by Ian Todd
“Ye telt him…?” she’d asked, looking up at him.
“Naw. He telt me whit Assynt Development wur daeing locally, the day Ah went across and apologised fur trespassing. He said that anything hauf decent that comes oan the market these days is snapped up by them. Getting their hauns oan this place gies them unfettered access tae the beach noo.”
“Hiv they been back tae fill in the trench fae last week?”
“Naw. They’re probably waiting until they get us oot ae here.”
“I knew we should’ve bought this place when we hid the chance,” she’d cursed tae hersel under her breath.
“Ah thought ye wanted tae move?”
“Ah never said that…well, maybe Ah did, bit Ah wis angry at the time…annoyed at you…fur haudin back oan me.”
“Aye, well, we won’t go there, eh?” he’d said, steering her well away fae that particular minefield.
“So, dae we hiv any options open tae us?”
“Ah wid doubt it. That basturt MacLeod will be rubbing his hauns wae glee.”
“Maybe Ah should get in touch wae him then…okay, forget Ah jist said that, Mr Proud,” she’d added sarcastically.
“Naw, that makes sense. There widnae be any harm in trying, although Ah widnae haud yer breath. Jist remember who ye’re dealing wae. It widnae surprise me if that prick his the local pipe band staunin there when we trundle past, looking like a couple ae packhorses oan eviction day,” he’d warned her, as she burst oot laughing. “Well, he will. Ah know people like him. They’re aw intae their uniforms, so they ur.”
“Oh, Johnboy, Ah’m sorry,” she’d said, staunin up and coming across and gieing him a wee kiss and a cuddle.
“Fur whit?”
“Fur aw this. It’s me that’s goat us intae this mess, so it is,” she’d said, wae a wave ae her haun, sounding weepy and making him feel really shite.
“Hoi, stoap that. Look, leave it tae me. Ah’ll see if Ah kin sort something oot o’er the next few days,” he’d come back wae, no sounding too convinced himsel.
He hidnae gone doon tae the phone box tae phone Donna The Prima Donna back. Whit wid’ve been the point? The crofthoose hid been sold fae under them. Oan the positive front, Grizzly Chops across at the caravan site, hid goat his money. At least he wis happy. Johnboy hid been across, helping him lay new flairs in two ae the vans, as well as painting them inside and oot and tidying up the site. Flintlock hid even managed tae come up wae some new carpets. He’d noticed that there hid been a couple ae cars sitting ootside them the past few nights awready. He looked aboot the room. Davey The Post hid jist left, looking hauf cut. Thank fuck they didnae get a lot ae mail. He read the letter again. It wis short and tae the point.
‘What happened to my phone call, Johnboy? I was waiting. Give me a bell, ya cheeky wee toe-rag, ye.
Auntie Donna xx’
Why wid she want him tae phone her if the croft hid awready been sold? Donna wisnae intae being the bearer ae bad news. She usually goat wan ae her lackeys tae deliver anything shitey. There wis only wan way tae find oot and that wis tae get his arse doon tae the phone box.
“Right then, Mr Hopkins, you’re in charge,” he said, remembering tae grab his coins oan the way oot the door.
Chapter Forty Four
“So, ye’ve definitely accepted their offer then?” Donna asked Angelina.
“Yes. I wrote to them a few days ago.”
“Aye, bit hiv ye signed the transfer ae the title deeds?”
“Pardon?”
“Ye’ve agreed tae the sale, bit ye hivnae actually signed the contract? Wid that be right, hen?”
“Yes.”
“Look, hen, Ah’ve been authorised tae negotiate oan behauf ae ma clients, Senga and Johnboy. They’ll match any offer Galbraith’s hiv come up wae.”
“Oh.”
Silence.
“Look, er…”
“Jist call me Donna. Everywan else dis.”
“Donna…I’m not sure…I feel obliged. I’ve written to them, stating that I would accept their offer.”
“It’s no a binding contract until the missives ur signed by baith parties,” Donna reminded her.
“Oh, right. I still feel obliged…I mean, I wrote to them. I would feel bad going back on an agreement.”
“Don’t get me wrang, Angelina. I know it must be difficult, hen. This company…Galbraith’s…don’t say who the buyer is. It could be anybody, a developer even. Ah understaun that the hoose his been in your family fur generations. Is that right?”
“Yes. I was born there.”
“Senga and Johnboy ur a young couple, jist starting oot. Ye know who ye’re handing it o’er tae. Wae them, they’ll love and cherish it. It’ll be a hame.”
“Oh, I don’t know.”
“Look, as Ah’ve awready said, hen, Ah hiv the authority tae negotiate oan their behauf. How aboot if Ah wis tae up the offer tae three and a hauf grand…including taking care ae the legal costs. Ah’d also be prepared tae assist ye wae the process ae buying this place fae Woodside Accommodation. Ah’ll also throw in any fees, free ae charge, while Ah’m at it. Wid that maybe help ye make up yer mind?”
“Oh, right, er,” Angelina said, her brain in turmoil, looking across at the strange looking businesswummin. “I suppose…yes, that would certainly make a difference.”
“See? Ah think ye’ve made the right decision, hen. They’re a lovely couple…and sweet?”
“So, er, what do I do now?”
“Well, obviously Ah’ll represent ye at this end.”
“And Galbraith’s?”
“When they get back in touch, jist write back tae them and ask them tae contact me. Jist tell them Ah’m representing ye in the disposal ae the property. Here’s ma card. It says Blytheswood Investments Limited. Senga didnae go intae any detail, bit her and Johnboy wurnae wanting anywan locally tae know that they’re the new owners. So, don’t be put aff when ye see that it’s a company that’s taking ownership when ye’re signing o’er Little Vestey’s Croft,” Donna said, taking oot a wee silver card holder fae her bag.
“Oh, I think I can understand why,” Angelina replied, smiling.
“Noo then, Angelina, hen. Wid it be awright if Ah hiv a wee a shot ae yer phone?”
“Oh, of course. Please,” she said, no believing her good fortune. “Do you want me to leave the room?”
“Naw, naw, hen. You jist sit right where ye ur,” Donna replied, dialling the number. “Alfie? It’s me, Donna. Aye, Ah’m jist fine, son. Yersel? Great. Listen, it’s jist a wee quick call. It’s aboot wan ae yer flats oan Shettleston Road. Number 246. It’s oan the second flair. Ah believe youse ur getting shot ae it. Aye, Ah’m sitting wae the tenant noo. Angelina MacLeod. Ah’m representing her wae the purchase. Angelina tells me ye’re looking fur two and a hauf K. Ah’m sure we kin dae better than that. How much? Ah wis looking at nearer the two mark. Ye will? Aw, ye’re a right wee darling, Alfie, so ye ur. Right, Ah’ll be in touch. Must go. So, Angelina, hen, the flat’s yours fur two grand. That’ll free up the extra five hunner we agreed oan the purchase price ae the Highland property. Is there anything else Ah kin help ye wae noo, while Ah’m here, hen?”
“Aw, Donna, ye’re a bloody star, so ye ur!” Johnboy shouted doon the mouthpiece, laughing.
“Aye, well, it’s poor Senga Ah’m worried aboot, taking up wae a manky like you? Ye don’t deserve her, y’know.”
“Aye, Ah know. So she keeps telling me.”
“Right, listen, Ah’m gonnae hiv tae be getting oan. Dae ye still want the ownership under Blytheswood Investments Limited?”
“Aye, fur the time being. We kin transfer it o’er at a later date. Thanks, Donna. Ah don’t know how tae thank ye…that’s fae the two ae us.”
“Ach, away ye go. Ye’re making me blush noo, so ye ur. That’s whit Ah’m here fur.”
Chapter Forty Five
“Whit’s this?” Senga asked, smiling, efter walking through the door.
“Whi
t?” he asked.
“The candles.”
“We’re celebrating.”
“Celebrating?”
“Aye. We don’t hiv tae move oot.”
“Really?”
“Really. Right noo, take the weight aff yer feet and sit doon,” he insisted, filling up the glasses wae petrol.
“Bit…”
“Ye’re gonnae hiv tae gie me time tae explain, withoot getting annoyed and jumping tae conclusions noo.”
“Oh my God, Johnboy. Whit hiv ye gone and done noo?” she exclaimed fearfully.
“Whit hiv Ah jist telt ye? Don’t jump tae conclusions…at least, negative wans.”
“So whit…whit’s happening?”
“Right, remember whit Ah said…”
“Look, ye’re making me nervous. Ah’ve goat butterflies in ma stomach.”
“We own the place.”
“Eh?” she yelped.
“You and me. We own Little Vestey’s Croft…it’s oors,” he said, smiling.
“Bit how? Ah thought The Laird bought it fae Angelina?”
“Look, it’s complicated. Ah’m gonnae explain, bit ye hiv tae listen tae whit Ah say…and don’t go getting mad at me.”
“Johnboy, wid ye please hurry up! Ah’m aboot fainting here. Ah don’t know whether tae be excited or go and pack ma bags.”
“Right, remember the day ye goat upset wae me?’
“Which wan?”
“Ha, ha, very funny. The day I telt ye aboot aw the carry-oan wae the chimney and the crow tacked tae the door? Well, efter you stomped aff tae work, Ah…Ah went and phoned Donna The Prima Donna, so Ah did.”
“Donna? You phoned Donna?” she gasped. “Bit…”
“Ah asked her tae get in touch wae whit’s her name…Angelina…tae see if the hoose wis still available…and it wis.”
“Bit Ah thought Mr MacLeod…The Laird’s company…bought the place?”
“Aye, well, so did they, the stupid basturts. Anyway, Angelina hid agreed tae sell the place tae them, bit Donna managed tae get in there and change her mind.”
“Oh my God, Johnboy…this place definitely belongs tae us? It’s official?”
“Aye.”
“Ah don’t believe it,” she cried oot, laughing, leaning across and kissing him, squeezing his face between her hauns. “Wait until Ah tell Dolina.”
“Aye, well, that’s the complicated part. Ye cannae tell anywan…at least, no jist noo. Angelina his knocked them back oan the croft, bit the process ae buying it is still gaun through, so it is. Because ae the urgency, Ah gied Donna the go-aheid tae put the money up front. It wis the only way Angelina could be convinced that we wur serious.”
“Ye’ve confused me.”
“The hoose his been bought through Blytheswood Investments Limited…wan ae Donna’s companies.”
“So, she owns it?”
“Naw, we own it. We kin get the title deeds transferred at a later date. The main thing wis tae stoap they basturts getting their grubby hauns oan it.”
“Oh Johnboy, Ah cannae believe we own this place…oor first hame thegither. While Ah don’t agree wae yer tactics, Ah’ll let ye aff this time. Oh, Ah’m so excited.”
“Look, cheers…tae us,” he said, as they clinked their glasses thegither.
“So, it wis two and half thousand?”
“Aye,” he lied.
“Whit aboot the fees fur the sale?”
“Donna says she’ll take care ae them…as a present, tae us.”
“Aw, we cannae let her dae that.”
“Senga, Donna could afford tae buy us Buckingham Palace if she wanted tae. Let her. She wants tae dae this fur us.”
“Ah’ll need tae phone her tae thank her.”
“Naw, ye don’t. She says no tae. Ah explained that naebody in the toon or up here his tae know whit’s gaun oan. She understauns that. She jist telt me tae tell ye tae get oan wae oor lives.”
“Oh Johnboy, Ah’m so excited, so Ah am,” she shouted gleefully. “There’s lots ae stuff that needs done aboot this place. Noo that we own it, we kin get it done noo.”
“Aye, well, jist remember, Ah’m still writing the book and Ah promised Auld Grizzly Chops o’er the hill there that Ah’ll gie him a haun in sprucing his place up,” he reminded her. “Who hiv ye mentioned tae at work aboot us getting evicted?”
“Jist Dolina. She said that she’d ask aboot tae see if there wis any hooses fur rent oan the go.”
“Aye, well, ye kin tell her that Ah’ve spoken tae the new owners and they’ve agreed tae carry oan wae the auld lease.”
“Wid Ah no be better jist telling her the place is oors? She won’t tell anywan if Ah ask her tae keep it quiet.”
“Naw. Let’s keep it between oorsels fur the time being. It’ll keep they basturts in suspense aboot who the new owners ur. Donna telt me that they’ll soon find oot who the new owners ur anyway. Something aboot a register in Edinburgh. That’ll keep the basturts guessing. The fact that Angelina MacLeod disnae own the place noo won’t mean they’ll leave us alane. If anything, it means they’d probably ramp up the pressure against us tae get us oot. Remember, Auld Grizzly Chops telt me that her ma hid been getting targeted by them tae sell up long before we ever arrived oan the scene.”
“Y’know, it’s funny noo, when Ah think aboot it. Ishbel MacKenzie his been avoiding speaking tae me or gieing me any eye contact, that is, until we goat the letter fae Mr MacLeod yesterday. When Ah went in this morning, she wis aw chirpy, wishing me a good morning, the two-faced cow,” she scowled, as the baith ae them laughed. “Anyway, whit’s the special oan the menu the night then? Ah’m starving, so Ah am.”
“Mr Hopkins’ favourite,” he beamed. “Mince and totties.”
“Again,” they baith chimed.
Chapter Forty Six
People jist didnae appreciate the sacrifices that a busy wummin like her hid tae put up wae, Donna The Prima Donna mused, taking a sip ae her hot tea, as she looked aboot the restaurant. She hidnae slept a wink, despite being oan the go fur seventeen hours straight the previous day. She knew that it wis due tae the excitement. There wur two types ae excitement. Similar symptoms, brought oan by two different causes, that inevitably hid her running aboot aw o’er the place, in circles, like a blue-arsed fly oan heat. Obviously, negative excitement wis the worst. Like chasing that arse ae hers in desperation, trying tae recoup a loss, before finally snatching the upper haun fae the clutches ae failure, fighting wae they wits ae hers tae calm hersel doon, while dreading that she’d missed something obvious, which could put her back tae square wan. She’d wance been referred tae a doctor, some psyche bloke, tae discuss they palpitations ae hers.
“Classic symptoms ae an adrenalin junkie,” the robbing basturt hid informed her, telling her, withoot a shame tae his name, tae come back the same time the following week, before charging her twenty five quid.
Twenty five quid fur being telt something she awready knew? Christ, The Bar-L wis full ae guys who wur daeing time fur less, she sniffed. Then there wis the positive excitement, which could quite easily leave her feeling far worse that the negative wan, strangely enough. Similar symptoms tae the negative excitement…waking up in the night in a sweat, hivving discovered that Fraser wisnae lying beside her efter aw and it hid only been a nightmare. That wis a good wan. The only real difference between the good and the bad excitement, wis that nine times oot ae ten, the good hid tae be kept tae hersel. Despite her many achievements, the ducking and diving, carrying the weight ae risk oan her shoulders, getting oan the blower and inviting pals roond fur a celebratory drink wis oot ae the question. She looked at her watch again. Whit wis keeping him? She’d been gonnae cancel, bit when she’d phoned up the number in the letter, some wee squeaky voiced wummin hid telt her that he’d awready left tae heid south.
“Ur ye ready tae order, Mrs Jeffs?” the nice wee lassie, wae the dark curly hair and painted lips, who’d jist started in The Fish Plaice the previous week, asked her.
“Ah’ll gie ye a shout in a minute, hen. He shouldnae be too long noo.”
Whit wis it wae these men wae weak tanks? Christ, that ugly basturt ae a man ae hers, Fraser, used tae staun at the bar in The Five Ways aw night, sinking doon ten pints oan the trot and never gaun fur a pish until jist before chucking oot time. Fur aw they faults ae his, at least he wis a real man, no like these pansy pricks she hid tae deal wae hauf the time. She thought back tae the night before as that excitement ae hers started playing up again. She’d wanted tae go somewhere else. The only reason she’d suggested La Tanterna’s hid been tae put the sleazy basturt aff. She knew fine well that Sir Martin Blake, President ae the Glesga Business Association, didnae like foreign muck, as he referred tae it as. He wis too auld school fur that kind ae stuff. Her heart hid sank when he’d agreed, withoot even thinking aboot the location. She’d telt Fraser that if she wisnae hame by ten o’clock, tae phone the restaurant oan the pretence that the hoose wis oan fire.
“Fire?” Pearl Campbell hid exclaimed when Donna hid phoned her, efter Fraser hid telt her tae fuck aff.
“Ach, whitever, Pearl, hen. Jist you mind and make that call, oan the dot.”
“Why wid ye put yersel through aw that shite if ye cannae stand people like him?” Fraser hid chided her. “When Ah wis in business, everything wis oan ma terms, so it wis. If people wurnae happy, they could go and fuck themsels, fur aw Ah cared.”
“Because he’s El Presidente ae The Business Association, that’s why. He’s the wan that wangled behind the scenes tae ensure Ah became Glesga Businesswummin ae The Year last year. He’s influential. He’s jist daeing the roonds ae the people he feels the need tae keep in wae. It’s better tae get it o’er and done wae, insteid ae being harassed by his sleazy, heavy breathing phone calls. The basturt’s goat nothing else tae dae aw day, other than sit there and count his money.”