by P. Jameson
***
Diz charged through the forest, running full speed. He’d done one lap around DTD’s ten acres, and he was going to do at least another. He hated leaving Destiny alone but he couldn’t stay. He was going to fucking lose it if she’d mentioned his mate again, if his name came off her lips in that way that was barely a breath for the pain it caused her. He couldn’t stand the scent of sadness that filled the room, marking out everything they’d done. He couldn’t stand seeing her in that kind of pain.
He had to find a way to fix it. Needed to get his wolf alone, wear him out so he could make the animal see they were facing a civil fucking war.
He’d find a way to make his animal submit. There had to be a way.
It’s okay. I’ll keep trying to see her. We’ll fix this, Diz.
He gnashed his teeth. No. Damn it, no. That wasn’t what he wanted. Finding his mate wasn’t the answer to their problem.
His shoulders sank, crushing him under the weight of guilt as he pushed forward, pressing his animal to the limits. But the wolf just ran, not the least bit worried about losing. Cocky bastard.
Alright, fucker. Let’s fight.
He inhaled deeply, scenting the cool air mixing with Dessy’s sweet scent that lingered on him.
Smell that? There’s going to be more of that so you’d better get used to it.
His wolf chuffed, and for the first time tonight, Diz tried to listen, to really feel what the animal felt. They’d been at odds longer than he’d even realized. The mental struggle over what Diz wanted but wouldn’t admit to and what his wolf wanted had done damage, but he’d been so busy ignoring it, he hadn’t realized just how much.
What is it, you goddamn bastard? What do you want?
Mate. Mine. Young. Family. Mine.
Yes, Dessy. All that, with Dessy.
Not mine.
Diz ran harder, faster, his breath chugging in and out of the animal’s lungs.
Why can’t you bond with her? Why can’t I have her? Tell me.
Not mine.
You stubborn asshole. She’s the one. She’s what we need.
This didn’t make sense. None of the others had problems with their wolf bonding. Was there really no choice in their mating? Was it really just fate’s way or no way? Because he couldn’t accept that. Not after tonight. Not after feeling what he felt with Destiny.
I won’t let you win. Do you understand me? I’ll make her mine whether you like it or not.
Not mine.
Diz snarled a warning to the animal and ran faster.
Okay, so the wolf wanted his mate. Diz wanted Dessy. He couldn’t give one fuck about the female intended for him. He wished her a good fucking life, and maybe a “sorry to leave you hanging” but other than that, she didn’t matter to him.
His little bobcat mattered and that was all.
Wolf roared at that, and Diz slowed.
So… that got his attention.
That’s right, bastard. My intended means nothing to me. Nothing, you hear? I don’t want her. Never will.
Another vicious sound tore from his throat, but Diz was only encouraged.
She isn’t mine. My intended isn’t mine. Dessy is mine.
Snarling and snapping his disagreement, wolf dug his claws into the soft ground.
Dessy is mine. Intended is nothing.
Wolf howled loud enough to wake the moon.
Is this what it would take? Forcing his animal to watch him deny his intended? Because he’d do it in a New York fucking minute.
Diz stopped running to stare up at the crescent moon. This was it. This was what would fix his wolf. He had to find his mate and deny her.
He had to convince his animal of the truth: there was no one for him but Destiny.
He’d make plans in the morning. He’d scour all the packs nearby, moving farther and farther out until he found the female. Then he’d break his wolf’s mindset like it was nothing more than a twig.
Not mine, Diz thought this time. Dessy is mine. Only Destiny.
His animal fumed silently.
He threw his head back and let out a wolfy chortle, feeling lighter than he had in weeks. This was all going to be okay. With a little time, things were going to be just fine.
Chapter Ten
Her phone had been buzzing all morning with Diz’s texts and phone calls, but luckily he hadn’t come by her cabin. He’d be here soon though. As soon as Tana told Surge she was leaving.
Destiny went to the big house earlier to say her goodbyes to Grace. Her sister didn’t have much concept of time, so she had taken it rather well. Destiny guessed Diz wouldn’t handle it quite so good.
Then again, maybe he’d want her to leave after last night. She’d find out soon enough.
A half hour later, Owyn pulled into her driveway. He got out of his truck, stalking toward her cabin like he’d rather eat liver than drive her to the Ouachitas.
“Hey, cat,” he grunted, but then surprised her by wrapping his thick arms around her in a hug.
“Hey.”
He pulled back, and bent to pick up her suitcase. “You ready to blow this dog house?” It was a relief that he didn’t know the details of her leaving, and didn’t ask. Owyn wasn’t a curious cat. Except for Tana, he didn’t meddle in other people’s business.
Destiny sighed. “Yeah.”
She wouldn’t leave without telling Diz. They’d go by the shop on their way out.
Owyn didn’t say a word as they bumped down the dirt road from her cabin to DTD’s garage.
She spotted Diz outside, and when he looked up to see Owyn’s truck, a deep frown locked onto his features. He dropped the tire he’d been carrying as Owyn parked.
“Stay here,” Destiny murmured. “Keep it running.”
“Aw’right.”
She stepped out of the truck and made her way to Diz on shaky legs.
“Been trying to call you all morning,” he said, his voice unsure.
“Yeah. I know. Sorry.” She swallowed the acid in her throat. “I wanted to do this in person.”
He cocked his head to one side, his eyes going from her to Owyn’s truck and back. “We have a lot to talk about, Dessy. I’ve been thinking—”
“No, listen. I wanted to tell you I’m leaving for a while. The Ouachita cats have a place for me, you know, until all this blows over.”
She was aware it might never blow over, but she was trying to keep the emotion out of her voice.
Diz scowled. “Leaving? You can’t leave.”
“I have to. We need some time away from each other after…” Her voice threatened to fade out. “… last night.”
He shook his head. “No. No we don’t. We just need to work through some shit. That’s all.”
Diz reached for her but she jerked away from his touch, causing his eyes to narrow.
“You’re wrong,” she said, her voice straining. “What happened between us was a mistake. You couldn’t even look at me afterwards—” She stopped herself from saying more. She wasn’t here to discuss it, to relive it. “I’m going, Diz. It’s what’s best for both of us.”
His jaw clenched tight and his eyes swirled with confused emotion. “No,” he ground out.
He took two steps forward, dragging her into his arms, and crushed her against him, his fingers biting into her shoulder blades.
“You’re not going anywhere, hear me?” he whispered desperately against her ear. “Nowhere. You’re not leaving me. You can’t.” his arms grew tighter, stealing her breath. “You’re mine, Dessy. You’re mine.”
“I’m not,” she rasped. “I never will be. You deserve to be happy, Diz. Truly happy. You deserve it all. The mate, the young, and all the joy that comes from knowing you’re with exactly who you’re supposed to be with.”
He shook his head, and she tried to breathe through his embrace. This might be the last time she ever felt it.
“No, no. I’ve decided. I want you. I don’t care who my intended is. She isn’t for me
. I want you in my life. Fuck, I need you. Can’t you see that?”
A sob ripped past her vocal cords. His words were bittersweet torture, but they weren’t true. Last night proved it. The declaration made her heart soar and crash on a repeated loop as tears streamed down her cheeks unfettered.
“I’m going,” she said, “and you’ll see, this is the right thing.”
He pulled back to look at her, frowning, pain contorting his features. “No. I said no.” He shook his head, unwilling to accept her answer.
“Yes,” she breathed.
His eyes searched her face, desperately looking for any sign that she wasn’t serious. But her mind was made up. Whatever he’d worked through overnight, didn’t change what happened between them in her cabin.
“No.” It was barely even audible.
Aching inside, she pushed at his chest so he’d let go. The separation hurt. The goodbye hurt. Everything hurt and it would for a long time, but she attempted to smile through the tears. “I’ll still be part of your life, Diz. You saved me. We’re best friends. That won’t change.”
He tipped his head back, tightening his jaw, and staring over her shoulder, pulling some hard protective shell around himself. It made him a stranger. “It already has.”
He was right, though. Nothing would be the same for them ever again. When she was alone in her new home at the lodge, she’d mourn the loss of their friendship. Mourn it as though it was an actual death.
“I’ll always love you. Know that, okay.” Her lip trembled so bad she had to bite it to rein it in.
His gaze snapped back to her, softening again. “Then stay, Dessy. Stay with me. Let me make you mine. Please. God, please. I’m begging here. Don’t…” He swallowed hard. “Don’t do this to us. Don’t give up.”
She squeezed her eyes closed. Somewhere out there, was a she-wolf who belonged to him. She’d give Diz everything he wanted. All those hopes and dreams he’d shared with Destiny under the stars, another woman could give him those. And it would be kismet. Fate. And he’d be happy. Her strong and loyal Diz would finally be happy.
But it would only happen if she left with Owyn. Right now.
With a deep breath, she gathered every ounce of courage she could muster, then she opened her eyes to his desperate, hopeful gaze and said the last words she’d ever say to him.
“Goodbye, Diz.”
She pushed past him, running for the open door of Owyn’s truck.
“Dessy!” Diz called, but she ignored him, slamming the door.
“Go,” she told Owyn. “Hurry.”
He frowned. “You sure?”
“Yes! Go, go.”
But Diz was already at her window, pounding on it with his palm. She covered her ears so she couldn’t hear his words. “Go, please! Just drive.”
Owyn spun out on the gravel, gunning the engine and taking her far away from DTD. Far away from Diz.
They were nearly to the county line when she pulled her hands from her ears. In the distance, she heard the sorrowful howl of a wolf.
***
Diz stopped running when he couldn’t see Owyn’s truck any longer. He’d shifted to chase after her, hoping like hell he could keep her from leaving. But no matter what, Owyn wouldn’t stop. The son-of-a-bitch drove Dessy out of there like he owned her.
Diz howled in pain, letting his wolf take every sharp ounce of it. Let it batter him. Let it fucking hurt.
She was gone, and now his wolf wanted to fight for her. Now the bastard decided to get possessive.
The minute Dessy said she was leaving, his wolf began howling. So loud, Diz had trouble accepting what she’d said.
Mine, mine, MINE! Mine, gone.
Diz cursed his animal to hell. His fickle-ass wolf could fuck off and die for all he cared.
He veered off the road, running far into the forest before he shifted. He wanted as far away from his wolf as possible. He’d lost the best thing in his life because of his asshole animal and stupid, stupid fated laws that he couldn’t avoid.
He fell to the ground, naked and shivering, breath heaving from his exertion. Gripping his head, he dug his fingers in, frustration making him sob.
His girl was gone. What the fuck was he going to do? His Dessy. The reason he smiled every single fucking morning. The one face he couldn’t wait to see once he woke up. So beautiful and kind-hearted and funny. So perfect, and now she was gone.
Because of him. Because the only time he’d let himself have her, he’d fucked up. Hesitated. Held back for another he didn’t even want. He hadn’t shown Dessy how important she was. How vital to his sanity. How perfectly designed their love was.
Their love.
He hadn’t shown her he loved her.
He’d fucked up so bad.
He was going to be sick.
Going to his knees, he emptied his stomach, heaving violently.
She was gone.
She was gone. Fucking gone. Left him, begging. Shit.
He crawled away from the mess he’d made, finding a patch of grass to lay back on. On his back, he stared through the canopy of leaves and pine needles and found a tiny patch of blue sky. But it was too bright. His wolf couldn’t tolerate it now. The bastard whimpered inside, just as devastated as Diz was.
Turning his head, he looked at his surroundings. He knew this area. Knew it well. And how damn ironic he’d ended up here.
The ravine he’d found her in was just through those bushes. Broken and bloody, she’d only regained consciousness for a beat when he lifted her naked body into his arms to carry her back to the club.
Arkansas… where’s Arkansas?
All he’d wanted in that moment was to save her. He recalled wishing he was her mate so he could heal her wounds. He’d sat by her bed, hours on end, holding her hand, pouring his energy into her while hoping for a miracle.
They needed a miracle now.
He’d laid his heart out for her back there. Told her he wanted her over any other and it hadn’t been enough to keep her. But hell if he’d give her up so easily.
She was his and he was going to fight for her. His wolf, her mind, hurts and mistakes, fire-fucking-breathing dragons. Whatever. He’d fight them all to get her back.
But first he had to get his ass up and find a way to push his panic to the back.
He struggled to stand, his hand grabbing his chest like he could keep it from busting wide open.
One step at a time.
First, he’d track down his mate. Put that whole shit-storm to bed so his wolf couldn’t change its mind again. Then he’d go to the Ouachitas and fucking tell her he loved her. He’d tell her everyday until she believed him. He’d leave now. He wouldn’t wait until morning. He wouldn’t waste a minute.
Diz trekked back to DTD, sticking to the woods to cover his bare ass. He managed to slip up to his apartment without anyone seeing him. He showered and packed a bag, deciding not to tell the guys. He didn’t have time to argue with them. Every second away from Dessy was torture, and he couldn’t go to her until he was free of his mate. He’d already wasted precious time in the forest.
He bounded down the steps and out the back door of the shop, but screeched to a stop when he saw Tana leaned against his truck, arms crossed and looking furious.
“What did you do?” she spat.
He shook his head. “Outta my way, Tana. I need to go.”
“What did you do, Diz?”
He pushed past her, reaching for the door handle.
“So help me god, Diz. This is my family you’re fucking with. What did you do?”
“I fucked up, okay?” he roared, his voice cracking at the end. “I fucked up. But I’m going to make it better. I’m going to get her back.”
Tana shook her head. “If you can’t be with her, you need to let her go. It’ll only hurt her in the long run. Don’t be an asshole.”
“She’s mine, Tana. I… love her. I’m getting her back.” Tears burned his eyes but he didn’t care what she thought o
f him.
She looked away, popping her jaw. “You better fucking do this right, or I swear, you’ll be sorry.”
He nodded. “I’m gonna get it right this time. For her.”
She shook her head, not ready to believe him. “Shit. Go. Get out of here.”
Diz swung the door open and slid in. “Tell the boys I left, yeah?”
She nodded, and he started the truck, pulling away from DTD with a purpose: to get his girl back.
Chapter Eleven
Destiny had been at Lake Haven Lodge for six days and she was miserable. Not because the big cats were awful or her job sucked. She actually loved the place and the people. So far everyone she’d met was helpful. They’d done their best to make her feel at home, but… the lodge wasn’t her home.
Still, that wasn’t her biggest hang-up.
She sat at a table by herself in the lodge’s famous restaurant. Eagan, Lake Haven’s chef, was a jaguar. The first one she’d ever met. And the male could make a mean chicken marsala. She gobbled down his offering in a fashion that she should be embarrassed about, but she’d had enough with being ashamed.
New life rule: she’d only feel shame over things that deserved the feeling.
Not over loving someone. Not over being honest about feelings.
Her mental energy went into dealing with her secrets and regrets. She didn’t have time for shame.
Eagan pushed through the kitchen doors with a fresh plate of pasta for her and she held her hands up to protest, but he set the food in front of her, pursing his lips as if daring her to.
“Fine, fine. Thank you, Eagan.”
“Not a problem. We gotta keep you well fed.”
Destiny scowled. “I’m not a cow you’re planning to butcher.”
Eagan’s eyes peeled wide. “Uh… no. No you are not. I’ll just uh, I think something’s burning.”
She sighed as he hurried back through the doors.
Owyn appeared at the table. He dragged a chair out and sat across from her, watching her eat. “You seen Doc Davis today?”
Destiny shook her head. The doctor was nice enough. But she didn’t need to see her yet. She already knew what to do.