by Zoe Chant
“So you admit I was wrong.”
“Only if you’ll admit I was a coward who ran away rather than face up to my own feelings.” Jackson’s ribs tightened.
“You’re not a co—ugh. I see what you’re doing.” Olly rolled on top of him and lay with her chin propped on her hands, scowling down at him.
“Good,” he grumbled, smiling at her dissatisfied expression.
“And worse, I actually get it.” She sighed, blowing a loose strand of hair off her face. “Is this what it means to be grown-up about things?”
“I’m afraid so.”
“Ugh.” She smiled, but there was a shimmer of sadness in her eyes. “I always thought that finding my mate would be the next big life stage for me. The official tick-box for being a real adult.”
“Because having your own apartment and job, that’s just kid stuff.”
“You know what I mean.”
And he did. He’d thought it, too. That being Olly’s mate would mean finally stepping up and making something of his life.
Olly cradled his face in her hands. “Stop it.”
“Stop what?”
“Whatever you’re thinking about. You’re being mean to yourself.” Her fingertips traced a pattern along his jaw. “You get this line, from the corner of your mouth.”
“Do you want me to tell you what your face does when you’re self-recriminating about something?” he retorted.
“Don’t you dare.” A fleeting grin crossed her face. “You don’t need to, anyway, because we’re not going to do that. We’re being adult about it. No sulking over the past. Agreed?”
“Sounds like a good rule.” She lowered her lips towards his, and paused. Her face was close enough to his that her eyelashes brushed his cheek. “Speaking of adult things…”
Jackson’s skin heated up, and it had nothing to do with the electric blanket warming the bed. “Hmm?”
Olly’s fingertips were like sunlight on his face. “We could try things differently. This time around.”
This time around meaning not looking back to last year’s disaster, or the one ten minutes ago?
“Hey!” Olly tapped his jaw. “Rules, remember? But I, I understand if you don’t want to…”
He pulled her down towards him and kissed the rest of her words away.
16
Olly
Her head was spinning when Jackson finally stopped kissing her.
“Just to check,” she said, her voice muzzy, “that’s a yes? Wait. Or a no? If you don’t not want to…”
He kissed her again for that, which she really should have seen coming.
“I just wanted to check…” she mumbled teasingly against his mouth.
He bit down on her lower lip, softly, and a jolt of arousal shot down her spine. “Have you gathered enough information?”
“More than I did last—”
Jackson growled deep in his throat. “Now who’s breaking the rules?”
She buried her hands in his hair, holding his head in place as she gazed down into his eyes. “I’m not sulking,” she said, and it was the truth. At last. It wasn’t only the kisses that were making her lightheaded. “I’ve got all the information I need. More than I did last time. This time, I know exactly what I’m getting into.” She wriggled against him and the hard ridge of his cock pressed against her thigh. “I’m not making a mistake this time.”
That damned line appeared at the corner of his mouth again, and was gone again so quickly she thought she must have imagined it.
“I love you,” she said, just in case she hadn’t been imagining it, and some part of this gorgeous man was still trapped in whatever dark shadow came over him sometimes. “You’re everything I want.”
“And you’re everything I’ve ever wanted.” His hand hovered an inch away from her cheek, as though despite the desire sizzling between their bodies, he was still holding himself back. “We’re going to make this work.”
It wasn’t a question, but she answered it anyway: “Yes.”
He caressed her cheek, his callouses scraping against her soft skin. “My Olly.”
Olly’s heart leaped into her throat. “My Jackson.”
He was hers. Not her mate, not her owl’s preferred extra puzzle piece of soul, but hers.
And she wasn’t going to lose him again.
She stretched out, pressing the length of her body against his. He had changed, in all the small and important ways she’d noticed earlier, but this was the same. His strong, hard body. His hands, warm and rough on her body.
Jackson’s eyes were dark, the deep brown of his irises almost swallowed whole by his pupils.
“You said we could try things differently.” His voice was like river stones tumbling in the spring thaw. “What did you mean by that?”
His hands were on her waist. His thumbs made small, slow circles above the dip of her hipbones. Small and aggravatingly tempting.
“This time I’m not waiting for fate to take control,” she murmured, matching the pace of his thumbs with her hips as she ground them in a circle. Jackson’s breath hitched. “I’m taking control.”
She rocked her hips against him again. He moaned and tangled his hands in her hair and kissed her and heat flowed through every inch of her body.
“This is a good cure for potential hypothermia,” she mumbled, and Jackson bit off a curse.
“Actually, it’s not advisable to—”
She bit down on his earlobe. Gently.
“—physical exhaustion… dehydration…”
She bit down very slightly harder. “Do you want me to stop?”
“Biting me?”
“This.” She ground her hips against him again, moving up his body until his cock slipped between her thighs. “Or maybe both.” She nibbled on his ear again.
“I can see I’m going to have to keep your mouth busier.” He dragged her face to his and kissed her until her whole body strained against his, tight as a bowstring. Desire pulsed inside her.
“Keep my mouth busy?” She kissed him back, running her teeth along his lower lips, then moved down his body. She ran her hands over every inch of him she could reach, shoulders, pecs, abs, following each touch with a kiss.
When she reached his cock Jackson bucked his hips up and gasped. His hands scrambled against the sheets. “God, Olly—”
“Well, you did say,” she pointed out dryly, and wrapped her hand around his thick length. She smiled at him and lowered her lips onto him.
Jackson pushed himself up on his elbows. His eyes met hers, hot with helpless pleasure.
Then they drifted downwards to where her lips were kissing the tip of his cock.
His chest hitched. Heat surged in Olly’s veins, red-hot.
This had to be where she’d gone wrong last time. She’d lain back, let Jackson focus on her… and missed out on this. The utterly overwhelmed expression on his face was more vulnerable than she’d ever seen him.
And hornier. And just really, really fucking hot.
She kissed him again, slipping her lips over the thick head of his cock. Salt burst on her palate. She swirled her tongue around and the sweet tension between her legs tightened.
“Oh, God, Olly…” Jackson’s voice was all gravel.
“Jackson.” Hers was liquid heat.
She lowered her head, tasting him, running her tongue along his length. Jackson clenched his fists in the sheets. His hips jerked upwards and she sucked him deeper into her mouth. God, this was… this was… he was…
She sat up, so fast he was still groaning from the loss of her mouth when she straddled him. Her legs were trembling. She positioned herself over his cock.
Jackson’s eyes met hers. God, she was so wet already. Desire coiled through her, a fire ready to run wild.
She pushed herself down just as Jackson thrust up.
His cock slid into her, filling and stretching her. She gasped. Every inch felt like he was about to stretch too much but she didn’t stop, couldn�
��t stop, until the insides of her thighs were resting heavy on his hips. He filled her completely and it was too much but God, too much was just what she needed.
“I’m sorry,” Jackson gasped. “I should have—slower—”
“Slower?” Olly rocked forward, hard. It felt so good her heart thudded in her ears. “Like this?”
Jackson made a noise that was half groan, half gasp. She moved faster, grinding against him, and the noise that ripped from his throat made her fingers curl against his chest.
Need thrummed inside her, a fire stoked with every new breath she took. God, even breathing was enough movement to send sensation sparking inside her, that glorious feeling of too much and perfect and—oh, shit, if she wanted this to last any time at all she really should—
“Olly.” Jackson’s voice was rough. Pained. His fingertips dug into her hips and his cock jerked inside her, its urgency as clear as the need on his face.
Olly dragged his shoulders up and kissed him. Sitting like this, in his lap as he wound his muscular arms around her, his cock pressed inside her at a new angle. She muffled her cry in Jackson’s shoulder.
His voice rumbled against her chest. “I’ve been dreaming about this. Every night. You. The way you…”
He slid one hand up to caress her breast and her breath hitched.
“Just like that,” Jackson murmured, running one thumb across her nipple. “You’re so still and careful, all the time, and seeing you like this drives me wild.”
Olly grinned widely. “Really?” She bucked her hips and Jackson’s eyes closed.
“God. Yes.”
“Like this?”
His eyes flew open again as she pulled herself off him and sank down again. It felt incredible. Slick and hot and full. She let her head fall back. Jackson was right, she hated when people saw her, hated when they saw what she was thinking or feeling especially, but this was different. He was different. She couldn’t hate him and she couldn’t hate this.
It was way too fucking hot, for a start. Feeling him. Touching him, tasting him, hearing him…
Jackson groaned deep in his throat as she rode him again and again.
“Or this.” She nibbled on his earlobe again and he growled at her. She caught the tip of her tongue between her teeth, catching back a giggle and the impulse to bite harder.
Pleasure was building inside her, ready to pop. And it wasn’t just the physical everything, even if the everything was very very very everything, it was—she felt… safe.
Sensation exploded inside her. Every muscle in her body clenched exquisitely and suddenly released, leaving her light-headed and then twisting tight again, each new wave soaring higher and higher.
She buried her face in Jackson’s neck, breathing him in, wishing there were words for what she was feeling but she couldn’t have said them, anyway. She could barely gasp.
Jackson came with a groan that reverberated against her breastbone. His breath was hot on her skin, his hands strong and firm on her waist and the back of her head. His passion enveloped her and she sank against him, falling back to earth and back to him.
She gulped in breaths. Safe. Of course he was safe. He was the best man she’d ever known. The best person. She would trust him with her life.
She was the one who wasn’t safe. The one who couldn’t be trusted. She couldn’t even trust herself.
She pressed her face against his shoulder, putting off the next moment as long as she could.
“Olly…” Jackson was panting. His fingers ghosted through her hair. “You… that was… are you all right?”
Guilt squirreled in her gut. She raised her head and rested her forehead against his. Her lips curved and she couldn’t stop herself from smiling. “I don’t think I’ve ever been happier,” she admitted, and it was true, even with the knot in her stomach.
“Nothing changed.” His tone was wary.
The knot in her stomach twisted. If he’d been a shifter, she might have been able to sense what he was hiding. If he were a shifter, they might be mates now, bound by more than…
Jackson sounded like he’d swallowed a burr. “It’s still just… us.”
He twined his fingers between hers. Even though he was still buried deep inside her, there was a strange new intimacy in this touch.
Olly let out a breath that was far too close to a sob. The knot in her stomach dissolved.
“Just us. Just everything I want.”
How could she have wanted to put off this moment? She should have done this a year ago.
The answering smile on Jackson’s face was all she needed to make things as close to perfect as they could get.
“We’re really going to do this,” he said. “Make a go of it together.” His expression softened.
“You’d better believe it. Because I love you and I’m not letting you go again.” Olly kissed him. He fell back, pulling her with him, and they tangled together in their nest of blankets.
Hours later, Jackson stopped kissing her and frowned. “It’s dark,” he announced.
“No, really?”
He gave her an exhausted look and she grinned. “Good thing we’re already in bed then, isn’t it?”
“We should…” His jaw firmed. She knew that expression, and guessed what he was going to say before he opened his mouth again. “We should head back to town. Make sure everyone’s alright. It would be the responsible thing to do.”
The corner of his mouth twitched downwards and Olly placed a finger on it. “What if I want to stay right here?”
“We should at least let everyone know you’re safe.”
A chill went down Olly’s spine. She tried to hide it, but the sudden alertness in Jackson’s eyes told her she’d failed.
She looked away. “If any of the other shifters had picked up on what happened to me out—out on the ice, they’d already be here. Right now, you’re the only one who knows I threw myself into the lake and—”
“And that’s bad enough?”
She pressed her face against his chest. “I didn’t mean that. I mean… I want it to just be us. Just for a bit longer. I’ve had all year without you, and I don’t want this to end. Not yet.”
“You want me all to yourself?” he asked gruffly.
“You know I do.” She rolled on top of him and pinned him in place, one elbow either side of his head. “I’ll check in with my uncle, let him know I need some time off.”
“Right before Christmas?”
“Yeah, I know, but…” She wriggled against him. “For some reason I really want to be selfish for a while.”
Jackson looked pleased, and looked like he was pleased despite himself. She wriggled again and he threw his head back.
“All right. You make a very good point.” His hands glided over her butt. “We’ll have a romantic night together, starving in an abandoned ski cottage.”
“We won’t starve. People always leave some supplies in the cupboards, even if it’s just a tin of beans.”
“The sexiest meal of all, right there.”
“I could go hunt us a rabbit if you like. There’s plenty around—”
“Beans it is.” Jackson went slightly green and Olly laughed. “You’re right, though.”
“About what?”
“Not doing what we should be doing.” He stroked her back, a long, sensuous caress. “None of this is what we should be doing. But I wouldn’t give you up for the world.”
She smiled and kissed him. But later, when he was asleep, she couldn’t help worrying.
Here, alone with each other, things were simple. Once they got back into the real world… that’s when things were going to get difficult.
She clenched her fists with determination.
No matter what, I won’t lose him again.
I can’t.
17
Olly
2 days before Christmas
The next morning, Olly and Jackson raided the cottage’s cupboards. Her owl was still lying low: even the pro
spect of a tin of beans for breakfast didn’t taunt it into making a scathing remark.
“What do you think of the place?” Jackson asked, with that off-the-cuff casualness that always meant he had an ulterior motive. Olly stirred the beans on the stove and considered her answer.
“It’s definitely a cottage,” she said.
“Hmm.”
She looked around, inspecting the room more carefully. “It’s warm,” she said. “That’s impressive, given no one’s stayed here for a long while. Or I assume that’s the case, given the expiration date on those beans and the fact there was nothing else in the cupboards.” Steam began to rise from the beans. “This is one of the Heartwells’ places, though, so that explains it. Jasper wouldn’t let any of their properties fall into disrepair, even if my uncle does wish the Heartwells would let him knock down all the tourist cottages this close to our trails.”
“It’d be a shame to demolish it, though, wouldn’t it? It’s a nice place… solid bones…”
“I think it’s a particularly good place to not die,” Olly said firmly. “And for everything else we did last night. And this morning.” She lifted the pot. “Beans are ready!”
“Oh, good. Great!”
After a leisurely breakfast—it was amazing how long you could take to eat a single tin of beans when you were in love—they drove back to the Puppy Express, crushed together on the snowmobile more tightly than was probably necessary.
Bob called out to her telepathically just as they were pulling in by the kennels. *Olly! Where have you been? Manu said—*
Oh, shit. That was right. Despite reassuring Jackson that she would touch base with her uncle, she’d fallen asleep in his arms without bothering to let anyone know she hadn’t fallen off the edge of the Earth.
*I’m fine,* Olly said quickly. *You know me.*
*Yes, that’s why I was worried.* Fond frustration batted against her mind like a wing. *Manu told me about Flea’s issue yesterday. Sounds like the rescue didn’t go so smoothly. I figured you were hiding until you could dry your feathers off.*
Olly bit her lip. *Something like that.*