by Em Petrova
Ryan standing off to the side of the cabin, shotgun to his bare shoulder, the sights trained on the brown bear that had obviously just taken a swipe at Freckles. The dog lay on his side bleeding.
“Oh God.” Her whisper was ragged.
“Don’t move, Livvy.”
She flashed back to Afghanistan and didn’t know if she could listen to him this time, not when he obviously didn’t see what she saw.
Could she pull the trigger on the target in front of her? The pistol grip felt slippery under her sweaty palm, but she dragged in a deep breath and squeezed the cold steel beneath her fingertip.
Chapter Eleven
The gunshot rang out a split second after his own.
He’d shot over the bear’s head and barely registered it had turned and run into the forest before the light thump of a bullet met its target off to his right.
Panic swept Ryan. He swung to look at Livvy. Shock claimed her features.
Her shot had connected with a target.
One he hadn’t been aware of.
The bear in front of him had fallen in mid-step, and judging by the angle and distance from him, he would have been fighting for his life if Livvy hadn’t acted.
He’d been so engaged in protecting her that he’d failed to see the big picture.
She lowered her weapon, hand shaking.
“Jesus Christ,” he breathed and took off to reach her. He hadn’t been paying enough attention, was rusty in the ways of battle. She could have been killed and once again he’d failed her.
She met his stare, blue eyes wide with shock. “Oh my God, Ryan.” She threw herself into his arms and he caught her against his chest. She was shaking too much to remain on her feet, so he lowered them both to the ground, careful to set their weapons aside first.
“I-it was coming for you. I had to. Oh, that poor creature.”
He loved that most about her—that she was concerned for everyone’s welfare, even the bear that had been bent on attacking him, before her own. Didn’t she realize she’d been in just as much danger?
She didn’t.
“Shhh. It’s okay, sweetheart.” He buried his nose in her hair and held her as she trembled. The enormity of what might have happened shook him to his core. “You did right. You had to take the shot. You were forced to protect.” He left off the me at the end of that sentence, unwilling to voice that he’d been so careless.
His only focus had been on the bear in his sights, the one that had taken a swipe at Freckles. He should have paid attention to his surroundings. Often bears came in pairs, especially young ones.
Freckles.
He released her and scrambled to the dog. It lay on one side, dark brown eyes staring into his.
“Oh no.” Livvy stumbled over and put her hands on the animal, feeling gently for his injuries. As she touched Freckles, he moved, rolling onto his belly.
“It seems superficial. The claws scraped him, but the cuts aren’t deep. Let’s get him cleaned up.” She started to stand. “I’ll go for water.”
“No. I’ll do it.” He grabbed his shotgun and a bucket and went to the water container. There was no sign of the bear he’d run off, but Ryan’s adrenaline was still pumping and his fingers were icy cold at what had just taken place.
When he returned to the yard, Freckles was on his feet and Livvy was staring at the bear she’d taken down. They were damn lucky—a pistol shot had to be placed precisely to stop a bear in its tracks that way.
“Dammit,” he grated out.
This was exactly why she couldn’t stay. In Afghanistan, she’d been pitted against man. Now she was up against nature. Both could cost her life—and end him.
Ryan set down the bucket of water as Livvy turned into his arms. She twisted her face against his neck and issued a shaky sigh. The curl of his fingers in his shirtfront made his decision more than the ringing in his ears from her gunshot. He had to send her away.
“What will happen to it?”
“The bear won’t go to waste and I’ll talk to Aiden about harvesting a bear out of season. It’s not unheard of in these parts when they’re coming into camps hungry and aggressive.” She was so soft against him. How was he ever going to evict her from his arms let alone watch her walk out of his life forever?
He tensed his jaw and pushed her gently back to look into her eyes. “Livvy. I’m so sorry this happened to you. And I’m sorry as hell for Afghanistan too.”
Confusion hit her features, and a small adorable furrow appeared between her brows, but he couldn’t let that persuade him to stop talking.
She shook her head lightly. “What does Afghanistan have to do with it?”
“You’re no safer here than there. I can’t let you stay.”
The words dropped between them, as heavy as the fog. It took her a long moment to understand.
“You… you’re asking me to leave?” Her voice wavered.
He swallowed hard and nodded.
A red flush crept into her face and she drew back, leaving his arms aching to drag her close again. He dropped his arms to his sides.
“You’re serious, after all we’ve been to each other these past weeks, living together, working together and, and loving each other, you’re done with me? Just like that? Because of the bear?”
“I’ve been thinking on it for a while. We both know you can’t stay here forever. This life isn’t for you.”
She swayed and he shot out a hand, ready to catch her if necessary. Bracing her legs wide, she folded her arms and glared at him. “Who’s to say this life’s not for me? Shouldn’t it be me making that decision?”
God, all he wanted was this woman but for her wellbeing—and his sanity—she had to leave.
“I ran across Aiden too. He came with a message that your people need you to make your plans to leave for Alaska right now.”
She slashed a hand through the air. “Fuck Alaska. I’m not going.”
He refrained from running his hand over his face to force back the tears burning the backs of his eyes. He had to keep it together and sever the ties.
“My life’s simpler without you here, Livvy.”
He’d watched men take bullets before, and Livvy’s face changed with every word he fired at her. A puff of air left her parted lips.
She turned and ran back to the cabin.
He didn’t see a blood trail, but he swore it stretched between them, a wide river of pain.
* * * * *
Livvy refused to cry. Not even a single tear would leave the corner of her eye as she walked away from the homestead. Fog, darkness, bears—nothing could keep her from leaving right now.
And Ryan sure as hell wasn’t stopping her.
She lengthened her strides, bashing her way through underbrush in a way that would warn off even the meanest bear right now.
Her heart throbbed in a pitiful way, but she was going to ignore it. She’d head to Alaska and never look back. As far as she was concerned, Wyoming was gone, wiped off the map of her knowledge, along with Ryan Stone.
Let him live out his days alone, with his beard growing down to his knees. She didn’t care.
Except she did.
It hurt.
Loving the man was a waste, though. What did it get her besides pain and heartache? Sometimes words couldn’t be taken back, and even if he came after her right now, there was nothing he could say to soothe the hurt he’d caused.
She reached the stream where she’d fished the previous morning. How long ago that seemed—days, weeks, months ago. She’d been a fool. Part of her hated how much she’d tried with Ryan. Sure, he’d given back at times, whispering honeyed words just when she began to feel he didn’t give a damn at all.
But she had enough self-respect to recognize when things were finished, and whatever relationship they’d had was officially done for.
She listened hard for his footsteps but realized he wasn’t following.
His not coming after her firmly slammed, locked and deadbo
lted that door.
She crouched before the stream and splashed water on her face. The cold seeped into her skin and numbed her brain slightly. It felt so good that she ripped off her scarf and tossed it aside to bathe her neck in the water that seemed to run directly from the frozen mountaintop.
Her breath came into heavy pants as the cold stole her breath. She let more water trickle between her breasts and then stripped off her top too.
That was when her tears began to fall. Unable to hold them at bay any longer, they left hot tracks down her cheeks and no amount of cold water would wash them away. They always returned.
She cried for only a minute or two, letting out a little of the pain to get her through the rest of her journey. She pulled her shirt back on and was just going for the buttons when she caught movement from the corner of her eye.
Stopping, she stared at the big man standing there watching her.
“I don’t want you here,” she said to Ryan.
She fumbled through the line of buttons, but her frozen fingers refused to work properly. Annoyed, she held her open shirt front open and glared at Ryan.
“I mean it. You don’t want me around, I don’t want you around.”
Saying the cruel words didn’t ease her one bit. In fact, they just made her tears rush up again.
He closed the gap between them and grabbed her. She shook him off.
“I never should have said that to you. It’s a fucking lie. I’m in love with you, Livvy. I just can’t… I’m not strong enough to watch anything else happen to you. I can’t…” He choked off on the words that slammed her so hard that she swayed in his hold.
“What did you say?” Her whisper seemed to hang in the crisp air.
Ryan’s hazel gaze burned down at her. “The in love with you part? The part where I lied, have been lying to myself and to you, denying that you mean everything to me and I’d give up my life and the mountain both for you? Just say the word, Livvy. You’ve got me by the heart.” He took her hand and slammed it into his chest. “If you want to go to Alaska, we’ll go. If you say we need to live in town and build a picket fence, I’ll do it.”
He dropped to his knees in front of her.
If she thought she couldn’t breathe with ice water lowering her temperature, she really couldn’t now that Ryan was staring up at her with his heart in his eyes.
“I love you. I want you. I’ve been an ass and I swear I will spend my life working to make you happy—if you’ll just stay with me.”
A sob bubbled in her chest and her eyes swam. “Ryan.”
He clutched her hands and pressed kisses over her chilled fingers and palms. “I thought I needed to run and hide to escape my feelings and fears, but I was wrong. I just need you.”
Her knees sagged but she managed to stay upright.
He shook his head hard, shaggy hair flopping into one blazing eye. “I’m terrified of losing you—and now it seems that fear is coming true. Unless you decide to forgive an asshole like me and stay.”
A sound burst from her, part laugh, part sob. “Yes, Ryan. How could I leave after you finally admitted what an ass you are?”
He snorted with laughter and dragged her down into the forest floor with him. Slanting her across his body and crushing her against his big, hard chest. The roughness in his hold totally contradicted the look of extreme, bone-melting tenderness in his eyes.
With his lips hovering a scant inch from hers, he whispered, “Stay. We might argue but I’d rather argue with you than be without you.”
She choked on a laugh. “Tell me again that you love me?”
“I love you. So damn much that it terrifies me.”
Wrapping her arms around him tighter, she drew him down to brush a kiss to his hard lips. “Good, because I love you too.”
Epilogue
Livvy raised her camera and focused the shot. Two elk calves nursing off their mother, the high grasses of the valley brushing their shoulders and the mother’s knees. Summer insects buzzed in front of the lens, which only lent to the aesthetic.
She was smiling before she lowered her camera to look around for more things to photograph. Behind her, Ryan’s solid body supported her as he guided the horse through the lowlands.
“Do you miss photographing people?” His chest rumbled against her spine.
She heard what he wasn’t asking—did she miss the chance to go to Alaska. She didn’t, not one bit. She’d journeyed all over the world but was content to stay put for a while and learn about the mountain—and her mountain man.
“I photograph the Hostlers and you. There were also the hikers we ran across, remember?”
“Yeah, I remember.” His bored tone didn’t fool her—he’d been more than disgusted to be interrupted in their, um…fun by two hikers coming down the trail happy to see other humans and eager for a chat about mountain living.
“At least we weren’t naked.”
“Yet. I don’t know why we live so far from civilization if you can’t even get naked in your own back yard.”
She bit back a laugh and covered his big hand with hers. The horse jostled them lightly, and the motion was making it difficult for her to think. Ryan’s hard groin nestled against her behind, inviting lewd thoughts.
“You don’t think the horse wants a rest, do you?” she asked.
He leaned close and placed his lips to her ear. “I know what’s going on in that dirty mind of yours, sweetheart. You’ve been insatiable ever since our honeymoon.”
The ceremony had taken place on the mountain before the Hostlers and Aiden Roshannon. After a big meal of fish and wild game, fire-roasted potatoes, cornbread and even a small frosted wedding cake Lynn surprised them with, Ryan had barely been civil enough for celebrations. When the guests and the preacher Aiden had brought with him had finally all left, Ryan had taken her inside their cabin and they hadn’t emerged for a very long time.
She squeezed his fingers where they rested just below her breast. “You know half the time you’re stirring me up. You can’t keep your hands to yourself.”
“Well, since you’ve got such a good opinion of me…” He stroked the undercurve of her breast, sending more need through her.
“Maybe just one small break wouldn’t make us too late to the baby shower.” Ryan teased the shell of her ear with his tongue.
She moaned and slid her fingers against his jaw. He’d let his beard grow back in, and the soft hairs made her mind snap to late nights, warm blankets and his very talented tongue.
She twisted into his arms and before she knew it, they were on the ground, the horse happily grazing for his afternoon snack and the thick grasses concealing them from the world.
By the time they got back on the horse and made it into town, the baby shower was well underway. Aiden’s wife Amaryllis was seated at the head table, a smirk on her face as she watched the shower guests trying to identify different types of candy bars smeared in the bottom of baby diapers.
Livvy squeezed Ryan’s hand before making a beeline for the glowing woman. They’d come into the valley several times to visit with Aiden and his family, and Livvy adored them all.
Ryan moved off to where Aiden sat in the corner, entertaining their little boy with a pile of blocks. Livvy caught his eye and gave him a soft smile before enveloping Amaryllis in a huge hug.
“I’m so sorry we’re late. It took longer to get off the mountain than we expected.”
Amaryllis smirked. “I’ve had days like that too.” She patted her round belly. “Here, take a seat. Can you believe my poor guests have to smell a diaper as part of a game? And the only prize is a basket of kitchen towels and pot holders,” she said ruefully.
With a laugh, Livvy took the seat next to her. “Whose idea was this game?”
Amaryllis pointed to her sister-in-law, Cecily. The lovely blonde revolved through guests with the diapers, making sure each person got to see them and write down their answers while her other sister-in-law, Stormy, encouraged the women to f
ight for that gift basket of kitchen towels.
“You guys did a beautiful job with the decorations here in the fire hall.”
“Again, that would be Cecily and Stormy. They’re great at organizing. I’d rather be out on the road catching cattle rustlers.” Amaryllis pushed out her lips in a pout and directed her stare at her husband.
“He still isn’t letting you leave the county?”
“No. So what if we barely made it to the hospital when I went into labor with Sawyer.” Her face softened as it fell on her son, the spitting image of his daddy.
Livvy’s gaze moved to Ryan. Her big, burly mountain man plopped to the floor and began stacking blocks for the toddler to knock down. Sawyer’s giggling fit carried throughout the hall, and she and Amaryllis both chuckled.
“Look at them. All kids.” She turned her attention to Livvy. “When were you and Ryan planning to start your family?”
“Since I was always on the move, I didn’t have time for birth control pills, so my family planning would require a visit to the doctor to start with. But I’m seeing a certain look on my husband’s face that makes me think that appointment will be in the near future.”
Joy spread across Ryan’s face as he stacked the blocks for Sawyer and this time the little guy crashed his toy car into the structure.
Amaryllis nodded. “When you’re ready, my doctor’s fabulous. I’ll give you the number.”
“Thank you.”
Cecily returned with the diapers in hand and Amaryllis wrinkled her nose. “Get those things away from me. I’ll be up to my eyeballs in diapers once the baby comes and Sawyer still isn’t totally potty-trained. When do we get to the cake part of the shower?”
Tossing Livvy an eye roll, Cecily took the diapers to another table and came back with a small plate of fruit salad for the expecting mother. “You’re a downright tyrant when you’re nearing the end of your pregnancy, you know that, right?”
Stormy appeared and nodded emphatically in agreement before giving Livvy a hug. The ladies sat chatting for another minute before Mrs. Roshannon stood in the center of the room to announce the types of candy bars in the diapers. The winner happily received her gift basket and then they announced it was time to cut the cake and open gifts.