by Zoe Chant
Olly felt sorry for her, and then thought Well, maybe she’s a late bloomer, and then felt guilty about both thoughts. She’d never heard of any shifters not developing their animals until they were adults, and not being a shifter didn’t make anyone any less of a person.
It just made them… She didn’t want to say a different person. She’d been tiny when her owl turned up, but she still remembered how it had felt. It was as though there had been a place inside her waiting for it, which she hadn’t noticed until it was there. Things like her watchfulness and how much she liked to cram herself into small places suddenly made sense. She hadn’t been half a person before her owl manifested, but once it was there, she was… right.
Until now, her owl chirped, very quietly.
Olly pressed her lips together. Don’t say that!
But if I wasn’t here, you wouldn’t have the wrong mate.
If you weren’t—Olly’s cheeks went hot, then ice cold. Don’t you dare go anywhere.
It’s not like I can go anywhere. I’m not a Heartwell. No-one cursed the Lockey owls. Maybe they should have. I’ve tried to help you all year and I keep getting it wrong, and now I couldn’t even keep away from the mate you don’t want. It shrunk down inside her, very small. You would be a different person without me, you know. Maybe you wouldn’t even be the pegasus’s mate.
Olly clenched her fists. Stop talking like this! Okay, so, yes, Jackson’s dad is my fated mate. That doesn’t mean I have to bond with him.
I can go live in one of those hunter’s cabins out in the middle of nowhere, and forget all about Jackson’s dad. So long as he never comes close enough for you to sense him, we can make this work.
I just have to tell Jackson that his dad is my fated mate.
She gulped. That’s a big ‘just’.
24
Jackson
“First things first,” Andrew said, buffing his hands together. “Let’s get you shifted.”
They were outside. Jackson’s breakfast was sitting uneasily in his gut. In fact, everything was sitting uneasily with him.
For about five minutes that morning, his life had been perfect. How had it gotten so fucked, so fast?
“I’ve already shifted,” he pointed out.
“But by accident, right?” Andrew laughed at the expression on his face. “And you have no idea how it happened, or how to stop it happening in the future. Am I wrong?” He clapped Jackson on the shoulder. “You gotta get these things locked down, kiddo. Make sure you only shift when you want to, not when your pegasus sees something shiny, or someone else shifts nearby and you get sucked in.”
“Is that what happened to you at the Heartwells’ party?”
Andrew lifted his hand off Jackson’s shoulder and put on a wounded expression. “Hey, ouch! Can’t blame a man for needing a bit of extra courage, can you? It was a big day!” He snapped his fingers. “And it turned out well in the end, didn’t it? You hadn’t even fledged yet. And I get the feeling you wouldn’t have believed me if I’d told you what you really were that night, anyway.”
“So you getting wasted out of your mind was—”
“Fate.” Andrew spread his hands. “Now let’s get started. A Petrakis is always in control of his shifts. And his clothes,” he added as Jackson reluctantly started to unzip his parka. “Keep it on, kid, we’re not hippies here.”
Jackson nodded, but still unstrapped his watch and placed it carefully on the windowsill. “How does this work, then?”
His pegasus was quivering with excitement, in its… bit of his mind… where it existed. I guess that means you want out?
Flying! I want to try flying!
Flying. Jackson closed his eyes. Oh, God.
Right now!
Jackson’s skin started to fizz. He lurched forward suddenly, as though his body had forgotten he was meant to walk on two legs. Which was probably because—oh, God, this was so fucking weird—
*Uh-uh!* Andrew’s voice drove into Jackson’s head like a bolt of migraine. Out loud, he tsked and waved a finger at Jackson. “I said we’re teaching you to shift. Your pegasus already knows how. It’s way ahead of you.”
“It’s only existed for a few hours,” Jackson grumbled. “How can it know how to shift already?”
“How can a foal know how to walk as soon as it’s born? Or a human baby to… well, whatever it is human babies can do? Cry?” Andrew shrugged. “Our pegasuses manifest fully grown, kiddo. It’s a mythic thing.”
“Really.” The more confident Andrew sounded, the more Jackson suspected he was talking out his ass. Especially given he’d seen a mythic toddler transform into a tiny baby dragon just the other day. He flexed his shoulders. The near-shift had left his skin itchy, as though it was still waiting for wings to sprout out of his back. “Okay. How do I do this without my pegasus taking over?”
“Think about what it means to be a pegasus. But for you, not it. Your pegasus is part of your essential nature. Some part of you already knows what it means to be what you’ve become.”
I thought you said we weren’t hippies. Jackson bit his tongue on the teenagerly response and closed his eyes.
Right. Think pegasus-y thoughts. What the hell did that mean? The only pegasus he knew was his father, and he didn’t think that imagining himself drunkenly gate-crashing a Christmas party was going to end well. Or abandoning his infant son. Was that part of his essential pegasus-ness, as well?
Jackson ground his teeth. Some part of me already knows what I’ve become? No part of him knew anything about any of this.
He knew who he was. Or he thought he knew. Jackson Gilles. Not a shifter, but a good man. If that had all been untrue…
He scrubbed his hands across his face. I’m not a shifter. But that isn’t true anymore. So if I’m not not a shifter—
His mind came up against a mental wall so solid he almost swore out loud.
Inside his head, his pegasus was watching him. He glared at it. At least, he glared, and thought glaring-ness at it.
Fine, he told himself. I am a shifter. And that means…
He knew what the wall was. It was another bit of that essential, internal architecture he’d built his sense of self around. Like the one around his heart.
He’d built it himself, carefully, brick by brick, when he realized he was a normal human. He’d put all his dreams about being a shifter behind it, all the things he wasn’t, so he could focus on what he was.
Strong. Dependable. A force for good in the world. A good son and a good man. Everything his father wasn’t.
He took a deep breath and looked past the wall into all the things he hadn’t let himself imagine since he was a kid.
A sudden leap of excitement. Sheer, white-hot curiosity: what was it like? To shift? To have an animal’s senses alongside your own? To be able to talk to people with your mind—to be part of the silent understanding that he’d seen pass between his Ma and other shifters so many times. That instant connection. Community. And…
Not just being part of the community of shifters, but having a whole new relationship with the world. He’d seen the seasons change through human eyes and seen his mother watch them change through her deer’s eyes, and never understood the difference. Now he did. His human side was a creature of the earth, snow crunching underfoot and the sky a weight above him. His pegasus…
Smack. There was the wall again.
“All good there, kiddo?”
Jackson turned away and swallowed. Like hell he was going to let his father see him—shit. Shit! What was wrong with him? He’d dealt with this years ago. It hadn’t been hard. He’d laid it out straight for himself: he wasn’t a shifter. He’d moved on. What was so tough about moving back?
His pegasus shuffled its wings. His pegasus. Magic. His magic. He had—was—magic. He could do more than just shift, he could fly.
He took a deep breath. Don’t think about the rest of it, he told himself. Everything you’ve missed out on. Don’t think about what you put awa
y behind that wall because, shit, that never included flying.
Something caught in his mind. Not behind the wall, but above it. He concentrated. If he wanted to get up there, he would need…
This time, the shift wasn’t a confused explosion. He slipped into his pegasus form like a diver slipping into the water. His skin didn’t itch as wings and hair burst through it—his whole body gave a sigh of relief.
As though this was what he was meant to be.
*Nicely done!* Andrew’s voice echoed in his head. *Very slick. Not as, uh…*
Jackson turned around. His pegasus adjusted its wings to keep balance and that was enough to make him remember shit, four legs, not two and that was enough to send him skittering groundwards—
Help! he yelped.
His pegasus jumped into action. Jackson felt the change as it took control of his body—its body, really, its shape—and fluttered back upright.
Ta-da! it announced.
*…Not the classic look,* Andrew continued. *But never mind that. Moving on. *
*What do you mean, not the classic look?* Even telepathy was easier in this form. Not having a human mouth to confuse things probably helped.
His father ignored the question. He’d transformed, too, and his pegasus gleamed in the dappled sunlight breaking through the clouds.
*Let’s get you in the air. After that, I want to put Delphine back in the picture. See if anything’s changed there.*
His father’s psychic voice was edged with cunning. Jackson frowned—at least, he thought he was frowning. God knew what his pegasus face was doing. *What do you mean, changed?*
*I told you, didn’t I, there’s something about that girl. I knew it the moment I laid eyes on her. Smart, beautiful, great family—she’s the one for you, son. And maybe now you’ve caught up with the rest of us, you’ll be the one for her.*
*That’s ridiculous. I’ve already met her, anyway. There wasn’t a spark or whatever is meant to happen.*
*But that was before you were you.* He could feel the grin in Andrew’s psychic voice. *You’ve changed. That might have, too. I told you, I have a good feeling about this. You, Delphine, this dinky little town—it’s all connected. How do you think I knew to come up here?*
Jackson’s heart sank. Would all this have gone better or worse, if he’d stayed out of Pine Valley?
I wouldn’t have Olly if I hadn’t come back. Cold rippled down his spine. But can I keep her, now that I’m a different person? What if Delphine really is my…
He couldn’t even say it. Think it. Think-say it, telepathically or in the privacy of his own head. Not that his own head was particularly private anymore.
Our mate! cried his pegasus, delighted. Where?
How do you even know what a mate is?
His pegasus flicked its ears curiously. How do you?
I—
His mother had told him about mates first, of course, when he was still figuring out what he was and wasn’t. But it was Olly who sprang into his mind. Olly, with her hair so fine it went wispy in the slightest breeze and her eyes that could keep you pinned down even if her mind had wandered off to think about something else.
Ooh, his pegasus said, greatly intrigued, who’s she? and Jackson slammed a mental door on the image of Olly.
She was—his. Nothing to do with his pegasus.
His stomach sank. But Delphine was. According to his father. And his father might be a drunk and a showman and overall untrustworthy… but unless he wanted to go tell Jasper all about his dirty laundry—which was basically the same thing as telling the entire town—Andrew was the closest thing Jackson had right now to an expert on mythic shifter business. Unfortunately. Could a mythic shifter recognize another mythic shifter’s mate?
I know what a mate is, his pegasus mused. The knowledge is… here. Waiting.
Something flipped open in Jackson’s mind and suddenly his pegasus’s knowledge was his, as well. It wasn’t complicated: just like his pegasus knew that its hooves went on the ground and its wings took it into the air, it knew that finding its mate was the one thing that would make it the happiest.
*It’s the one thing, isn’t it? The one thing. Singular. Perfect. And you wonder why I drink!* Andrew’s voice held a laughter that rang hollow inside Jackson’s head. *This is what it means to be a pegasus, son. We’re Zeus’s carrier pigeons and what we most want to deliver is ourselves. I’m still searching for my final address, but you… Well. Doesn’t every parent want better for their kid than they got themselves?*
Jackson stayed silent. Andrew hesitated a moment, then kept talking, apparently as unwilling to let the insides of their heads stay silent as he was to let the conversation lag in human form.
*Delphine’s a great girl. Sharp as a whip.*
*She’s not my mate, Da—Andrew,* Jackson reminded him. *We’ve already met.* But then he remembered what Andrew had said earlier. *Wait, what did you mean, I wasn’t me then?*
* You hadn’t fledged yet.* His father shrugged, his wings shimmering like a waterfall of glitter. *Our shifter animals make us complete. Of course we can’t recognize our mates until then. You’re not the same man you were the other night. Thank goodness! Can you imagine? Me coming all this way for nothing?* He shook out his wings. *And if she’s not right for you, well, there’s more fish in the sea, right? You’re my heir, kiddo—Jackson. I’m going to do right by you if it’s the first right thing I do.*
*And that means finding my mate.* Each word felt like another weight on his shoulders. He was a different person? He didn’t feel any different. He felt like himself, plus an annoying, chirpy pegasus.
He was still in love with Olly. That hadn’t changed. God, he thought suddenly, please don’t let that change. I don’t want to be someone else. I just want to be me. For the first time in my life.
*That’s right. Come on, kiddo, no need to sound so glum! The mate bond isn’t like marriage. You’re not going to be stuck to some old ball and chain. Well, stuck, sure. But I’m told it’s a great time. The best.* He paused. *I only want the best for you, son. Don’t worry. Whoever the girl is who’s the one for you, we’re going to find her.*
Jackson sighed and his pegasus let out a frustrated huff.
Why is he talking about finding our mate? We’ve already found her!
Jackson’s world stood still.
What did you just say?
We already found her! It pranced with excitement. That’s why we have to learn how to fly, and talk properly, and everything else! So we can impress her!
But… who?
Her!
His pegasus stretched its senses, pushing Jackson’s awareness along with them. He gasped as sensations filled his mind.
An apex predator’s sleek strength. Powerful wings. Ability and agility in one creature, wild and free. The queen of the sky.
Jackson shied in surprise, his wings beating the air. He went airborne—just for a second, but long enough for the sensation of no ground beneath his hooves to meet the sudden panic in his heart and send him thudding back to earth.
He’d—felt her. A winged shifter who called out to the creature inside him with a siren’s song.
*Delphine?*
He didn’t realize he’d spoken out loud—no, not spoken, damn it, and not out loud—until Andrew’s chuckle wafted across his mind.
*Easy, kiddo. First things first. You want to win some winged shifter’s heart, you better learn how to fly first. Besides, she’s off for the afternoon. Her family showed up out of nowhere and she managed to get them a booking at some Santa’s sleigh tourist whatever.*
The Puppy Express. It had to be. And that sudden sensation—his new psychic abilities must have brushed up against her presence.
Shit.
It should have been the most wonderful moment of his life. His pegasus was practically vibrating with excitement—but it wasn’t flying away on him. What had it said before—it didn’t want to embarrass itself?
Maybe he and his peg
asus were more alike than he’d thought. He wouldn’t be crash-landing through any ceilings with a dramatic announcement. It wanted to make a good impression.
And so did he. Just not on the same woman his pegasus was probably thinking about.
*Flying practice,* he said, hoping his psychic voice didn’t betray his true feelings. *Sounds easy enough.*
*Say that again in an hour, kiddo.*
*This bit of the valley won’t do, though.* Not this close to the Puppy Express trails. Not if Delphine was there. *There’s a place further up the valley, where the clouds hang around all winter long. I know the dragon family who own land up there, they won’t mind us visiting. We can take my truck—I’ll drive.*
*You’re in with the local dragon clan?* Andrew’s voice was sincerely impressed. *Networking! Maybe you take after your old man after all!*
Jackson ground his teeth. Learn to fly, learn to speak with his mind, learn every other goddamned shifter trick his father could think of—that would be easy.
Telling Delphine that he was sorry, but there was no way in hell he was going to be her mate? That would be hard. She seemed like a nice enough person, but… no. There was nothing between them and he didn’t care what the sparkly dumbass inside his head thought, magic was no basis for a relationship. Not the sort of relationship he wanted.
Not the sort he’d thought he finally had. God, he should have got her a ring. A real ring, not that nonsense with the sizer. Or he should have taken that ring she dove into the lake for and squeezed it onto his finger, just to have something solid that said he was hers. Forever. Heart and mind and… not soul.
He swallowed.
Telling Olly that his soul belonged to someone else?
That would be worst of all.
25
Olly
The excruciating nearness of her mate faded mid afternoon. Olly relaxed—just in time for the next crisis to come through the door.