by Karina Halle
She grins at me. “I don’t know, you haven’t been whining that much lately.”
She’s right. Ever since Emily was born, ever since Del came out of the complications alive, I feel like everything for me has shifted, out of the black and into the blue. It’s hard to believe that I even had a life before Emily, like she hasn’t always existed in our lives, like I haven’t always been madly in love with Del.
And I guess I have. I know I have. It took time for my fathead to get around it but once I did it was like being shot with an arrow, only not Cupid’s variety but something big and sharp with a firecracker at the end. I fell in love with her slowly throughout the years, at such a low level that I couldn’t even detect it. Then, when I realized the truth, it hit me all at once. Loving Del started as a spark that needed just the right amount of time and heat for it to flame.
I know I lucked out. Emily is the best thing that ever happened to us and Del is the best thing that ever happened to me. Every day I count my blessings that this is the route my life decided to take though it hasn’t been without it’s struggles. You don’t learn to love yourself overnight and being sober doesn’t become easier either. But with weekly counselling sessions, I’ve managed to control my addictions and rediscover who I really am. I’ve learned to let go of the shame over my mother and that has been more freeing than anything.
“If I haven’t been whining,” I tell her, running my hand up to her face and cupping her cheek, “it’s because you’ve been so incredible. Every day you impress me more and more. I’m starting to think you might not be human.”
“Oh, I’m human,” she says. “A very tired human who is just trying her best.”
“And your best is a ray of sunshine, darling.”
She closes her eyes and leans in, giving me a soft smile and a kiss on the lips. “Are you trying to butter me up for something?”
“Just being honest. I love you to the moon and back.”
She pulls back and bites her lip and a flash of something carnal, something I haven’t seen for a very long time, comes over her. “You’re too good to me. Best father in town.”
“Am I?” I ask curiously.
She nods and her hands slip down to my pants, undoing the button and pulling down the fly.
My brows raise.
I wasn’t expecting this.
Not at all.
“I know I’m in a weird place now,” she says, her voice becoming low and throaty. “And my body doesn’t feel like my own anymore. But until it does, I can do something for you.”
Jesus.
“Are you sure?” I ask. “You don’t have to…”
But fuck, please, please do.
She drops down to her knees, pulling down my jeans and then my boxer briefs.
I can’t think. I know we probably shouldn’t do this in the nursery and I know that Jeanine and Emily could be back at any minute but…
She takes my cock in her hands, and I’m so warm, so fucking stiff, raring to go.
I’d barely been masturbating since Emily was born, there’s just been no fucking time for it. I know I’m not going to last long.
“Del,” I croak, my hands sinking into my hair. “You…”
She slides her tongue up and down my shaft expertly, taking her time around my balls, over the hardened ridge, the swollen tip before putting me in her mouth.
“God, your gorgeous mouth,” I whisper and already I’m feeling everything inside me tighten, pressure winding around and around, building up the energy that’s begging to unleash.
She murmurs something back and the vibrations make my eyes roll back in my head. Every hair on my body is alive, every inch of my skin hums from the sweet sucking of her mouth around my cock.
“Darling, don’t stop,” I manage to say, choking on my words. “Suck more. Harder.”
She does, her mouth getting sloppy, more wet, her teeth razing my skin just the way I like it. I hold her head just right, thrusting up into her mouth.
“Suck, suck…more.”
She groans again, getting into it and that’s all I need to unleash myself.
“Fuck,” I cry out hoarsely. “I’m coming, I’m…”
She gives me one last, long hard suck and I’m gone.
I grunt loudly like an animal, my hands tugging at her hair, my hips jerking as the orgasm tears through me and my cum shoots hard into the back of her throat. It doesn’t end there, it just keeps coming and coming, my groans bouncing off the walls.
I’m seeing stars.
Galaxies.
Black spots that come into focus and fade.
“Fuck me,” I say helplessly. “That was…”
I let go of her hair even though it makes me a little unstable and she gets to her feet, swallowing proudly. She smiles, a big infectious smile that makes this blow job that much better. “I think you needed that.”
“I did. And I need you. I love you,” I tell her, pulling her to me, wrapping my arms around her while my spent cock presses against her thigh. “You know it’s for a lot more than spectacular blow jobs but I love you Del. I love you.”
“I love you too,” she says to me, curling up into my arms. “I love you, the baby, this life. This everything.”
Epilogue
Three Years Later
“Mommy?” Emily asks as she toddles into the kitchen.
“Yes, sweetie?”
“Do you think I could have some anal beads?”
I look over at my mother, pausing mid-chop of the carrots I’m preparing for dinner. My mother’s mouth drops open with a gasp.
That’s definitely a phrase you don’t expect your three-year-old to say.
“Where did you learn that word, sweetie?” I quickly ask Emily, crouching down beside her.
She’s hugging her favorite stuffed unicorn to her chest, smiling wide, looking way too innocent to be using those words. “Riley. Riley and Maverick talked about anal beads and I like beads.” She shows me her unicorn, Flutterbye, who has several beaded necklaces and jewelry wrapped around her. “Flutterbye could get some new beads.”
Oh, I am going to kill those two.
“We don’t use that word, okay Emily? The real word is adult beads and they’re just for adults.” God, it’s hard to make up shit like this on the spot all the time. One of the most creative aspects about being a parent but I like to think I’m pretty good at it. Way better than Fox, who will bluntly tell the truth every time.
Of course, Emily looks absolutely crestfallen over these special beads that she can’t have. “But don’t worry,” I go on, giving her a squeeze. “These beads are all boring and brown and grey.”
“And they smell horrible,” my mother adds.
I nearly laugh at that, giving her an incredulous look for a moment. My mother never indulges in potty humor, but ever since I had Emily, she’s lightened up a lot.
“Yes, Emily, they smell horrible,” I tell her, unable to keep from smiling. “Hey, how about you go upstairs into your playroom, let’s play fashion show. While I get dinner ready, go and dress up all of your dolls, and when I’m done, I’ll go up and be the judge of the fashion show, okay?”
“Okay,” she says with a big nod and turns around, racing out of the kitchen and up the stairs to the playroom. It used to be Fox’s bedroom but we’ve converted it into a playroom for every time she’s over here at the ranch.
I look at my mom, shaking my head. “I’m going to kill those guys,” I say and then march out of the kitchen and into the living room where Rachel, Riley and Maverick are all gathered on the couch.
“All right, which one of you was it?” I ask them, hands on my hips.
All three look up at me with innocent expressions.
“What are you talking about?” Rachel asks, looking extra innocent thanks to her huge pregnant stomach. She’s due almost any day now and resembles a beach ball with arms and legs more than anything. I get to say that because I’ve been there. And naturally she looks extra beautiful.
We’ve all been pretty excited about this.
“Not you,” I tell her and fix my eyes on Riley and Maverick. “You two. Which one of you taught Emily about anal beads?”
Maverick nearly spits out his beer, clamping a hand over his mouth.
Riley bursts out laughing.
Still can’t narrow it down.
“What?” Rachel cries out.
I point my fingers at them. “Emily just came up to me and asked if she could have some. Because she likes beads.”
“What makes you think it was us?” Riley asks as she bats her big blue eyes which aren’t working on me this time.
“Because she told me you were talking about it.”
“Stop,” Rachel says, laughing louder, gripping her belly. “I can’t handle the laughter, I’ll pee myself.” She stops laughing abruptly, eyes wide. “Seriously. That was a close one.”
“Well?” I coax them, tapping my foot.
Riley and Maverick look at each other as if sharing telepathic thoughts, then finally Riley says, “It was me. But I didn’t think she was listening.”
“She says you specifically told her the word.”
She waves at me dismissively. “Oh, kids these days. They’re getting older all the time.”
“And when were you having this conversation around her?” Rachel asks. “As Emily’s godmother, I’m equally as concerned.”
Riley shrugs. “I don’t know. Earlier at some point. Here.”
I shake my head. “You too are crazy. Still. How long have you been together and you’re talking about anal beads?”
“Who is talking about anal beads?” Shane says as he strolls toward us. “I’m guessing these guys.” He jerks his head toward the kinky twosome before looking down at Rachel. “How are you feeling? Did anything happen?”
Rachel rolls her eyes. “No. How was the ride?” she asks him just as Fox walks inside the house, coming over to us.
“Fine, fine,” Shane says quickly.
“Phff,” Fox says, slipping his arm around my waist and kissing the side of my head in greeting. He gives Shane a discerning look. “The whole entire time all he could talk about was getting back here in case Rachel went into labor.”
“I’m not going into labor,” she tells him adamantly. “This damn baby does not want to come out.”
“It’s all about balance,” I tell her. “Emily came early. Daphne will come late.”
“I’m still not sold on the name,” Rachel says.
“Well you better decide soon,” Riley nudges her gently. “I think Riley should have been your first choice.”
“I’m still sweet on Tabitha,” Shane says.
I shake my head at him. “Tabitha? Where did you even get that name from?”
“Right,” he says dryly. “Because Angelina is so much better.”
“What, it is!”
“Yeah. So every time someone thinks of our daughter they’ll think of Angelina with her tattoos and wearing a vial of blood around her neck and kissing her brother.”
“Shane, what decade are you stuck in? Sometimes I think it’s the 1950’s, other times I think it’s the nineties. Plus, they’ll think of Angelina who adopts children and saves the world.”
“I just don’t buy it,” Riley says with a shake of her head, plucking Mav’s beer out of his hand and having a sip. “You don’t go from wild child, because she was fucking wild, to Mother Theresa, just like that. You don’t grow out of that stage and leave it all behind. She’s still got the crazy free spirit in her; the wild child won’t be buried forever.”
While Riley starts a debate over Angelina Jolie with everyone else, Fox pulls me into him for a hug.
I smile against his chest, loving the smell of him when he gets back from riding. Hay and sunshine and happiness.
A lot has changed since Emily was born. Some bad, mostly good.
Fox ended up quitting his job as an active teammate of the North Ridge Hot Shots, which was sad and tough for him but it was the right thing to do. I didn’t want to be the wife that would tell him what to do, make him quit a job that brought him a lot of happiness and sense of identity.
But sometimes you have to be that person for more than just the two of you. With all the craziness around Emily being born prematurely and Fox not being there for it, we decided together that it was best he wasn’t in a high-risk job. Being a hot shot is an extremely noble and dangerous job, but there’s a reason why so many of them are young, and even though many do it with families with no problem, I wanted Fox as close to home as possible.
He also agreed to it because his passion for the job was waning. As extremely fit as Fox is, he couldn’t keep up that level forever and the psychological damage of the job was becoming too much. He just wasn’t operating at full capacity anymore and in his heart, he didn’t really want to.
But all was not lost. He now does training which still sees him going around the province and even into the states during the summer, but he’s not fighting the fires. He’s only gone for a week at a time. Sometimes he’ll still go out and help with the big fires, but most of the time he stands back and tells people how to do it.
I still run The Bear Trap though, so some things don’t change. When I became pregnant and had to hire Vanessa to help run the bar, I really thought that maybe this was the way out. That maybe I’d realize the bar was better off in her hands, maybe I could sell it to her, maybe I could just focus on being a mother and eventually focus on being something else, having some other career and calling.
But that didn’t happen. I missed the bar too much. I kept Vanessa on and together we figured out ways to bring more money to the bar without losing the charm.
One of those things involved cheap pub food, so we had a small kitchen installed in the back where one of us could easily heat up some prepared food. Another was to expand the booze menu and include cocktails, much to my grumbles and protests. Ain’t nobody got time for that but apparently people do. Including the locals, like Old Joe when he discovered what a Manhattan tasted like.
Sadly, Old Joe died a few months ago. Lung cancer that he apparently had for a long time. Being a bartender, you hear a lot, but people still keep a lot of painful things to themselves, including when they have a terminal illness. I miss the guy, I have to say. He may have annoyed the hell out of me at times but he was sweet and loyal and the life of the bar. And as per Fox’s suggestion, we named a signature cocktail after the old-timer. It’s pretty much a Manhattan but extra strong.
As for everyone else, they’re doing well. Hank and Vernalee still live here on the ranch, Dick is still alive and kicking though he suffers from narcolepsy now and is prone to falling asleep at the most awkward moments.
Riley and Maverick got engaged last year. I can’t believe it took Maverick two years to actually get the nerve to propose to her. Riley was ready to ask him at one point. Luckily, she held off. Maverick’s easy-going, but I think his pride would have been hurt, and it turns out that there was never any commitment-issues on his end, he was just psyching himself out trying to make it as epic and elaborate as possible.
According to Riley though, he proposed right after they had sex in their shower and he had hidden the ring in the soap. It sounded like a slippery disaster but at least the outcome was good. Both of them are still set on not having kids and I think that suits them just fine. Especially since they spend a lot of time looking after and playing with Emily.
Although, maybe now I oughta start supervising them.
Then there’s Rachel and Shane. While Riley was waiting forever to become Maverick’s fiancée, Rachel and Shane were waiting to become parents. They tried non-stop. They went to doctors and did tests. There wasn’t even really a clear cause for their problems, it just wasn’t happening for them.
Then, finally, one day, it happened.
The two of them have been absolutely overjoyed, as is everyone else. Especially Vernalee, who had been praying for a grandchild, and Emily, who is so excited a
bout a cousin. Fox and I are still a bit unsure about having another kid and giving Emily a sibling, we’re quite happy and satisfied with our unit of three, but with Shane and Rachel’s girl, she’ll have someone like a sister. Plus, I don’t think those two will be satisfied with just one. Shane and Rachel will have their own little herd of cowboys and cowgirls running around here one day, I just know it.
“How was the ride otherwise?” I ask Fox, resting my chin on his hard chest and looking up at him.
“Good,” he says. “We saw a wolf.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously. He kept his distance. He was alone. Gorgeous though. I have to say, it’s nice being able to come across wildlife that’s not running away from a burning forest.”
“I bet.”
That’s another thing that’s changed too. Ever since Shane and Fox had it out and actually started talking to each other and especially after Fox started seeing a therapist, the two of them have grown a lot closer. It didn’t happen overnight though. It happened with them taking a horseback ride through the ranch and the mountains for a few hours before our weekly Sunday roasts. Somehow the combination of wilderness and brotherly bonding has really brought them both a lot of peace.
“Where is Emily?” he says, letting go of me.
It’s funny, even though we’ve officially been together for three years, I still feel bereft when he’s away from me. Even standing here, I crave his touch and his affection. His arms are still the safest place in the world for me, a place where I know everything is right.
“She’s upstairs playing.” I pause. “Riley taught her all about anal beads.”
He pales. “She what?”
I grin, pressing my hand into his chest and patting him. “Turns out with all your biggest worries about having a girl, the biggest one should have been Mav and Riley corrupting her.”
He shakes his head. “Our girl is staying as far away from those two as possible. Until she’s at least thirty.”
“I heard that,” Riley pipes up.
“Well I said it kind of loud,” he shoots back.