by Evie Nichole
I knew then what I’d been looking for; something which had remained in the back of my mind since Daniel had died. There, staring back up at me from the palm of my hand was the key. The key I’d found among hidden under the floorboards back at the house in the woods. That motorbike key, the Harley Davidson emblem almost grinning up at me. I’d questioned it when I’d first found it, of course. Who wouldn’t? Finding that your deceased fiance had been hiding something from you was strange enough, but to have a key to a bike hidden away…
My mind must have been a torrent at that time. Relocating, the move, everything just all jumbled up into a mess. I’d put the key away, sure to ask one of Daniel’s friends about it in the future, but I guess deep down it represented something which I feared. That the man I loved may not have been what he seemed. And in some way, I didn’t want to pursue it for fear of finding out more. Having a set idea of Daniel was something I could hold onto, but that dream… That nightmarish vision I’d just had told me more. It told me that I wasn’t done with the key, that it had still been there in the back of my mind.
Certainly, I had thought it important enough to bring with me to my new apartment, my new home. Yes, there was something about that key, something which screamed turn back, but I realized that putting it away somewhere hadn’t been enough. Like a repressed memory of a traumatic event, that key had eventually floated to the top, planting itself as a red flag in my mind.
My dream had led me to it. The product of a worried mind, now ready to face the key and what it might mean on the anniversary of Daniel’s death.
As I sat there in the darkness contemplating the key in my hand, the memory of the night Daniel died came through to me, slightly clearer than it had before. The man on the motorbike… He leaned through the window of the crashed car. I stared at him, and he stared back. Then he took something from the backseat, or was it the trunk... Then… Why can’t I remember!
I curled back up into bed, the room a mess around me, and tried to sleep. As I drifted off, there was just one thing on my mind, one admission I had to make to myself. There was more about that night than at first met the eye. And there was more about that bike key Daniel had kept hidden than I wanted to know. But I must know, only then will these thoughts leave me and let me get on with my life. That’s at least what I believed. Little did I know that key would lead me into terrible danger.
The following day I felt exhausted due to a combination of wine and a disturbed sleep. I had the day off and went for a walk in the morning to clear my mind. As I passed a small canal a few streets away, the embankment lush and green alongside it, I heard the distant roar of a motorbike engine. At first I wasn’t sure if it was in my mind or genuinely in the distance, but it felt like a ghost from my past reaching out to touch me on the shoulder. The grief had returned to pick away at a wound I thought partially healed. It wanted me to find out about that key. There was no way other way forward, it would just fester in my mind. As the sound of a motorbike engine drew closer, I knew there was no going back.
Chapter 4
Some faces haunt you. You close your eyes and there they are, etched into your mind. As a biker, you see a lot of them come and go, but there are a few which stick with you. It’s like you’ve been staring at the sun for too long and when you look away, the image is still there, lingering like a phantom.
I remember my mother’s face the day she died in hospital. She was in a coma from the fall, her head bashed, various tubes hanging off of her, and the beeping… Machines beeping and wheezing nearby keeping her alive. I was just a kid myself, a teenager needing to rage against the world. I wanted to rage against how unfair life was, rage against why some had it so easy and not me, but most of all I wanted to rage against her. The drinking had undone all the good, washed away any happy memories I actually had. She’d become someone else. Deep down I knew there was good in her, she was just trying to drown the pain, like any addict. But I found it difficult to forgive her for not being there, for not putting her kid first. I was going to give her hell when she pulled through... In the end it was a blessing that she never woke up.
A face like that stays with you, and doesn’t ever leave you. I’ll always remember my mom’s lifeless expression on that hospital bed… There were other faces along the way. One in particular which always comes back to me: My teacher, old Mr Hargreaves. Always fighting for me to stay at school, to keep writing. Sometimes I look back and I still see that face, the one filled with disappointment when I told him I was leaving. That expression which said, "You’re throwing it all away."
Yes, these faces come back to you, to haunt, to teach, to preach regret. If you’re lucky, you can do something about them, make amends, but some deeds are too tainted to be forgiven.
Two years ago, I saw a face I’d never forget. Staring up at me surrounded by broken glass. She was beautiful. Even in the heart of all that carnage; her red ruby lips, her curled blonde locks, her glistening eyes.
Yeah, that face haunts me the most, even more than my mom’s now, and has done these last two years. I never thought I’d see it again. In some ways I wanted to, in others, I dreaded the very idea. But I knew both thoughts were a waste. I mean… What were the chances that I’d ever cross paths with her again?
Two days ago, I was on my ride trying to clear my mind. I had to get away for a while. Luckily, Drake let me go, in the end. I’d kinda fallen out of favor with him in recent times. Asking too many questions. I’d take a few weeks out, hit the road, and think about my next move. Although, my loyalty to the Rip Bay Hornets would most probably call me back. Besides, leaving would be difficult, almost impossible. I’d never heard of anyone getting out before.
It had been hot, too hot, the only reprieve the occasional thunderous downpour which never quite seemed to clear the air. I took a right, but I know that I’d first thought of left. The sun filtered through my visor, catching my eye, and for some unknown reason, on that quiet street I decided to go right. Call it fate, call it a hunch, call it whatever, but that decision changed things.
I took my time. There was a cafe across from a canal, and beside the water a luscious green strip of grass and trees. It looked like a nice place to stop, grab a coffee and think about where I was going to next.
When I’d informed Drake that I needed some time away from the Hornets, at first he’d seemed unusually edgy about it, and I thought he was going to try and stop me. Eventually he smiled at me, finished puffing on his rolled up cigarette, and said, "Sure, kid. Go and enjoy yourself. Be back here in two weeks."
Things had never been right between us since that night on the road. The night of the crash. Increasingly, it seemed like he didn’t trust me, and after being accepted into his Night Riders, I quickly realized that there was no way out. Once you were in, you were in, sharing their secrets, their missions…
Just as this was crossing my mind, I saw that face. The face of that beautiful woman. The face which had haunted me for three years. She was standing by the canal, looking vacantly to the water. Seeing her again brought back all the unease, all of the discomfort. My head spun, and before I knew what was going on, I'd lost control of my ride.
We skidded across the ground, and I was stopped by the sidewalk, it was just lucky that I wasn’t going faster.
"Are you okay?" a sweet voice asked.
From the ground, I looked up through my visor, and just as the sun had filtered through before, now something even more striking stood there.
It was her.
She looked down at me, our roles reversed. If I’d believed in fate I would say that it had a hand in it, but I don’t - it was just lousy luck. She helped me to my feet. The ache in the side of my body, which had taken the brunt of the fall, had faded, and all I could think about was the expression on her face the night of the accident.
"I’m fine, thanks," I said, realizing that my voice was almost completely muffled by my helmet.
She laughed, and in that laugh, her beauty shone through str
onger than before. She was stunning, she was sexy, she was… A bad dream coming to reality. Then something strange happened. Her smile turned into a strange apathetic look. I realized immediately what it was, it was the helmet. How that must have haunted her like she had haunted me.
I took it off, and smiled. It was the only thing I could do.
Chapter 5
He took off his helmet and smiled at me. There I’d been, staring out at the canal thinking… Thinking about the crash, but more so thinking about the bikers who had caused it, and that motorbike key which Daniel had hidden away. Then, out of nowhere, a biker falls and slides along the ground straight up to where I was standing. If I’d believed in fate...
He was handsome. I saw that right away. In fact, it was strange, I felt a flutter in my stomach when he took the helmet off. The first sign that I could still be turned on by a good looking man. He had brown hair and deep blue eyes. A strong chin supported his smile, and he cut an impressive figure in his leathers, standing at around 6 feet tall. There was something about those eyes, the intensity of them. They seemed familiar, almost inviting, but at the same time there was a hint of trepidation.
"Are you sure you’re okay?" I asked.
He brushed himself off as he responded. "Yeah. No worries. Isn’t the first time I’ve fallen off my ride, and it sure won’t be the last."
"They’re death traps, you know," I said, without trying to sound accusatory or judgmental. I meant it literally, but he had no way of knowing that.
"Life’s a deathtrap…" he said quietly.
"That’s a pretty bleak way of looking at things."
He smiled. "What I mean is, we all gotta go a some point. Better to do it doing something you love." He pulled off one of his leather gloves and stretched his hand out to mine. "I’m Josh."
"Maxine."
I shook his hand, and in its grip I felt that flutter again. The urge, something I hadn’t felt in a long time.
"Maxine..." He seemed strangely hesitant at first, which I put down to the shock of coming off his bike, but it was as if something worse was affecting him. "Maxine, I’m going to grab a coffee at that little cafe over there." He pointed at Lacey’s Cafe across the street.
I know it well.
"It’d be a shame to sit on my own on a sunny day like this, would you like to join me?" Josh asked.
I didn’t know what to say. I fought for a moment with that feeling of guilt which had stopped me from so much as looking at another man over the past two years, but there was something different about Josh. Something complex underneath, a powerful personality, rugged good looks and kind eyes.
I had to say yes, in fact I made a conscious effort to; I owed it to myself to follow the first interaction with a man which had stirred something since Daniel had died.
"Sure, mine’s a latte..."
He smiled back at me, and without saying much else, he parked his bike, which had survived the fall, and walked alongside me towards the cafe.
Lacey’s Cafe was a cute little place. The owner, funnily enough called Lacey, was a bubbly character. She was a little eccentric, her hair tied back with pink ribbons, her bright blue eye shadow almost garish, but she pulled off the quirk.
Lacey smiled when I entered: "Hey, Maxine, your usual?"
"Thanks, Lacey. And..." I turned to Josh. "What would you like?"
"Hi, Lacey, I’m Josh, nice place you have here."
He was so confident, he made Lacey almost blush. I liked him.
"I’ll have a black coffee... Oh, and one of those Danish pastries, they look fantastic."
Lacey grinned. "Thanks, Josh. I made them myself!"
Lacey winked at me and then busied herself making our order. I knew what that wink meant, it was a seal of approval. Later I’d try and explain that he wasn’t a boyfriend, or even a date, he was just some guy I’d met a few minutes previous, but that could wait.
Josh sat down at a table next to the cafe window. It looked out across the street to the canal, although I had a sneaking suspicion that he was really keeping an eye on his bike.
"So, Maxine. Are you from around here?" he asked, but it sounded as though he already knew the answer.
"No, I’m from a town down state, Kelso Town, do you know it?"
"No... Sounds nice though."
"Oh, it is. I love it. It’s my home." That just kind of came out of me, it was the first time I’d admitted to myself that I missed more than just Daniel, I missed the world I had known even before him.
"What brings you to the city?"
I didn’t know how to answer that. I didn’t have the strength in me to tell the entire story, about Daniel’s death, about being lost, about trying to start a new life... Haunted by the old one.
I was given a reprieve when Lacey came over with our order.
"Two of the finest coffees for two fine people. And a Danish pastry for good measure." Lacey placed all three on the table. "Are you sure I can’t tempt you, Maxine, I’ve just baked an apple pie?"
"No thanks, Lacey, although I’m sure it’s lovely," I replied. I couldn’t face food, nerves building in my stomach.
"Probably the smart choice. That’s why you have the great figure you have and I have... Well, what I’m stuck with." Lacey giggled.
"You look great to me, Lacey," said Josh.
Lacey blushed, and then started to fan herself with a dishcloth she had in her hand. "Hold onto this one, Maxine. He’s a keeper." She then walked back through into the kitchen behind her counter.
Josh was being polite – although Lacey, while having a fuller figure than me, was very pretty. Still, I felt something else at that moment which should have set the alarm bells ringing in my head. I felt a pang of jealousy because he’d complimented another woman.
You’ve only just met him, Maxine. Don’t be silly, I thought to myself. The alarm bells remained almost silent, perhaps a distant chime or two, but nothing which told me to run to the hills.
He was a charmer alright.
"What brings you out here?" I asked, hoping he wouldn’t pursue his previous question.
"I’m on holiday. Thought I’d ride upstate for a while, take in a few places for a couple of weeks."
I was disappointed. Just passing though, more like just my luck!
We talked a while longer, and yet I didn’t learn much more about him. He seemed far more interested in who I was, where I worked.
"Let me ask you, Maxine. Are you happy?"
What a strange question, an even weirder one to ask a stranger.
How to answer it? I mustered up all of the energy I could to point blank lie: "Yes, I’m happy."
Josh smiled, but I felt like he didn’t believe me. I’m just not that great an actor. I’ve always worn my heart on my sleeve, and any time an emotion is felt it quickly makes its presence known.
"What about you, Josh, are you happy?" I didn’t see why I couldn’t ask that of him, after all, he’d started it.
"Now that’s an interesting question..." He sipped his coffee before putting it back down on the table. "I thought I was, thought I’d found a place to belong, but recently I’m not so sure... In fact, I am sure. The answer is ‘no,’ I’m not happy, but hopefully one day I will be."
"What changed?" I asked, realizing that the conversation had quickly turned from light and fun to something more serious.
"I think the problem is that you go through life thinking that you’re in control, at least to a degree. You make decisions and persuade yourself that you’re happy with the outcomes. Then, something happens which shakes that belief from you. That’s it in a nutshell really. I’m taking the next couple of weeks to decide..."
"To decide what to do with your life?" I was surprised by his candor, and a little uncomfortable talking so deeply about something personal after only knowing each other an hour.
"To decide whether it’s too late to turn back from the course I’m on. Can I retrace my route and take a right, when last time I took a left?" He loo
ked almost bashful for a second, which was cute considering his otherwise strong demeanor "I’m sorry... I... I don’t know why I felt I needed to share that..."
"I’m sure whatever decisions you’ve made in your life can be undone," I offered, not really knowing what I was offering.
"I’m not certain they can. I guess all I can do is ensure I don’t make the same mistakes again."
It was a strange conversation, it took a meandering path jumping between flirting, small talk, and personal topics. I felt like Josh had unburdened himself in some way, at least partially.
Then it came: "Listen, Maxine. Do you fancy going for a drink sometime?"
I felt that flutter again, deep down. That urge that only he had been able to provoke. Then the guilt... My loyalty to Daniel. I was so confused.
"Josh, things are a bit difficult for me at the moment..." Going for a cup of coffee during the day was different to drinks at night. There was no way of sugar coating that – drinks at night were a date, coffee during the day was a chance meeting.
He looked disappointed. "Well, Maxine. I really would like to get to know you more.”
"Why don’t you give her your number?" Lacey said loudly from behind her counter.
"I would if I had a pen and piece of paper!" Josh said loudly, almost laughing.
"You’re in luck, Cupid happens to work here." Lacey walked over to our table and placed a pen in Josh’s hand and a piece of paper in front of him. She winked at me out of sight, and mouthed something, I think it was he’s so hot, but I couldn’t be sure.
Josh passed his number over to me. "If you change your mind, whether it’s tonight, tomorrow, or next year. Please make sure you call, okay, Maxine?"
"Sure," I said, but certainty was the last thing I could claim to have. "I... I have to go." I had to get out of there. It was all too comfortable, too nice, too enjoyable. It wouldn’t be right… Would it?
We left the cafe, Josh shouting, "Thanks, Cupid" as we exited. Lacey just laughed.