“Come on,” Hayden said and pulled me down the hall towards his father who was standing at a doorway peering through a tiny rectangular window.
Everywhere, dingy rags hung from emaciated bodies and limbs that folded and bent into awkward, sharp angles. All their heads were shaved and all of them looked as if they were starving with hardly enough flesh to cover their bones.
Next to me, a man crouched in a crumbling corner, his hands covered his ears while a cry, like a wordless plea, escaped his mouth. Down the hall, a woman with vacant eyes and oozing scabs up and down her arms rocked a dirty baby doll in her bird like arms.
This place, it was a nightmare of human suffering. It wasn’t possible that places like this still existed. When Hayden and I reached the spot where Emerick waited for us, I realized I had seen scenes like this before. These people, real living and breathing, alive today people, looked like the black and white images of the horrors in my history book. Walking through Kovin Psychiatric Hospital reminded me of photos from the concentration camps in Nazi Germany.
And my mother was here.
At the door, Emerick moved to the side and gestured with his hand, “See for yourself. Alive and well.”
Stunned, silent, I positioned my eyes so they were even with the small, open window in the chipped and cracked door. Inside the dark and barren room I saw row after row of metal framed beds with thin gray mattresses sagging on broken springs. My eyes scanned the bodies before me. Bruised and emaciated bare legs extending past grungy shift dresses, shaved heads with lost and empty eyes, everywhere there was fear, isolation, confusion—and those that were trying to escape it with their heads tucked beneath a threadbare blanket or a flattened vinyl pillow.
“She’s not here,” I announced, certain I would rather not see her at all so long as it meant she was not in this horrible place.
“By the window,” Emerick whispered, seeming to relish the feel of the words on his lips.
My eyes shifted to the end of the room, to the white square of light filtered by bars and metal fencing. A woman stood, her back to us, staring out the window at the world beyond her reach. She wore the same ragged shift dress and shaved head as the rest of the patients, but her body still stood straight, and her arms and legs were fuller, not yet reduced to the bony malnourished conditions of the other patients.
I watched her, tried to find some clue, some hint of recognition that would indicate to me that this woman was my beautiful mother.
I wished for Emerick to be wrong.
I wished to discover it was a mistake.
I wished this trapped looking woman was not my mother.
She turned, as if startled from a daydream, and the features of her profile came into view.
“Mom?” I breathed as I moved through the door that was no barrier to my astral form. I didn’t want it to be true, I didn’t want her here, in this place of horrifying decay.
But she was, and I wanted to run to her. I wanted to take her from this place right now.
“Charlotte,” Hayden called behind me and I turned and watched as he followed me into the room. “You’ve seen her now, let’s get back.”
I furrowed my brow at him. “I need to get closer,” I said and turned away from him. “I need to—”
My mother had turned completely around to face me now. Her arms hung limp at her sides and her head tilted towards the floor so that she glared at me from the tops of her dark, fathomless eyes.
Eyes that were not the mirror to my mother’s soul.
I froze. The woman before me smiled and a violent shiver ran through me. My mother’s delicate face hid the soul of a twisted monster.
“Lilith,” I said.
Her mouth now gaped with her terrifying smile, “I see you,” she hissed. “You cannot hide from me in there.”
A woman sitting on a nearby bed with her knees curled up to her chest suddenly pressed her palms against her ears and squeezed her eyes shut.
“Let her go,” I said.
Lilith rocked back on her heels and tipped her head back. An erratic sound echoed from her throat and it took me a second to realize she was laughing. The woman clenching her ears and eyes began rocking back and forth, causing the rusted springs of her bed to squeal in rhythm with her movement.
Suddenly Lilith stopped and leveled her eyes at me. “Make me!” she shouted. “He’s dead! Finally, finally, finally dead!” she wrapped her arms around herself and trembled. “I’ll never give it up. Never again.”
She was ranting about Franzen. He was finally dead and unable to help my mother hold Lilith back any longer.
The woman on the bed sobbed, “Stop,” she whispered. “Make it stop.”
“Shut up,” Lilith yelled at her.
The woman began to cry harder and rock faster and I realized that, while Lilith could hear and see me here in the astral plane, this poor woman, and every other woman in this room, could not. Neither could all the doctors, nurses, and orderlies that worked with this strange woman—my mother’s body hosting Lilith’s soul.
This was why she was kept here, because, from the outside, my mother appeared to ramble on to people who did not exist.
“Mom,” I tried. “I don’t know if you can hear me.”
Hayden took hold of my arm and tried to pull me away—I yanked myself free.
“I won’t leave you here,” I promised. “I’ll come back for you…as soon as I can.” I was afraid of saying too much, afraid Emerick or Hayden would be suspicious.
“It’s time to go,” Hayden said, irritated that I wouldn’t hurry up. “I need to get out of here, now.”
Lilith continued to stare at me with her demonic eyes. I had no idea if my mother could hear me. “Very soon,” I whispered.
This time, when Hayden grabbed my arm, I let him pull me away and back through the door to where his father waited for us. I saw right away while Hayden was so desperate to leave. Since we had been here, the darkness and its creatures lurking in the corners had started to push in from all sides. There were eyes everywhere, watching from corners and slithering closer. The shadows shifted and seemed to pulse and grow—the darkness had followed us here.
“Satisfied?” Emerick asked when we emerged on the other side.
I stared at the dirty floor under my feet and didn’t say a word—it was better if he thought I felt defeated.
Hayden stared at a spindly creature that was closer than all the rest. It stood behind a poor man, who looked like he was missing all his teeth, and appeared to be feeding on his arm. A moment later, the man began screaming and swatting at the place where the creature had attached itself to him. A pair of orderlies got up from their chairs in the corner and came to calm the man and restrain him.
Undeterred, the creature continued to hang onto the man—and the man continued to scream while being strapped to a chair. To all the world around him, he looked like he was hallucinating.
But he wasn’t. He was being attacked in the astral plane, even if he didn’t know exactly what it was or where it came from. He could feel it.
I could help this man. I knew what to do, but I closed my eyes and turned away from him.
“Let’s go,” Hayden said. I followed him out of the building as the man’s tortured screams echoed in my ears. Helping this man now meant ruining my element of surprise—my only hope of gaining an advantage over Emerick and Hayden. Hayden had more experience navigating inside the astral plane, but I believed I had more knowledge, thanks to Mohan, about warding off the dangers inside the astral plane. I was seconds away from learning if my assumptions were correct.
“When we return,” Emerick started to say. “We will begin the search for the next key keeper immediately. My team has already been making the necessary preparations and will be ready…”
This was the time. Right now while Emerick explained what he thought would be our next steps and before Hayden connected us and began the journey back to Emerick’s underground compound in France. As Emerick cont
inued to talk, continued to lay out his plan, explain exactly how I would be cooperating with his trained thugs—I teetered on the edge of making my move.
I didn’t know if I could do it. Mohan had explained the process, and I thought it might work, but I had never done this thing before, not even on my own. How could I be sure I would be able to move Emerick and Hayden with me?
I watched as Hayden reached out and grabbed hold of his father’s arm. In a moment, it would be too late and my chance would be lost. There was no time to worry if I could do it—I just needed to do it.
I focused all my attention, all my thoughts and intentions on the dark shadows clinging to the edges of our space. This is where we were going, towards them, deeper into the astral plane. Further away from the reality of the physical world.
I felt myself shift forward.
Hayden’s hand moved towards me.
The darkness inched closer.
My will would need to be stronger than Hayden’s, otherwise, as soon as he touched me, we would begin moving towards his father’s office.
His fingers brushed my skin and I forced myself towards the dark.
“Charlotte?” Hayden asked.
I looked into his eyes, saw his confusion, his hesitation, just before his gaze shifted to the darkness looming all around us. Before he could snatch it away, I grabbed a hold of his hand, closed my eyes, and imagined all three of us plunging into the dark.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Facing the Dark
In the dark I could hear Hayden’s screams, and the sound of breathing in my ear. On my back, something heavy clung to me, and then I felt a piercing pain, like sharp knives driving deep into my spine.
There were more screams, high, frantic, panic stricken screams for help ringing through my head. It was my own voice.
I fell to the ground under the weight of a beast clutching my back. With my face pressed against hot stone, the creature dug deeper. I could feel the length of its razor sharp claws cutting further and further into me, like hundreds of hooks taking root in my internal organs.
You’re not here Charlotte.
From far away, through a curtain of shadows that moved and shifted like water all around me, I could hear Hayden’s tortured cries. “Charlotte! Charlotte!” were the only audible words and they bounced and echoed from every direction.
The beast shoved harder and my breath stopped under the crushing weight of its strength. I hadn’t known what to expect when I decided to bring us here, but I hadn’t anticipated being attacked immediately. The creature’s face was buried near my neck, snorting and rooting, the hot blasts of its breath, then the paralyzing force of its teeth sinking into the soft flesh at the back of my neck.
I screamed.
Mohan. I was stupid to think I would be able to handle this place alone. I needed him. He was a master that had been practicing for years—I wasn’t strong enough to do this.
You are always stronger than any horror within the astral.
I closed my eyes and concentrated, tried to remember Mohan’s words of instruction. Two fresh stabs penetrated the backs of my thighs just above my knees and I cried out right before surrendering to a wave of hysterical sobs. Panic clawed at my throat—I was never going to get away from here.
Your fear is a powerful fuel. When you feed them your fear, you give away your strength and make them ravenous for more.
I was scared. All I could see was a bottomless well of terror all around me and I was drowning in it.
Remember your power. It is in you always. You need only call it forth and it will shine through the darkness of fear forever.
“I don’t know how,” I cried. “I can’t. I can’t do it.”
“You can Charlotte,” a voice suddenly called. “You can, and you will.”
It was my mother’s voice, I was sure. “Mom?” I cried.
The creature at my back thrashed its head and I screamed, “Mom!” but there was no answer. The sound of her voice, it made me hope that she was here, that I wasn’t alone in this terrifying place. I needed her. I wanted her to help me, to save me. “Mom?” the word barely passed my lips.
I had no idea if what I heard was actually her, or only my own brain inventing the sound of her—but she wasn’t here now.
“Charlotte!” Hayden screamed through the fog of shadows. “Help us!”
“Help me,” I whispered.
“You have to help yourself, Charlotte.”
I heard it. Clear and loud, the sound of Franzen’s voice. And whether it was inside my own head or if somehow he found me in the middle of this dark place, I didn’t know, but I realized it didn’t matter. What they said, both of my parents, was true.
I had to help myself. I had to believe that I could. I needed to get control of my mind, because my body wasn’t even here.
“You’re not here,” I told myself. “Remember, you’re sitting on a couch in France.” I thought I felt the creature’s grip on me loosen. I took a breath and tried to focus all my thoughts on a simple fact—I wasn’t here. The thing clawing and tearing at my flesh could not possibly be clawing and tearing at my flesh because my body wasn’t here. My body was waiting for me to come back so it could get up, run down the hall, and release Sophie and Caleb from Emerick’s private prison.
They needed me, and there was no way I was going to let them rot in those cells while Emerick shoved me from place to place collecting the remaining keys for the puzzle.
“Get off me,” I whispered.
The creature had stopped making sounds, but I could feel it still rooted deeply in my back.
No.
My body was not here.
Focus. I focused all my thoughts on my intentions, and it was my intention to throw this thing off me, get up off this floor, and get back to myself so I could help my friends.
Often, it is helpful to produce a physical expression of your will. It helps the mind believe there is a tangible tool that serves your purpose.
Mohan had produced a long silver staff from the tips of his fingers.
The thing on me felt lighter. I pushed myself up onto my hands and knees. It was getting off of me—any moment now.
From my center, I felt a surge, like a pressure. It was as if something at my core was growing, pulsing. Becoming powerful.
Whatever it was, it pushed my fears out of my consciousness and made my hands curl in front of me. There was something in the center of all that power, something waiting for me to take hold of it in the center of my chest.
I pushed myself back onto my knees. The beast on my back was barely holding on now. My right hand reached into my chest and grabbed hold, and when I pulled, I could feel the power of the thing sliding up through my core, igniting every fiber along my spine as a bright silver light exploded from chest.
My intentions would not be served by a staff.
In my hand, I held a gleaming sword of light. The power of it connected to me and radiated out in every direction all around me.
The shadows all around me recoiled.
When I stood, the thing on my back retracted its claws and slid from my back and onto the floor with a sickening thud. Turning around, I stared at a lump of gray flesh trying to slither away across the floor. With both of my hands, I grasped the hilt of my sword and thrust the blade into the thing at my feet.
An agonizing scream tore the air as the thing, that had moments before tortured and terrified me, evaporated before my eyes.
There was nothing there. It was as if it never existed at all.
“Charlotte!” Hayden yelled.
When I turned towards his voice, his terrified eyes met mine.
“Help us,” he begged.
Hayden clung to his father while creatures crawled all over them. Hayden and Emerick, in their panic, tried to fight the things off with their fists and feet—Hayden had forgotten his own words to me. It’s all in your mind Charlotte. Hayden didn’t know how to fight this deep into the astral plane, he didn’t kno
w his mind was far stronger than his fists would ever be.
And this is what I had hoped for.
One of the larger beasts grabbed hold of Emerick’s head and began dragging, the whole swarming mass of them, farther into the dark.
On my left, something moved, it was lunging towards me. In one swift movement I stepped right and swept my sword in a high arc over my head before I brought it down hard on the beast that had tried to attack me. I sliced the creature in half as if it were nothing more than air and then watched as it disappeared before my eyes.
I was not afraid.
When I looked up, Hayden stared at me in disbelief. He had seen what I could do here. And, he could see that I was not going to help them.
“Charlotte…please,” he begged as he fought against the creatures that were dragging him and his father deeper and deeper into the astral.
Hayden was a part of me, our souls were connected. I could feel his fear. That part of me that was his, it wanted me to rush forward and help him, save him from those horrible things that had been haunting him for months now and had, finally, gotten hold of him.
“Let Emerick go!” I shouted.
“Charlotte!”
“Let him go!…Let him go, and I’ll help you.”
Hayden stared at me, his eyes burning into mine, an understanding of exactly what was happening passed over his expression and made his shoulders fall. I had done this to them. To him. We were attacked the moment we materialized in this horrifying place, Hayden hadn’t had the chance to consider how we might have ended up here in the first place.
“You did this,” he said.
I stared back at him, the light from my sword no doubt illuminated my features so that Hayden could see my face clearly. I didn’t bother to deny it. “It was the only way!” I shouted.
Hayden shook his head, “No,” every second, he and Emerick inched closer and closer to the black shadow that promised to swallow them whole. “You promised me Charlotte. You promised we would be together. There was nothing in the way of that except giving him what he wanted.”
Midheaven (Ascendant Trilogy Book 2) Page 24