by Lynne Graham
Golden eyes splintered into her in a near-physical assault. ‘And the traffic through your bedroom will be considerably lighter in the future.’
Sarah’s sole desire now was to retaliate in kind. Temper lanced through her in a wild thrust of aggression. ‘I’d love to know how you intend to achieve that. Chastity belts are a little out of date, Rafael, and I’m afraid an embargo wouldn’t have much effect on me,’ she told him furiously. ‘Tell me, does this really have anything to do with the children? Or is it just the idea that someone else appears to have succeeded where you failed?’
Her taunt fell into a combustible atmosphere like a flaming torch. Rafael went satisfyingly rigid, his lean powerful body bracing as he took a sudden backward step, as though he was mentally endowing her with a much-needed line of defence. If he crossed that line, he would either kill her or…make love to her again. Hotly, invasively, unforgettably. An excitement as entirely primitive as his fury flooded her and she was staggered by the strength of her imagination and her own barbaric response to the imagery. Clashing with the ferocious intensity of his stare, she suddenly knew that he was completely attuned to her thoughts and her mouth ran dry and she quailed, abruptly, disorientatingly herself again.
‘No…I am not so to be caught.’
‘Who the hell wants to catch you?’ Sarah lost her head all over again, shaken more than she cared to admit by the unwelcome bond of understanding that had surfaced between them. She lifted a trembling hand to her aching head. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Sorry?’ he raged. ‘I do not want this sorry!’
His English had gone to hell. His so-expressive hands moved in a violent arc of frustration and fury and a treacherous little pang of tenderness stole through her. She had sunk low in her need to strike back and she was not very proud of herself. Conversely, she did not want Rafael to suspect that other reasons might have lain behind the ease of his conquest. And if ever anybody had asked for what they had received today, it was Rafael! Curiosity? Well, if he didn’t like what he believed he had discovered, it was entirely his own fault.
Silence sat like a giant concrete block between them. Heavy, immovable. He was so possessive, so incredibly, primitively possessive. All these years he had existed without her and yet still that unreasoning streak of possessiveness burned in him as fiercely as ever. Once he had loved her utterly without reservation. He hadn’t minded the burnt offerings on the dinner table. He hadn’t raged over her excessive need for order. Indeed he had made vague and endearing attempts to be more tidy. He had bought her flowers, surprise presents…
Disconcertingly tears scorched her eyelids. It had been so long since she’d allowed herself to remember those things. But he had also flushed her contraceptive pills down the toilet when she’d threatened to leave him. He had also betrayed her in the most agonising way a woman could be betrayed by someone she loves. And inevitably she thought of the woman in the photograph with her glorious black tumbling hair and sloe-dark eyes. Pain tore into her momentary weakness and pain triumphed.
‘Tomorrow afternoon, I fly back to Spain,’ he said harshly.
The news swept her with mute gratitude. ‘Bon voyage.’
He strolled soundlessly over to the window and dug a hand into the pocket of his well-cut trousers, stretching the fine fabric tautly over his long, muscular thighs. Her colour heightening, Sarah glanced hurriedly away from him.
‘I do not come often to England and at this time it is difficult for me to be away long from my home. My grandmother is very frail…’
Sarah stared at him. ‘I didn’t know your grandmother was still alive.’
He shrugged. ‘Why should you? While my grandfather lived, I had no contact with her.’
‘You never told me he was alive either!’
‘There was no reason to when I did not visit,’ he fielded impatiently. ‘Abuela is an invalid now. I want her to meet her great-grandchildren. I also want to spend time with my children. I want you and the twins to come to Spain.’
Air escaped her lungs in a shocked gush. ‘S…Spain?’
‘Perhaps you would like me to show you where it is in the atlas.’
‘I’ve already had my holiday leave. It’s out of the question,’ Sarah told him vehemently. ‘We can’t possibly come to Spain.’
Rafael dealt her an insolent smile. ‘Let me clarify the situation for you. It is really very straightforward. I engaged a lawyer this morning. He believes I have an excellent case. If you don’t come to Spain, I instigate court proceedings. Do not underestimate my determination, Sarah.’ The warning was a stark threat in the sudden stillness. ‘I want my children.’
Her defiant stance had perceptibly shrunk. Her hands knotted anxiously together. ‘It doesn’t have to be a fight. I said I’d be reasonable. Unless you’re talking about a short week-long visit…’ she suggested grudgingly.
‘Sarah,’ he interposed. ‘I expect you to move to Spain.’
‘Move to Spain? You’ve got to be out of your mind! I have a job—’
‘Resign,’ he slotted in succinctly. ‘Give up this place and pack.’
Sarah shook her head, unwilling to believe that he could be serious. ‘I’m not leaving England. This is my home.’
‘No child of mine will be raised as I was raised.’ His dark features were implacable. ‘For both of us it will mean sacrifices. Children have very basic needs. They require a mother, a father and a conventional home and I intend to supply each and every one of those needs!’
‘In an ideal world! And you may not have noticed but this is not an ideal world!’ Sarah threw back furiously.
‘They also require love, commitment and discipline. My children,’ Rafael stressed, ‘deserve to have all of these things.’
‘You can visit them!’
‘Visit?’ He vented a raw expletive. ‘That is not enough. Already I have lost four years. And for them there will be no divided loyalties and no insecure worries about where they belong. In short, there will be no divorce.’
‘No divorce?’ Sarah repeated in rampant disbelief.
‘I never gave my consent for a divorce.’ His eyes glittered over her angrily. ‘Never did I even consider giving it.’
‘I don’t need your consent!’ Sarah exploded. ‘In three months I’m having my divorce and you’re history!’
Long fingers enclosed her fragile wrist, propelling her forward. Her hair flew back in silk butterfly wings from her shaken face. ‘There will be no divorce,’ he intoned fiercely. ‘Unless you are prepared to lose your children. If you proceed with the divorce, Sarah, I will take everything from you. As once you took everything from me.’
Panic made her limp in his strong hold. ‘Rafael…’
A taunting fingertip trailed a sensual path to the valley between her heaving breasts. Predatory black-lashed golden eyes roved over her in an abrasively masculine appraisal before returning to grip her shocked gaze. She shuddered as she felt her flesh tauten and swell where his hand lightly rested in a chemical reaction far more powerful than any force of will. His breath feathered in her hair. ‘I could become addicted to torture, gatita. You are so incredibly receptive. I can make the hot blood race through your veins. I can make you cry my name in an agony of desire…’
His rich dark drawl had sunk to an intimate whisper that was disturbingly hypnotic. She could taste threat in the air and her throat convulsed but her skin was damp and her rebellious body was responding with anticipation rather than distaste.
‘Stop it,’ she mumbled thickly.
‘I used to dream of what it would be like for you to want me as I wanted you.’ His expert mouth located a sensitive hollow above her collarbone. Luxuriant black hair brushed against her cheek and she was swallowed up and swept away by a tidal wave of shivering weakness. ‘I would have died for a tithe of what I received this afternoon, but you knew that, didn’t you? You gave yourself carelessly, lightly, when you would not give yourself in love. You wanted me to know just once what I had
never had. How can I be so ungrateful for this generosity? I shall tell you why. I am not reasonable. I am not liberated. I am not forgiving. Do I apologise for these flaws? Does a man rebel against what is in his blood? Do you think it will hurt more if I don’t touch you or if I do?’
She attempted to yank herself free but he held her fast in a grasp of steel, laughing softly now that he had deliberately released her from the spell of his intense sexual magnetism. She was trembling in aftershock from his sensual assault and Rafael’s effect on her now was, she registered with a belated surge of understanding, not really that surprising.
She was no longer the mixed-up, repressed young girl she had been five years ago. The combined results of Rafael’s infidelity, her father’s treatment and those awful weeks shut away with only her own thoughts for company had been traumatic. Harsh circumstance had forced her out of her shell and taught her self-reliance.
She had had to get away from both Rafael and her parents to develop into her own person, to make her own decisions and inevitably her own mistakes. The experience had changed her out of all recognition. She had learnt to handle her emotions openly and without apology. She met with Rafael these days on terms of equality.
She didn’t feel threatened or diminished by his extreme masculinity now. She didn’t resent his dominance. Rafael could never dominate her now to the extent he had when she was eighteen. As she had grown to like and understand herself, inhibitions grounded on ignorance had gradually fallen away, but Rafael had left her with no desire for sexual experimentation with other men. The sensations and feelings that swept her out of control in his arms stemmed from responses that had once been buried deep and denied.
His hands slid caressingly down over her arms and then dropped away, leaving her feeling strangely bereft. ‘I think you should put on some clothes. I’ve promised to take the children to McDonald’s.’
From the sublime to the ridiculous, that was Rafael. He studied her with gleaming amusement. ‘I’m not coming with you!’ she snapped.
‘They would be nervous of me if I took them out alone. You will accompany us if I have to dress you myself.’
‘Just try it and see where it gets you!’
‘Mummy, are we going out soon?’ Ben asked gravely from the doorway.
The trip to McDonald’s was a great success. A triangular love-affair was blossoming right under Sarah’s nose. She was the intruder, the odd one out. The twins were enthralled by Rafael and Rafael was as gifted at amusing them as he was at keeping their excitement under control. A fourth participant was not required.
Reckless didn’t feel so good any more. Her Dutch courage was gone. Her conscience was in death throes. She had enjoyed pleasure for pleasure’s sake, and now she was paying the price. Rafael had not made love to her. He had had sex with her. He had cruelly divested the encounter of all sentiment, shredding her foolish dreams with the efficiency of a threshing machine. He had used her. And of one fact she was now certain: he would never receive an opportunity to do so again. She would be ice. She would be so cold he would risk frostbite if he attempted to repeat the experiment.
‘Sarah.’ A lazy hand caressingly swept a straying tendril of hair back behind her small ear and her heartbeat hit the Richter scale as she clashed unprepared with tawny golden eyes. He withdrew his hand calmly. ‘We’re leaving,’ he said prosaically.
CHAPTER SIX
THE twins slept practically before their heads touched the pillow. Rafael made some quite unnecessary last-minute adjustments to Ben’s duvet and picked Gilly’s teddy up off the carpet to restore it to the bed. Sarah switched out the light abruptly, determined not to be disarmed by the unashamed tenderness he could display when he chose to do so.
‘I have missed so much,’ he breathed with regret.
‘Yes,’ Sarah conceded grudgingly.
‘You didn’t tell them that I was dead. For that surprising restraint I am grateful but they know nothing about me.’
‘What did you expect? A little shrine in the corner?’ Sarah was sharply defensive.
He stared down at her with infuriating perception. ‘You don’t want to share them. That is not generous but I suppose it is human.’
‘Thanks for nothing!’
‘Sarah.’ Lean hands came down on her tense shoulders. ‘They are not my children or your children. They are our children. We are not in competition.’ It was a reprimand, cool and incisive as only Rafael could make it. ‘I did not exclude you this evening. You excluded yourself.’
‘You’re a tough act to follow.’ She headed into the lounge although she wanted to sag and weep with mental and physical exhaustion.
‘I liked you better without your barriers. You told me more about yourself over lunch than I learned in two years of marriage. It was not all pleasure.’ His beautiful mouth twisted. ‘But it was educational.’
He was lounging on the threshold with the supple grace of a wild animal, master of all he surveyed. Leashed vitality still emanated from him in waves. When she looked at him, she felt like a woman was not supposed to feel in these days of equality. She felt weak and feminine and breathless.
Forcing her attention away from him, she drew in a deep breath. ‘Look, I’m prepared to come to Spain for a few weeks—’
‘It is not enough. It would never be enough,’ he dismissed ruthlessly.
‘You’re telling me to give up my job and my home and tear up my roots just for your benefit? You’re being horribly selfish,’ she accused shakily.
‘Don’t make me fight you, Sarah.’ Fierce dark eyes without a hint of warm gold rested on her. ‘Don’t make me do something we will both regret. I want what is best for Ben and Gilly. I have no wish to deprive them of their mother or to deprive you of them. So, you and I…we must make a compromise.’
A shard of savage pain seized her. ‘I don’t like compromises.’
His strong dark features were taut. ‘I have never made one before. I do not want this one but I see no alternative.’
‘You haven’t even given yourself time to think about what you’re doing!’ There was a desperate edge to her trembling condemnation.
‘I knew,’ he contradicted very softly. ‘I knew, I think the very first night, what I would do but I fought it. I was still up at dawn. I made myself remember how it once was between us. We were both very young, es verdad? I expected too much and gave too little. Also…’ he spread lazy hands but the brilliant driven emotion in his eyes negated the careless gesture ‘…I am not very good at loving someone who does not love me.’
‘Oh, for pity’s sake!’ Sarah lost all patience, all control. ‘Why the hell did I stay with you so long if I didn’t? What did you want? A written statement in blood? Don’t ask me why but I was crazy about you! I didn’t think I’d anything left to live for when you disappeared out of my life!’
‘Sarah…’ he breathed huskily.
Struggling for breath, she looked at him. He was wearing the most brilliant smile. It slashed his sensual mouth like diamonds in the sunlight and the pulling power of that smile made her tremble, batten down her hatches with the speed of a hedgehog sensing attack. ‘I think it’s time you were leaving. Suzanne must be ready to send out a search party for you!’
‘You still believe that I sleep with her?’ She was delighted to see that the smile had gone.
‘What I believe has precious little to do with sleeping,’ she said acidly.
‘I do not do this either,’ he returned levelly.
‘Never?’
The faintest bar of colour threw his high cheekbones into prominence. ‘It…it was a very long time ago.’
Why wasn’t she starring in a circus act where someone with a very poor aim threw knives at her? This was how it would feel when cold steel drove out her life’s blood. ‘While we were married?’ she pressed helplessly.
He was very tense. ‘I do not want to talk about this, Sarah.’
‘I thought you were all for speaking the truth and shaming the
devil! Don’t disappoint me.’
‘De acuerdo.’ He expelled his breath in a hiss. ‘It was after we parted, after I received your demand for a divorce…’
Hatred was a poison spreading within her. She was in a passion of pain. She wanted him struck down by lightning and retribution, punished into oblivion where he couldn’t hurt her any more.
‘I met her when I was very drunk and very depressed,’ he murmured harshly. ‘We made better friends than lovers. You wanted a divorce, Sarah. Do not judge me for this.’
‘I judged you five years ago and I haven’t any reason to change my mind.’ Valiantly she lifted her chin although she was dying inside.
‘Suzanne’s husband, Eduardo, is also staying in my apartment. Their little boy is having an operation at one of your famous London hospitals. He has been very seriously ill and now he is recovering. I offered them my apartment while they were here.’
Sarah gave no sign of having heard a word of his grated explanation. She was still hating him with so much venom that she marvelled that he did not drop dead at her feet. The front door shut with a quiet thud and she sagged and knew she was going to spend another night watching dawn break the dark skies beyond her bedroom window.
* * *
The next morning she handed in her notice at work. The personnel officer frowned but said nothing. Her departure would scarcely cause the company to grind to a halt. But Sarah had valued her job and was bitterly aware that in a few months time it would be well-nigh impossible to find another position as suitable. But what else could she do? The risk she would run in allowing Rafael to take her to court was unthinkable. Such a case would attract immense publicity, especially once the facts began emerging. She would be on trial and she could not afford to be put on trial. Thanks to her father she had spent almost two months in a clinic for the mentally disturbed. Who was ever going to believe that she had been put there when there was nothing the matter with her?