I had wings, too.
My mind screeched like someone had raked fingernails through my brain. Grimacing, I grabbed my head with my hands as the memory worked its way free of wherever it had been held. I had wings. They were there, I could feel them attached to my body. Huge, beautiful, feathery white wings. But my brain fought against the idea, and it hurt.
At the same time, I wanted to cry and I didn’t care that I had wings. Like, it wasn’t a big deal. It was like there were two of me existing within the same brain. The me of right now, and the me of back then. I was having a lucid dream; I knew I was dreaming, but to the part of me in the dream, nothing that was going on was surprising.
“That’s better,” Draven said once the door had been closed. He walked up to me, wrapped an arm around my waist, and delicately kissed my lips. “I missed you,” he purred.
“What took you so long?” I asked, like I knew the script. It was surreal, like watching a movie but also starring in it.
“I’m sorry. I almost got caught sneaking out of the barracks. Did anyone see you coming down here?”
“No, but the longer I spend here the higher the chance someone will find me. No one is supposed to know this corridor even exists. If someone catches me, I’ll basically get executed.”
He scoffed. “Nobody’s executing you, your highness.”
I shoved him in the shoulder. “Shut up with that. You know I don’t like it.”
“It’s true, though.”
“Yes, but I have to deal with that from just about every other person in this city. I don’t want to have to hear it from you, too.”
“Alright, no more from me. Where are you taking us?”
I took his hand and moved through the hallway, up the stairs, and through the door at the top. My touch activated the magic seal on the door, making it open on its own. I stepped through it with Draven in tow, watching the hallway for movement and listening for sounds. It was quiet. Deathly quiet.
Something small scurried past my legs, but when I looked down, nothing was there.
We kept moving, hurrying out of the restricted area of the castle until we made it to a less suspicious place. That didn’t mean we were in the clear, though. Draven’s wings were black, his eyes were also black. He had the House of Night all over him, and my house, the House of Dawn, was at war with them.
I took Draven through another door and up another staircase, this one a spiral that went all the way up to the top of a building at the south end of the city. Already I could smell the cool, night chill in the air. It was heavy with the scent of cold grass and flowers. When we reached the top, a blanket, pillows, a basket, a decanter of wine, and two glasses were waiting for us.
Draven grinned. “You’re prepared,” he said.
I led him toward the edge of the tower, smiling coyly. “I told you I would be,” I said.
He joined me on the balcony where we had a fantastic view of the city. Tiny spots of glowing light dotted the city streets. From many of the small houses, tresses of smoke could be seen rising into the night air. A guard patrol of Aevians with giant, white wings wearing suits of golden armor stalked the streets. And there, adjoined to the castle which was my home, was the dome.
My body filled with warmth at the sight of it. The glass ceiling glittered against the moonlight. It was massive, crystal panels held up by mighty iron beams. From inside, a soft warm glow radiated. That was a special place, one I knew well—intimately. It was my favorite place in the whole city… and right now, I couldn’t remember what was behind the glass.
It didn’t matter.
“It’s a shame you can’t see it when the sun rises,” I said, casting my eyes across the top of the dome. “The sunlight hits every inch of glass in the city and the whole place lights up.”
“That would destroy my eyes,” Draven said. “But I’m also sorry I can’t see it. I wish I could be more of a part of your world.”
I turned to look at him and held his cheek. “Our world.”
He smiled, and my body tingled with delight at the sight. “You didn’t have to do all this for us,” he gestured at the picnic I’d prepared.
I shrugged. “You didn’t have to sneak out of your base to come and see me, but we steal moments when we can.”
“We do… now, I’m eager to find out how you did.”
I grinned. “What do you think?”
“I think you’re one of the best fliers in your whole House. If not the best.”
“You aren’t wrong. I had the fastest time of anyone in the competition. Twenty-seven seconds all the way around the city.”
Draven scooped me up in a deep embrace. “I’m so proud of you,” he said, “I knew you’d wipe the floor with them.”
“I wasn’t so sure, but I guess I’m pretty nimble in the air. Thank you for training with me.”
“You’re welcome.” He brushed my white hair out of my face and stared into my eyes, a hungry grin across his lips.
“Yes?” I asked, “Is there something I can do for you?”
Draven pinned me against the balcony edge. “I could think of a couple of things…” He kissed me deeply, and I returned the kiss, biting his lower lip in a moment of desire. I burned for him; my whole body burned for him. I hitched one of my legs up and wrapped it around his abdomen and he grabbed my thigh, his hand slowly working its way up along my leg.
“We could get caught up here,” I whispered.
He kissed where my neck met my ear, then my collar, then my chest. “If we did get caught, would you rather be eating, or doing this?”
“This,” I whimpered, “Gods, this.”
Draven quickly dropped to his knees and propped my leg up over his shoulder. He kissed around my inner thigh. He wrapped his hands around my waist. I worked my fingers through his hair as his lips moved closer and closer to where I wanted them to go. When his tongue brushed up against me, my entire body quaked and shook.
The memory must have been powerful enough to shake me loose, because when I opened my eyes, I was in my bed with an audience staring at me. Rolling my eyes, disappointed, I let my head rest against the pillow and sighed.
“You’re awake,” Felice said.
“Yeah…” I said, my voice trailing off.
“So? Are you insane yet?”
“No… not yet.”
“Good dream?”
Another sigh. “It was going to be.”
It was difficult to keep that memory, that dream almost, away from my thoughts. It was probably going to be much harder to keep it hidden from Draven considering we worked so closely together. I didn’t think he’d be happy to know I’d gone behind his back and tried to regain some of the memories of our time together without him, but he hadn’t exactly left me with any choice.
What was I supposed to do?
Fate was still under even after I’d regained consciousness. I pressed my fingertips against her neck, feeling for her pulse. It was there, but it was slow.
“Any idea when she’s supposed to wake up?” Felice asked.
“None… Romeo didn’t exactly give me instructions,” I said.
“Romeo?” Ness asked, struggling to contain her laughter, “Your mage contact is called Romeo?”
“Yeah, I guess it’s his stage name too.”
“Stage name?” Felice asked.
“He’s a rapper, or something.”
“Good for him. He should definitely learn a couple of things about dealing with customers, though. No instruction manual?”
I arched an eyebrow. “You ever bought drugs on the street? The dealer doesn’t exactly give you a pamphlet with literature to look over. Not that I’d know. I don’t do drugs.”
“You know a lot about the process.”
I shrugged. “If you lived where I lived, you see it often enough.”
“I could… I could probably cook something up to help Fate regain consciousness,” Ness said, “I think I have some Sharproot lying around.”
“I d
on’t know… I don’t want to risk waking her up earlier than she’s supposed to. What if that makes her insane?”
The conversation was moot, because Fate started to stir on the bed. I looked over her, careful not to disturb her too much. When she opened her eyes, it took her a second to stop blinking and adjust to the natural light in the room. She rubbed them hard with the backs of her hands, then stared at me, at Felice, and at Ness.
“Can I help you guys?” she asked.
“Are you alright?” I replied.
“I think so… holy hell, that was a trip.”
“What did you see?”
She shook her head. “I saw… home. My home. The mountains. Seline, they were beautiful. Snowcapped and cold, the air was always crisp and clean, and there were flowers, too—amazing, bright pink flowers that grew all over, even through the rocks and the snow. It was incredible.”
“Seline snuck her boyfriend into her city when her parents weren’t looking,” Felice unhelpfully put in.
I elbowed her in the ribs. “Shut up, you. Did you meet anyone, Fate? Parents? Friends?”
Her lips pressed into a thin line and she let her head fall on the bed. She shut her eyes hard. “I didn’t have parents,” she said, and then she let the weight of what she’d said hang in the air before continuing. “I did have a mentor… we were like monks. We lived in temples and studied most of the day… when we weren’t studying, we were cleaning. My mentor was like my father and my mother rolled into one. She took care of me, taught me, showed me the way of our people.”
“Do you know what happened to your parents?”
“No. Do you?”
I shook my head. “No… but I know I had parents, and siblings. I’ve seen them before, in other visions.”
“What about you?” Ness asked Felice. “Do you want to know more about your life before you fell?”
“Don’t much care for where I came from,” Felice said, “It’s where I’m going that’s important, now.”
“I can respect that,” Ness said, “I mean, I totally get how important it is to want to move forward. I think I had a good life where I came from, but I can never go back, so in a way it doesn’t really matter who I was?”
I disagreed with her, but I wasn’t about to start a conversation about it. I didn’t just want to know who I was, I needed to know who I was. That was all that mattered to me right now. I was someone important where I lived, I was a fast flier, and I had kithe. Even though it felt like a dream, I could almost still feel them attached to my shoulders.
They were glorious, radiant, and full. For the first time since I could remember, I felt complete. I felt whole. It didn’t matter that the memories were exactly that; just ghosts of the mind. If I was complete then, then it meant I could feel complete again. That was all I wanted. To feel like the real me.
“We should probably call it a night,” I said, “Thank you for keeping watch for us, Felice.”
She nodded. “Anytime. I should be heading back to my room, too.”
“I’ll catch you tomorrow.”
Felice made her exit, leaving Ness, Fate, and me in the room. “I should probably get some sleep too,” Fate said, “I don’t know what it was about that dream stuff, but I’m exhausted all of a sudden.”
“That’s because you didn’t really sleep,” Ness said, “I was monitoring you guys. Whatever that was, it wasn’t restful.”
I got up and headed for the door. “I need to talk to someone before I turn in for the night, though.”
“Where are you going?” Fate asked.
“I want to talk to my cat.”
Both girls stared at each other, then back at me. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’ll be fine.”
I left my room and the girls behind in search of Rey, processing not just what Fate had said but what I’d dreamt about. It felt like a dream, only this time the details weren’t slipping from my mind. I could still, if I tried hard enough, taste the fruit in my mouth. I could feel the cold of the wind chill when Draven opened the door. I could remember the warmth of Draven’s lips.
It was more than a dream, more than a memory. It was vivid, and raw, and my body tingled from it still. I wanted more, even if I understood diving deeper into my mind would bring me pain. I knew my home was destroyed. Aaryn had told me as much. But maybe I knew what had happened to it. Maybe I’d be able to find some kind of closure.
“My ears were twitching, so I came to you instead,” Rey said, startling me.
I jumped at the sound of his voice. “Will you stop doing that?”
We were in the hallways near my room. Rey had stepped out from the corner he’d been hiding behind, sat in front of me, and started licking his paw, pausing to speak. “Well?”
“Well what?”
“What do you want? I was in the middle of something important before you decided to come looking for me.”
“Important… here… what could a little tabby with a big attitude have to do that’s considered important around here?”
“I didn’t say anything about here.”
I shook my head. “Whatever. Look, I came to find you because I have something to tell you.”
“Go on.”
“I relived some of my memories… some of my real memories.”
“When?”
“Right now… but you already know that, don’t you?”
Rey stopped grooming his paw and looked up at me. The silver tabby’s blue eyes burned into me. He narrowed them. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said in a low voice.
“Really? Okay, let’s talk about what I saw for a moment. Do you have time? Are you busy?”
“Actually, I am. I really should—”
“—awesome, okay. So, this memory I relived. It’s like a dream, and it isn’t. I’ve never experienced anything like it. It was like I literally stepped into the other world and lived through the dream.”
He went to stand. “That’s very good for you.”
“I swear, if you leave I’m gonna chase you down and put you in a bath.”
Slowly, he sat back down. “I’m only doing this because I want to. Not because I think you’ll catch me. Two legs.”
I placed my hand on my hip. “I’m gonna ignore that and carry on. So, in this dream thing I learn a bunch of things about where I came from, and that’s awesome. The sights, the sounds, the smells… it’s almost like I’m there, except, something was out of place.”
“And what’s that?”
“A tiny thing brushing past my legs as I made a dash through a secret passage.”
“Maybe it was a stray pet.”
“I thought about that, but then I remembered… my home was on a city floating way up in the clouds. Pretty sure dogs and cats wouldn’t like the air up there, so I’d doubt if there were any.”
A pause hung between us where we examined each other. Rey was only a small, silvery tabby cat, but he was also much more than that. I’d heard him call himself a dream wizard. I’d heard him talk to a minotaur like he knew him. Hell, the fact that he could talk made him way more than just a cat.
So, what was he?
“Just what are you implying, Seline?” he asked.
“Were you in those memories?” I asked.
Another pause. “Well… now that you’ve asked me directly, I can answer. No, I wasn’t part of that memory… but yes, I was in there with you.”
“In there? In where?”
“The dream. I’m a dream wizard, remember? I can’t help it. When people dream, their minds reach out to me and sometimes they pull me in.”
“And I guess you don’t do a very good job of resisting the pull, then?”
“Not always, no. I would say I’m only human, but I’m not.”
I took a deep breath. “What were you doing in my mind?”
“Watching. Experiencing. It was a pretty intense ride for me.”
“I don’t exactly like the idea of your eavesdropping on
my personal trip through my own past like that. Especially considering the content.”
Rey licked his paw and rubbed it along the top of his head. “Yes, it was a little R-Rated. Oh well, too late for that now, huh? It’s already happened. Anyway, I should go.” He went to leave, but I spun around him and stopped him. His hackles went up. “What now?”
“You’re lying.”
“Lying about what?”
“I wasn’t dreaming. Ness told me I wasn’t even asleep, I was more… unconscious.”
“And?”
“People don’t dream when they’re unconscious. You didn’t just hear my mind calling out to you, you burrowed your way in there like a little rat. Didn’t you?”
“Cat, and yes. And I didn’t lie to you, I misdirected.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Because you aren’t ready.”
“You’ve said this before. What aren’t I ready for?”
“All of it, Seline. When you’re ready, you’ll know.”
I advanced on him, and he retreated slowly. “Can you pull my memories out of me?”
“I can.”
“What the hell! Why haven’t you already done this for me?”
“Because I won’t. We’ve talked about this. There are rules I have to follow, and as much as I know you finding yourself is important, I can’t help you dive into your mind. Having said…”
I waited for him to continue speaking. “What?”
Rey’s eyes narrowed. “You should keep digging…”
“Why?”
“Because you’re going to find pain in your memories, I promise you, but you’re also going to find so much more than you could even imagine. You need to keep digging. That’s all I can tell you.”
I shook my head. “I don’t get it… what the hell are you? Why do you keep doing stuff like this?”
“I promise, Seline, it’ll all become clear in time. You just aren’t ready.”
Rey turned and bounded off, this time moving before I got a chance to act. I could’ve tried to follow him, but I wouldn’t have caught him, not without having to use a whole bunch of magic—and the stone was in the vault.
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