by Angel Lawson
Dexter drives and the boys offer me the front seat. I take it, not knowing how I’d react to sitting on the flat bench in the back with boys flanking either side. The good news is their energy and personality takes up the car, leaving little space for uncomfortable silence or for the gazillon panicked thoughts running through my head, like; can they tell I’m wearing a bikini? Did it hurt when Dexter got his lip ring? How can this many boys, all packed into one car, smell so good?
My mind races, along with my heart, as we head off for adventure.
My knowledge of Lee Vines is limited to the little strip of shops and lodging along the main road, so when Dexter veers the Jeep down a dirt road just past the diner, I’m curious where we’re going.
“Does this go all the way to the waterfall?” I ask. We hit a bump and I hold on to my seat.
“No,” Dexter replies. “We’ll take this as far as we can go, then park. We’ll hike the rest.”
“And it’s not a hard hike?” I’ve asked this three times already.
I see the barest signs of amusement on his lips. “Nope.”
“Okay.” I hold my backpack in my lap, messing with the zipper.
“Why are you so worried?”
I shrug and look out the window at the passing scenery. In some ways, it’s kind of bland. Rocks and brush and mountains. But to me, a visitor from a landscape so different, it’s fascinating. “I just worry.” I confess. “About everything. Why would this be any different?”
A hand from the back seat squeezes my shoulder and I nearly jump out of my seat. My heart sputters when Jake says, “Because we’re with you, that’s how it’s different.”
The road narrows and as Dexter navigates the car to a cut-out reserved for parking, Jake’s words linger in my mind—they lit something in me. I feel a rush of desire—not physical—emotional, and when Dexter removes the keys out of the ignition, I blurt, “Wait!”
He frowns, tongue flicking out over the silver ring. The boys in the back quiet and look at me expectantly. I take a deep breath and say, “I need to tell you something.”
Dexter’s eyebrows rise. “Go ahead.”
My hands tremble in my lap, but the information I’ve held for so long rushes out of me. “I’m not…I’m not a normal girl. I haven’t lived a normal life. No school. No friends. No anything. Something happened in middle school and my mom pulled me out and just kind of…hid me away. I spent a lot of time in therapy. Switching up meds. Until this summer when she sent me out here.” I glance up and see them all watching me. My cheeks burn hotter. “I’ve never played sports or had a slumber party. Dinner at your house was the first time I’ve done something like that. Hanging out with you—talking to each of you—that’s new for me. And really scary.”
The guys are quiet until Dexter cuts his eyes at me and says, “No shit, Starlee.”
Anger replaces the anxiety. “What?”
Jake’s hand squeezes my shoulder again. “What I think he means to say is that we suspected something like that.”
“You suspected that I wasn’t normal?” I’m not sure why I’m surprised.
“No,” George says, leaning toward me from the back seat. “You give off a vibe. One we’re pretty familiar with.”
“What do you mean?”
“None of us are normal, Starlee,” he replies. “Do you see where we live? Do you see any parents? Since you’ve been here, we’ve had the police come to the door, visited our social worker, and spent our summer working on our own shit.”
I can’t help but look at Dexter when he mentions the police. He glares out the window.
George’s green eyes are bright. “Whatever fears or firsts you need to work through, we can help with that.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Two reasons. First, you’ve been helping us.”
“What? How?”
Dexter snorts but still doesn’t look my way. His hand is tight on the steering wheel. George jerks his thumb at his brother. “He’s been on his fucking device way less since you came around.” Glances at Jake. “Whatever you two do at five a.m. is a mystery to me, but I suspect it’s working.” He nods at Dexter, who glares at him from the rearview mirror. “No fights since the backpacker. That’s a record.”
“And even though you probably can’t see it,” Charlie says from the back. “George is way less of a pain in the ass. No ER visits. He’s working more.”
There’s a lump in my throat, one made of overwhelming emotion, but I find it in me to ask, “What’s the other reason?”
Another exchange flits through the group. This time, Jake responds. “You’re one of us, Starlee Jones. One of the lost.”
“Wayward,” Dexter says quietly.
The impact hits me hard. So hard that I feel off kilter.
“You ready to do this?” George asks.
I’m not sure what “this” means, but I assume he’s talking about the hike. And yeah, I am ready, for the first time in my life, I feel ready for what’s ahead.
There’s something surreal about walking by the edge of the creek up the slight incline. The boys were right, the hike isn’t hard. It’s long, but it’s pretty, filled with surprisingly lush flowers and plants along the water.
After the big confession in the car, I need some time just to decompress. I’m not used to being around people this much, but I also admit to something else. I want to be around them. All of them, and the thought of being back home, alone, makes me depressed in a way that never had before.
The creek winds and twists and it gives me time to think about what George said about helping me with my “fears and firsts.” I had so many of both that it could take a lifetime to get me up to speed, although today I’d conquered several. The bathing suit. The hike. The admission.
How many firsts in a day is too many?
The answer rises from the forest, first with the sound of rushing water, then with the sight of an outcropping of rocks. The falls themselves aren’t massive but they are beautiful—smooth rocks providing a way to skip from side to side. Large boulders to lie across. While I take it all in, the boys skirt past me, their voices rising from excitement, shirts stripping off their backs and shoes left on sun-heated rocks.
Seeing them this way…bare-chested and free…my heart clenches and my stomach…well, my stomach twists in an unfamiliar but recognizable way. I may be sheltered but I’m not an idiot. The Wayward Sons are…hot.
Sam and Dean Winchester hot.
I’ve seen George shirtless and Charlie matches his physique, just with paler, less-tanned skin. They’re long and lanky, with broad shoulders and flat, corded stomachs. Their smiles are infectious, especially to one another, and the sun catches the blond in their light-brown hair, casting a halo as they scale the rocks to the higher falls.
Dexter and Jake are a contrast. Dark versus light. Dexter’s curly black waves to Jake’s blond, short cut. I won’t deny I’ve spent time watching Dexter on the sly—wondering about the body beneath the flannel shirts and white apron. I’m not surprised at the strength of his build. Shorter and stockier than Jake, but hard-packed muscle lines his arms and back. No wonder he’s confident in a fight.
They exchange words and Dexter takes off to the left, taking a different route to the top, and Jake turns to find me, giving me a full view of his magnificent, athletic body. I doubt a coach or teacher in this world cared about his intelligence. They see a physical winner.
“You coming?” he says, offering me his hand. A hand I’ve touched every morning for weeks, but in the early morning light under hoodies and sweats, Jake Hollingsworth didn’t look like this.
I wrinkle my nose, coming up with a million excuses not to follow them up the rocks but there’s only one; they’re beautiful, strong, and even though they said it down at the car, I am most certainly not one of them.
The glint in Jake’s eye tells me he’s not going to let me get away with it, and he walks down the rocks to where I’m standing. “What’s wrong?�
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I cling to the straps of my backpack. “I just…I don’t…”
He places both his hands on my shoulders and my eyes are level with his chest, his smooth, muscular chest. “The only one that can break your chains is you, Starlee. It’s your choice. Come or don’t come, no judgments.”
I look up from his chest and see his brilliant blue eyes. His words echo back to me. “It’s your choice.” I’ve heard these before, so many times. From my mother, but it was never true—never genuine— just a way to manipulate me into doing what she wanted. Jake smiles and touches my chin and leaves me to my decision. My decision.
I walk over to where the boys left their bags and drop my backpack next to the others. I kick off my shoes and tip my toes in the water. A sharp chill runs up my body. It’s freezing against my hot, tired feet.
I look up the waterfall and they’re splashing and shouting—not one paying me a bit of attention. I’m thankful for it and I use the moment to pull my shirt over my head. I leave on my shorts, I’m not ready for more, especially on slippery rocks, and start my climb to the top fall. When I get there, I’m greeted by a few looks, appreciative ones, but I manage not to burst into flames. I inch into the edge of the pool they’re all swimming in, needing to cool off for more than one reason.
“You made it,” Charlie says, he’s removed his glasses and if he didn’t have a different haircut I’m not completely sure I’d know the difference between him and his brother. His brother, who I’d just noticed, is missing.
“Where’s George?” I ask, seeing just the three, and Dexter’s eyes lift above us. George stands on the edge of a rock, above the pool. “What are you doing? No emergency rooms!”
“It’s fine, Starlee,” he shouts, moving to the edge. He smiles down at me and jumps, wrapping himself in a tight ball. His cannonball lands, raining water down. My breath catches from the coldness of the water and worry, but he pops out of the middle and shakes off like a dog, scattering water again.
“Dude!” Jake yells, wiping off his face.
“Grab him,” Charlie cries, too far away.
Dexter lunges but George is quick, moving behind me as a shield. His cold hands grip my upper arms and he says, “Don’t let them get me, Starlee, or I’m taking you with me.”
“Not cool,” Jake says. “Taking hostages is low, even for a wimp like you.”
“A man’s-gotta-do-what-a-man’s-gotta do.” He presses his chest against my back and it cools my overheated skin. I feel his breath on my ear. “Sorry about this.”
“Sorry about what?” I ask, but it’s too late, he’s wrapped an arm around my stomach and lifted me against his chest.
“We call a truce right now or I dunk Starlee. Full body.”
I squirm against him and he laughs in my ear. The other guys have us surrounded, circling around us in the pool. They eye one another warily, I guess wondering if they should give up. I meet Dexter’s gaze and with utter confidence say, “Take him down.”
“What?” George says, jerking in surprise. The boys don’t waste a moment, going on the attack. George drops me, revealing his bluff to submerge me, and another set of strong hands pulls me out of the way.
“Save yourself, Starlee, this is going to get ugly,” Charlie says. His hands linger on my waist for a brief moment before he turns back to the assault in the pond.
I scramble to the edge, perching on a large rock hanging over the pool. From there I watch punishment being metered out—boy style—a massive water fight that lasts for a ridiculously long time. When George finally gives, they’re worn out and exhausted, limping from the water to my rock and sprawling out to dry in the sun.
It’s in that moment it finally clicks—what they said to me in the car. I’m one of them.
16
After they’re dry and warm, Jake and George scale the rocks and bring back two backpacks. They unload them, pulling out a feast of meat and cheese, fruit, fresh bread, and a tightly wrapped pie.
“You eat like this all the time?” I ask, snagging a few cherries. I pop one in my mouth, wincing at the sweet taste, and suck out the pit before tossing it in the bushes. No one answers. I raise my eyebrows.
Jake swallows and clears his throat. “Uh, we may have gone a little overboard with you being here.”
Charlie fixes and hands me a plate. They move into their silent eating mode. After seeing the roughhousing in the water, I’m not sure there are enough calories for them to consume.
“So, what was your mom so afraid of that made her pull you out of school?” Charlie asks suddenly. Dexter shoots him a glare and Jake elbows him.
“Dude,” George says, but his eyes dart at me curiously.
“It’s okay. Some kids were picking on me in middle school. I got really depressed and the doctor put me on some medicine that messed with my head. Things got worse and my mom just didn’t feel like I was safe there.”
“Oh yeah, once they gave me the wrong meds for my ADHD and all hell broke loose,” George says before shoving in a mouthful of bread. “I stopped eating and lost all this weight. I’ve had to go on a couple different kinds to get it straight.”
I look at him in surprise. I’ve never known anyone else on medication—or had someone to talk to about it. “I barely remember it. It’s like I was in a complete fog. By the time I came out of it, my mom had made the decision and there was no going back.”
“So she was looking out for you,” Jake says. “That makes sense.”
“I think she thought she was doing the right thing. And maybe she was. But then her rules got more and more strict.”
“Why did she send you here?”
I lean back on my hands, letting the sun warm my whole body. “I’d started rebelling a little. I made a friend online in the homeschool network and snuck out to meet her. My mom panicked. I suspect she thought Lee Vines was the most isolated place she could send me—what kind of trouble could I get into here?”
As soon as I say it, I realize how ironic the statement is and bark out a laugh. The boys--who had been fighting their own laughter—cave, breaking into giggles of their own. I admit, “She would not be happy about this situation, at all.”
“What situation?” Jake asks. Dexter has opened the pie and with a pocket knife starts cutting pieces. He doles them out, an oozing piece of cherry to each of us. Charlie has a handful of plastic forks and gives me one.
I can’t help myself and take a bite; flavorful fruit and sugar burst in my mouth. “My mom has one big rule. No boys. Ever. And she expected that to hold while I was here.”
George shoves in a huge scoop of pie and then asks, “Why boys?”
I look down at my plate. “They were the ones that were mean to me.”
There’s a moment of silence but then Dexter says, “So she taught you to be afraid instead of standing up for yourself.” His voice is raw. The muscle ticks in the back of his jaw. Oh boy.
“She thought it was best.”
“Well, no offense, but your mom is a fucking idiot.”
“Dex!” Jake shouts. “Not cool.”
“It’s true. She totally fucked with your head about something that’s just not true. Sure, some guys are assholes, but what if it’d been a bunch of long-haired mean girls? Were they off limits, too?”
“Honestly? Yes. She cut me off from everyone.”
“But she didn’t teach you to fear them, did she? Not like us.” His gray eyes become crystal clear. “That’s why you freaked out so bad that day when Dugan attacked you. It was like all your fears coming true.”
The others watch this exchange and my skin feels prickly and hot. Too much has been revealed about me today and it’s more than I can take.
I push my pie aside and start to move off the rock. Dexter is suddenly before me, blocking my way. I blink at him. “What?”
“George was right earlier. We’re here to be your firsts, just in a way we didn’t understand before. We’re the first guys you’ve been around. The first ones to sh
ow you that we’re not all monsters.” His eyes drop. “I’m sorry your first encounter with me was on the street that day. It only reinforced what you knew. And then my behavior after…”
“It’s okay.”
“No,” he says gruffly. “It’s not.”
His cheeks are flushed, either from the moment or from the sun. The other guys wait patiently for us to have it out, but I don’t want to fight with them. I want to learn from them.
“Maybe we can start over,” I suggest. “Maybe, while we’re out here being honest and everything, you can give me another one of my firsts.”
Dexter stands still, conflict flickering in his eyes. “What do you mean?”
I stare at the water, sunlight glittering off the surface.
“I want a first kiss.”
“From me?” His tone is incredulous.
I glance around at the boys, who are watching intently. “From all of you.”
“Wait, what?” George says easing down from the rock. His feet splash in the water.
“It’s like we talked about in the car. We’re helping each other. I’ve missed out on so much.” I tug at the strap of my bikini. “I had to borrow this from Katie. I wasn’t even prepared to come on a swim. But you guys have opened up a new world to me. TV shows, sunrises, zazzleberry pie, video games. You’ve shown me how much I’ve missed and how much I need to catch up.”
“So you want a first kiss?” Jake asks. “From all of us.”
I shrug. “There’s not one of you that means more to me than the other.”
“It’s a little unconventional,” Charlie says.
“I’m a little unconventional. And I think you are too.”
Jake’s sitting next to me and his hand covers mine. “I’m game.”
“I bet,” Dexter mumbles. His hands are on his hips and he looks like he may take a swing at Jake.
“Look, we’re all in or we don’t do it.” As I say it, everything in my mind and body clicks. I know this is the right thing to do. The best thing. It’s weird and yeah, totally unconventional, but why not? What do I have to lose? I can’t pick just one, so I pick them all.