and took Jenna's hand in his, content to just touch her in the simplest form.
Nicholas and Jenna spent the rest of the afternoon at her house relaxing. She had made them lunch and they sat on the deck eating and talking. They were taking the time to get to know each other better, sharing stories from their childhood and reliving old memories. Shortly after lunch, Nicholas got a call on his cell phone.
"Hi Hun, it's mom. I just wanted to let you know that we're on our way home from the beach and I wanted to make sure that you were home before I dropped Emma and Colby off."
"Yeah, I'm home mom. You can drop them off here." Nicholas said into his phone.
"Ok, we'll be there in about 15 minutes. See you then. Love you." She said.
"Love you too mom." He told her before closing his flip-phone. "Mom said they'll be here in about 15 minutes." Nicholas told Jenna.
"Oh, ok. Sounds good. I feel like I haven't seen my little monster in forever!" Jenna laughed.
"Well, how about we spend some quality time with our kids, then meet up again after they've gone to sleep?" Nicholas suggested.
"Good plan. You know, I still haven't used my hot tub, maybe we can break it in tonight after they go to sleep. Why don't you bring Emma over here to spend the night so that you aren't too far away from her." Jenna offered.
"I think I like the sounds of that." Nicholas pulled Jenna out of her chair and dragged her over to him. He pulled her down so that she was sitting in his lap, then captured her mouth with his. "Mmm, this is going to be the last time I can kiss you like this until later tonight. I don't know if I can wait that long!"
Jenna laughed. "You went for months without kissing me when we met. I think you can handle waiting until later tonight."
"Yeah, but that was all before I got to experience how good it feels to kiss you. Now I never want to stop." Nicholas whined.
"Ok, I'll give you that one, it does feel pretty good to kiss you. But I still think it's not going to kill us to wait until later." Jenna said, then leaned her lips down for another lip lock. She could feel the tingle that spread through her body, all the way down to her toes. She had never experienced so much pleasure just from a kiss. It kind of made her wonder how sex would be with him, if she felt so much from his kiss. She could feel her nipples hardening, and the moisture between her legs growing, and knew that she had to stop before they did something they both would regret. She broke the kiss, and was breathless. "I think you better go now before the kids walk in on something more than a kiss."
Nicholas had felt the same desire in the kiss. His pants were getting a little too tight on him in the zipper area. "I think you're right. I need to calm myself down before I see Emma and my mom." He told her, then chuckled. "Well, that did it. All I had to do was say 'my mom', and my erection vanished." He joked. "But I still better head home." He said a little reluctantly. "I'll see you later tonight. I'll get Emma ready for bed then bring her over. Then you and I can spend some time getting to know your hot tub."
Jenna stood up from Nicholas's lap and pulled him up too. "Ok. I'll see you tonight." She gave him another quick kiss before pushing him away, towards his house.
Nicholas kept turning around and looking at her as he made his way through their back yards. Jenna laughed and waved each time, finally turning and walking i
n her own back door. She sat on the couch and turned on the TV to wait for Colby to come home from the beach. Jeter took the opportunity to jump onto the couch and cuddle up with Jenna while they waited.
"Jeter, you're getting too big to be a lap dog. You're only six months old, and you're already 45 pounds. I think we have a little problem here." She said as she stroked the dog's head and back. "But you're a good boy and Colby loves you to death. I even like you a little." She smiled. "And I really like Nicholas a lot." She said to herself, more than the dog.
"Mom! I'm home!" Colby yelled as he walked through the front door, slamming it shut after he came in. Jeter jumped down from Jenna's lap and ran to greet Colby. Colby bent down and pet his dog. "Hey buddy, did you miss me?" Jeter licked Colby's face making him laugh. Colby rolled onto the floor, and Jeter got even more excited, jumping on him and licking him. Colby giggled uncontrollably as he played with the boxer.
"Hey, save some of those kisses for your mom Cole!" Jenna said as she walked into the foyer where Colby and Jeter were wrestling.
Colby looked up at his mom and smiled even more. He got up from the floor and ran over to his mom. She knelt down and opened her arms to him, and when he reached her, they threw their arms around each other. "Hi mom." He said. "Me and Emma went to the beach today, and it was so cool!"
"I heard. Did you miss me at least?" Jenna asked.
"Ah mom." Colby whined.
"That's ok. I know you're too cool to tell me you missed me, but I can tell by your hug that you did." Jenna said and pinched his cheek lightly. "So, tell me about the beach. Did you bring me back any shells? Did you build any sand castles?" She stood up and took his hand, leading him over to the couch where they sat and talked.
"Mrs. Tiller is so cool. She gave us buckets and shovels and stuff, and helped us make a castle with a moat and everything. Then she showed us how to make a turtle sculpture in the sand. We had to knock it all down though, because some guy was running down the beach and stepped in our moat and hurt his ankle. But it was cool while it was up. Mrs. Tiller took some pictures of me and Jenna by the castle and turtle, and she promised she'd give me some pictures. Can we go back to the beach sometime mom? We could take Emma and her dad." Colby chatted on excitedly.
Mending the Soul Page 6