The Memory of You

by Catherine West

  Tanner nodded, his vision blurred, but he mustered a smile for his niece. What he wouldn’t give for just an ounce of that childlike faith.

  “Don’t be sad, Uncle Tanner. Mama’s happy now.” Jeni wrapped her arms around his neck in a hug as Tanner saw Rance heading toward them.

  “Hey, Jeni.” Rance settled a foot away. Didn’t try to touch her. “You doing okay?”

  Jeni nodded and stuck her thumb in her mouth. Tanner’s heart clenched. She hadn’t sucked her thumb in almost a year.

  Tanner looked at Jeni. “Sweetheart, how about you go help water the flowers, huh? Looks like Miguel has an extra watering can over there just for you.” Jeni gave him another hug before she wriggled down and ran off to the flower garden.

  “She’s shy,” Tanner muttered, not sure why he was bothering.

  “She doesn’t know me yet.” Rance turned the diamond stud in his ear. “They’re going to need some time. I understand.”

  Tanner scuffed his shoes and stared at the swans in the pond.

  “You holding up all right, Tanner?”

  “Sure.” He blew air through his lips, his jaw tight.

  “Your friend David seems like a great guy. Good preacher.”

  Tanner shoved his hands in his pockets and set a scathing glance on the man about to ransack his life. “No offense, but I really don’t feel like talking to you today, Rance.”

  Tanner walked off. Out of his peripheral vision he watched Jason kick a ball around with some of the older boys while the younger kids chased the dogs and played tag.

  The garden had been Natalie’s idea.

  She’d sat beside him during the service, held his hand, given him the strength he needed. She’d been there for him the past few days; so much a part of his life now that he wasn’t sure what it looked like without her. He watched her talking with his father and Hal. Dressed in a simple black dress, a thin gold belt buckled around her waist, and black pumps, she was the picture of elegance. Always gave off that vibe, the way her grandmother Grace had. Her hair curled neatly around her face and she played with her necklace. When she glanced his way and saw him looking, she flashed a smile that pulled one from him in return.

  Funny how one smile from her could reach right through him and turn on the lights, even on the darkest of days.

  Tanner wasn’t quite sure when he’d fallen in love with Natalie Mitchell.

  Or what he was going to do about it.

  First he had to get through what he feared was coming.

  He was going to lose the kids.

  Rance’s first meeting with Jason and Jeni had been more than awkward. They’d been quiet, Rance a little wary, and Tanner hadn’t made it any easier, looming in the back of the room. But the guy showed up faithfully every day.

  Jeni was unsure, but it wouldn’t take her long to warm to him. Jason might need more time, but Tanner saw an innate curiosity there, recognized that deep-seated longing the boy had to know his father.

  He’d once fostered the same feelings.

  He told Natalie he’d sell everything he owned to fight Rance in court if it came to it. She thought he needed to give the man a chance. But Tanner knew where the kids belonged. Where they’d be happier. And that was right here on Maoilios.

  With him.

  As the days passed, that conviction began to waver.

  Who was he to stand in the way, denying Jason the second chance he himself had never had?

  That question robbed him of sleep and haunted his waking hours.

  But he wasn’t quite ready to go there. He didn’t trust Rance Harper. Not yet.

  And Tanner’s heart began to harden against the pain headed his way.

  “Hey.” Jeffrey approached him. “Nice service.”

  “Yeah.” Tanner messed with his hair. He needed a trim. If he’d shaved that morning, it’d only been out of habit; he couldn’t remember doing it. “Thanks for coming.” Tanner hadn’t failed to notice the support the man had given his mom these past few days. More than he’d been able to.

  “You doing okay, Tanner?”

  He’d be a lot better if people would quit asking him that. “Hanging in.”

  “Good.” Jeff clapped him on the shoulder. “So, thought you might like to know I’ve done a little digging on your man over there.” He tipped his head in Rance’s direction.

  Tanner’s smile tickled. “I’m starting to like you, Mitchell.”

  Jeff grinned, fished out his phone, and scrolled down the screen. “Don’t get too excited. Harper’s story checks out. He was a small-time dealer when he and Marnie met. She got pregnant at eighteen. They got married at some point, looks like around the time Jason was born. I gather they were both pretty strung out until she left Seattle. That seemed to shake him up. He did two years in and out of rehab, but eventually it stuck, seems to be squeaky clean now. Works for his brother’s advertising agency, doing quite well by all appearances. Has his own house, a mortgage, a few debts but he’s paying them on time. Leads worship at his church.”

  “Wonderful.” Tanner put on a pair of shades. “Any women?” The guy had to have a weakness.

  “One. A ‘close friend.’ Kate Thomas. Single. Couple years younger than him. Kindergarten teacher. Loves kids, dogs, and her elderly grandmother. Goes to the same church. The perfect match, apparently. But from what I’ve heard, the relationship has been kept low-key, given that Rance was technically still married. No sign of them sleeping together or anything that might go against the Good Book.”

  “What about his past?” Tanner knew he was reaching. Floundering in the clear waters of truth, trying to muddy them up for the sake of his selfish heart. “Surely a judge wouldn’t just hand the kids over to a drug addict?”

  “Tanner.” Jeff’s smile bordered on pity. “He’s clean. Gets tested once a week. He’s got accountability partners up the wazoo, gives talks against the evils of drugs in high schools. Volunteers with youth groups and young-adult ministries. You can fight this, spend months in court, and bankrupt yourself on legal fees, but chances are good it’ll still go in his favor. He’s their biological father, clean and sober. He’s got a lot of influential references. Your father, for one.”

  “My father doesn’t know the first thing about raising a family.” Tanner kicked at a rock and sent it flying toward the pond.

  “That’s not entirely true.” Jeff pulled a folded piece of paper from his suit jacket and slowly opened it. “Brian remarried a few years after your parents’ divorce was finalized. You knew that, right? You have three half-siblings. Two brothers and a sister.”

  Tanner knew.

  His mother had tried to talk to him about his dad over the years, but he shut down every time she broached the subject. He didn’t want to know anything about his father’s new family. Wouldn’t open his letters or take his calls.

  When Marnie came home, she’d wanted to show him pictures. He wouldn’t look at them, but snuck into her room one day when she was out and took a gander anyway. They told stories of a life he’d had no part in, hadn’t wanted to be part of. Eventually, he let her tell him about his brothers, Timothy and Scott, and his sister Chelsea. She’d be in middle school by now, the boys in high school or graduated.

  “They still live in the same area? He and Rance?” He couldn’t even say his father’s name. Clouds trailed across the sky and provided shade from the sun. Tanner focused on the kids, forced himself not to move forward and intervene when Rance approached Jason and they started kicking a soccer ball back and forth.

  “Same neighborhood. Rance spends a lot of time with them. They’re close.” Jeff held out a printed photograph of his father’s family. The family Tanner knew would embrace Jason and Jeni in a heartbeat. His hand hovered over the paper. He saw himself in his brothers’ grins, saw Marnie in the way the younger girl’s eyes sparkled, and wondered, for a fleeting moment, what it might be like to meet them.

  He pulled his hand back. “Throw it away.” Tanner shook his head and walke
d off.

  He couldn’t handle anything else today.

  He was done.

  Twenty-Nine

  IT HAD BEEN A LONG, EXHAUSTING WEEK. AFTER MARNIE’S funeral, Natalie spent as much time with the kids and Tanner as she could. Friday arrived too quickly, and as expected, the call from her father came.

  Natalie had made her decision. Maoilios would stay open.

  Dad did not take the news well.

  Their conversation ended with him hanging up on her.

  As Saturday morning dawned, an unfamiliar feeling flooded her. Something she hadn’t felt for so long that she couldn’t really be sure she was feeling it now.

  Peace.

  She was doing the right thing.

  Early morning sun filtered through the cypress trees that crested the hills around the house. Off in the distance a lone tractor chugged along between the rows of grapes, the dogs running behind it. She caught a flash of the blue UCLA cap Tanner often wore and grinned. Did he ever sleep?

  At the breakfast table, the calls began. Dad wasn’t giving up. Natalie tried to focus on her eggs and not on the fact that both her grandfather and uncle were scrutinizing her. When her cell buzzed again, she rolled her eyes.

  “You gonna answer that, kid?” Jeffrey sipped his coffee, his steady gaze fixed on her.

  “No. It’s not important.” She bit into a slice of toast, her mouth too dry to swallow.

  Her phone kept buzzing.

  Sarah hovered by the sideboard, raised an eyebrow when Natalie looked her way. Natalie shrugged and managed a smile. “Grandpa, can you pass the coffee, please?”

  He filled her cup, his eyes narrowing as her phone vibrated on the table. “Natalie Grace, somebody is awfully persistent. Who’s bothering you at this hour?”

  “More like harassing,” Uncle Jeff stated, buttering his toast. “Do I need to handle this?”

  “Handle what?” Tanner strode into the dining room, whipped off his cap, and wiped his brow with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. “Morning, all.” His eyes immediately found hers. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” She answered too quickly, too loudly. She picked up her coffee cup again, her hand trembling.

  He dropped into the chair beside her, concern rippling his forehead. “Who’s harassing you? Your ex?” Her phone vibrated again. Tanner glared at it. “Is that him? Give me the phone.”

  “Oh, settle down.” Natalie sighed, grabbed her cell, and powered it off. “It’s just my father.” She took another gulp of coffee and waited until Tanner sat back. Sarah served him his plate and took a seat at the far end of the table.

  She took a deep, calming breath, pushed her plate away, and nodded. “Since you’re all here, I want you to know I’ve come to a decision regarding the vineyard.”

  Tanner’s fork stilled in midair. Everyone stopped eating and stared at her.

  “As you know, my father thinks we should shut down Maoilios. Although he seemed determined, I thought once I came up with some viable numbers, he’d change his mind. He hasn’t.” She exhaled and ran a hand over her hair. Her grandfather sat back, arms folded, a tiny smile playing about his lips. Natalie sent him a grateful look.

  He knew. Probably had known for years that this day would come.

  That she wouldn’t let him down.

  “Grandpa, when I first arrived, I asked you something. Remember?”

  His smile stretched. “You wanted to know why your grandmother left you her share of the winery.”

  Natalie nodded. “And you said I’d have to figure it out for myself.”

  “And have you?”

  “I think so.” She placed her hands on the rough-hewn table. Memories danced around her—family dinners with her grandparents and Nicole, often Tanner and David, too, on summer nights when rain kept them inside. Conversations so lively sometimes it was all she could do not to put her hands over her ears.

  Every room in this house held a special moment, a time when Natalie could remember what it felt like to be truly happy. To belong.

  To be free and at peace.

  Over the past several weeks, she’d found that feeling again.

  “What are you getting at, kiddo?” Jeffrey’s fingers drummed a beat on the table.

  “Last night I informed my father that we are not shutting down Maoilios.” The proclamation should have made her smile, but she was still battling her father’s harsh words.

  You’ve let me down again, Natalie. Well, I can’t say I’m surprised . . .

  Tanner’s fork clattered onto his plate. He pushed his chair back and ran a hand over his face. “Thank You, Jesus.”

  “Indeed.” Sarah sent her son a sharp look. “Natalie, sweetheart, are you sure?”

  “She looks sure to me.” Tanner shot her a sidelong glance. “You’re sure, right, Mouse?”

  Grandpa Hal tipped his head, victory shining in his eyes. “Of course she’s sure.”

  Uncle Jeff gave Sarah a wary look. Natalie couldn’t read him. Tanner’s mother lifted her hands with a small smile. “Look, I know you’re all concerned about the vineyard. So am I. But I’m more concerned about how this might affect Natalie.”

  “Thank you, Sarah. But I’m fine.” Natalie tapped a finger on her phone. “I’m out of a job, but other than that . . .” Her voice took on a tremor as reality set in.

  “Wait, what?” Tanner rested a hand on her back, his touch warm through the cotton blouse she wore.

  Natalie sighed. “Two weeks ago, my dad gave me an ultimatum. Do what he wanted or seek employment elsewhere. I didn’t do what he wanted.”

  “Two weeks ago?” Tanner’s face grew stormy.

  “Well, that’s not the end of the world,” Uncle Jeff said. “Because from what I’ve seen, you’re needed out here.”

  “I’ll second that.” Grandpa Hal nodded. “But let’s take one step at a time.” His iPhone rang out in a chorus of The Sting and he raised his eyes to the ceiling when he looked at the screen. “Now he’s trying me. Excuse me, everyone, I’ll handle this.”

  Natalie exhaled and put her head in her hands as her grandfather left. “I feel like I’ve just started World War III.”

  “You’re doing the right thing.” Uncle Jeff rose and began to clear the plates. Sarah was quick to get up and take them from him.

  “Natalie won’t be the only one out of a job if you don’t let me do mine,” she told him. Jeff backed off with a smile, which to Natalie’s surprise, Sarah returned as they headed to the kitchen.

  Natalie was half out of her chair when Tanner cleared his throat. “Natalie, wait.”

  A reticent sigh slid out of her as she met his questioning gaze. “What?”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because you had enough going on. And it wasn’t important.” She moved toward the door.

  “Not important?” He pushed his chair back so quickly that it tipped backward, landing on the rug with a thud. “Natalie, stop! Maybe we should rethink this. I mean, is this worth losing your job over, creating a rift between you and your father? What are you going to do, stay here and run the place?”

  Natalie squeezed her eyes shut. Seriously? She turned on her heel to face him. “Yes, Tanner. That’s exactly what I plan to do. You know, I just put everything on the line for you. I thought you’d at least be happy about it. But you still don’t trust me, do you? I don’t know why I expected you would.”

  “Wait. Back up.” Tanner pushed up his sleeves, rounded the table. He tipped his head and narrowed his eyes. “Did you just say you put everything on the line . . . for me?”

  “Natalie?” Tanner waited for her answer, a sick feeling swirling in his stomach. “Are you doing this for me?”

  “Of course not.” She shook him off, pressed her lips together. “I just meant that this is your livelihood, that you love Maoilios just as much as my grandfather does. We’ve created a plan that I’m convinced will be profitable. There’s no reason to close.”

  “Okay.” He didn
’t believe her. Not for a second. Her eyes refused to connect with his. “That’s not what it sounded like.”

  “I know what it sounded like.” When she finally looked at him, he saw a hint of anger in her eyes. “But that’s not what I meant.”

  “Good. Because I wouldn’t want you to make that kind of decision out of some misplaced loyalty to me.” Did he just say that? Tanner wanted to shove a fist in his mouth.

  “Misplaced loyalty?” Natalie clamped her hands on her hips and her eyes flamed.

  Oh, this was bad. Very bad. “I didn’t mean it that way. I meant . . . I—”

  “Do you honestly believe for one minute that I would make a business decision purely based on emotion?”

  “Look, all I’m saying is . . .” He raised his hands and gave up. He had no idea what he was saying.

  “How about you stop questioning this and get on board?” She poked him in the chest. “What happened to Do I get to be on the team?”

  “Natalie.” Tanner sighed her name as she stalked across the room.

  She threw him a glare over her shoulder. “I have things to do, Tanner.”

  “So do I.” But he wouldn’t be able to focus on anything until they cleared the air. “I just don’t want you to do something you’re going to regret in a few days.”

  “My mind is made up. If you don’t want me here, be honest.”

  “Did I say I didn’t want you here?” Tanner rolled his eyes.

  “You don’t seem exactly thrilled by the thought.”

  “I haven’t had a chance to process it.” He ran a hand down his face to hide his smile as she made a slow turn.

  “Then by all means, process away.” Natalie left the room, slamming the door behind her.

  Oh no you don’t.

  Tanner raced after her. She was already out the front door, cresting the hill, and making her way toward the stream at a slow jog.

  Her soft cries carried backward on the wind.

  When he reached her, she whirled to face him, tears streaking her cheeks. “Leave me alone!”