“I’m sorry,” I whisper as she walks up the stairs, but she doesn’t answer. Either she didn’t hear me or just doesn’t reply.
Chapter 3
24 Weeks Pregnant
Dani
Things with Zane seem to go from bad to worse, then get better and are amazing, before plummeting back down. I feel like I get brought up so high, like I’m floating near heaven, and then I’m knocked down and buried in Hell where everything hurts in the most painful of ways; every word, every look, every touch. I’ve tried talking to him about it, tell him what I’ve been feeling, but he just doesn’t understand.
When I first found out I was pregnant, I was scared, and frankly a little upset that I was going to have a baby without planning for it. Was I going to be a good mother? Sure, I had my grandmother as a role model, but my mother died when I was so young. What if I’m horrible at the parenting thing? What if I’m not ready to be a mother? What if after I have this baby, I don’t want it? I know that’s a horrible thought, but it’s crossed my mind. I never really thought about having children before. I was content with just living my life on the edge, doing what I want and having fun in the process. Never had I thought I’d become a mother.
After it finally sank in, I couldn’t think of a life without my baby anymore, but that doesn’t mean that I’m ready or not scared. And with Zane gone a lot, my fears have seemed to intensify and I find myself thinking things I shouldn’t. Like, is raising a child around a motorcycle club a good idea? But then I think of everything I’ve been through and what Mack and everyone else in the club mean to me and I know that right or wrong, I wouldn’t do it any other way.
Then I think about leaving the shop, handing the reins over to Louie, so I can be at home with the baby. But then I can’t see myself not doing what I love. So should I bring the baby to work with me, or will Zane and I have to work out our schedules so one of us will always be at home? With the way things have been lately and him never being around, would he even be home at all to help me with the baby? If not, I would either have to stop working or hire babysitter. And that brings thoughts of if I could really trust someone with my baby that I don’t know that well and that would be outside of the club.
I just can’t catch a fucking break. I’m exhausted because I haven’t been sleeping at night. I can’t get comfortable most nights, and then the nights that Zane is gone I stay up worrying about him, wondering where he is. There have been some nights that I just couldn’t sleep, so I’ve called Mack to see if he heard anything from him, but a couple of times, Mack said that Zane wasn’t on a job. That had confused me at first, but I just passed it off as wires getting crossed. Maybe Zane told me where he was but I forgot, but after the third time, I started wondering if he was sneaking around on me. I’m not saying he could be cheating, but what is he doing if he’s not on club business and not home? And why wouldn’t Mack at least know something? I think after the last time, Mack was even starting to get suspicious of what he was doing. Not wanting to cause problems between them, I decided not to call him anymore when Zane wasn’t home at night anymore.
He does come home eventually, it’s just usually around three or four in the morning. He doesn’t seem like he’s hiding anything, but I usually pretend to be sleeping too when he climbs into bed. Maybe next time I should try talking to him about it, but then I remember how strained things are between us and figure it probably won’t turn out well so what’s the point? Either he’s going to tell me something I won’t like, he’ll say it’s nothing when I know it’s something, or maybe he’ll brush it off completely, who knows? It probably won’t make me feel better, so for the baby’s sake, I’m trying not to think about it, but it’s hard.
After I get dressed, I make my way to my truck to head into the shop. Sara wanted to talk to me about a tattoo idea she had. It’s her first tattoo and I’m honored she wants me to do it. I thought since she and Louie have been getting a lot closer lately that maybe she’d have him do it. No matter, whether I do it or he does, I know she’ll be in good hands. Though, I’m sure Toby would want me to do it. He knows Louie doesn’t feel anything besides friendship toward Sara, but I think just the idea of any man’s hands on his woman gets his pulse racing. It’s the same thing with any of the brothers; whether it’s their old lady or plaything of the week, they don’t want to see anyone’s hands on her but their own.
When I make it into the shop, Sara is already there waiting for me, talking with Louie. “Hey, girl! How are you?” she asks me when I walk in the door.
I smile and give her a hug. “I’m good, babe. How are things with you?” It seems like forever since I’ve last seen her, but I know it’s only been a couple of days. Even though we talk on the phone almost daily, I still miss seeing her every day like I used to. She’s still working for me, but she’s taken some time off for herself after her ex tried to take her. Then Toby proposed soon after we both got out of the hospital. I wasn’t surprised one bit when they told us the news. I always knew Toby was the marrying type once he found the right woman. And they are so perfect together, I couldn’t be happier. I just hope they wait till after I have the baby. I don’t want to be fat and uncomfortable during the ceremony and party afterward.
“So tell me about your idea. What do you want done?” I ask as we start walking toward my station. When I sit down, I take out my sketch pad, hoping that she’ll let me free hand it, whatever it is she wants.
“Well, actually, I have two things I want,” she says almost shyly. Hm, that’s interesting. What could she possibly want that would have her embarrassed?
“Okay…” I say, waiting for her to continue.
She’s looking down at her lap and bouncing her leg up and down, so I reach my hand over to calm her, give her my reassurance. “Hey, whatever it is, we’ll do it. If it’s what you really want, I’ll make it happen. Just talk to me so I know what I’m dealing with,” I say in a soothing tone.
When she looks up at me, it’s with resolve. Good girl. “Well, the first one is a fighting angel. I want you to design it and I want it on my back.” That’s kind of surprising. Usually for a first tattoo, you’d start off with something a little smaller than a full back piece, but we can work it in several sessions if need be.
“All right, I can do that. Anything specific you want in it or just something like an avenging angel?” I ask, jotting down notes so I can start sketching later. I already have an idea forming, but I need to know what she wants before I start.
“Nothing specific really, but I thought maybe the angel could be holding a sword or dagger?” she asks, not really unsure about what she’s saying, more like asking what I think.
“Yeah, that’s actually what I was thinking. I have an idea in my head. Let me draw it out and I can show you in a couple of days. Then we can discuss if it’s in the direction you are thinking and we’ll go from there. That work?” Hopefully this isn’t something she wants today because I hate rushing on pieces like this.
“Yeah, that would be perfect. Whenever you’re done,” she says with a smile.
“Okay, great! Now what about the other idea?” I ask after making notes about the angel.
“I want a brand,” she says bluntly. I look up at her and see that she’s serious.
“A brand?” I ask, not really sure what she’s asking for. I think I know what she’s talking about, but want to be sure.
“I want everyone to know that I’m Toby’s girl and that he’s mine. I’ve heard of some old ladies doing it and I want to do it too.” I’ve heard of people getting one, I guess I just never saw it being necessary. I mean, you wear his cut and property patch, sure, but a tattoo? Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I just think having a man’s name tattooed on your skin is bad luck, like you’re jinxing it.
“Are you sure?” I ask, just needing to hear her say it. I’d hate to ink something on her skin that is permanent, then have her regret it.
“Yes, I’m sure. I’ve thought long and hard about this
and it’s what I want. I talked to Toby and he asked the same thing, but when I told him how much I wanted it, he said that he’d be okay with it. Said he might even do the same thing.” She laughs at that last part. I laugh too, imagining Toby getting a brand. Most men won’t brand themselves to a woman, thinking it should only be the other way around. But if anyone would do it, it would be Toby.
“Well, I can design one for him based off of yours if you want,” I add when we’re done laughing.
She looks at me hopefully. “You could do that? You could make his look like mine, but not feminine? I want mine to have a feminine touch,” she says, talking fast, an excited glint in her eye now that it’s more real to her.
“Of course I can do it. I can do anything you want, girl, you should know that by now,” I say seriously, but then smile so she knows I’m not mad. “Let me work on these and I’ll get them to you in a couple of days.” She hugs me before walking out of the shop, and I get right to work. I’m actually really excited about doing both of these for her. I think she’s really gonna like what I have in mind. It’s going to be kickass, but feminine. It’ll be perfect for her.
Chapter 4
26 Weeks Pregnant
Zane
I’m fucking exhausted. Mack has been running me ragged with surveillance on that club that moved in practically next door, The Street Kings. So far, they haven’t made any suspicious moves that would necessitate their removal. But Mack isn’t satisfied, says that there’s something there, he can feel it. I told him I’m done in two weeks, that I can’t keep doing this. I know Dani must be pissed, but after the first couple of weeks of yelling and fighting, now she’s just distant. I fucking hate it. I hate that I’m not home. I hate that I can’t tell her what’s really going on. I just want to be home with her, hold her in my arms, and enjoy this pregnancy with her.
On top of that, I was contacted by her father. I have no idea how he found us, but he wants a sit-down with Dani. I’m not having that shit, but he won’t give it up. I’ve been doing extra surveillance on his ass to make sure he stays in line and doesn’t try to approach her. Maybe I should just bring it to the table and let the club deal with it. Dani is one of us, a part of this club, so it’s only right that we vote on what should happen. We can give him an ultimatum or scare the shit out of him to make him stay away.
When Dani’s grandmother died, I know he showed up at the funeral, and Dani was pissed. She told him to leave her alone and not contact her again, so I’m trying to keep him away. I don’t want her to know that he’s around and wanting to meet with her. She doesn’t need the added stress with her being pregnant.
I walk into the club and see Mack come out of his office. When he sees me, he points at me with a pissed off look on his face. “You. My office. Now,” he says before turning back around and heading into his office. Great, just fucking great. I don’t need this shit right now!
Sighing, I follow him, knowing I can’t say no. I just hope we can make this quick. I want to tell him what I found out about The Street Kings, which is absolutely fucking nothing, and get home to my girl.
I close the door, not making a move to sit down, but Mack isn’t having that. “Sit the fuck down. Me and you need to have a talk,” his voice booms.
I stare at him for a second before I take a seat. “What is it, Mack? I just want to go home to my girl,” I say, rubbing my eyes.
“Oh yeah? You actually going home this time or you got somewhere more fucking important you need to be?” he asks with a sneer. What the hell is he going on about?
“Why don’t you just spit out whatever the fuck it is you’re getting at, Mack, ’cause I’m too fucking tired to read between the lines,” I say, looking directly into his eyes, not backing down.
He leans forward and points at me. “I’m talking about you telling your girl that you’re on club business when you’re not. So my question is: where the fuck have you been off to when you’re not here and not at home?” I stare at him blankly, trying to figure out what I should say. I know exactly what he’s talking about, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to bring the club in on this shit with Dani’s father.
Mack must see me contemplating telling him because he scoffs, “Out with it, boy!”
Sighing, I give in. “It’s not what you’re probably thinking. I fucking love Dani more than anything. I would never do anything to hurt her or fuck things up with her. That’s why I haven’t said anything to her about where I’ve been and I wasn’t ready to bring it to the club, but it’s probably time since I haven’t been able to resolve it myself. Frankly, I’m just fucking tired of it.” I pause for a beat, looking at him to make sure he’s with me and not letting his anger and assumptions cloud what I’m saying.
When I know he’s still with me and see that he’s actually calmed down a bit, I continue. “Dani’s father contacted me. He’s here and he wants to see her. I’ve been trying to get him to fuck off, but he’s not having it. I’ve done everything except threaten death, but he’s not budging. Said it’s his right to see her and he needs to talk to her about something important, though he won’t say what.” I leave it at that, because that’s all I really know. With looking for shit on the other club Mack has me watching, I haven’t really been able to dig deep into Dani’s father.
Mack is quiet for a couple of minutes, probably trying to digest what I just said, and come up with the best way to handle it. Thank fuck for that because I’m out of ideas. Short of killing the fucker, what else can we do besides just keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn’t come near her?
Finally, Mack speaks. “Maybe we should set up a meet. You, me, and him. He can either tell us what it’s about and we can decide if we need to bring Dani in on it or he keeps quiet and we push him out by any means necessary.” I nod my head, willing to agree to anything at this point if it means we can deal with it without Dani finding out. It feels good to have at least Mack on my side. I’m not sure how he found out about me not being home, but I can only assume Dani called him. I wish I could give her something, but right now, I think it’s best to keep her in the dark.
“Do you know how to contact him?” Mack asks. I pull out my phone and write down the number I got for him. Hopefully it’s still his number; my information might be old.
Mack pulls out his phone, dials the number, and then puts it on speakerphone before laying it on the desk between us. We listen to the phone ring twice, then someone answers, and I know it’s who we want by his greeting. “Hello, Dani?” her father says through the phone.
“This isn’t Dani, but we’re the only ones you’re talking to until we know what you want with her,” Mack says into the phone.
It’s quiet for a couple of moments, then her father speaks. “Who is this?” he asks, sounding annoyed.
“My name is Mack. And Blaze is here as well, though you probably know him as Zane. What should I call you?” We wait for his response. I never even asked for his name and I don’t think Dani has ever mentioned it.
“My name is Daniel,” he finally says. How fucking original. Dani must have been named after her dad. Does she know that? I don’t think she’d call herself Dani if she did, though, it’s not like Danielle is any better.
“All right, Daniel. This is what’s gonna happen. We’ll send you a date, time, and location for you to meet us and you’re going to tell us what it is that’s so important that you need to speak to our girl. If we decide it’s something we need to bring her in on, we’ll set up a meet on our terms. You either take it or leave it, but if you decide not to meet us, we expect you to leave California and never try to contact her again or we will have problems. You feel me?” Mack threatens in a cold, calculating voice. If I didn’t know him or have him on my side, I would be frightened. Mack isn’t someone you fuck with, that’s for sure. Hopefully Daniel heeds the warning clear in his voice.
The line is silent for so long, I worry that he’s hung up, but then he answers, “We need to meet soon.”
&nbs
p; “Just wait for our fucking word. Be where we tell you, when we tell you, or you leave and we better not hear or see you around again.” Mack doesn’t wait for him to reply, just hangs up the phone and looks at me. “Go home, son. Get some sleep. Hopefully tomorrow we’ll have this shit figured out.” I stand and slap his back then head out the door, eager to get home to my girl.
Chapter 5
28 Weeks Pregnant
Dani
I feel so fucking fat! I know that’s probably cliché for a pregnant chick, but it’s the goddamn truth. And my back hurts, my feet are swollen, and I’m so fucking tired! All the time! I can’t catch a fucking break. The only good thing I can say that has happened in the last week is that Zane has been home more and I don’t feel as worried anymore, though I get the feeling he’s still hiding something.
I tried to bring up those weeks he wasn’t home and told him about the times I called Mack, but he said it was nothing to be concerned with, just a problem that arose, but now he and Mack are dealing with it. Knowing that Mack is involved, at least now, makes me feel a little bit better, but not by much. He’s still keeping something from me, but I suppose it probably has something to do with the club. I know he’d tell me if it had something to do with me.
Today Sara is coming in to finish her angel tattoo and we’re going to try and get her brand done as well. That one isn’t so big and it’s on her forearm, so it shouldn’t be a problem. She’s done really well with the back tattoo for it being her first. We’ve only had to schedule two sessions, when I thought it would at least take three, maybe four.
She’s absolutely in love with the design I came up with for her back, so much so that she even cried. Then when I showed her what I had planned for her brand and that I had one made up for Toby already too, she cried some more. If I didn’t know better, I’d think she was pregnant too. Bitch has been crying as much as me lately. But I’m so happy that she likes what I came up with.
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