Jesse wondered how news anchors could deliver strange and terrible news with straight faces and emotionless voices. She knew that was something she would never be able to do. Every emotion she felt made itself known in her face and her voice. There was very little she could hide. Zack always said that was a good thing; it meant she was genuine. But sometimes it just made her feel completely exposed.
Sitting up in bed, she pressed the power button on the remote. She couldn’t take any more news today. She threw the covers off of her. Although autumn was beginning to caress the air with a chill, she was hot, lying in the dark bedroom in only a t-shirt.
The lamp turned on from the other side of the bed, and she saw Zack jump back. “Jeez, Jess, you scared the crap out of me. Why are you just lying here in the dark?”
“I just turned off the news.”
“Yeah, I was listening in the car.” Zack plopped himself on the side of the bed, beginning to remove his shoes and pants. “The library closed today. Did you hear that? I still can’t get used to it, having all the books uploaded to the cloud. I’d still rather hold a book in my hand.”
Jesse didn’t respond. It was hard to concentrate on what her husband was saying with all of the thoughts and concerns swirling in her head like bilge water. Her mind jumped to thoughts of the sea. Melbourne. Home.
“Did you hear me, honey?”
“What? No, I’m sorry, love. I was just thinking. I’m not going to be able to fly to Australia next week with this ban on international travel so brilliantly thought up by our fearless leaders.”
Zack could feel her fear and worry under her biting words. “Maybe it won’t last long.”
“I haven’t heard from my mum in weeks, Zack, not since the earthquake. My home is most likely gone, fallen into the sea. The only way I’ve been able to combat my anxiety over that was knowing I was going over there, and I’d be able to look for her myself.”
“I know, babe. I know. We’ll get there as soon as we can.”
“Where’ve you been? It’s late. How’d you get past the police after curfew?”
“I had my work pass. Told them I had clients.”
“You never have clients this late.”
“Nah, I actually went to a meeting.”
“What kind of meeting?”
“I found this group on Facebook. They call themselves the Watch. Basically, we just talked about what we can do to try to do the best things for the country and maybe hang on to some of our civil rights.”
“Wacko militia types, huh?”
“Not really. They were making some pretty good sense.” Zack climbed in the bed next to his wife, placing his head on her chest while she stroked his hair. “What are you thinking right now?” he asked.
“I don’t know. It’s hard to put into words. When you were a kid, did you ever go into a scary place, and you just knew that something was going to jump out at you, but you went in anyway? You would have no way of knowing it was going to happen, but beyond all logic or reason, you just knew. Like in a horror film. And every sense was heightened, every muscle strained so you could hear it, sense what it was before it happened. Did that ever happen to you?”
Zack nodded. “Sure. Every kid went through something like that, I’d imagine.”
“Well, that’s what I feel like right now. All the time lately. Something’s coming. Something is getting ready to jump out at us.”
“We’ve been through other tough times in the past few years.”
“Sure, we’ve dealt with some frightening things that happened politically in the last few years. But this isn’t that. This is beyond politics. The bombings, the task force, and now we can’t leave the country. Any time leaders take away freedoms in the name of protection and safety, we’re on a slippery slope.”
“They shot down an alleged terrorist with a drone this week. Here in America.”
“Is that what we’ve come to? I mean, so much for innocent until proven guilty. He didn’t even get a trial. I just don’t know what to believe anymore.”
The thunder bellowed through the night sky and the lights flickered. As they lay in silence, Zack and Jesse were startled to hear a series of raps and taps on the window. First one or two, then several together, until a wave of plinking percussion overtook the night.
“Hail!” Zack sat up. “It’s the wrong time of year for hail.”
“It sounds small enough.”
“It’s gonna scratch the damn cars.”
“Least of our worries, love.”
A large clap of thunder made them jump, sounding as if a tree cracked in two. Suddenly, they were in darkness.
“Well, there goes the electricity,” Zack complained, fumbling for a flashlight in the nightstand.
“We need to sleep anyway. I’ve always liked sleeping during a thunderstorm.” Jesse was tired of her own complaining and worried thoughts, so tried to find a positive.
“I give it five minutes before the kids are in bed with us. What do you wanna bet?”
“I’ll bet you a massage that it’s less than two minutes.” Jesse grinned unseen in the darkness, but Zack could hear the smile in her voice.
“You’re on.” He leaned over to where he thought her face was. Lightning illuminated the room for a split second, lighting his way to her mouth.
“Mummy! Daddy!” Both children were screeching from their bedroom.
“Ha! I win!” Jesse laughed. “Let’s go get them. And I’ll take my massage first thing in the morning, thank you, sir.”
* * * * *
Autumn gave way to winter. And winter surrendered to spring. Snuggled down under the covers of the king-sized bed, Jesse wrapped her arms around her two children, one on each side, holding a book between them. She had soft music playing and read as loud as she could to distract them from the thunderous sounds rattling the windows and jingling the breakables on her dresser. Every few minutes, she would feel one or both of them jump in her arms, but she read on. She wished for maybe the hundredth time in a week that her own mother was there to wrap her in her arms, or even that she knew where her mother was.
As Jesse read of Peter Pan, the little boy without a mother, being thrilled and waiting anxiously for his friend, Tink, she clung more tightly to her babies.
A deafening boom from outside sounded as if it were at most a block away. Jesse held her children tighter.
“Jess! Jesse!” Zack called through the house over the sound of the slamming door.
“We’re up here,” she called.
Zack ran quickly into the room and started going through the closet. “It’s time to go, babe. It’s started. Where are the bags we packed?”
“In the kids’ closet.” Jesse felt the adrenaline coursing through her body, the excitement mixing with fear in an uncomfortable cocktail shaken in her heart. Jill and Max clung tighter to her, watching their dad rush into the other room.
Jesse had seen the smoke stains on his face and wondered what he’d gone through to tear his shirt as it was. She knew that whatever he’d managed to get through, she’d soon be facing it as well, and facing it with her children under her wings. Her stomach felt sick.
“Mummy, I want to bring the book with us. Can we?” Jill pleaded.
“And Billy Bunny. Where’s Billy Bunny?” Max added.
“Yeah, sweeties. I’ll bring the book to Daddy to put in the bag. Max, your bunny is already in there. I’ve got to help Daddy get the things in the car, alright? We’re going on a trip, like we talked about.”
Jill started jumping on the bed. “Can we go to Disneyworld, Mummy?”
“Nah, love. It’s not that kind of a trip. It’ll be more like camping. You guys stay here while I go help Daddy.”
The light from the kids’ lamp filtered through the animals on the lampshade, making it look like they lived in a zoo, with animals climbing the walls.
“Where’s the car, Jess? Why isn’t it in the driveway?”
Jesse put Peter Pan in Jill’s red backpac
k. “The car’s gone. Someone stole it. I heard them drive off with it about an hour ago.”
“Are you kidding?! Shit! It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Jesus, everything is going insane.” Zack took a deep breath. He sat down on the bottom bunk, running his hands through his hair. “Okay, let me think. The Jeep is at the office. I can help you and the kids get past the perimeter. We’ll have to walk there.”
“How did you get here, then?”
“Charlie dropped me off. I’ll call him to meet us there.”
“Why?”
“He was going to pick me up here. I’ve got to help him take care of some things before we go.”
“Jeez, Zack. I need you to help me get the kids out of here.”
“I’m gonna meet you at the cabin. Come on, now. We’ve got to get going. They’re already starting to set up roadblocks all around the city. The traffic is crazy.”
They only had two blocks to walk to Zack’s office, but with dodging the drones and trying to avoid the looters who were already mobbing the stores, it took more than half an hour to get there. They would start down the sidewalk and Zack would pull his family quickly into an alley just as people with guns ran past. With every explosion or vibration of the ground beneath them, the streetlamps blinked, giving the darkness around them a strobe light feeling. Jesse wondered why she thought of being in a dance club at a time like this. The same pulsing lights, booming vibrations. Her ears and all of her senses feeling assaulted.
“Mummy, I don’t like this trip. I want to go home.” Jill began to cry.
“We can’t stop yet, love. Come on, sweet girl. Come on, love. Just a little farther.” Jesse handed the two bags she was carrying to Zack and picked up her daughter.
Zack was relieved to find their Jeep still in the parking garage attached to his office building. And though the green paint was scratched in places, it still maintained all of its tires, and, God willing, still had gas in the tank. He threw the bags in the back of the car and handed Jesse the keys once the kids were buckled in. Jesse closed the car door so they couldn’t hear her conversation with Zack.
Before she could speak, Zack reached behind him and pulled a pistol out of his belt. “Take this with you.”
“I’ve never fired one of these in my life!”
“Take the safety off, point, and squeeze the trigger. You don’t even have to cock it. Here’s an extra magazine.”
“I can’t do this.”
“Yes, you can. You probably won’t even have to use it, but I want you to have it just in case.”
He placed the pistol into her trembling hand.
“One other thing, no matter what, don’t get out of the car. You have a full tank of gas, I just checked. That’s more than enough to get you to the cabin, even if you’re sitting in traffic for a while. Whatever you do, don’t get out of the car.”
Jesse saw a look in her husband’s face she’d never seen before. He looked like he’d witnessed things he had never thought he’d see. He had an appearance of resolution mixed with fear. But there was something else. A purpose? A goal? She couldn’t put her finger on it. But somehow, it unnerved her and made her think the insanity of the world falling down around her ears wasn’t temporary as she hoped it would be.
“Zack, this is insane. Just come with us.”
“People are counting on me.”
“We’re counting on you!”
“I’ll be right behind you, I promise. We can do this. Now, here are the keys. The cabin is fully stocked with everything we’ll need. Charlie and I have been packing stuff up there for months. Don’t forget about the tank with water in it on the back patio just in case we lose running water. I’ll be there before morning. Give me a hug, then y’all better get going.”
Jesse threw her arms around him, burying her face in his neck. His skin was hot and smelled like the smoke in the air. Her tears blended with his sweat. She pushed away thoughts that told her this could be the last time she would see him. The one thought that remained and revolved around her brain like a record was that it hadn’t been enough. She had never gotten enough of him, and she never would. Not enough lazy Saturdays before the kids were born when they would stay in bed all day, but not sleeping. Not enough pizza Fridays watching silly movies with their friends. Not enough laughing at his ridiculous jokes. Not enough of his scent in the morning covering her like a blanket while she was still half asleep. She needed more of him, not just now but for the rest of her life. She hoped and prayed her will and faith were enough to keep them all together.
“Please come with us,” she begged one more time.
“Go on now, baby. I’ll see you in a few hours, okay?”
Zack finally pushed her from him and helped her into the car.
“I want to stay with Daddy,” Max cried as soon as the door was open.
“I need you to be a big boy and help Mummy, okay buddy? Can you do that for Daddy?”
“I’m five years old. I’m a big boy.”
“That’s right. I’ll see y’all in the morning, okay?”
Max stuck his chin out, his way of trying to look more manly.
Zack stood under the blinking fluorescent lights of the garage, watching as Jesse drove away. He waited until they were out of sight to shed his own tears.
Jesse wanted to put the pedal to the floor so she could get out of the city as quickly as possible. But she was forced to take it slow to avoid the people dodging in and out of the street. None of the traffic lights were working. They all were blinking red, but no one seemed to be paying much attention anyway. She was shocked to see every church she passed either engulfed in flames or the remnants smoldering on the ground.
There were some cars parked in the middle of the road, abandoned with doors left open. Alarms and sirens were going off from all directions. Jesse watched a man pushing a grocery cart overflowing with televisions and other electronic equipment. Others had dropped their loot as they ran, forcing her to drive the road like an obstacle course.
“Mum, you’re driving on the wrong side of the road!” Max called from the back seat.
“I know, mate. It might be best for you to close your eyes for a bit. Alright?”
She quickly stomped on the brake, just barely missing a teenager darting into the street. He slammed his hands down on the hood of her car, shouting incoherently.
“How about we sing a song, guys?” Jesse spoke reassuringly to her children. Jill hadn’t uttered a sound since they’d gotten in the car, but Jesse knew she wasn’t asleep. “Keep smiling through the day, keep smiling through the night,” she began singing. “What are the next words, Jilly? Something about shadows?”
“The shadows fly away . . .” Jill almost whispered the words.
“. . . When they can see your light,” they all joined in, “if I can keep you with me in day and nighttime too, I know the dark won’t find me because my light is you.”
Jesse looked at the Apple store on the corner. Its windows were broken, and she could see the shelves inside were empty. A block further up the street, a car bomb went off in front of the bank, and she felt the earth groan in protest as a crater opened up where the car had been. A bumper landed just in front of their car. “Shit!” she cried.
“Shit’s a bad word, Mum,” Max offered from the back.
“Not when you’re really scared, it isn’t, love.”
She steered the Jeep down a side street, heading into a neighborhood. It was a longer way, but maybe she’d avoid the bombs and the looters.
“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit . . .” Max began repeating.
“Alright, mate. Let’s not wear it out. Let’s sing our song again.” She hoped they couldn’t hear the lump in her throat she was trying to speak through or the shakiness of the tears entering her voice. She glanced down at the pistol in the front seat. It looked so foreign, unreal, almost movie-like sitting there. She wondered what her life had become.
Turning down side street after side street, trying to av
oid the main thoroughfares, Jesse had no exact route set. She knew only she was heading in the general direction of the interstate, which would bring her east to their cabin. As she came to a stop sign, she saw a woman and her baby huddled against someone’s yard fence in the shadows thrown from the winking streetlamp. The woman tried to stand and move further into the shadows when she saw Jesse’s vehicle approaching, but she appeared to be injured and slumped down again.
Jesse sat at the intersection for a few moments, watching the woman and her baby, looking around to see if anyone else was out on the street. She looked into the inky sky for drones. They seemed to be alone on the abandoned street. As she edged her car closer to the woman, Jesse pulled toward the curb. Again she sat, waiting, thinking. She heard Zack’s voice in her head: “Whatever you do, don’t get out of the car. Don’t get out of the car. Don’t get out of the car.” She looked in the rearview mirror and saw her babies had fallen asleep in the back seat. She rolled the passenger-side window down and called out to the woman. “Are you alright? Can I take you somewhere?”
“Please. We’re fine. You should go. You’re putting yourself in danger.” The woman’s voice sounded hoarse from screaming, or maybe from the heavy smoke in the air. Upon closer inspection, Jesse could see blood running down her forehead and matting her hair on the side of her face. The baby was crying in her arms.
“No, really, it’s okay. Come get in the car. I’ll give you a ride.”
“Please, just leave us.”
Jesse sighed heavily. She looked around again. No one. Her blood pumped harder and hotter in her veins. She remembered feeling this same sick excitement just before Max was born. She threw the car into park and got out, leaving her door open. As she ran toward the woman, she stopped short when she saw a child’s shoe and some toys sitting on the ground near the curb. There was a thin layer of ash beginning to gather on them. And somehow this sight bothered her more than all the other shocking things she’d seen that day. They had to get out of here quickly. Running toward the woman, she called, “Come with me.” She leaned down to help her up, this woman who could barely stand on her own feet. “Come on, love. I’ve got you.” She gently pulled the woman’s arm around her shoulders and helped her toward the car.
A Light From the Ashes Page 27