“Right okay honey-pie I think we need to have lunch and our world famous cocktails this afternoon, yes I will bring Sue with me, hopefully she is free and not entertaining a couple of gentlemen okay?
“Thanks Diane I knew I could rely on you girls, you are totally my lifeline at imperative times in my life, I love you all.” A girl has got to love her friends.
Chapter 11
I head into our usual bar and meet Diane and Sue for lunch and cocktails. I spot them all sitting at our usual corner booth and head over when I see them waving me over. I sit down across from Diane and Sue. I notice that they are both looking at me with sympathy, clearly waiting for me to break down. Diane will have filled Sue in before I got there I assume so that I don’t have to go through the whole wounding story again.
“Right so what are we going to do with you Tania, and what are we going to do about your feelings for David?” Mutters Diane whilst stroking her eyebrows. The movement is distracting to say the least.
“There is nothing I can do Diane, David made it crystal clear that he didn’t want to see me again and I don’t think I could bare to see him again right now.” I hurt so bad at the moment, it is though my heart has been ripped right out of my chest and it tossed out onto the sidewalk to be trampled over by every pedestrian that walks by.
“Well the way I see things, Saturday will be the perfect opportunity for you then.” Mutters Sue whilst supping her cosmopolitan. Judging by Sue’s appearance she has had a few already. Her words do confuse me though, Saturday? What the hell is happening on Saturday?
“What’s happening on Saturday Sue?” I probe, I have absolutely no idea what she is talking about.
They both stare at each other as though I had just committed a cardinal sin. Christ almighty what exactly am I missing here? Has something been planned and I totally missed the memo or is my memory a hazy fog since I have been preoccupied with the issue that is David.
“Oh My God you do have it bad, don’t you? It’s only the highlight of the social fucking calendar this Saturday woman. I will give a rather large fucking clue to it. Does being matron of honor spring any bells to you?” Diane suggests very blatantly. Christ almighty how in the hell did I forget about this! Marlee is my best fucking friend and I forgot that she was getting married on Saturday. I feel like a very shit friend, David has occupied my every thought since I met him on Marlee’s hen night. He has had such a profound effect on me that everything else has gone straight out of the window.
I suddenly burst into the tears that I have been struggling to hold back since last night. I feel plain awful for being a crap friend but I am also crying due to suffering the loss of David, a man whom I have only known a few weeks. This only goes to prove the intensity of my feelings for him. I know without a shadow of a doubt I am so in love him, the feelings that he has evoked in me are both strange but also welcome. What in the hell am I going to do?
“Look don’t worry about it, we all know you have had loads on your mind. We know that you love David and I am pretty sure that he loves you too. Christ if only Helen was in town she would know exactly how to put a smile on your beautiful face. She always has a hilarious helenism to brighten up everyone’s day. The only advice I can give you is that you have to chase and fight for what you want. Life, as we know is just too damn short. David is a damn fine catch and the two of you are just perfect for each other. Let’s get the wedding out of the way and enjoy and celebrate with Marlee and then we will draw up a plan to get David back into your life. We will get the superb six, the taskforce into sorting this out and you will be back with him in no time, babes.” Diane and Sue smile at one another and then at me, they are so confident that things are going to go well. They fill me with a momentary happiness. Can things really work out between us? Oh god I fucking hope so, I fucking love that man and I am so horny for him it fucking hurts.
***********
I step out the shower after hacking one out, god I hate masturbating, especially when I was thinking about Tania’s luscious lips wrapped around my throbbing cock. Every time I think about Tania I am instantly hard. The attraction between us just isn’t sexual, I am also attracted to her absolutely beautiful personality, and she has such a pure heart. I am in awe of her totally.
Tonight we have a booking for a bunch of girls celebrating a 21st birthday. It will be full of screaming women that will be leaving their inhibitions at the entrance to the club. Usually I have a high tolerance to screaming women but this is the first job I have done since I laid my eyes on the stimulating Tania. I want her eyes watching me, fucking me with those beautiful eyes. Christ I can feel my middle leg standing to attention again. I really don’t have time to go back into the shower and whack another one out. God the amount of times over the last few days that I have been forced to stroke the frankfurter and come that way is so fucking frustrating. I want Tania’s tight cunt around it instead.
I head back into the bedroom and put on the necessary police uniform for the job. I don’t have a big head or anything, but fuck I work this uniform. I am a hot motherfucker and work hard to look this way, Jesus Tania and I could have been something special. What the hell am I going to do?
I pick up the other fake coppers and drive to the bar in question. This bar is called the spotted dick, it really does set the tone for the evening. I think this is going to be a rundown bar with stale beer and women that are rejects from the likes of the Jerry springer show.
Myself and the lads walk in, Tony, Steve and Eric all glance at each other both at the state of the bar and the state of the women. Yes definite rejects of society, have any of these women even been fucked yet? They have virgins just tattooed all over their bodies.
Yes that is exactly why they have booked strippers. Probably the only way anyone will touch them!
We can see where the women are congregating with pitchers of beer. For fucks sake this gig is going to be harder than I thought it would have been, it’s always hell getting through the gigs with the munters! The women have attempted to dress seductively but Christ they just look like the keepers of the gates of hell.
Suck the shit up David, take the good with the bad. What’s the worst that can happen? I could be gangbanged by a load of uglies wearing Crayola as make-up that’s what.
We start our usual routine of reprimanding the ladies in question. Ha ladies, yeah fucking right. No chance of my cock getting hard here, Karma David that is exactly what we have right here.
“Ladies I believe you have all been naughty, I need to search you before I take you down to the station. The lads and I step up towards some of the ladies. I get the woman whose 21st it is, fuck she is a proper minger. I step towards her putting my hands on her shoulders first of all.
I wish I had brought my latex gloves for this job, her breath alone could knock over a bloody elephant!
I run my hands over her body. I exude self-confidence but inside I am trying to hold back the rise of vomit I can feel bubbling within my stomach, like a bubbling cauldron.
“Great Lady I can see from running my hands all over your little body you have nothing that will prick me.” God I inwardly cringe at the words.
“Ooooo but have you officer? I would love for you to prick me with something….Hard.” She says enthusiastically. Christ no, no, no. My cock has shrivelled all way back into its skin, even my cock shouts, back your fucking truck up there lady!!
I smile at her nervously, and I almost never get nervous at anything. This woman had better not pounce at me, I may just cry if she does. She smells like a fucking tramp, her self- hygiene leaves a lot to be desired, I pity the poor old sap that will be her first. Going down on her would be like giving oral to the oldest trash can full of old rotten fish that even the stray cats won’t touch.
The lads and I start our stripping action, I try to put my all into it but truth be told all I can think of is the night I spotted Tania in that outrageous group of hens. These ladies are total polar opposites to the gorgeous ladie
s of that night. The women here tonight are a walking, talking advertisement for birth control, no man would surely tap them unless they were blindly drunk or high.
I am now down to my tighty whities and the woman in front of me looks like she may expire. I usually make the effort to get to know a little about the lady I am stripping for but I have absolutely no desire to know this woman.
I glance around the bar, if you can even call it that. The punters are all either middle aged or plain old. I will never ever step into the spotted dick ever again. The name of the bar, the spotted dick sounds like some sexually transmitted disease. The atmosphere in the bar is also fucking dead, you would actually think that we were stripping at a wake. This is the weirdest stripping gig we have ever had, even stranger than the time we were paid to strip for a bunch of retired prostitutes who had some unique stories….
I hand over the baby oil to ugly, seriously she has some hygiene and self-care issues. She has a definitive uni-brow and facial hair that would rival the damn yeti! She flashes me, what I no doubt suspect she thinks is a seductive smile and it is then that her fate is totally sealed. Instead of the pearly whites I get from Tania this “woman” and I use that term very loosely, has braces and teeth that are yellow and discoloured as if she smokes a thousand cigarettes a day.
She squirts some baby oil into the palms of her hands and rubs them rapidly, whilst never taking her eyes from my body. I usually find that incredibly sexy but not from the yeti. I want this night to be over already. She rubs the oil all over my torso whilst she takes in my tattoos.
Yeah in your dreams sweet cheeks.
When all the ladies are done having their fun with us, we put our cop uniforms back on. I need to get out of the spotted dick as soon as possible, and seriously this could totally be the name of a very dodgy porn movie.
Just as the guys and I are ready to run for hell out of this bar and away from the women that totally remind me of a zombie apocalypse, one of them shouts us over.
“I’ll go over, least that way we are not giving them an excuse to keep us here. Just you guys head out to the car.” I am convinced this will work. I really do not want to be in these ladies company a moment longer. I head over to the bar where they are all congregating. The woman that I had been paid to entertain slides over a pint glass with some liquid that sort of resembled beer, but then again it could of quite easily have been piss.
“Here you go big boy, bring your beer and come over to the table with me and we can have a little chat.” She says whilst running her fingers through her hair.
Holy Hell I am in so much trouble with this little mini yeti. If she thinks she is going to get a fuck out of me she is very much mistaken. I would sooner rather take it up my own ass than fuck her pussy. She, no doubt has a 70’s style bush. I love my women bare just like Tania.
I let out a rather long sigh at this thought.
I slowly walk over to the booth that the woman has chosen to sit at. I have no desire to get over to her quickly, she actually scares the fuck out of me.
I sit across from her with my beer, it’s when I look at my beer I notice that its Heineken and it reminds me of the group of stunners that I stripped for, and of course that reminds of Tania. I think I need to sort out this situation as soon as possible.
The woman introduces herself as Izzy. Okay, it really makes no difference to me what the hell her name is. It is with the apparent polite introductions are made that she gets up from across from me and sits right next me. For fucks sake, her lack of self-hygiene is giving me the severe boke.
She smiles at me and all I can stare at is her braces which are coloured pink. Just staring at the braces makes me think about the hellish image of what it would be like to kiss her. Just as you bend into a kiss with a character of resident evil, her tongue would come out to meet yours, ensnaring it into your mouth and boom, your tongue would get trapped in her braces like a bloody bear’s trap. The pain that would soon spread through your tongue wouldn’t be worth speaking about, that’s if her dog’s breath didn’t knock you out first. The thought sends shivers running up and down my spine.
I take a drink of my beer and just as I had thought, it is as flat as a damn pancake. I then almost die from the beer going down the wrong way when I feel Izzy’s hand sit upon my knee and swiftly move up my thigh and rest brazenly on my package. I can almost hear my cock shout, back off ugly, this is the gold standard and your damn braces are getting no-where near it to tear the head right bloody off!!
“Look Izzy, you’re a lovely lass, but I am not interested in having sex with you.” I lie, she is not a lovely lass in the attractive sense of the word. However, what isn’t a lie though is when I said I wasn’t interested in having sex with her. I cannot actually emphasise that point enough, there is no way in hell I would ever have sex with her, not even if I was high on the most halucogenic drugs available on the black market that made her look like a 6 foot supermodel.
“I know you find me attractive, David. I would love to give you an evening of pure pleasure. I could rock your world.” She tries her hardest to look sexy and seductive but Christ it is not happening. Me, find her attractive? Not in this lifetime I wouldn’t. I am not sure what this girl does for a living but god almighty she could be a stand-up comedian that is some funny shit that she is saying. I struggle to keep in the rising explosion of laughter that threatens to come out.
“Look Izzy I am not available so even if I wanted to, I would never betray that special someone. I had better go now, thanks for the drink though.” I am not with Tania at the moment but in my head my heart belongs to her, I just have to convince her I have made a mistake.
I head back out to the car. The guys are all huddled in the back with massive cheesy grins spread all over their smug faces. I slump into the driver’s seat and sigh with relief. This has been by far one of the most weirdest gigs we have ever played. Eric starts coughing uncontrollably in the back and I look back to see what the problem is. Eric is in a fit of giggles like a fucking girl.
“You know David she wanted to fuck your brains out. So did you not fancy throwing your sausage down her tunnel then?” Eric at this point just finishes himself off with his incessant laughing. If the laughing doesn’t finish him off I will happily beat the shit out of him.
“No I bloody well didn’t, she was a munter of the highest order.” This now sends the rest of the guys into the same state that Eric is in. Eric is currently bent double, clutching his stomach, trying to grasp every last breath of air that is in the car.
A bunch of complete and utter morons. I should leave Eric’s phone number for the munter that would bloody teach him wouldn’t it?
Chapter 12
It’s here, it’s finally here. The day that Marlee becomes Mrs Smith. The girls all slept at Marlee’s house last night in preparation for the big day. Despite our cocktails last night I wake up with a clear head, thankfully, I really don’t need to be nursing a hangover during my best friend’s wedding. The same cannot be said for my other comrades however. Catherine and Helen are the first two ladies up bar myself and are both sitting at the breakfast bar with glasses of orange juice and a packet of Nyquil scattered out between them. It looks like a scene from the hill has eyes. These girls need showers and their faces putting on immediately. I burst out laughing mainly due to the fact that they are obviously in pain when I am as fresh as a daisy.
“Stop it already, stop with the laughing, there is a god awful echo in my head. I am sure there is a little man in my head with a crowbar trying to prise his way out.” Helen says with a hoarse voice whilst holding her head in obvious pain.
“Yes please stop with the bloody shouting woman. Anyway, how in the hell are you not rough? You drank the same as us if not more and you are as fresh as the day you were born.” Catherine has the exact same raspy voice but she is clutching her stomach as though she is about to hurl her entire stomach’s contents onto the worktop.
“Girls, it’s amazing what having a
Nyquil before and after drinking can do. Now how about a nice big fat greasy fried breakfast? A nice runny fried egg as well?” I can’t keep my chuckle in. Helen and Catherine both clutch their stomachs and run to the bathroom. They re-enter the kitchen a few moments later, looking decidedly yellow around their cheeks having vomited their own weights directly into the piss pot.
I assume the role of mother hen and make a large pot of coffee for the women to try and eradicate their hangovers. The rest of the women wake up an hour later and saunter into the kitchen in exactly the same state that Helen and Catherine were in.
I hand out Nyquil’s to Diane, Sue and Marlee, pour them each a glass of orange juice and a cup of coffee. Within an hour everyone seems to be back to their normal, jovial state and we all take turns to have our showers and get ready for the massive day ahead.
By mid-day we are all looking fabulous. Myself and the rest of the bridesmaids are dressed in sleeveless fuchsia pink gowns, they match Marlee’s bridal bouquet of white and pink roses.
Marlee looks absolutely stunning. Her bridal gown flaunts her exquisite figure to perfection. The top of the gown is a bustier that is encrusted with thousands of diamante’s and the skirt half of the gown clings to every beautiful curve of her legs and thighs. At this moment I am bursting with pride for my best friend. She had a tough start to life, but she has finally turned her life around and she has never looked better.
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