“Well, it’s good to have you back,” Sabine said. She cast a nervous glance toward the back of the dining area, then lowered her voice. “I didn’t want to tell Bobby, but the food’s suffered without you. Hell, I was thinking of taking my business somewhere else.” She held a straight face for a couple of seconds, then broke down laughing, moving to hug the older woman one more time.
“Who’s your friend with the camera?” Sharon asked, watching me over Sabine’s shoulder. There was a hint of distaste in her voice, like the word camera was a bitter fruit on her tongue.
“That’s Dean,” Sabine said. “He’s an artist. A good guy. He’s staying with us while he works on a project.”
Sharon shrugged. “Well, any friend of yours,” she said, still sounding a bit skeptical. Then she turned and gestured toward the back of the room, once again playing the gracious hostess. “Right this way, mes amies. You’ve got the chef’s table today!”
The chef’s table was an immaculate hardwood oval tucked into an out-of-the-way corner. It had intricate knurled legs and was polished to a high gloss, something you’d find in a suburban mansion. Sharon seated us in mismatched folding chairs.
“Sharon was a stockbroker back before all of this shit started,” Sabine said, addressing me with a sly smile as Sharon helped us with our chairs. “She moved to Spokane to retire, to live the relaxed good life. Then the world went crazy.”
Sharon shrugged. “I know it sounds bad, but I was starting to get bored, anyway … just sitting on my ass, watching cable news. Retirement just wasn’t my thing. Besides, I always wanted to open my own restaurant.”
“Why ‘Mama Cass’?” I asked. “Why not ‘Sharon’s’ or ‘Mama Sharon’s’?”
With a smile, she said, “ ’Cause people say I make a killer ham sandwich.” She waited a beat, then looked around the table, finding nothing but blank faces.
“Jesus Christ! Don’t you know anything about rock ’n’ roll history? Mama Cass? The Mamas and the Papas? Died choking on a ham sandwich?… Get it? I make a killer ham sandwich?” After a moment of expectant silence, she shook her head and tossed a stack of hand-lettered menus onto the table. “You bunch are just getting younger and younger.” Muttering, she stalked away.
Sabine smiled and gestured toward the older woman’s retreating back. “She’s so smart, it’s scary,” she said with an admiring shake of her head. “And this whole situation … I’ve never seen anyone more suited to anything. She works all the angles, greasing hands and making deals. She moves in and out of the city with impunity. Somebody here will trade an old watch for a barbecue chicken; she’ll take the watch to Seattle and sell it for a hundred bucks.”
“And the military lets her do that?” I asked.
Floyd let out a loud snort, then pointed to the table of soldiers near the front of the restaurant. “The military fucking helps her.”
“And you’ve got to admire that,” Sabine said. “You’ve got to admire that skill.”
Taylor grunted. “Yeah, in the same way you’d admire a wolf’s razor-sharp teeth.” Taylor was sitting directly to my left, and she kept her words low, meaning them for my ears only. I glanced over; she had her arms crossed in front of her chest, and she met my eyes with a disgusted frown.
“Uh-oh,” Floyd muttered. “Here comes trouble.”
I followed his eyes back across the room and found Wendell standing just inside the entrance.
Wendell. At least that was how he’d introduced himself back when we first met. Taylor had used a different name: Weasel. That name seemed much more fitting. Stringing me along, stealing my backpack, taking advantage of my naïveté. Just seeing him again … it made me feel so stupid.
I felt a surge of anger rising in my gut and started to stand up, but Taylor put her hand on my shoulder, keeping me in my seat. “Just read your menu, Dean. I’ll handle this.”
As Taylor started across the room, I followed her suggestion, reaching out and grabbing a menu. But I couldn’t read it. I couldn’t take my eyes off of Weasel. It looked like the last couple of days had been rough on him. He was dirtier than I remembered, and somewhere along the line, he’d lost his hat. Good, I thought. Karma’s a bitch. He was standing with a pair of equally mangy men, his eyes barely open. On the nod, I guessed.
He jerked to attention as soon as Taylor entered his line of sight. At first, it looked like he was going to bolt—his body tensed up and he glanced toward the entrance. But he didn’t run. He stopped and turned back toward Taylor, his shoulders slumping in defeat. They talked for several minutes, Weasel occasionally glancing over my way. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but it was pretty easy to read the emotion in Weasel’s gestures—he held his hands open wide, occasionally reaching out to touch Taylor’s forearm. He gave me one last glance, then turned and left, striding through the wide-open storefront. His friends didn’t follow.
“He’s sorry,” Taylor said when she once again took her seat. “And it’s genuine, I think. He’s an okay guy … it’s his monkey that’s got the greedy hands. The smack. And he’s working to get clean.”
I nodded. I wasn’t sure I believed her—it sounded like wishful thinking to me—but I wasn’t the one who knew him. I was just the stranger he’d tried to rob.
“In a week, if everything’s cool, I think I’m going to invite him back to the house.”
I sat stunned for a moment. Weasel had taken advantage of me, had stolen from me, had made me feel like a fool. The fact that Taylor would ignore all that and invite him back into her home … I was surprised at how this made me feel. A little bit hurt. A little bit betrayed.
“It’s your house,” I finally said. “You can do whatever you want.” My voice came out cold, a voice I barely recognized as my own. “Besides, do you really think I’ll be here in a week? Do you think it’ll take me that long to get my pictures?”
At that, I opened my menu and stared down at the neat hand-drawn text. I could feel her watching me, confused. I could feel those coal-dark eyes drilling deep into my skull, trying to probe my thoughts and emotions.
I refused to meet her gaze.
It really was a killer ham sandwich.
According to the menu, the ham had been smoked out back in a jury-rigged smoking shed, then glazed with layers of honey and Dijon mustard. It was served thick-cut with lettuce, tomato, and Swiss cheese, between slices of doughy-fresh bread slathered with mayonnaise. It was wonderful. Each bite was salty and sweet, and I tore through the whole thing in a matter of minutes.
I had cash to pay for my lunch, but I watched Floyd trade in a couple of packs of C-cell batteries for his, and Sabine offered up a handful of costume jewelry. Mac paid for his and Amanda’s meal with a couple of old books; Sharon slipped on a pair of reading glasses and studied the covers and copyright pages before nodding her acceptance. Taylor produced a roll of quarters from one of the pockets of her cargo pants.
“Sharon’s got everyone in the city doing her looting for her,” Taylor whispered, nodding toward Sabine and her costume jewelry. “Sooner or later, everything of value ends up here.” There was an anxious lilt to Taylor’s voice. She was probing me, trying to gauge the depth of my hurt over Weasel.
I let out a low, noncommittal grunt. I still wasn’t ready to meet her eyes.
“It was a pleasure doing business with you folks,” Sharon said, flashing a wry smile as we got out of our seats. “And it was nice to meet you, Dean. If there’s anything you’re looking for while you’re here—anything at all—just let me know. I might be able to help.”
As we filed past, Sharon stopped Sabine with a gentle hand on her arm. “And if you can swing it, kid, stop by tomorrow afternoon. I might have something for you.” Sabine gave the older woman a questioning look, then nodded, her eyes suddenly going wide.
The wind picked up as we walked back home. I hunched forward and pulled my jacket tight against my chest, but the wind still managed to work its way beneath my clothing, cutting straight to the
skin. It started my teeth chattering, and I had to clench my jaw to get it to stop. The only warm part of my body was my injured hand, tucked deep inside my pocket; it throbbed with the beat of my heart, pulsing flush with blood.
As we crossed the Spokane River Bridge, Sabine grabbed my arm and pointed back toward the line of buildings that constituted downtown. I followed her finger and found a scrawl of graffiti etched across the third floor of an office building. It was old graffiti—faded yellow, outlined in electric blue—but I recognized the shape of the letters. It was the Poet. The Artist.
SORRY ABOUT THE TUMORS. SOMETIMES THEY AREN’T FATAL.
Sabine smiled—a broad, joyous smile—then tucked her hands into her pockets and trotted up to Floyd’s side, greeting him with a playful shoulder bump. She seemed in a good mood. Practically delirious.
I lowered my head against the cold wind and followed.
As soon as we got back to the house, Taylor grabbed me by the arm and hauled me upstairs. I didn’t particularly want to go, but she was insistent. Her fingers dug deep into the muscles of my forearm, and the hard, impatient look on her face said she was done fooling around.
Fine. Whatever.
She’d sided with Weasel. She wanted him around despite my feelings. And that wounded me.
What did you expect? I chided myself. She’s only known you for a couple of days. Did you expect instant love and devotion? Did you think she’d honor your wishes above all others’? That didn’t seem too likely to me. I wasn’t exactly a stunning beauty, and I didn’t have Taylor’s smile, her charm, or her heart. There was absolutely no reason she should feel anything for me … anything but pity, that is.
The upstairs hallway was surprisingly long, and we went all the way to the end, passing a bathroom, three open bedroom doors, and a narrow staircase leading up to an attic-loft. Without any fanfare, Taylor threw open the final door, revealing a cramped sewing room. A sewing machine sat perched atop a card table on one side of the room, and a futon mattress lay spread across the other. A stack of plastic milk crates formed shelving along one wall, filled with bolts of brightly colored fabric. A half-finished quilt lay beneath the sewing machine needle; from what I could see, the squares of fabric formed geometric waves, all in varying shades of blue.
“Weasel stayed here off and on,” Taylor said, pointing down at the futon. Several colorful blankets had been pushed down to the foot of the mattress, and dirty clothing lay scattered at its side. “It’s your room now. You’re welcome to stay here for as long as you like.”
“And Weasel?” I asked.
She shook her head and gestured me down toward the futon. I took a seat on the thin mattress, and she sat down on the folding chair across from me. “I’m done apologizing to you, Dean. He’s my friend, and he helped me through some bad shit when the city went crazy. He hooked me up with the commune—the Homestead—when that’s where I needed to be. And if not for him, I doubt I’d be alive right now.” She reached out and touched the sewing machine, running her hand across its domed surface. It was an idle gesture, something to occupy her hands, something to look at other than me. “I like you, Dean. Really, I do. But I’m loyal to my friends. And Weasel deserves my loyalty.”
I nodded. I didn’t really feel any better about the situation, but I couldn’t argue with her, and I couldn’t change her feelings. Her words made sense, whereas my hurt feelings did not.
Perhaps sensing this, she leaned forward, hesitated for a moment, and gave my hand a tentative caress.
“How about this,” she said. She was perched right in front of me, and I couldn’t avoid meeting her eyes; they were deep, dark, and filled with honest emotion. “We forget about this for a while, okay? We see if you fit in here. We see if there’s something—” She halted abruptly and looked away, blushing slightly. The awkward motion caught me by surprise.
And how does that sentence end? I wondered, watching her shift uncomfortably in her chair. We see if there’s something … between the two of us? Was she acknowledging—in that broken sentence, in that blush—the possibility of a relationship?
And just like that, my hurt feelings were gone, swept away with those unspoken words.
She continued: “If after a week you still don’t want Weasel here, we’ll figure something out. Okay? Does that work for you?”
“Okay,” I said, and I smiled. It was a genuine smile.
“Good. I’m glad that’s settled. Maybe now you can stop your pouting.”
Taylor grabbed a milk crate from the stack against the wall and started packing up Weasel’s things. There was a pile of black-and-white composition books near the head of the futon, and she took care tucking them into the bottom of the crate.
“What did he help you with?” I asked as I watched her work. “You said he helped you when the city went crazy. What did he do?”
Taylor paused for a moment, frozen over a pile of clothing. She stared into the milk crate for a couple of seconds, lost in thought, then resumed her chore, gathering up dirty flannels, wool socks, and a pair of ratty jeans. “My parents,” she said. Her voice was low. When she’d been placating me earlier, her voice had been strong, cajoling. Now it was breathy and weak, like the wind had started to leak from her lungs. “Back in September, my parents … something happened. They were just … gone. Weasel helped me cope. He kept me fed. He kept me from giving in to despair.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, suddenly realizing just how little I knew about her and her life. “Is it like Charlie’s parents? Maybe they’re still here somewhere?”
“No. Not like Charlie’s parents.” She shook her head, a hint of frustration coming into her voice. “My mom and dad … they’re just gone. Gone. And they aren’t coming back.”
I stood up, wanting to comfort her, wanting to put my arms around her and lend her some of my strength, but she abruptly turned and put the milk crate between us. “I’ve dealt with it,” she said, her voice suddenly hard. “It’s in the past, and it’s not something I want to talk about.”
I nodded.
The moment was gone. The vulnerable, caring Taylor had disappeared, chased away by my stupid questions.
I could tell I wasn’t getting the whole story—about her, about her parents—but I didn’t want to push her any harder.
“You should move your stuff up here. Get yourself settled in,” she said. “You’ve cluttered up the living room long enough.” And with that, she turned and left, taking Weasel’s belongings with her.
After moving my stuff up to the new room, I sat down at the sewing table and started to change the dressing on my hand. The wounds on my palm had reopened a couple of times during the day, and the gauze was tacky with drying blood and pus. I hissed as I pulled it away from the skin, a sharp stab of pain radiating up my forearm.
“Shit, man. Let me help you with that.”
I turned and found Floyd standing in the open doorway. He had a guitar case dangling from his hand, an old, well-used case covered in stickers and hand-drawn graffiti. The words Pretty Boy were drawn across the front in bright pink nail polish. He propped the case against the wall and came over to the table, taking a seat next to the sewing machine.
He lifted my hand and started studying my palm. There was a thin trickle of blood seeping from the largest puncture. “Fuck, I can’t deal with blood,” he muttered, turning my hand toward the sunlit window. His face was going pale, but he didn’t look away.
“You don’t have to do that,” I said. “I can clean the gore and blood. Just help me wrap it up when I’m done, okay?”
Floyd stood up and walked over to the window. The window was in the wall over the futon, providing a view of the street out front. “I didn’t used to be such a pussy,” he said, shaking his head. “Fuck, I’ve laughed off shit worse than that.” He pointed toward my hand. “When I was living in Santa Cruz, I wiped out jumping off the side of a parking garage, fell ten feet onto a concrete divider. I broke my ulna—my fucking forearm,” he said, seeing t
he question on my face. “A compound fracture. And I walked six blocks to my friend’s house, laughing the whole way. Granted, I was pretty fucking delirious, but I wasn’t a shrinking pussy about it.”
I poured rubbing alcohol onto some paper towels and began scrubbing my open palm. “What happened?” I asked, gritting my teeth against the chemical pain. “What changed?”
“My knee,” he said, reaching down and rapping his knuckles against his right kneecap. I remembered that gesture from my first night at the house; it seemed like an automatic motion, some type of unconscious reflex. “And I didn’t even see the blood that time. I was in a competition, and they had a medical staff—they put me right under when my knee exploded. The kicker is, it wasn’t even a spectacular wipeout! I just landed wrong, my weight coming down just a couple of degrees too far forward.”
Floyd let out a disgusted grunt, a low sound, like a growl, at the back of his throat. “And that was it. No more Pretty Boy Floyd. And now I can’t stand the sight of blood.”
When I finished cleaning my wounds, I found bright pink rings starting to form around the punctures. I ran my finger across the puckered flesh: the damaged skin felt hot to the touch. It’s just bruised, I told myself. Just bruised flesh, flush with blood.
“Help me wrap it up,” I said. I hid my wounds beneath a fresh bandage, then nodded Floyd toward the roll of gauze. He wrapped my hand up tight, securing the dressing with a fresh strip of tape.
“Does it hurt?” Floyd asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “It throbs. And my whole arm’s sore.”
Floyd went over to his guitar case and set it atop the futon. He opened it up, revealing a shiny red acoustic guitar. Unlike the case, the guitar looked like it was in pristine condition, its lacquered finish polished to an immaculate sheen. He lifted the instrument and began digging through a small compartment hidden beneath its neck. After a couple of seconds, he came up with a handful of picks and several prescription pill bottles. He studied the labels for a couple of seconds, then upended some pills onto his palm. He bounced them a couple of times in his loosely curled fist, his face screwed up like he was engaged in some inner debate, and then handed them over.
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