by T. Smollett
CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
TRIUMPHS OVER A MEDICAL RIVAL.
Yet, in the midst of all this attention, his medical capacity seemed tobe quite forgot. They respected his good breeding, were charmed with hisvoice, and admired the fine touches of his hand upon the violin; but incultivating the fiddler, they utterly neglected the physician; and invain did he attempt to divide their regard, by taking all opportunitiesto turn the conversation into a more interesting channel. It was tolittle purpose he endeavoured to arouse the wonder of his audience withfrequent descriptions of portentous maladies and amazing cures he hadseen and performed in the course of his study and practice abroad; and tono effect did he publicly busy himself in making experiments on themineral water, in which he pretended to have made several new andimportant discoveries. These efforts did not make a lasting impressionupon the minds of the company; because they saw nothing surprising in aphysician's being acquainted with all the mysteries of his art; and, astheir custom was already bespoke for others of the profession, whom itwas their interest to employ, our adventurer might have starved amidstthe caresses of his acquaintance, had not he derived considerableadvantage from a lucky accident in the course of his expectancy.
A gentlewoman's daughter, of a weakly constitution, by drinking thewaters, had so far recovered her health and complexion, as to allure theaffection of a young squire in the neighbourhood, who amused her for sometime with his addresses, until his heart was seduced by the charms ofanother young lady lately arrived at the wells. The forsaken nymph,shocked at this disgrace and mortification, relapsed into her formerlanguishing disorder; and was by her mother put under the management andprescription of a physician, who had been an industrious enemy of Fathomfrom his first appearance at Tunbridge. The patient, though violentlychagrined at the levity of her quondam admirer, was not altogetherwithout hope, that the very same inconstancy which had prompted him toleave her, might in time induce him to return, after the novelty of hisnew passion should be wore off; and this hope served to support her underthe sorrow and disgrace of her disappointment. At length, however, thesquire and his new mistress disappeared; and some busybody was officiousenough to communicate this piece of news to the forlorn shepherdess, withthis additional circumstance, that they were gone to a neighbouringparish to be joined in the bands of wedlock.
These fatal tidings were no sooner imparted to the abandoned Phillis,than she was seized with an hysteric fit; and, what rendered the accidentmore unfortunate, her physician had been called to the country, and wasnot expected at Tunbridge till next day. The apothecary was immediatelysummoned; and, being either puzzled by the symptoms, or afraid ofencroaching upon the province of his superiors, advised the old lady tosend for Doctor Fathom without delay. She had no other objection to thisexpedient, but the enmity which she knew subsisted between the twoleeches; yet, hearing that her own doctor would not consult with Fathomupon his return but, perhaps renounce the patient, by which means herdaughter's health might be endangered, she would not solicit our hero'sassistance, until the young lady had remained seven hours speechless andinsensible; when, her fear prevailing over every other consideration, sheimplored the advice of our adventurer, who, having made the necessaryinterrogations, and felt the patient's pulse, which was regular anddistinct, found reason to conclude that the fit would not last muchlonger, and, after having observed that she was in a very dangerous way,prescribed some medicines for external application; and, to enhance theiropinion of his diligence and humanity, resolved to stay in the room andobserve their effect.
His judgment did not fail him on this occasion. In less than half anhour after his embrocations had been applied, she recovered the use ofher tongue, opened her eyes, and having, in delirious exclamations,upbraided her perfidious lover, became quite sensible and composed,though she continued extremely low and dejected. To remedy thesesinkings, certain cordials were immediately administered, according tothe prescription of Doctor Fathom, upon whom extraordinary encomiums werebestowed by all present, who believed he had actually rescued her fromthe jaws of death; and as he was by this time let into the secrets of thefamily, he found himself in a fair way of being an egregious favourite ofthe old gentlewoman; when, unluckily, his brother, having dismissed hiscountry patient with uncommon despatch, entered the apartment, and eyedhis rival with looks of inexpressible rage; then, surveying the patient,and the phials that stood upon the table, by turns, "What, in the name ofGod!" cried he, "is the meaning of all this trash!"
"Really, doctor," replied the mother, a little confounded at being thustaken by surprise, "Biddy has been taken dangerously ill, and lain sevenor eight hours in a severe fit, from which I am confident she would neverhave recovered without the help of a physician; and as you were absent,we had recourse to this gentleman, whose prescription hath had a happyand surprising effect." "Effect!" cried this offended member of thefaculty, "pshaw!--stuff!--who made you judge of effects or causes?" Thenadvancing to the patient, "What has been the matter, Miss Biddy, that youcould not wait till my return?"
Here Fathom interposing, "Sir," said he, "if you will step into the nextroom, I will communicate my sentiments of the case, together with themethod upon which I have proceeded, that we may deliberate upon the nextstep that is to be taken." Instead of complying with this proposal, heseated himself in a chair, with his back to our adventurer, and, while heexamined Miss Biddy's pulse, gave him to understand, that he should notconsult with him about the matter.
Fathom, not in the least disconcerted at this uncivil answer, walkedround his antagonist, and, placing himself in his front, desired to knowhis reason for treating him with such supercilious contempt. "I amresolved," said the other, "never to consult with any physician who hasnot taken his degrees at either of the English universities." "Upon thesupposition," replied our adventurer, "that no person can be properlyeducated for the profession at any other school." "You are in theright," answered Doctor Looby; "that is one of many reasons I have todecline the consultation."
"How far you are in the right," retorted Fathom, "I leave the world tojudge, after I have observed, that, in your English universities, thereis no opportunity of studying the art; no, not so much as a lecture givenon the subject. Nor is there one physician of note in this kingdom whohas not derived the greatest part of his medical knowledge from theinstructions of foreigners."
Looby, incensed at this asseveration, which he was not prepared torefute, exclaimed, in a most infuriate accent, "Who are you?--whence cameyou?--where was you bred? You are one of those, I believe, who graduatethemselves, and commence doctors, the Lord knows how; an interloper, who,without licence or authority, comes hither to take the bread out of themouths of gentlemen who have been trained to the business in a regularmanner, and bestowed great pains and expense to qualify themselves forthe profession. For my own part, my education cost me fifteen hundredpounds."
"Never was money laid out to less purpose," said Ferdinand; "for it doesnot appear that you have learned so much as the basis of medicalrequirements, namely, that decorum and urbanity which ought todistinguish the deportment of every physician. You have even debased thenoblest and most beneficial art that ever engaged the study of mankind,which cannot be too much cultivated, and too little restrained, inseeking to limit the practice of it to a set of narrow-minded, illiberalwretches, who, like the lowest handicraftsmen, claim the exclusiveprivileges of a corporation. Had you doubted my ability, you ought tohave satisfied yourself in a manner consistent with decency and candour;but your behaviour on this occasion is such a malicious outrage upon goodmanners and humanity, that, were it not for my regard to these ladies, Iwould chastise you for your insolence on the spot. Meanwhile, madam,"addressing himself to the mother, "you must give me leave to insist uponyour dismissing either that gentleman, or me, without hesitation."
This peremptory language had an instantaneous effect upon the hearers.Looby's face grew pale, and his nether lip began to tremble. The patientwas dismayed, and the old gentlew
oman concerned and perplexed. Sheearnestly besought the gentlemen to be reconciled to each other, andenter into a friendly consultation upon her daughter's distemper; but,finding both equally averse to accommodation, and Fathom becoming moreand more importunate in his demand, she presented him with a double fee;and giving him to understand that Doctor Looby had long attended thefamily, and was intimately acquainted with her own and Biddy'sconstitution, said, she hoped he would not take it amiss if she retainedher old physician.
Though our hero was much mortified at this triumph of his rival, he madea virtue of necessity, and retired with great complaisance, wishing thatMiss Biddy might never again be the subject of such a disagreeabledispute. Whether the patient was frighted at this altercation, ordispleased with her mother's decision against an agreeable young fellow,who had, as it were, recalled her from the grave, and made himself masterof the secret that rankled at her heart, or the disease had wound up hernerves for another paroxysm, certain it is, she all of a sudden brokeforth into a violent peal of laughter, which was succeeded by the mostdoleful cries, and other expressions of grief; then she relapsed into afit, attended with strong convulsions, to the unspeakable terror of theold gentlewoman, who entreated Doctor Looby to be expeditious in hisprescription. Accordingly he seized the pen with great confidence, and awhole magazine of antihysteric medicines were, in different forms,externally and internally applied.
Nevertheless, either nature was disturbed in her own efforts by theseapplications, or the patient was resolved to disgrace the doctor. Forthe more remedies that were administered, her convulsions became the moreviolent; and in spite of all his endeavours, he could not overcome theobstinacy of the distemper. Such a miscarriage, upon the back of hisrival's success, could not fail to overwhelm him with confusion;especially as the mother baited him with repeated entreaties to dosomething for the recovery of her daughter. At length, after havingexercised her patience in vain for several hours, this affectionateparent could no longer suppress the suggestions of her concern, but, inan incoherent strain, told him that her duty would not suffer her to belonger silent in an affair on which depended the life of her dear child.That she had seen enough to believe he had mistaken the case of poorBiddy, and he could not justly blame her for recalling Doctor Fathom,whose prescription had operated in a miraculous manner.
Looby, shocked at this proposal, protested against it with greatvehemence, as an expedient highly injurious to himself. "My remedies,"said he, "are just beginning to take effect, and, in all probability, thefit will not last much longer; so that, by calling in another person atthis juncture, you will defraud me of that credit which is my due, anddeck my adversary with trophies to which he has no pretension." She wasprevailed upon, by this remonstrance, to wait another half hour, whenperceiving, as yet, no alteration for the better, and being distractedwith her fears, which reproached her with want of natural affection, shesent a message to Doctor Fathom, desiring to see him with all possibledespatch.
He was not slow in obeying the call, but hastening to the scene ofaction, was not a little surprised to find Looby still in the apartment.This gentleman, since better might not be, resolved to sacrifice hispride to his interest, and, rather than lose his patient altogether, andrun the risk of forfeiting his reputation at the same time, stayed withintention to compromise his difference with Fathom, that he might not bewholly excluded from the honour of the cure, in case it could beeffected. But he had reckoned without his host in his calculation of theCount's placability; for, when he put on his capitulating face, and,after a slight apology for his late behaviour, proposed that allanimosity should subside in favour of the young lady, whose life was atstake, our hero rejected his advances with infinite disdain, and assuredthe mother, in a very solemn tone, that, far from consulting with a manwho had treated him so unworthily, he would not stay another minute inthe house, unless he should see him discarded; a satisfaction barelysufficient to atone for the affront he himself had suffered by the unjustpreference she had before given to his rival.
There was no remedy. Looby was obliged to retreat in his turn; then ouradventurer, approaching the bedside, reconnoitred the patient, examinedthe medicines which had been administered, and lifting up his eyes inexpressive silence, detached the footman with a new order to theapothecary. It was well the messenger used expedition, otherwise DoctorFathom would have been anticipated by the operation of nature; for, thefit having almost run its career, Miss Biddy was on the point ofretrieving her senses, when the frontal prescribed by Fathom was applied;to the efficacy of this, therefore, was ascribed her recovery, when sheopened her eyes, and began to pour forth unconnected ejaculations; and ina few moments after, she was persuaded to swallow a draught prepared forthe purpose, her perception returned, and Ferdinand gained the reputationof having performed a second miracle.
But he was furnished with a piece of intelligence, of much more energythan all she had taken, and so soon as he concluded she was capable tobear the news without any dangerous emotion, he, among other articles ofchit-chat culled for her amusement, took the opportunity of telling thecompany, that Squire Stub (the cause of Miss Biddy's disorder) had, inhis way to matrimony, been robbed of his bride, by a gentleman to whomshe had been formerly engaged. He had waited for her on purpose at aninn on the road, where he found means to appease her displeasure, whichhe had, it seems, incurred, and to supersede her new lover, whom shequitted without ceremony; upon which the squire had returned toTunbridge, cursing her levity, yet blessing his good stars for having soseasonably prevented his ruin, which would have infallibly been theconsequence of his marrying such an adventurer.
It would be superfluous to observe, that these tidings operated like anadmirable specific on the spirits of the young lady, who, while sheaffected to pity the squire, was so much overjoyed at his disappointment,that her eyes began to sparkle with uncommon vivacity, and in less thantwo hours after the last of those terrible attacks, she was restored to abetter state of health than she had enjoyed for many weeks. Fathom wasnot forgot amidst the rejoicings of the family. Besides an handsomegratuity for the effects of his extraordinary skill, the old ladyfavoured him with a general invitation to her house, and the daughter notonly considered him as the restorer of her health, and angel of her goodfortune, but also began to discover an uncommon relish for hisconversation; so that he was struck with the prospect of succeedingSquire Stub in her affection. A conquest which, if sanctioned by theapprobation of the mother, would console him for all the disappointmentshe had sustained; for Miss Biddy was entitled to a fortune of tenthousand pounds, provided she should marry with the consent of herparent, who was the sole executrix of the father's will.
Animated with the hope of such an advantageous match, our adventurermissed no opportunity of improving the lodgment he had made, while thetwo ladies failed not to extol his medical capacity among all theirfemale acquaintances. By means of this circulation, his advice wasdemanded in several other cases, which he managed with such an imposingair of sagacity and importance, that his fame began to spread, and beforethe end of the season, he had ravished more than one half of the businessfrom his competitor. Notwithstanding these fortunate events, he foresaw,that he should find great difficulty in transplanting his reputation, soas to take root in London, which was the only soil in which he couldpropose to rise to any degree of prosperity and independence; and thisreflection was grounded upon a maxim which universally prevails among theEnglish people, namely, to overlook and wholly neglect, on their returnto the metropolis, all the connexions they may have chanced to acquireduring their residence at any of the medical wells. And this socialdisposition is so scrupulously maintained, that two persons who livedin the most intimate correspondence at Bath or Tunbridge, shall infour-and-twenty hours so totally forget their friendship, as to meet inSt. James's Park, without betraying the least token of recognition; sothat one would imagine these mineral waters were so many streams issuingfrom the river Lethe, so famed of old for washing away all traces ofmemo
ry and recollection.
Aware of this oblivious principle, Doctor Fathom collected all hisqualifications, in order to make such an impression upon the heart ofMiss Biddy, as would resist all her endeavours to shake him from herremembrance; and his efforts succeeded so well, that Squire Stub'sadvances to a reconciliation were treated with manifest indifference. Inall probability our hero would have made a very advantageous campaign,had not his good fortune been retarded by an obstruction, which, as hedid not perceive it, he could not possibly surmount. In displaying hisaccomplishments to captivate the daughter, he had unwittingly made anabsolute conquest of the mother, who superintended the conduct of MissBiddy with such jealous vigilance, that he could find no opportunity ofprofiting by the progress he had made in her heart; for the carefulmatron would never lose sight of her, no, not for one moment.
Had the old lady given the least intimation to our adventurer, of thesentiments she entertained in his behalf, his complaisance was of such apliable texture, that he would have quitted his other pursuit, and madeher the sole object of his attention. But she either depended upon theeffect of his own good taste and discernment, or was too proud todisclose a passion which he had hitherto overlooked.