by Zoe Chant
Do you think you could make sure nobody could sense you like that?
That sounds hard…
Think of it as another lesson. Something else we’ll be able to do to impress… people.
Okay! His pegasus hunkered down, fluffing its wings above its head.
Jackson rubbed his forehead. He was just going to have to trust that this would work. Olly was good at figuring out when someone was a shifter—she could even tell what sort of shifter they were, more often than not. And he’d seen her somehow sense when another shifter was about, before they were in hearing or seeing range.
His stomach twisted. What if she’d sensed him that morning? If that was why she’d left—if she thought he’d been somehow lying to her about being a shifter—
He shook his head. He couldn’t do anything about that now. But maybe now, if his pegasus stayed down long enough, he would be able to find Olly and explain everything to her.
And it wasn’t just Olly he was worried about. If Delphine sensed his presence…
Jackson swallowed, hard. Just stay low, okay, buddy? he pleaded with his pegasus.
Sure!
Sweetheart Lake. He knew how to get there from his cottage, at least. He made his way down one of the trails packed down by weeks of sleigh rides. With his pegasus preoccupied, he was alone with his own thoughts.
Strings of fairy lights hung from the trees either side, marking the track more merrily than the standard orange tags. Which there also were, tacked to the trees—after his time working as Pine Valley’s deputy, he checked automatically. Shifters could be laissez faire about the reminders humans needed to find their way in the wilderness.
But of course he shouldn’t have worried. Olly wouldn’t let things like that fall into disrepair, if only so that her owl could know exactly where her customers were at all times. Health and safety meets predatory anxiety-bird.
Except that hadn’t helped when the couple trying to propose had gone off-track. And where had Olly’s careful attention to detail been when she threw herself into the lake after they’d already been rescued?
Jackson stopped in the middle of the trail. The night was closing in around him.
Maybe being alone with his own thoughts wasn’t such a great thing after all.
Olly never did anything like that. At the time, he’d been too scared she was hurt to really consider what had happened, but the more he thought about it the less it made sense. Olly’s need to look at a situation from all angles before coming to a conclusion wasn’t one hundred percent reliable, but she’d never put herself at risk like that before.
Except…
Except when she’d put all her faith into him, and found him lacking in every way that counted.
He staggered as though the air had been knocked out of him.
What’s wrong? His pegasus leaped up, full of sparkling concern. Jackson ran a shaking hand across his jaw.
Nothing. It’s nothing. Everything’s fine.
…Okay. His pegasus shook out its mane and Jackson found himself stretching his neck in harmony with it. That was the sort of thing that was meant to feel right as a shifter, he knew, but instead it made his stomach churn.
His pegasus jumped. I knew it! Everything isn’t fine.
It’s nothing you need to worry about.
But I could help!
Jackson snorted. I don’t think so.
Why not? I have to be here for some reason. His pegasus shuffled its wings. I could do lots of things to help. Like fly. Or… Its voice faded out. I’m sure there’s something else I could do, it added at last, its voice small and distant inside Jackson’s head. Instead of just make problems.
You’re not—
Yes, I am. Another pause. You don’t want me to be here, do you?
I don’t— Jackson groaned and found a fallen log to sit on. He buried his head in his hands. I don’t know what you’re doing here. That’s all.
Another silence, long enough to make the guilt already pooling in his gut start to thicken.
If you don’t know why I’m here… am I a mistake?
“Oh, for the love of…” Jackson clutched his forehead. “No, you’re not—” You’re not a mistake. Things are just… complicated.
That was putting it lightly. Complicated was him and Olly and her owl. Adding his pegasus to the mix brought it from complicated to…
There has to be something I can do right! The sparkle was back in his pegasus’s voice. Even with everything else, that made Jackson feel better. There must be a reason I’m here. Something important. Something like—
Jackson’s senses stretched. Pressure built up behind his eyes as though his brain was trying to sneeze. He blew out a sharp breath. “What the—”
Sensations flooded his mind.
There! That’s what I’m here for! To find her!
Jackson swore and jumped to his feet. You’ve got to hide. Now!
Okay! Fizzing with excitement, his pegasus ducked down inside his mind. Jackson paced around the trail, his mind buzzing.
That was what his pegasus was here for? To find—
He groaned as the sensations and images his pegasus had opened his mind to rose up again. The whisper of moonlight on feathered wings. A feeling he’d never felt before but recognized instantly: the wonder and freedom of flying in open skies, not grating under his father’s hectic training but soaring with the woman who was his fated mate.
Delphine was somewhere nearby.
Jackson racked his brain. What had his father said? Delphine’s family had arrived suddenly, and he’d given her the day off to spend with them. So that he could train up his son to not be an embarrassment when he orchestrated their mate-recognition meeting. Jackson’s stomach churned.
He looked around haphazardly, as though Delphine and a whole pride of winged lion shifters might be about to jump out from behind a tree. There was no one there, of course. His sense of where his mate—oh, God—was had told him she was some distance away.
If I can sense her, she’ll be able to sense me.
Jackson’s blood chilled. He licked his lips. Stay hidden, right? he told his pegasus. This is the big test. Don’t let anyone see or sense you.
He felt it agree with him and some of the immediate tension lifted from his shoulders. He looked around again, more in control, and frowned.
This is the same track I took when—
The words in his head stopped, but the images didn’t. As sudden and unstoppable as when his pegasus had sensed his mate. He was walking on the track he’d taken when he pulled Olly’s cold body out of the lake and taken her back to the cottage.
And now he was going to meet her there again. At the place where her owl had almost accidentally killed her. And he was meeting her there to tell her…
Jackson's throat tightened with every step until his breath felt like it was being squeezed between steel plates.
How could he tell Olly that he’d found the woman who was meant to be his mate? That despite everything he felt in his heart, his soul was promised to someone else?
The chill spread from his blood into every crevice of his body. He’d wondered what had made Olly go to war with her owl, tearing herself apart until she’d almost gotten herself killed. It was the same thing that had made her lose herself bit by bit for the last year.
How hadn’t he seen the answer?
It was all him. Every bad thing that had happened to her was his fault.
27
Olly
He will come, won’t he?
Olly’s stomach lurched. She wasn’t quick enough to stop the sudden creeping doubt, and once it had its claws into her it wasn’t letting go. She fumbled for her phone. He never replied to my message.
Her owl clacked its beak. He did read it, though. See? There’s the little word that says so. It chittered its beak a bit more, and added: He’ll come. He’s very reliable. It’s one of his best attributes. One of many.
In spite of her anxiety, Olly couldn
’t help smiling. I like hearing you say nice things about Jackson. It’s a nice change from earlier.
It wasn’t all bad, her owl thought back. Even last year you were very happy about the sex side of things.
“What?” Olly’s cheeks burned.
The sex. You really liked the sex. Even without the mate bond, the sex—
Stop! Olly groaned and closed her eyes. “That’s quite enough of that,” she told her owl.
Not that there was anyone else to talk to, or anything to distract her from her owl picking over how good in bed Jackson was. The cheerful Christmas lights lit up a whole lot of nothing. She turned back to the mailbox and shoved her phone in her pocket. “He’s not going to call anyway,” she reasoned to herself.
Her phone started to buzz.
She blinked at it. For one long second, her brain didn’t connect the sound of ‘Jingle Bells’ tinnily echoing around the clearing with the phone in her hand. When she finally connected the dots—with a jerk that almost sent the phone flying—the name that popped up on the phone screen made her freeze again.
Jackson.
Jackson was calling her and it should have been a relief, but instead it felt… wrong.
She fumbled one hand out of its glove and took the call. “Hello?”
“Olly?”
Oh…
It was exactly like that first split-second after she turned around and saw him at the party. Sudden, wonderful, terrible awareness. Her senses sang. It should have put her on edge, but instead, something inside of her relaxed.
Without thinking, she ducked down behind the mailbox, wedging herself into the gap between it and the tree behind it. Her owl ruffled its feathers approvingly. Squeezed tight in with her feet tucked up, nobody would be able to see her from the trail or the clearing.
And she could let all her focus sink into his voice.
“Jackson?” She knew it was him, but her heart still leaped when he made a small sound of affirmation. Inside her boots, her toes curled like her owl holding tight to its favorite branch.
This had to be true love. Didn’t it? Just the sound of his voice making everything seem better. Not like the sickening lurch of reality being pulled from under her feet when she thought of—
What was that flicker of something at the edge of her owl’s awareness? And what was Jackson calling her for, anyway?
She felt like she was flying through fog. Any minute, something might loom out of the whiteness and clothesline her. The need for certainty hollowed out the space under her ribs. She needed to know—
Don’t ask him if he got your message, her owl said sharply. “Did you get my message?”
She winced as her owl screeched in disgust. Never show weakness! Now he’ll know there’s something wrong!
Olly strained her ears for Jackson’s response. “Yes, I—” he began, and broke off with a sharp breath. “Damn it. Did you just feel…?”
The hairs on the back of Olly’s neck prickled. “What was that? Is everything okay?”
“It’s—”
“Is someone there with you?” Oh God. Her skin crawled as she gathered herself to say the next bit: “How was your day… with your… father? Are you still with him?”
Her insides twisted as though her body wanted to turn itself inside out to get away from what she’d just said. Let alone hear Jackson’s answer. But she couldn’t not say anything. She’d been rude enough flying away earlier like she had a pack of hellhounds after her. The least she could do now was ask after him, especially if…
She swallowed guiltily. Especially because she desperately needed to keep track of where Andrew Petrakis was at every moment in time.
Jackson cleared his throat. “No, I’m by myself. Andrew’s headed off to do his own thing for the evening.”
Act normal. Act normal! Olly swallowed down a screech. Her owl’s understanding of the word normal was not what she needed right now. That… sensation of something…
Her owl hunkered down inside her, pulling privacy around it like another set of wings. It left Olly with nothing in her head but herself, but even without her owl’s interfering influence she was still trying to figure out what her version of normal should be when Jackson started talking again.
“I did get your message. I was—I’m on my way over. But there’s something I need to—” His voice became garbled, as though he’d turned away from the phone. She might have been able to hear him with her owl’s enhanced senses, but—
No, her owl muttered. Not right now.
“I can’t hear you,” Olly said, twining her fingers anxiously together. “How far away are you?”
“Olly, I need to tell you something.” His voice had jagged edges and Olly’s breath caught in her throat. She didn’t need her owl to tell her something was wrong.
Those words were far too close to there’s something we need to talk about.
“What?” It wasn’t a screech. Or even a gasp. Just a thin flutter of breath. Olly wedged herself behind the mailbox, making herself small, like she always did when she felt this way. As if she could hide from her feelings as easily as from the world around her.
“I…” There was a scrape of static. “I thought this would be easier if I didn’t have to look you in the face.” Jackson chuckled weakly, and that send warning alarms blaring in Olly’s brain. “Oh, God.” His voice wasn’t ragged. It was hurt. Tearing into pieces. “You’re the one person who could understand.”
“So tell me.” Olly’s heartbeat thundered in her ears. “I can help.”
“That’s the problem. You’ll help, but you shouldn’t. All this is my fault. I pushed you too much last year, hoping for something that wasn’t true. I pushed you again, coming back here. And now—I can’t do that to you again.”
She thought she could hear something over the pounding in her ears and the painful scrape of his voice. The crunch of snow? He’d said he was on his way—how close was he?
“If you’re talking about us—” Olly couldn’t wedge herself any further. She was packed as small as she could make herself, tiny and angry and afraid. “I love you. That’s true. I don’t want anything else.”
“But that’s not how this works, is it? Magic doesn’t care about what we want.”
“We’ll make it work that way.”
“I wish—” He swore. Olly could imagine what he was doing: pressing his fingertips against his forehead as though he could force the right words out. He was trying to do the right thing by her, and that only made it worse. Damn him! “I wish I could explain.”
“Why can’t you?” The words tumbled like shards of ice off Olly’s tongue. She groaned. If her owl was being its usual busybody self, she never would have let herself say that.
A long pause that clawed at her insides. At last Jackson sighed.
“I don’t want to hurt you again.” He laughed, but there was no happiness in it. “You deserve better than—” His voice faded out.
“What was that? I swear, Jackson, if you’re going to leave me alone out here because you think that makes you a good man when I’m the one who hurt you last year—”
That’s not going to help! Her owl tried to make her bite her tongue, but it had crept back too far to wrestle control from her that easily. Don’t remind him of all the reasons he shouldn’t stay with you!
Then help me! Olly clenched her fists. Stop hiding and use your senses! How can I keep him if I don’t even know where he is?
But…
Help me!
Her owl flew up, so close to the surface that pin-prick feathers shivered under Olly’s skin. The world around her hummed with secrets her human body was too poorly tuned to pick up.
The creak of frozen trees. The tiny scritch-scritch movements of tiny creatures hiding beneath the snow. The very, very distant yips and excitement of the Puppy Express dogs, and there, at the very edge of her senses—
Nothing.
Olly frowned. Why can’t I sense anything there?
“Yo
u needed certainty and I thought I could give it to you.” Jackson’s tone was bordering on the voice he used when he found a shifter stuck somewhere they shouldn’t be, and Olly bristled. How dare he be staid and sensible at her? “Instead I gave you a year of unhappiness. God, Olly, I’d have to be blind not to see how bad things had gotten for you here. I messed up, and you turned into a shadow of what you used to be.”
“A shadow?” Olly leaned on her owl, willing it to stare into the blind spot that she just knew it was keeping from her deliberately. “I messed up, and you went off and got yourself shot!”
“I was doing my job!”
“You never got shot doing your job here!” Show me!
“No, I didn’t get shot, I just broke both of our hearts!”
Fine! Don’t blame me when you see who he’s with and get upset again!
He said he wasn’t with anyone—
The blind spot opened up. Olly jumped to her feet, so suddenly that she almost knocked the mailbox over. Snow crashed down all around her.
Something was there. Her owl had been hiding it. Something wonderful-terrible.
Something that was getting closer.
A pegasus. And Jackson.
“Olly, I can’t do that to you again. And I can’t stand in the way if you—what was that?” Jackson’s voice shook and he swore under his breath. “God. I’m sorry, Olly, I’ve got to go.”
Olly stayed silent, concentrating so fiercely her whole body was shaking. This couldn’t be possible.
The wonderful-terrible was moving away. And maybe she’d been right in the first place and it was his father, and she was about to make a horrible mistake…
Olly started to run.
28
Jackson
She’s there!
I don’t care! Jackson told his pegasus desperately. He turned around, legs suddenly clumsy as he tried to run away from the…
He’d thought he was safe for that night, at least. Delphine was busy with her family and he’d have time to explain to Olly…
But she’s so perfect!