by Bella Jewel
No.
Oh no.
I feel sick.
I try to stop my hands trembling; I don’t want Hogan to see a reaction. If he does, I’m not getting out of here.
“H-h-how can you rig their club?”
Hogan snorts. “I put security in the trees over from the main gate, I’ll see when they arrive and call that meeting, and then I’ll show up and fuckin’ kill the lot of them. They won’t see it coming.”
God he rigged it. He had it all worked out.
“What happens after that?” I ask, keeping my voice steady.
“Whoever lives, I will take and fuckin’ torture.”
I shudder.
“Go back and find out when that meeting is called. I want you to call it in, just in case my cameras miss it. I want perfect timing. Chances are they’ll go on lockdown. I want to know when they do. You call me as soon as they do. If you don’t...”
“I will,” I say quickly.
“Move, I want information as soon as you have it.”
I nod, rushing out.
When I get outside, I feel my breathing beginning to intensify. I call a cab, and get it straight to the compound. By the time I arrive, I see Jackson and the guys are back. There’s about thirty bikers combined, standing in the dirt talking frantically. Addison and Ciara are listening, eyes wide. Shit. Shit. I have to do this now. I have to tell Jackson. This is the moment I have wanted to avoid for so long.
It feels like I’m walking in slow motion as I edge towards them. Jackson notices me first, and begins walking towards me. I put my hands up, and tears begin thundering down my cheeks. He stops, his eyes narrowing. Everyone turns to watch us, and I know not only am I about to tell Jackson, I’m about to tell an entire MC club that I betrayed them. My knees shake as I come to a stop. I feel sick. My entire body is shaking and I am struggling to breathe.
“Serenity, baby, are you ok? We need to get inside. It’s dangerous right now. Hogan is alive. It’s not safe.”
“I know,” I rasp.
Jackson shakes his head. “What?”
I take a breath, and I open my mouth and speak loudly. “I know Hogan is alive, and I know he’s planning an attack. The reason I know this, is because...”
“No,” Jackson roars, shaking his head frantically. He knows even before I say it. “Fucking no.”
“I’m his daughter,” I finish. “And he sent me here to find out information.”
My voice breaks on the last sentence, and my knees tremble so heavily I have to use the car beside me to steady myself. The look on Jackson’s face literally tears me in two. There are so many looks that can break a person’s heart, but seeing betrayal on the face of someone you love, is heart wrenching. I hear the cocking of guns, and I see all thirty bikers, including Muff, pointing their guns at me. My legs give way, and I fall to my knees in the dirt.
“Daddy!” Addison cries. “Don’t hurt her!”
“Why the fuck not?” Jackson roars, turning to Addison. “She’s a fuckin’ spy. She’s been feeding information all this time.”
“You can’t kill me,” I whisper.
Jackson’s head whips around. “Shut your fuckin’ mouth!”
“You can’t, Jackson, because I’m pregnant!”
Everyone falls silent, a few bikers curse.
“What?” he rasps.
“I’m pregnant.”
His fists clench, and rage fills his expression. “Do you think I want a bastard fucking child with a lying cunt like you? It’s probably not even mine, you’re a fuckin’ liar!”
His words hit me like a blow to the chest. I yelp loudly, and before I can blink, Addison is in front of me, shielding my body with hers. I am rasping as I struggle to breathe, his words penetrate every shield I’ve ever put up, and they crush me in a way all the beatings and abuse in my life never has.
“You’re not shooting her,” she screams. “If you shoot her, you shoot me. That is my baby brother or sister in there, you WILL NOT kill it.”
Jackson stares at his daughter, his hands are trembling, his body jerking with rage. “Move, Addison. You know the club rules.”
“You’re going to kill someone you love!”
“She betrayed me!” he bellows.
“I lied!” I scream. “I lied to him. I never gave him information that was correct. I lied!”
“It doesn’t fucking matter!” Jackson screams. “You fucking betrayed us.”
“I had no choice,” I yell so loudly I hurt my own ears. “I was afraid. He was beating me. I had NO CHOICE. He was going to kill Ebony, and he wouldn’t have thought twice about it. She is my family. I couldn’t let anything happen to her. I had no way out. Haven’t you ever been trapped, with no way out?” I cry loudly. “Well haven’t you?”
Jackson’s gun is in the air, pointing at me, but his hands are trembling. I get to my feet, my knees wobbling, and I walk over, standing in front of him and pressing the end of his gun to my head.
“Do it, you fucker. Shoot me. If you are going to do it, then do it quickly. I won’t go back to him, so you’ll be doing me a favor.”
Jackson trembles even more, and the gun rattles against my head.
“Serenity!” Addison cries.
“Don’t kill her, Jack’s.”
It takes me a moment to realize who is speaking, and then I see Spike step forward. He walks over, his boots crunching in the dirt.
“Don’t kill her.”
“Why not?” Jackson rasps, his words thick, his eyes frantic.
“One, because you fucking love her. Two, because we can use her to find out what Hogan is up to. Three, because I’ve seen the man in action, I’ve seen him kill in cold blood, and I can’t imagine what her life was like growing up with him. You kill her, you’ll regret it forever.”
I close my eyes, waiting for Jackson to shoot me. When I feel his gun lower, my body slumps with relief. I might not die today, but I’ve lost the man I love. The pain in my heart is beyond anything I’ve ever felt. It burns. It hurts so badly. I open my eyes, and see Jackson panting with rage, his eyes...oh god, his eyes are glistening. I fucking broke him. I. Fucking. Broke. Him.
“She’s got your baby inside her, you kill her, you’re killing your kid and we all know you ain’t gonna live with that,” Spike says gently.
“Who’s to say it’s my kid,” he growls.
“It is,” I whisper. “I might have lied, but I was never with anyone else!”
He doesn’t even acknowledge me.
“Get her out of my fuckin’ house, I want her gone. You take her. Cade can take her. I don’t fuckin’ care. Just get her away from me.”
“Jackson, please,” I whisper.
“Shut the fuck up,” he roars. “I never want to see your fucking lying face again.”
“We need to go on lockdown,” Spike says. “She has to stay.”
“Y-y-y-you can’t go on lockdown here,” I say.
Spike turns to me. “Why not?”
“Hogan...he set it all up. He knows you found the junkie. He knows you know he’s alive. He had it planned all along. He knows you’ll come back and put your club on lockdown, and he’s waiting for it. He’s got an attack planned, one so big you won’t escape. He’s got double your men, and weapons you can’t even begin to imagine. He’ll kill you all if you stay.”
Spike nods. “You know I want to fuckin’ break you for betraying this club, but I know what that man is like, so you have my sympathy for now. I don’t trust you, none of us do right now, but if you’re tellin’ the truth, you’re savin’ the club. If you’re lyin’, we will kill you.”
“I wouldn’t hurt anyone,” I say, my voice broken. “I never wanted this. I never wanted to be involved. He gave me no choice, but I lied to him. I gave him the wrong information to lead him away while I figured out what to do.”
Spike nods, turning to Jackson. “Put your hate aside, we need to find a safe location.”
Jackson is refusing to look at me. �
�The hills. There’s a warehouse. It’s secret, we can keep it surrounded and have watchers on at all times.”
“We ride now.”
“No, we can’t ride,” Jackson says, his voice empty. “We ride, they find us. We have to go subtly.”
“Any suggestions?” Spike says.
“The truck. We make out like we’re goin’ into lockdown because I have no doubt Hogan has people watching us. We leave the bikes out front, we close all the windows and we make it like everyone is inside. We get the big truck, and we shove every fucker into the back and drive out the back road. Someone might see, but they shouldn’t get suspicious.”
“Right, it’s a plan. Serenity, turn around,” Spike says.
“W-w-what?”
“I’m checkin’ you for wires.”
I close my eyes, and tears leak out as I lift my arms and turn. Spike walks up, pressing his hands all over me. I feel so ashamed, so sick to my stomach.
“She’s clean.”
“Cuff her,” Jackson orders.
I turn shaking my head. “Please, don’t.”
“Cuff her,” he says again, not meeting my gaze. “Now.”
I stretch my hands out, and I see Muff walking over with cuffs. He gives me a sympathetic look, before snapping them on.
“Sorry Serenity.”
“Fuck you, Muff,” I bark.
He looks shocked. “What?”
“I said fuck you,” I scream and then turn to them all. “Fuck you all! I never hurt a single one of you. I was always nice. Always kind. I fucked up, but what would you do when the only family you have is being threatened? He would have killed a child! A child! What did you want me to do? You think I’m proud to be the daughter of such a pig? You think I don’t want to kill myself often because of my father? Do you think he hasn’t made sure I know what he is, with numerous beatings? You don’t know. None of you know. I did what I had to, and even then I lied to protect you bunch of fucking assholes, and when it came down to it, not one of you wants to help,” I turn to Muff, shaking. “You fucked me, you fucking asshole. You saw a side to me no one has ever seen. I let you take a level of innocence from me. You shared me with Jackson and you still stood there holding that gun to my head. Fuck you all!”
Muff looks hurt. “Serenity...”
“Go to fucking hell.”
“Enough,” Jackson growls. “You speak to my men like that again, I’ll fuckin’ tie you up and lock you down until you’re fuckin’ insane.”
I glare at him. “Go ahead, Jackson. It won’t matter to me.”
I’m so hurt. My entire body is rattling with pain. Spike takes my shoulder and gently leads me inside.
“Get Janine,” I rasp, glaring at Jackson. “The least you can do is make sure that after all this, she doesn’t get hurt.”
I put my head down then, and I let them lead me inside.
I want to die.
~*CHAPTER 18*~
SERENITY
The truck is hot, and bouncy. I’m stuck, head down, in a group of thirty, in a truck that’s not really big enough for us all. Janine and Ebony are squashed up beside me; Muff went and got both of them as soon as I asked. Cade and Spike are driving, and Jackson is standing at the back of the truck, staring down at all of us cramped in like a bunch of prisoners. His eyes haven’t fallen on me once.
Not once.
I’m shaking, and my stomach is turning violently. I’m not sure if it’s the sticky heat in the back here, or if it’s because of everything that went down. Maybe it’s a combination of both. Either way, I’m about to lose anything I ate this morning. I would say something, but what’s the point? Jackson hates me. No, that doesn’t even cover it; he despises me and no doubt wishes I would burn alive in front of him.
My stomach turns again.
I begin rubbing it frantically with my cuffed hands, and sweat starts to pour heavily down my head. Janine looks over to me and her eyes narrow. “Honey, are you ok?”
I shake my head, feeling bile rise up in my throat. Janine shoves and pushes until she manages to get to her feet. “You need to stop.”
“Can’t,” Jackson grunts.
“She’s going to be sick, she’s pregnant you asshole. She’s dehydrated, and tied up like a fucking dog. You need to stop.”
Jackson’s eyes turn to me, and I begin to gag. I try to hold it back, but there’s no stopping it. My head drops, my mouth opens, and I throw up all down the front of my shirt. Tears stream down my face from a mix of shame and the horrible aching feeling in my stomach. I hear Jackson thump the window, as the bikers start to groan.
“Stop the truck.”
The truck comes to a stop, and a moment later the back swings open. The bikers move aside, but they know they can’t get out until the area has been checked. I slip out of the tiny gap in the back, and the moment the fresh air hits my face, I gasp. I look around; we’re on a dirt track, surrounded by thick, lush trees.
“No one around, open it up,” Spike says. “We ain’t bein’ followed, and we’ll hear a car from a mile or so away.”
Cade opens the back of the truck, and everyone scrambles out. Addison rushes over to me, but I slap her hands away, just wanting to be left alone. I walk towards the trees.
“Serenity!” Spike calls. “Can’t go in there.”
I spin around, panting. “I’m covered in spew, I’m cuffed, where the fuck do you want me to go?”
He gives me a sympathetic look. “Come here, I’ve got some water and a shirt, I’ll uncuff you.”
“Not wise,” Jackson grunts.
I storm over, so angry, so ashamed, and I shove him hard in the chest. “Fuck you Jackson! What do you think I’m going to do? Whip out a gun and shoot the lot of you?”
“I wouldn’t fuckin’ know, ‘coz you’re a fuckin’ liar!”
“I had no choice,” I scream. “What would you have done?”
“That’s beside the point, we ain’t talkin’ about me.”
I’m shaking all over, I smell, and I look like crap, but I don’t care. “How dare you be so judgmental. How dare you! You would die for your daughter, yet it’s not ok for me to look after the only family I know. Fuck you.”
“I shouldn’t be the one you’re fuckin’ angry at,” he roars. “You should be fuckin’ angry at yourself. You’re the lying, cheating, scumbag.”
I jerk, and clench my jaw. “I can’t believe I ever thought you were different. I can’t believe I thought this club was something different. You’re not. You’re just like him. A cold hearted pig. I can’t believe I ever let myself love you.”
His body jerks, and his eyes widen with a mix of both hurt and anger. I spin before he can answer, and I hurry towards the front of the truck. Spike follows me, and carefully uncuffs my hands when we stop. Then he hands me a bottle of water.
“He’s hurt,” he says gently. “Give it time.”
“I don’t want, or need time,” I say in a monotone. “I just want out of here.”
Spike sighs, but says nothing as I strip off my shirt and rinse my stomach. Then I pull on a shirt of his, and raise my hands so he can slap on those awful cuffs again. He does, giving me a gentle expression.
“I know what he’s like,” he says.
“None of you know what he’s like,” I hiss.
“I do, he killed my wife. I saw it. I’ve seen how bad he is. I know you ain’t a bad person; you just have to understand that club rules are club rules. We have to do this.”
I look down, and my eyes burn again. I’m sure it’s from dehydration just as much as it is emotion. “I never wanted to hurt anyone; I did the best I could.”
“Yeah,” he says, patting my shoulder. “I know you did.”
“She can ride up front with us,” Cade says, coming around the side of the truck. “There’s room next to Ciara. Addison said she’d sit up back for a while with Jackson.”
“No, it’s ok,” I whisper.
Ciara and Addison walk around the truck then, and Addi
walks over, a little more careful this time. “You’re pregnant; you need to be out of that heat. We’re nearly there, it’s ok.”
I don’t bother arguing; I just nod my head and climb into the truck. A moment later, Ciara joins me. She surprises me by reaching over and taking my hand.
Neither of us say anything.
We don’t have to.
It’s just there.
~*~*~*~*
JACKSON
It burns. It fucking burns. Betrayal, it hurts more than anything I’ve ever felt. It’s reliving Addison’s mother all over again. Except this time, I really had given my heart over. I love Serenity, heart and motherfuckin’ soul, and she betrayed me. I can’t think around it, I can’t breathe without it hurting. Everything I started to believe in, is now fucking gone.
“Daddy,” Addison whispers beside me.
I don’t look at her, but I feel her hand sneak into mine, and she grips it.
“It’s not her fault.”
I want to scream at her, to shake her, to tell her it is Serenity’s fault. She made the fucking choice. She lied. She did this. Not me. And now she’s pregnant, fuck, she’s pregnant and it fucking hurts. It hurts because I am too soft, I don’t want to leave a child alone, and I sure as shit don’t wanna leave it in Hogan’s world. I’d never live with myself. But right now, I can’t even look at her. The anger inside me is so huge, I want to kill someone.
And she said she loves me.
She fucking loves me.
Love is bullshit. It’s a bullshit fucking lie that people make you believe will fix everything.
It fixes nothing.
“Daddy, she’s pregnant...she needs care.”
“Then you can fuckin’ care for her, if you feel the need to baby her so much,” I bark.
A few of the guys look over at me, but most of them keep their heads down. Addison pulls her hand from mine, and when I glance over at her, she’s giving me a look of pure hurt.
“That baby is a part of me, just like it’s a part of you. I don’t care how much you hate Serenity...that is your child. Would you have thrown me out so easily? Or is this what really happened with me?”