by Penn Rivers
I ran my own hand across my abs and it wasn’t even close to the same, but it helped me remember just how great hers had been. And most amazingly, it didn’t turn my stomach. It had felt good. So damn good. I’d… fuck, I’d give my life to feel that again.
But I’d be a lucky son-of-a-bitch if she’d even talk to me after tonight. After her car came up missing and the diner bullshit. How could one little touch have me losing my shit?
Because you aren’t normal, and it wasn’t such a little thing.
No. It felt massive.
My cock grew harder, tenting the sheet at my waist. The part of me that desperately wanted relief struggled not to touch it. But I couldn’t. Because if I did, I’d think about her. About all the things I wanted to do to her. The ways I wanted to make her mine. And somehow it felt wrong to use her to jerk off.
I’d done it before. And had come harder than I ever had in my sleep. But it always added to my guilt. Because she was real, and I really wanted her, and she had no idea. Didn’t seem right to lose it over the idea of her. Even though it was enough to have my balls already tingling.
I wondered what Dr. Trammel would think of this. I wasn’t about to tell him. Which seemed absurd, really, since I’d shared all the other humiliating details of my life.
I groaned loud, the sound echoing along the empty walls of my bedroom. I kicked off the sheet, exposing the tower of my dick where it jutted from my waist.
Free.
Free of even the slight guilt of Gemma filling my mind. If the doctor was right, and my physical problems were mind problems, then my fucking cock was trying to send me a message. That I shouldn’t feel guilt over my reaction to her. That whatever guilt I was experiencing was because of before. All the shit from before. That Gemma was my safe place. The way I was hers. And it didn’t matter—for now—that we didn’t know why these feelings were there. They just were.
And it was okay. For now.
“Shit,” I growled. “Forgive me.”
My rough hand found my cock, and I forced it to be gentle, the way I thought she might touch me. The way she had at the diner. A little careful, a little seductive. The first stroke from tip to base had me gasping for breath and so close to coming.
Slow, slow. I didn’t want this over too fast.
But my body wasn’t cooperating. A picture of Gemma’s smile flashed across my vision and my hand moved faster. Mine. I wanted her smile to be mine. Her laugh, nervous the way it had been in the diner. Wanted that to be mine too.
I squeezed my fist around my throbbing cock, inching closer and closer to blowing.
Her frustrations. Mine.
Her troubles. Mine.
Her happiness. Mine.
Her pleasure. Mine.
The things I could do to her body…
Her body. Damn it.
My hand had a mind of its own, pumping my cock hard now at the thought of her naked and in my arms. Smooth skin against mine. Soft breasts pressed to my chest.
I sucked in a stiff breath as my lower back tingled in warning. Shit. Too soon.
I jerked my hand away, squeezing my balls instead, determined to make this last a few more seconds. But visions of Gemma and me together kept stealing my air.
Her asleep on my chest after I’d exhausted her with pleasure, turning this goddamn bed and all the memories that haunted it into something beautiful. Something I craved instead of detested.
Her hair brushing my lips over and over because I couldn’t stop kissing her but could only reach her head.
Her filling my senses with her smell until I was drunk from it.
Her waking in the morning, looking at me like I was her reason for breathing. And in my vision, she was mine.
Fuck.
Fucking hell.
I couldn’t let her mean that much to me.
It’s just a fantasy. Feel it, for now. Be free. For now.
But it was such a sweet fantasy. One I wasn’t supposed to want. Me and her and happily ever after? And this was my problem. Or what Marco and Sal considered a problem. The idea of a future with her did more to get me off than any naked body ever could.
Jerking my hips upward, I gripped my cock again, and half a stroke in, exploded. I groaned as jet after jet pumped from my body, landing on my stomach. I didn’t stop until I was drained and my chest heaved trying to find oxygen.
And I didn’t feel the guilt. I felt good.
For this small moment in time, the bed didn’t bother me. The past didn’t hold me.
My body melted into the mattress and already, bone-weary sleep was pulling at me, taking me under in a wonderful way.
Gemma.
Gemma did this for me.
I made her feel safe. She made me feel safe too. She just didn’t know it.
Maybe it was time to tell her.
Chapter Seven
GEMMA
Hefting my backpack onto one shoulder, I stood from the seat and waited for the bus doors to open before attempting to lift the new-to-me car battery I was toting to work with me.
Mother of shit, that thing was heavy.
I didn’t know what car batteries were made of, but it must be miniature Thor hammers inside or something. My noodle arms weren’t made for this. It would take big ones with jacked muscles like Kane’s.
Kane.
Broody, protective, overreacting Kane. Kane who took touch as seriously as I did. Kane who felt safe and intense all at the same time.
I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him all day. Unless you counted the nap I managed during the hour bus ride out to the junkyard. And even then, my subconscious gave me a little dream of him. The kiss scene I’d conjured in the early morning walk to the diner… which ended before our lips met, with the sound of the bus’s jake brakes.
I gave the driver a thank-you as I lugged the battery down the steps, and barely made it onto the sidewalk before the door whooshed shut behind me.
As carefully as I could, I set the battery down and straightened to catch my breath. Squinting against the setting sun, I gauged the distance between the bus stop and the Sapphire. Several hundred feet to the parking lot. Another hundred to reach my broken-down Charley. And twenty minutes until I needed to clock in.
Damn. I was cutting it close.
No time to waste.
Lifting the battery, I hurried as fast as I could, my chucks scuffing along on the sidewalk, my backpack sliding down my shoulder the entire time. But I made it all the way to the parking lot before needing to stop for a break.
Bad. Ass.
Staring across the lot while I adjusted my bag, a sinking feeling crashed through my gut as my gaze landed on the back forty where I’d left Charley. He should be right there. Last spot on the left. But… he was gone. No Charley.
“No. No, no.”
He’d been towed.
Shit.
How could Marco do that to me? And how would I ever get my car back? I didn’t have the extra money to pay for the tow. And I was counting on the battery fixing the problem so I could drive home after my shift.
Damn it. Damn it hard.
Forgetting the heavy battery, I ran forward, my heart pounding as I raced across the parking lot. As if reaching the place where Charley had been would somehow make the damn car appear.
I pulled to a stop in the empty spot, breath heaving. My hands found either side of my head, twisting in my hair with frustration. “Goddamn it,” I breathed, fighting back stupid tears. I shuffled from foot to foot just to give the adrenaline in my body somewhere to go.
No car meant riding the bus. Riding the bus meant I could be followed, tracked. What the hell was I going to do?
“Gemma?”
Kane’s dark voice had me spinning to find him stalking across the blacktop. He had an expression on his face I couldn’t understand. Anxious or excited. Or nervous? I didn’t have time to sort it out.
“They had my car towed,” I called. “I-I was coming back to fix it. Was gonna fix
it before my shift started. But it’s gone. What am I going to do? Shit. Shit.” All the words tumbled out in a heap and I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from crying. “It’s gone. It’s gone,” I muttered, turning again, as if Charley could somehow appear if I moved enough.
“Hey,” Kane said, coming to a stop behind me. “Calm down, okay?”
“Calm down. Calm down?”
Didn’t the man know, you never tell a woman to calm down. Especially one who hadn’t had enough sleep.
I spun, narrowing my eyes at him. “Charley is my only way to and from work. Without him I’ll be waiting for the bus every morning, and taking it home.”
Which was really fucking dangerous in my case. A bus ride could be tracked. With Charley, I could wind my way around the city and come in sneaky to our apartments. I never went home the same way twice just in case Rafe had someone watching street cameras. It sounded crazy, but he’d done crazier things.
And if I’d done my job good, he wouldn’t know what city we’d landed in anyway. But I couldn’t be too safe. Not when it meant keeping Noah away from that bastard.
Kane’s eyes did the same narrowing thing mine were doing. But instead of angry, he looked... fucking sexy, that’s what. There was a twist to his lips that looked like he wanted to smile. It was alarming and set me off my rant.
Damn him.
“Charley’s not gone,” he said carefully. “He’s just moved.”
I frowned. “Moved where? What are you talking about?”
He stepped closer. As close as he’d been so many times yesterday, and my body had the same wild reaction to his nearness. It was like my worries about Charley just flew out the window. Slowly, he lifted his hands to my shoulders and twisted me around so I was facing the front of the lot.
“There,” he murmured.
Right by the entrance, in the first spot, there it was. Charley. Dirty white paint. Messed up quarter panel. Red tape on the taillight. Hubcaps missing. But there he was, looking beautiful to me.
Relief, furious and unrelenting, plowed me so hard I practically fell backward into Kane.
“I don’t understand. I… I ran right past him.” I’d been so focused on the back lot where I’d left the car, that I’d completely missed it. “Why is he over there. How did he…?”
“I…” Kane’s voice was breathy against my ear. Sweet and feathery like a dream. And that’s how I realized the way I was leaning on him. His huge arms had wrapped around my waist to hold me up and now they were just there, making my stomach flip and flop in response. “I fixed it for you,” he said finally, his voice so quiet. “Towed it to the garage and had them fix what was wrong, then had them tow it back. So it would be ready for you after work.”
His words were just the cold water I needed. I stiffened against him, a million awful scenarios resulting from his actions running through my mind… along with the possible ways to fix each one.
My heart sank for the second time since I’d stepped off the bus.
This was bad. So bad.
“I didn’t want you to worry about it. Or have to wait for the bus tonight. Or for your mother to come for you.” His words rushed out, all the breathy tone vanished from his voice.
I stepped away, and he let me go easily. When I could finally look at him, he wasn’t looking at me. He stared at the club, at the ground, back to the club. His jaw was set, and his shoulders tipped back stubbornly.
“You shouldn’t have done this.”
“I was trying to help.”
“You had no right,” I said, trying to temper my frustration.
His gaze jerked to me, somehow daring me to say that again. His expression argued even though he was silent. It was making claims he wasn’t willing to say out loud. And angry as I was, I was responding to that possessive edge in his glare.
“What garage? What did they repair? And how much did it cost?”
I could fix this. I just needed all the information. This was what I did. I made mistakes—or other people did—that put my family in danger, and then I went into problem solving mode and fixed that shit.
Kane crossed his arms, managing to look even more stubborn. “The paperwork is in the glove box.”
“Did you give them my name?”
His brows dipped over his eyes. “No. I know the owner. He doesn’t ask questions.”
The tiniest ounce of relief.
I only ever took Charley to one mechanic. An off the grid one who didn’t believe in using computers. He lived thirty minutes out of town so it was a challenge getting the broken-down Honda there sometimes, but it was worth it to keep my altered name a secret.
But Kane’s garage had probably entered the VIN number which was registered to me. Someone looking hard enough could find it. And… Rafe was always looking hard enough.
“Gemma, what is it? Why do you look like a fucking ghost right now?”
I shook my head. “I’ll fix this. And I’ll pay you back. Just… right now I need to get to work.”
“Don’t worry about paying me back if that’s the problem. I’m not tight for money, and I don’t mind helping.”
“That’s not it.” I stared at him, his eyes digging into me, trying to understand. But I couldn’t tell him what the real problem was. I couldn’t tell him that he’d put me and my son and my mother in danger. That his kind gesture, though it threatened to break my heart with how sweet it was, was overshadowed by my fear. “I’m sorry. I should be saying thank you, but I can’t.”
He stared at me, his gaze searching my face. He looked like he wanted to push, but instead he just said, “Okay. It’s okay, Gem.”
The breath rushed out of me, and for the first time, I realized how desperately I didn’t want to hurt him. Not with my careless responses, and not with my past. He was good and strong like an oak, and I was a messy little hurricane. I didn’t want him getting pummeled with my shrapnel.
I pulled from his strength, just trying to breathe right so I could think. So I could collect myself and go take my clothes off for money.
“I brought a battery. For Charley. I brought it with me on the bus.” I shrugged. “Guess I don’t need it now. You want it? As first payment? It’s used but it works. I got it from a junkyard outside town. Paid twenty dollars for it.”
Kane’s eyes did that thing where they go a little soft at the edges. “You hauled that thing with you on the bus?”
I nodded. “I left it at the edge of the parking lot when I was freaking out about Charley. It’s not much but maybe you can use it. Or sell it? I don’t know.”
Kane’s nod was slow, and the corner of his mouth lifted in the smallest quarter-smile. It was so beautiful. His almost-smile. For a moment, I forgot all the ugly pieces that had made up this day. All the ugly things that still chased me from my past.
“Yeah, Gem. I’ll take it.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
“I’d better get inside.”
He nodded, the corner of his mouth dipping back to normal.
I left him standing there, in the faint dusk, as I rushed across the lot to the front doors of the club.
***
“Well, well, welllllll. Look who the cat dragged in.”
Penelope lounged on the couch in the corner of the dressing room. She drew in a long puff from her cigarette and held it in while I dumped my backpack on the nearest open counter.
“Not in the mood, Vanilla.”
“Not in the mood? The mood? Aw, bitch,” she said lovingly. “Don’t make me get my party tit out again. She’s still tired from yesterday. She doesn’t recover well. She had too much air and she’s a little hung over.”
I shook my head. It was impossible not to laugh at party tit jokes. But seriously. I needed to get my head right. I was scheduled for the stage in ten minutes.
Marcie flung the door open, scanning the room. Her eyes landed on me and a look of disdain crossed her features before she ironed them back out.
“Gem!”
she called. “You aren’t dressed.”
“Gimme five minutes. I’ll be ready.”
But she shook her head. “No. Your makeup’s a mess. I put you out there like that and Marco will have my head.”
It was bullshit. Marco would be fine because he only looked at the tits. He’d never see my face. He only watched Deborah that closely.
“I’ll fix it, okay. Five minutes.”
“No. Trade with Penelope. She has the Champagne room in twenty.”
Without waiting for my argument, Marcie spun out the door, slamming it behind her.
“Shit.” I brought my palm down on the table rattling my makeup case.
Penelope put out her cigarette and started shrugging a slinky dress over her skimpy bra and panties. “Damn it, Gem. You’re never late. What happened?”
“It’s a long story. A long-ass shitty story.”
Penelope paused her dressing and raised one eyebrow. “Sounds fun. Wanna get a drink and talk about it after work?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. I’ll let you know if I have the stomach for it after this private dance.”
Penelope smirked. “So, is that a no?”
“Probably.”
She sighed, slipping into a pair of gaudy sequined sky-high heels, and strutted her way over. She stared into the mirror, bending at the waist as she adjusted her bra so her cleavage was at maximum potential.
“Who’s watching the Champagne tonight?” I asked quietly.
She shot a wary look to me. “David.”
David. Shit. He gave us all the willies. But he’d never stepped out of line before. Hence the reason he wasn’t in a hospital, nursing a broken everything, like Rhino.
“Watch your back, Gembo, okay? And I’ll let the boss-bouncer know you’re there, to keep an ear open.”
She headed for the door, and I opened my mouth to tell her not to say anything to Kane. But I hesitated. It wouldn’t hurt to have an extra set of ears on the room. Or at least for him to know where I was if anything weird happened.
Again, it hit me. Kane was my safety. Somehow the thought settled me. At least enough to prep for my dance.
I waved Penelope through the door, and she gave me her sarcastic wink, but behind the slick façade, I could read her real thoughts: be careful.