I allow JJ to continue wasting his energy while using all of his strength to pull my weightless body in a direction I don't want to go. His fingernails are piercing into my skin, and I want to ignore the pain, but it's fierce. I feel a breeze turn cool against my arm as blood drips down to my elbow. Closing my eyes to imagine this isn't happening, I see a flash of Mom and her smile, the way she soothed me with her quiet, calming words when I was hurt or scared. Now, I don't even know if she's alive. I wonder if Snatcher took her too. I would do anything to see her again, to hear that everything is going to be okay—to hear her say, "I will never let anything happen to you, so you can rest easy knowing you will always be okay."
Maybe she mourns for me if she thinks I'm dead. Maybe it would be best for her to think I'm not suffering and scared, starving and possibly minutes from dying because there's no one here to save me this time. I miss her. She must be so alone without me.
My back hits a hard surface and I open my eyes, finding myself surrounded by trees. JJ has his hand up against my throat as he reaches into his bag of berries. "We can do this the hard way, or—" he laughs. "Never mind. This won't be hard. You're as frail as a leaf in a gust of wind." It's the most I've heard him say, and as slightly poetic as his words are, it makes me wonder who he was before he was here. It makes me wonder who all of these people were before they were here.
What would you tell me to do, Mom? JJ's hand retreats from the paper bag, his fingers are closed tightly, concealing the berries that he's bringing up to my mouth. She would tell me to use what I know.
Without a second thought, I jerk my knee into JJ's groin, quickly finding out I'm not as weak as I thought. Or maybe he's much weaker than I assumed. Either way, four years with a soccer ball taught me how to kick something with force. I drop down to my knees where JJ is curled into a ball crying for mercy. I sit on him and squeeze my fist around his neck as I press my thumb into his artery as hard as I can, holding it there while he struggles to fight me off. His hands grab at me as his gangly fingernails scratch at my skin. He tries to kick his legs, but I hold myself down, and I hold my hand firmly where it is, gritting my teeth, using every ounce of anger I have. His weakness is greater than mine, or maybe it's the adrenaline rushing through me. I stare through him, feeling the blood pump through my veins as my pulse beats loudly in my ears. When JJ stops struggling, I release my hand from his neck and bring it up to my chest where I hold it tightly against the heavy beat of my heart.
I kick his bag to the side, placing it behind the tree for now, and I kneel down to search him for any weapons he might have on him, but he has nothing.
Backing away, debating where to go—where to hide, I feel the ground gently vibrate beneath me. I turn to find a reason, but I don't see anything.
Until now.
Sin is off in the distance, but I can see him clearly, as well as the bag he's holding tightly. My name echoes between the trees. "Reese?" he shouts in a broken voice, hoarse and weak sounding.
Afraid to take my focus off of JJ, I walk backwards toward Sin. "Reese," he says more contently. The vibrations in the ground intensify and I turn quickly to see how close he is. Only a foot away, Sin scoops me up in his right arm and squeezes me tightly. He's flushed and breathing heavily, his focus is everywhere, but his words are clear: "I was so worried about you. What happened?"
"JJ's over there," I point.
"He—he took you?" The volume of his voice grows and his grip tightens even more. He eases me down onto my feet. "Take me to him." I grab Sin's hand, leading us back to the spot where JJ is lying unconscious. I look to Sin, gauging his reaction to what I did, and I see the confusion play across his face. "You did this?"
"Yes, it was self-defense," I explain. Although, I'm not sure I need an explanation. Sin's glare is blazing through JJ, but at the same time there's a lost look in his eyes. "Are you okay?" He doesn't look okay.
"You know how to incapacitate someone," he says in confirmation.
"I took a self-defense class once, and my mother is a nurse, which means I know where things are on the body and how they work. For three years, I scolded myself for not knowing how to defend myself against your dad. For three years, I conjured up strategies that could work if I were ever given another chance. My mom always told me to use what I know. So I did."
A slim, struggling smile stretches across Sin's lips and for the first time, I notice he has two curved dimples that outline his lip line. "I was wrong about you," he says. "You're not this weak, little thing who can't take care of herself." He turns his focus back to me, studying my face as if he were looking for something. "I see the rage in your eyes. You want to survive this too. Reese, this changes things."
"I am going to survive this," I tell him. "I've survived for three years, living in a shed with the bare means to survive. Nothing is getting in my way of escaping this hell. Nothing." Anger is searing through me, a type of anger I've tried to control for a long time, knowing it wouldn't do me any good. However, I think I'm seeing now that anger might just be my only form of defense to survive this nightmare. I understand Sin's anger now. It's the only way to be.
Sin's arms wrap around me as his fingers press into my back, pulling me in against him. He releases the bag he had been holding from his other hand and pinches his fingers around my chin, tilting it up. His hand is trembling—his body is trembling. What's happening? Heavy breaths consume me, fighting against my erratic pulse as he lowers his mouth toward mine. "I have to do this," he whispers. I close my eyes, first feeling the warmth of his breath tickle my lips like a soft feather, then the smooth sensation of his skin touching mine as our noses brush together. My chest aches, but with a new type of pain—a good pain, one I didn't know I was capable of feeling. I quiver slightly as his lips press against mine, fulfilling the wonder of what it might be like to experience a first kiss—a situation where I would survive the shed. Where I would survive everything. Where I get to live a normal life and find what life is supposed to offer. If the pleasure of his lips moving against mine is any indication of what I might have missed had I chosen not to fight, than this is true motivation to push forward and overcome all obstacles.
His arms wrap around my back as he lifts me up slightly, holding me as if I were weightless. With our lips still connected, he walks us backwards until his body jerks against mine. Startled, I open my eyes and pull away, finding him leaning up against a tree with a lazy look washed over his face. His hands weaken and he releases me from his hold. "Sin?" I clench my fists around the material of his torn shirt, but he closes his eyes as a pale flush creeps over his cheeks. "Are you okay?" I ask through the weakened breaths he tried to steal.
He slowly begins to slip down, his back scraping against the coarse bark of the tree until he meets the ground. I fall with him, cupping my hands around his cheeks. "Sin, please tell me you're okay." What's going on? "Sin!"
Fear of JJ waking up, fear of Sin not waking up, fear of fearing everything past this moment in time consumes me. I stand up, looking around, wishing I could call for help, but we're truly helpless. I'm helpless.
I take Sin in my arms, helping him to lie flat on the ground. As I settle him down, I notice the area of the tree where he was leaning—blood thick enough to coat the bark remains. My heart stops, my eyes burn, and I want nothing more than to kill whoever did this to him. And I just might.
10
Chapter Ten
REESE
My focus swings from JJ to Sin, pondering who might come to first. I pray for Sin, but my prayers usually go unanswered. I look around, taking inventory of what's around me, which is very little with the exception of the bag of food from Sin and the bag of berries from JJ. I grab both and hurry back to where Sin is lying. "Sin, can you hear me?" I whisper. "I have the food. I'll keep it safe." With my hand, I dig into the dirt, relishing the soft soil soothing and cooling my trembling hands.
It takes me several minutes to dig down far enough, creating the space needed to conceal the ba
gs. Regardless of keeping the food safe, I know I'm running out of time. JJ is likely going to wake up at any moment. I lie down beside Sin, placing my ear over his chest, listening to the soft, steady rhythm of his heart. I need to see how bad his injury is, but I know well enough not to move a person who has a head or neck injury. I place my hand along the side of Sin's jaw, feathering my fingertips against the grain of his growing facial hair. "Sin, if you can hear me, give me a sign. Please," I beg. Anything.
"I don't want to stay here," he mumbles. "Not with him. He isn't right, Mom, don't you see this?"
"Sin?" I don't know what he's talking about or who he's talking to for that matter? "Can you hear me?"
"You promise you'll come back from me?" he asks. His eyelids crunch and his forehead strains. "Then why are you crying?"
"I'm not crying, Sin, and I won't leave you," I tell him, stroking my fingers over his cheek again, trying to keep him talking, regardless of his nonsensical thoughts.
A groaning noise grows ahead of me and I look over to where JJ is lying, or where he was lying. He's on his feet, hunched over, holding himself up against the tree. Panic reignites within me, and I question whether or not I have the strength to fight this man off again. I stand up, shielding Sin. JJ slowly cocks his head to the side, looking at me with a snarl. "You don't know what you just did to yourself," he says.
I hold myself back from responding and feeding his anger. He's still holding himself up which tells me he might not have the strength to fight me off either. "You just wait." He turns away from me and limps away toward the sheds. I don't know what his threats mean or if they have any validity, but in any case, we need to get the hell out of here. I drop back down to my knees and clutch my hands around Sin's arms. "I need you to wake up now, " I grit through my teeth. "We need to go." I don't know where we can go, but I have to hope Sin has more insight than I do.
"I didn't kill her!" Sin yells out. With firmness, I slap his face, feeling a slight sting itch over my fingers. His eyes flash open and he looks from side to side with only his gaze. He presses up on his elbows quickly and halts almost immediately. "Whoa." His head looks heavy and his focus seems disconnected. "What happened?"
Feeling my face crumble with despair, I look at him for a long moment, hoping he can fill in his own blanks, but when his matching stare holds strong against mine, I offer him my hand. You kissed me and. "You passed out cold. I think you hurt your head." Holding himself up with one hand, he reaches around behind his head, feeling for proof. When he pulls his hand back around, blood coats his fingers. Shit. I move around behind him, taking a look at the injury. I can't help but recoil at the sight of a large open gash, oozing with blood. "Are there medical supplies anywhere?"
"At the hospital," he says, his words slurring a bit.
"This has to be stitched," I tell him.
He nods his head slowly. "They won't do that. They'll let me die or 'phase out' as they would put it."
I look at him with confusion, wanting more of an explanation, but, by the way he's looking around, it appears he has nothing more to say. "What do you mean by phase out?" Sin closes his eyes slowly as if he's fighting sleep, except his eyes open back up again.
"I mean, they wait for us to die so they can send more people in. It fixes their overflow problem." Again, his eyes close slowly and then reopen. I want to know who "they" are, and I want to know who everyone else is.
"So you're saying, we're here to die." I don't know how those words came out sounding braver than what I feel inside, but I'm losing the will to care. I only want to know the truth.
"Where's the food?" He remembers the food. Does he remember… "You have it right?"
I point to the lumpy soil beside the tree. "I buried it," I tell him.
He pulls himself to his knees and shoves his fist into the packed down soil, retrieving the two bags. "Where's JJ?"
I shrug. "He made some threats and headed back toward the sheds."
Sin's eyes widen as much as I think they can right now. He pulls himself up against the tree, stabilizing himself before he grips his hand around my elbow. "Let's go."
"To the hospital, right? Your head. It needs medical attention."
"I already told you know one is going to fix me, Reese."
"I can. Take me to the hospital," I demand.
"You don't know what you're talking about."
"Yeah, Sin. You're right. I don't know a damn thing about anything. It's because I'm too freaking stupid to comprehend anything going on around me. Right? That's what it is? Maybe. Just maybe if you spent less time being so pissed off at me and at everything surrounding you, you could take one lousy second to tell me what the hell is going on, or even where the hell we really are. Because wherever the hell we are isn't a place someone just ends up. I know that much."
Sin's leaning against a tree, his arms crossed over his chest with the bags tightly contained within his solid grip. This small shit-eating-grin tugs at his lips and part of me wants to smack it off. The other part of me wants to taste it again. Dammit, this is not the time to wonder what else I've been missing out on. "I like you way more when you're feisty."
"And I like you way more when you aren't so damn stubborn."
"Well, I guess you aren't going to like me very much then." He tilts his head to the side a bit, stretching his neck out, cringing at the movement. "Okay, Reese, have at it. What do you want to know?"
With the abundance of questions I have and answers I desperately need, the one I'm about to ask should be my last concern, but it's what's nagging at me most right now, "Did your mother abandon you here with your father?"
He straightens his posture and narrows his eyes at me. The smile on his face fades into a straight line as a red tinge fills his cheeks. "What kind of question is that? I thought we already moved on from the fact that I murdered her. Didn't we?" He brushes by me and begins walking through the row of trees we're in. He doesn't tell me to follow him or keep up. He doesn't say a word to me.
Playing the stubborn game along with him, I remain still, waiting for him to stop running off. If I'm going to coexist with this man and try to survive this doomed hell alongside him, then he's going to treat me like his equal. We're going to fight through this together, without him tugging me along. Otherwise, I might as well just give up now. I've had enough.
By the time he makes it past the fifth tree, regret seeps through me. I'm being stupid. He knows I know this. "Watch your back, Reese," he shouts, continuing forward.
Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. I look behind me, just because, and move forward, following after him, swallowing every last bit of pride I had left. He slows his stride, allowing me to catch up with him, and when I do, he places his arm around my neck and pulls my head into his chest, dropping a soft kiss on the top of my head. I inhale deeply and close my eyes. "I don't want to follow you like a lost puppy. I was someone's object for three years, and I don't want to be yours now too."
Sin stops walking and turns to face me. "You are not my object. You are the one person I care about. The one person I want to save me from this goddamn misery."
"What about yourself. Don't you count?"
"I can't be saved, Reese." He takes my hand and laces his fingers in between mine, bringing my knuckles up to his lips. "But you can try." His words mixed with the sensation of his lips on my sensitive skin forces a weakness through my body. A weakness that ends our banter.
Until I remember he's still injured.
"Then take me to the hospital so you don't die of an infection, leaving me here to rot alone."
He glances over at me and sucks in a sharp breath. "Very well. Don't say I didn't warn you."
"I won't say a word." I just hope I don't eat my words. I haven't noticed a hospital or any type of facility other than a condemned shed. Sheds. He pivots around in the opposite direction, pulling me ahead with him. "It's this way."
We walk for what feels like forever, stopping every few minutes so Sin can take a breather. He m
ust have a concussion. The paleness on his face and the hazy look in his eyes is worrying me. "Are you okay?" We've been standing still in this spot for several minutes.
"Nah. I'm no—" Before he has a chance to complete his thought, he falls to his knees, heaving into a pile of brush, but nothing comes up. There's nothing in either of our stomachs. He rolls to his side, leaning up against the tree.
"How much farther is the hospital?"
"Another ten minutes or so."
"I'll go alone. You stay here," I tell him, unrolling the paper bag with the food. I find a bottle of water and a small loaf of bread. Squatting down before him, I hand him the bread. "Here, eat this." I unscrew the cap off of the bottle and hand it to him too.
"No, I got this food for you." He pushes my hands away.
"You're hurt and you're sick. Eat it."
"No, Reese." I look into the bag, confirming there's nothing else in here. All of those people were fighting for bread and water—the mere necessities of survival.
"How about I split it?" I ask gently. I place the bottle of water down and tear the bread in half unevenly. Hiding the smaller piece within my fist, I offer him the bread once more. He looks into my eyes, his forehead lined with concern—a look I'm not sure I've seen. "We are supposed to survive this. Not just one of us."
He takes the bread and devours it in one bite. I do the same, feeling a more intense pain grow in my stomach as I swallow it. I was afraid of how much hungrier I would feel after tasting the small bit of food we had. I take a few sips of the water and hand him the bottle. "You need water." The loss of color on his face is concerning and I place my fingers up against his forehead, feeling an intense heat burn against my skin. He has a fever.
He takes the water from my hand and downs a few gulps. "I'm coming with you. You're not going yourself," he says.
Locked In: No Way Out Series - Book One Page 5