How dared he?
Her head was already thudding, waves of nausea enveloping her as tears pricked her eyes. She’d thought she loved this man. She’d contemplated a future with him. She’d even had a few wild thoughts about him proposing and them finding a place together back in San Diego. She must have been crazy.
The pain in her chest was so real. She’d had dreams, for herself and for them. And it felt as if they’d been whipped out from underneath her without a second’s notice. Anger surged through her veins, along with a wave of devastation and hurt. He’d all but told her he loved her. Why would he do this?
Why wouldn’t he sit her down and have an actual conversation with her, if he thought she wasn’t suitable for promotion?
The hateful words swirled around in her brain again. Not good enough. Not good enough.
The door creaked and Ivy looked up. Travis appeared at the door, his face creased in a smile but with worry in his eyes. ‘I was looking for you. I wanted to check on you. I’m so sorry. The last thing I wanted was for you to get hurt.’
He moved over swiftly next to her, lifting his hands to her brow.
She flinched and moved back. ‘Don’t touch me,’ Ivy hissed.
He pulled his hands back and his brow wrinkled. ‘Ivy? I’m sorry, it was the wind. Well, and me. I was focusing on getting our pilot out. I didn’t realise you’d gone around the other side, or that the wind would catch the hood.’
‘I’m not talking about this,’ she said coldly, pointing to her brow. ‘I’m talking about this.’ She pointed her finger at the screen of his computer. She didn’t care at all that his emails were private. She wasn’t at all embarrassed about snooping—because she hadn’t been.
‘What are you talking about?’ Travis looked genuinely confused.
She spun the laptop around. ‘This, the recommendation you gave me—or didn’t give me, as it happens. Why would you do this? You know how badly I wanted promotion. And right up until you did this I thought I was in the running.’ She pressed her hand to her heart. ‘And I thought you would want to support me. But no. You’ve deliberately thrown a spanner in the works. The man who said he cared for me, the man I loved too, has just ruined my career!’
Angry tears spilled down her cheeks. ‘I’ll never forgive you for this. If you didn’t think I was up to the task, you should have had the decency, and balls, to sit me down and tell me.’
She bent her head and gripped the desk as a mixture of dizziness and nausea swept over her. She should be lying down. She knew that. But what she’d discovered was too important. It couldn’t wait.
His hand brushed against her arm. ‘Ivy, no—’
But she cut him dead. ‘I helped you, I supported you when we both know that you shouldn’t be functioning as an SMO right now. Not with the effects of your PTSD.’ She stepped forward to him, rage enveloping her. ‘I didn’t tell anyone you weren’t fit for duty. I made a mistake. I won’t make that mistake again.’
Travis’s eyes widened in horror at her harsh words.
She couldn’t quite believe they’d come out of her mouth. But Ivy was no pushover.
Only a few hours ago she’d cradled his cheek in the palm of her hand, knowing he was lost to his monsters. She’d been duty-bound to report that and yet it hadn’t even occurred to her. Because that was not the type of person she was.
This was the guy she loved. She wanted him to get better. She’d wanted him to get help for himself, and for them, and she’d planned to wait by his side while it happened. Her heart squeezed inside her chest. With love came trust.
Everything was gone.
* * *
Travis was stunned. He’d gone to locate Ivy but couldn’t find her. His office had been the last resort and he’d been so relieved to see her at his desk.
Now her words left his head spinning. But what was worse was the look in her eyes.
He shook his head fiercely. ‘No, Ivy. No. I thought long and hard about that recommendation. I even spoke to Tony about it. I want you to get that job—of course I do. You deserve it. But this?’ He held up his hands. ‘Us? Our timing sucked, and the last thing I wanted to do was give you a glowing recommendation that someone could cast a shadow on and say it was biased because we’re in a relationship. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place because I know what it looks like when an SMO doesn’t give a colleague a recommendation.
‘So... I had to think of an alternative. You’re a team player, Ivy. It was one of the first things I noticed about you. And I like it, it’s a skill that not all surgeons have. Did you look at your recommendation? Did you read it? Mine is there, alongside a dozen others. It’s the best recommendation you could ever get. Everyone thinks you should get the job. And if we are asked questions at a later date about when our relationship started, we can be honest. Things have overlapped. We can declare things. Or at least I thought we could.’
He shook his head, a confused expression on his face. ‘Why would you think I think you’re not good enough? That’s just crazy. You’re more than qualified for this job.’
The words she’d hissed at him were still being processed in his brain. She’d threatened to report him and his condition. She’d told him he wasn’t fit to do the job. He was automatically and instantly offended and couldn’t pretend not to be.
‘You want to report me?’ he asked her. ‘Do it!’ The response came out harsher than he intended it to. ‘Report me. I froze. Yes. I froze. I admit it. But I still managed to get out there. I still managed to do my job—just like I have every day for the last four years. Should I be SMO when I have PTSD? Who knows? That’s for the navy to decide. But if you don’t think I’m fit for duty, say so. Don’t put the safety of anyone on this ship at risk for my sake.’
He couldn’t think straight. She was right in front of him, clearly not feeling well. He could see how she was holding on to the desk. She had a dressing on her head covering her stitches. Her blonde hair was dishevelled, her face flushed. Those green eyes that had flirted and teased him for the last few weeks seemed to have some kind of shield in front of them. There had been a definite flash of anger but now she looked numb. As if she couldn’t believe where they’d both got to.
He couldn’t either.
Last night he’d listened to his heart. He’d emailed Peters and told him he was definitely considering a change from the navy. The conversation with Aileen had struck chords exactly the way it should have. He had to accept his condition, his diagnosis, and do everything he could to heal. He would do it for himself and for the woman that he had fallen in love with.
He knew all about Ivy’s career ambitions and supported them. But he was wise enough to know that both of them working for the navy would create challenges for a relationship—particularly if their spells of deployment were one after the other. His priority was to make their relationship work. He was beginning to see the light of being permanently based in San Diego. Or he’d thought he had. Now all those thoughts seemed to have vanished in a puff of smoke—or a bang on the head, as it were.
They stared at each other. Resentment simmered just under the surface. This woman, the woman he’d dreamed of spending a future with, the woman he’d risked his heart on, and who he had asked to wait for him. She was looking at him with hurt in her eyes. He’d done that to her.
He should apologise. Beg her to understand his reasoning. But as the colour drained from her face he realised he couldn’t stand there and bicker back and forth with her. Ivy clearly needed to rest.
She gave a little twitch and looked at him. This time her voice was quiet. ‘You’re not the person I thought you were, Travis.’ His gaze watched a single tear track down her face and he clenched his hands into fists to stop himself from reaching out and brushing it away.
‘I’m me,’ he replied instinctively. ‘I’ve never claimed to be perfect. I can only be me. The person with b
aggage, and the guy who loves you. I have never done anything to deliberately hurt you or stand in your way.’
She remained silent, still gripping the desk with her hands before she took a deep breath and looked him in the eye.
It was like someone sticking their hand through his solar plexus and ripping his heart clean out of his chest.
‘I wish I could believe that,’ she said, before turning and walking out the door on shaky legs.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
AILEEN GAVE HER a sideways glance. ‘Ivy, do you want to talk?’
Ivy was busy writing a prescription for a patient she’d just seen and hadn’t even heard Aileen come up alongside her.
‘No,’ was her automatic response, then she breathed and looked at Aileen again. ‘Why would you ask me that?’
Aileen smiled and gestured to the tablet Ivy had in her hands. ‘Because you’ve been standing here for the last five minutes, and you’ve started that prescription three times, and...’ she leaned over Ivy’s shoulder ‘...you still haven’t completed it.’
Ivy sighed and put the tablet down on the counter.
‘I don’t think we can talk,’ she said, her throat feeling dry.
‘Try me,’ said Aileen.
Ivy had barely spoken to anyone in the last few days. She’d been ignoring calls from Liz and her family. She’d been giving monosyllabic answers and instructions to her co-workers. If Travis was in a room, she walked out. It was painful. Everything about him reminded her about the dreams she’d had.
She closed her eyes for a second and whispered, ‘Is it enough if I tell you I can’t wait to get off this ship?’
She didn’t want to put things into words. Because then, depending on her mood, she either felt like a fool and a pushover, a heartless monster or a career-driven bitch. And every one of those thoughts amplified those not-good-enough feelings. She had judged herself to be all of those things over the last few days. She could barely eat, she couldn’t sleep, and if she set foot outside her cabin, she ran the risk of running into Travis.
Her job chances were shot. But if she put in for a transfer right now, or requested to be reassigned, it would throw more red flags on her record. On top of her ‘not’ recommendation, that was the last thing she needed.
‘You know anything you tell me is confidential,’ Aileen said quietly.
Ivy turned her head quickly. ‘But I’m not your patient,’ she said, with an element of panic.
Aileen gave a soft laugh and held out one hand. ‘Ivy, everyone on board is my patient, just like they are yours.’ She gave a thoughtful pause. ‘Why don’t you just let me be your friend?’
Ivy felt tears brim in her eyes for the thousandth time. A friend was exactly what she needed right now. But she didn’t want to involve anyone else on the ship in this. People had already noticed the atmosphere between her and Travis. She had witnessed the exchange of glances between staff and the way they were tiptoeing around her.
‘I can’t, Aileen,’ she breathed. ‘If I talk about it to you, then it’s real. And I don’t want it to be.’
Aileen leaned close and squeezed Ivy’s hand. ‘Door is always open,’ she whispered, before she moved away.
It took Ivy a few moments to collect herself. She had a patient to see. She had to pull herself together and get a grip.
* * *
An hour later Tony came into the treatment room as Ivy was dispensing some drugs for a patient. He folded his arms and looked at her.
‘What happened?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Travis is leaving.’
The tablets she was trying to count out tumbled to the floor. ‘What...?’
Tony was still looking at her.
‘What do you mean, he’s leaving?’
The phone next to her started ringing so she picked it up. ‘Ivy Ross.’
‘Flight Surgeon Ross, the captain needs to see you. Report to his office immediately.’
Panic swept through her. She hadn’t been ordered to speak to the captain at all on this trip. If he was calling her to his office, something was wrong.
Tony must have noticed the expression on her face. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘I’m to report to the captain.’ Her voice was trembling.
Tony gave a shrug. ‘Makes sense.’
She was confused. ‘Why?’
Tony glanced at his watch. ‘Because Travis leaves any second now. You’re about to be promoted to SMO. You were in the running for the next job. Makes sense to give it to you now.’
There was a roaring in her ears. Every cell in her body was on fire. Everything about this was so wrong. It looked as if it seemed entirely normal to Tony. But none of this seemed normal to Ivy.
‘What do you mean, he’s leaving now? Right now?’
Tony nodded. ‘He’s probably already taken off.’
She was running. She didn’t even stop to explain. Her feet were pounding down the slim corridors. ‘Move!’ she yelled at a few seamen to clear the way.
She climbed up ladders, heading to the flight deck as quickly as she could.
She needed to see him. She had to talk to him. Every hour of every day she felt something different about what had happened between them. It didn’t make sense to her. But the one thing that hadn’t changed was how she felt in her heart. She loved this guy. She loved Travis King. And she didn’t want to leave things like this.
She wasn’t allowed on the flight deck if take-offs or landings were taking place. But she flung open the door anyway.
As the wind whipped around her, her stomach plummeted. A helicopter was already rising high into the sky. Even from here she could recognise the familiar shape in the passenger seat. His helmet showed he was looking in another direction. She waved her hands frantically, trying to signal him.
But Travis was deep in conversation with the pilot next to him.
He didn’t even see her. Didn’t even know that she’d come to talk to try and catch him before he left.
Ivy was left in the middle of the empty flight deck, caught in a flurry of wind, as the man she loved disappeared out of sight.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Ten weeks later
‘TRAVIS, THERE’S A last-minute patient. She’s insisting she needs to be seen today. She asked for you by name. Can you fit her in?’
Travis finished typing preoperative notes on the last patient that he’d seen. It was only 5:00 p.m., and while he knew his secretary wanted to finish for the day, he wasn’t anxious to get home. ‘Sure, no problem. And, Mel? You can go on home. I’ll close up.’
‘You sure?’ He could hear the happiness in her voice through the intercom and could only imagine how much she was smiling right now.
‘Of course.’
Travis finished his notes and stood up, walking over to the large window overlooking part of San Diego Bay. Peters had delivered on everything he’d promised. The partnership, the office and work that he wanted to do. He’d already seen a number of army and navy veterans with ongoing health issues.
The normal resignation process of six months had been negotiated due to his existing PTSD. He would remain in the navy reserves, but had been granted permission to take up another role while his paperwork was processed.
From here he could still see part of the fleet moored in San Diego Bay. It was like watching family and friends from afar. He loved this city. He would always stay here, and he was slowly getting used to what his new life would be.
He realised he hadn’t even asked Mel anything about the new patient as he walked to the door of the waiting room.
The woman had her back to him. She’d clearly been pacing and was currently staring out at the view in the same way that he had been.
Travis’s skin prickled. He didn’t need to ask her name. He knew it.
Ivy.
She froze. She had clearly heard him coming into the room. She turned slowly to face him.
Her hair was sleek and smooth, and she was wearing her navy uniform.
‘Hi.’ Her voice was nervous and slightly croaky.
‘Hi.’ Ten weeks. It had been ten weeks since he’d last seen her, when she’d accused him of wrecking her job chances and not being fit for duty.
The last action he’d taken before leaving the Coolidge had been to recommend her for the job he was vacating.
He was sure that right now his heart was swelling in his chest as memories flooded through him. The way she’d looked at him like a patient the night she’d realised he had PTSD. She’d phoned this office as a potential patient. That was how he had to treat her. No matter what his heart dictated.
He dropped into professional mode and gestured to the office behind him. ‘Come through. What can I do for you?’
He’d turned and started walking already. Trying to collect his thoughts for a moment as he held the door for her.
Ivy pressed her lips together. She strode past him in a wave of orange blossom. The scent sent a shock wave through his system. Memories of her lips, her skin pressing against his.
He did his best not to let his attention be captured by her silhouette.
He waited until she sat down and then moved around the desk to sit opposite. He was nervous. She’d sent him a few texts after he’d left, but he hadn’t replied.
Travis licked his lips. ‘You requested me by name. Can I assume you’re here as a patient?’
Ivy took her time to reply. She shook her head. ‘I landed just over an hour ago. My bags are down the hall. This is my first stop.’
He straightened in his chair. Her assignment on the Coolidge must have just finished. She kept going. ‘I have my next deployment details.’
She pushed a letter across the table to him. He glanced down. SMO on another aircraft carrier. It would last twelve weeks.
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