“There’s something else. A man and his son have been staying here on the farm with me. You’re lucky they weren’t here, or they may have seen you. I’ll have to come up with a story to explain my absence for the mission.”
“Why are they here?”
“We met just before Bridget got sick. And then they stayed to help me. I think it’s the code of the forest they’re trying to live. They’ve been my salvation these past months. I don’t know what I would have done without them. And I’ve come to care for them in a way I didn’t think I was capable of after Bridget. I feel somewhat guilty leaving them. What I mean is, I’ve just been taking from them, and now I’m going to take off and leave. I hate having to lie to them.”
“I know what you mean. But it’s necessary. And believe me, I know how hard it is to love someone and have to keep yourself apart from them for their own safety and yours. I loved someone once, but never knew how to love him the way he needed to be loved. He was a lot like this man you’re talking about. Believed in the code. He stayed with me, gave me space, protected me, worked for me. But in the end, I had to leave him. What did I ever give him? What have I given to anyone I really loved?”
“I’m sure we all ask ourselves that question at times.”
“Well, all we can do, I guess, is our best, and try to help them and serve them how we can. We may all die in this fight before it’s all over, but I’d rather die fighting than standing still.”
“When do you need me to leave?”
“As soon as you’re able.”
“I’ll go day after tomorrow.”
“Very well. Go in safety, Aishe. We need you back here in one piece.”
“I will. Thank you, my friend, for everything.”
The two embraced again before Gemma snuck out of the barn to make her way back to Jesse’s Hollow before Kyle missed her. Gemma was surprised to realize that when speaking of love and commitment, her mind had gone to Sam rather than Kyle.
Sophie started to wonder what this caring was she felt for Sam and Ethan. Had she felt it all along, or was she only now waking up to the fact, like waking up to the warmth of the early rays of sun on her face in the morning? The thought both warmed her and frightened her.
Neither woman knew how their connections to Sam joined them.
* * * * *
The sun beats down on their black caps. Simeon is dragging the drill out longer than usual. The boys stand in a line, each firing his rifle at the target in his turn. “Fire! Fire! Fire!” Simeon continues to shout. Kyle is hungry and sweaty. He smells his friends around him. But he glories in the fact that he’s the best marksman among them. Even better than Mark. Mark’s rifle reflects the sun into his eyes. Mark’s own eyes sparkle with the hidden jokes he always keeps just below the surface. Kyle tries not to laugh. “Attention!” Simeon barks. The boys snap their rifles down, clicking their black heels together. “Squad, dismissed! Stay the course!”
“Stay the course!” they respond. Other boys run and scramble for the mess hall. Simeon marches away. Mark’s voice is in Kyle’s ear, “Stay the course, of course, to the steak!” He’s snickering and jabbing at his friend in the ribs. “I could eat ten of those steaks, even if they do taste like mule.” They throw their arms around each other’s shoulders as they join the melee of cadets clamoring for food.
Kyle kicked up the dirt on the path to his house. He looked at his shoes. Hideous shoes. He missed the shine of his black Corsair boots, the tailored cut of his uniform jacket, and he hated living like a peasant. He didn’t want to admit to himself that he missed Mark or his fellow soldiers. He had to keep his mind on his life now, that was the only thing to do. The town didn’t feel like home yet, but it could. He still didn’t feel comfortable with Gemma yet, but he could. It was just a matter of time. He just had to adjust. Stay the course.
“Going somewhere?” he asked from the door.
Gemma dropped the bag of clothes she was carrying. “God, Kyle, you scared me. What are you doing home?”
“Lunchtime.”
“Oh, hell. I’m sorry, sweetie. I haven’t fixed anything yet. I was just taking these old clothes over to a mother in the next town. Z told me about this lady who has an undocumented daughter, and she needed some clothes.”
“Why do you insist in getting wrapped up in everyone else’s problems?”
“I don’t. But it’s not so hard to bring these clothes over that were just going to waste.”
“How did you get children’s clothes?”
“I cut down a few of my old tunics. I won’t be gone long.” Gemma went to kiss Kyle on the cheek, but his words stopped her.
“Is that the truth?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean where do you go when you take off for hours at a time?”
“Wow, just jumping right into the argument. We don’t even get past the pleasantries anymore.”
“Do you go to Sam? Are you two . . . together?”
“You can’t be serious, Kyle. I just . . . I just can’t believe we’re actually going to go through this again.”
“Just answer the question.”
“I have answered it. Multiple times. I chose you. I still choose you. No, I’m not with Sam. I’m the one who tries desperately to cross the river of ice you keep between us, to get through to you somehow. But you won’t let me in.”
“How can I?”
“You mean when you don’t trust me?”
“When I know you still love him.”
“You don’t know any such thing. Now, I’m bringing these clothes like I said. I’ll be back in a while.”
Gemma slammed the door behind her. Kyle felt himself relax in the silence.
* * * * *
Rippling and tripping water tumbling over rocks and through its worn bed, the stream pushed out the many other sounds Ethan’s ears were tuned for in the forest. He stopped for a few minutes, closing his eyes and just listening to the rushing waters. He thought it would be nice to rest his hot feet in the stream since he’d been walking since early morning. Sam had allowed him to take the camera out for more pictures, and he’d wandered further than he originally intended, being pulled on from one natural beauty to another. A new green bud bathed in the sunrise. A squirrel hopping from branch to branch, following him only to chastise him with pinched, chirping exclamations. And before he knew it, he had found his way to the grove of pines at the base of the mountain. Pines neighboring with fur, oak, and cottonwood to perfume the air and cover the ground in their sweetness.
Ethan sat on the pine needles that lay like a carpet beneath him, took his shoes off, and just let the coolness of the stream overtake him. He wouldn’t stay long. He knew Sam and Sophie would expect him back. He found himself wondering if he should have stayed to help Sophie. He felt a small stone of guilt enter his heart for leaving her alone with Sam in the fields. He liked helping her, liked just being around her. There was something so familiar about her that he couldn’t quite grasp and chose not to examine too closely for fear the feeling would fly away like a butterfly. Nobody thought about or talked about home. It was a distant land best forgotten. But to Ethan, Sophie felt like home.
Before long, fish were swimming in and out between Ethan’s feet, rubbing their scaly backs along his toes, tickling him. He reached for the camera and leaned over the stream as far as he dared, trying to get a picture of the fish swimming along the bottom. Though the water was running swiftly, the fish stayed in a shallow pool surrounded by stones rubbed smooth by years of rushing waters.
“What’cha doin’ there?” a little blonde girl asked with a smirk.
Ethan jumped, just barely avoiding falling in the water, camera and all. The girl didn’t even try to keep herself from laughing. The look on the boy’s face was too funny.
“It wouldn’t have been funny if I had dropped this camera.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, still giggling. Her laugh reminded Ethan of the stream. “My name’s Daisy. What’s
yours?”
“Ethan.”
“What’s a camera?”
“It takes pictures so you can remember things later.”
“What were you taking a picture of?”
“Fish.”
“Why in the world would you want to remember fish? I’d rather eat them,” she laughed again. Ethan noticed her holding a fishing pole. She wore a short gray tunic, almost too small for her, and gray shorts which had been torn off, having once been pants. No shoes covered her blackened feet, which took her to the stream where she deftly cast a line.
Ethan relaxed a little and smiled at this strange girl. “Can I sit with you?”
“Sure!”
After a few moments of staring at her, he finally said without obvious connection or reason, “You have blonde hair.”
“And you have black hair.”
“My mother had light hair too. Red more than blonde.”
“Oh, really? I don’t remember my mother. Not really. But I have a friend, Gemma, now.”
“I’ve met Gemma!” Ethan was glad to have found a connection with this girl. He wanted a friend close to his own age and hadn’t had one since Toby had left with the rest of his group before Sam found him. He had often wished over the past few months that he had someone to play with and talk to that wasn’t an adult, even though he loved Sam and Sophie. “Is this Gemma’s cabin?” he continued.
“No. She found it for us kids to stay here.”
“Better than sleeping out in the open, I guess.” Ethan tossed a pebble into the water, forgetting he would scare the fish away from Daisy’s pole.
“Especially in the wintertime.”
“How many of you are there?”
“Used to be more. But the older boys, Seth and Jake, took off. For a while I was watching out for the two little twins, Hughie and Petal, myself. But a new boy found us about a month ago. His name’s Toby. I feel better having another older kid to help me. Sometimes I got scared on my own.” Daisy looked at the water, wondering why she admitted this to a boy she’d just met.
“Toby? I wonder if it’s the same Toby who used to be in my group. Me and him were friends.”
“Come up to the cabin and see for yourself.”
“Can I?”
“Sure! Hang on a sec. Let me just pull in the line. Oh! Oh! I’ve got something!”
“Well, reel it in!”
“I’ve got it, I’ve got it! There!” Daisy drew out a bass the length of her thin leg. She struggled pulling it out of the water, and Ethan ran to her assistance. They both laughed at the pronounced pout carved into the fish’s mouth, an appropriate response to his being caught. “Fish for dinner!” Daisy cheered in triumph. “Come on, help me carry it back.”
The two found the twins sharing the rocking chair in the middle of the room, looking at the pictures in a book. Toby stood in the kitchen, peeling potatoes left there on Gemma’s last visit. Ethan noticed a smile cross his friend’s face at the sight of him, but then he looked down again, seemingly bent to his task.
“Hi, Toby,” Ethan offered.
“Hiya.”
Daisy felt the awkwardness and jumped in. “Toby, you remember Ethan. He helped me catch this grandpa fish for dinner!” Her arm shook with the weight of the fish she hoisted one-armed above her head.
“Yep,” Toby grunted. He ran the back of his forearm across an itching nose.
“Where have you been?” Ethan asked.
“Here and there. I left the group awhile back.”
“Can I help you with those?”
“If you want.”
“I um . . . I was adopted.” Ethan turned a raw potato over in his hand.
“Well, that’s great.”
“I just mean I’m not mad you left and went with the other boys.”
“Look, I should have stayed. I know that. I felt pretty bad about it. They got worse and worse until finally I left them, too.”
“It’s okay, Toby. I understand.”
“So, you like your new family?”
“It’s just Sam and now Sophie. But yeah. They’re great.”
“So what are you doin’ here?”
“Just playin’, I guess.”
“Hm,” Toby grunted. He never was much for conversation.
There was a cold storage bin cut into the floor of the kitchen where Daisy threw the fish before going to check on the twins. “Hey, kids! Game or story?” she called in a similar way to what she’d heard Gemma say to her countless times. In taking care of the twins, she mimicked Gemma’s every move, her only point of reference for mothering.
“Story!” they called back.
“Which one you got there?”
“Peter Pan.”
“That’s my favorite.”
Ethan’s ears perked up at the familiar name. “Peter Pan? Is that the one with the Lost Boys?”
“Yeah, how’d you know?” Daisy asked.
“Sam told me about it. Can I listen in?”
“Sure, come sit on the floor.” Daisy took the chair while the twins and Ethan sat before her in the sunlight streaming through the window. She smiled when she looked at a picture of Wendy among the yellowed pages in the book in a very similar position. She could be Wendy, and they could be her Lost Boys.
Before the story was finished, a familiar voice called from the path through the pines. “Daisy, it’s me!”
“Gemma!” Daisy dropped the book in the chair and ran to her friend. Gemma met her at the door, and the child hopped into her arms.
“Hey, kid. You’re bigger every time I see you. I won’t be able to carry you around like this much longer. Now just look at you. I guess it’s a good thing I brought these extra clothes I made from my old ones. That tunic is just about done.”
“Gemma, we have a new friend.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Hi, Gemma.” Ethan stood to welcome her. The twins retreated to their fort in the opposite corner of the cabin.
“Ethan? What are you doing here? Where’s Sam? Is he okay?” Gemma felt fear like bile rising in her throat.
“Oh yeah, he’s fine. I was just out for a walk when I met Daisy.”
“Does Sam know you’re here?”
“Not exactly. But he won’t mind.”
“Alright, then.” Gemma put Daisy down and gave her the clothes to try on. While Daisy was in her corner, changing behind a sheet she used for a curtain, Ethan took the chance to talk to Gemma.
“I’ve been wanting to ask you if I could help send messages for the Watch.”
“How do you know about that?”
“I hear things. People think kids can’t hear things, but we do.”
“Ethan, buddy, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I know Sam wouldn’t like it. And I have to respect that.”
“Sam has to do what he thinks is right, and so do I. I’m old enough to make my own decisions.”
“How old are you?”
“Eleven . . . I think.”
“I think it’s great you want to help, but still . . .”
“Sam doesn’t have to know.”
“Know what?” a masculine voice came from the doorway. Gemma and Ethan both looked to see Sam standing before them.
“How’d you find me?” Ethan asked.
“I’m an excellent tracker, and you leave excellent tracks, boy. I’ve told you.”
“I didn’t mean to be gone so long, Sam.”
“Sophie was worried.”
“Sorry.”
“Alright. We’ll talk about it later, son. Right now, I need to talk to Gemma. Outside?” He motioned her to follow him.
Sam didn’t want to talk within earshot of the children, so they walked the short distance to the stream.
“Gemma, I don’t know what your job is in the Watch, and I don’t want to know. But I know you’re involved. I’ve told you I don’t want Ethan involved with them, and now I find him here at our old cabin with you. Are you turning him into a messenger?”
“S
top. Stop right there. I’m in no mood to be accused of one more thing today, Sam. I just met Ethan about five minutes ago. I came to bring Daisy some clothes and supplies, and he was here. They met by accident while he was out walking. That’s it.”
Sam’s shoulders visibly relaxed. Gemma thought he looked tired under all his bluster. She wondered what his days were filled with, and what or who kept him away from Jesse’s Hollow so often. She hoped it wasn’t just to stay away from her.
“Okay. I’m sorry for accusing you,” he sighed. “Who’s Daisy anyway?”
“She’s a kid I found that I help to take care of. In fact, I wrote you about her while you were away. Of course, you never got the letter. Anyway, now there are a few more children. I do what I can to help them.”
“Why don’t you adopt her? It’s pretty dangerous for them out here alone.”
“It’s complicated,” she bristled. “I’m trying to keep them safe in my own way. They can’t be associated with me because of my connection to the Watch.”
“There are no creatures that walk the earth . . . which will not show courage when required to defend themselves,” Sam mused, almost to himself. “God, the people of Before had a way of describing everything, even war. I sometimes think if we could just get back their words and learn to talk to people, maybe then we wouldn’t have to fight.”
“You can’t be that naive. All their words didn’t keep them from fighting then. Words alone can’t save people. They have to mean something. Why do you think so much of them, the people of Before? Don’t you think they got us into this mess?”
“I don’t know.”
“They prayed to gods who sent them liars and con men as leaders, breeding the liars and con men of our own time. We have them to thank for that.”
“Gemma, do you really think the Watch is going to help make things better? Or are they just going to get worse?”
“Sometimes something just beginning can become an entirely new entity overnight. We can’t know what’s ahead.”
“War changes people. We’ve both seen it. We’ve both fought for years to get past the horrors we saw in the last war. Killing changed us.”
“You’d rather I sit back and do nothing as you do? Just try to pretend the world isn’t falling down around our ears? You think you can stay removed, untouched by what’s going on around us. But the very act of doing nothing changes a person. We can’t look on injustice and do nothing without something changing within us. It forces us to build our own wall around our hearts. That is change. So yes, you’re right. The fight, the war, will change us. We will have to deal with the aftereffects as we have our whole lives. But maybe, just maybe, the act of fighting against evil and injustice will change us for the better as well.”
A Light From the Ashes Page 19